Title:
Twelve Roses and a ReceiptChapter: 4. A Functional Family
Summary: After Bespin, the force grants Luke's wish and throws him, with Darth Vader for good measure, into another universe where everything is 'right' but nothing is quite right enough. A cute Vader/Padme raises Luke story.
Keywords:
Rating: G
Genre: Adventure/Humour
Timeline: Post ESB/ Legacy Era
Author: Wellingtonboots
Archive: Slytherin Serpent,
Status: Short Multi-chapter
AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed - this chapter is dedicated to Carrie2Sky who has been so supportive of this story!
Suddenly, like a crash landing at several thousand kilometres an hour, Luke felt his body jerk to a halt. Breathing harshly, he instinctively reached out to the force to check that all his limbs were still intact.
Well, I'm in one piece.
He realised then that he was lying on his back on something soft and fluffy. A delicious, cosy sense of warmth permeated his body and he suddenly felt decidedly sleepy.
Oh, stars! Where am I?
Considering he could scratch all he knew about astrophysics on the broadside of a speeder with a rusty pin, Luke had no idea what should happen when travelling between alternative universes. It all sounded like the cheap, melodramatic huttese soap operas his aunt had been a fan of. According to their insane plot lines, alternative universes were exactly opposite to the real world; hutts were thin, the galaxy was a democracy and Tatooine was the place to be.
Right I'd better open my eyes before something bad happens.
As he opened his eyes, Luke realised that he was in some sort of giant cage, one side of which was covered by a strange piece of padded fabric with a Eta-2 starship embroided on the front.
Now this is downright creepy
Looking to his left he could see between the even spaced blue bars of his cage to the vast expanse of space beyond. A gigantic double bed with royal blue covers stood in the centre of room and a view port that seemed to over look a giant metropolis covered the opposite wall. There did not seem to be any usable exits.
Okay, Luke, don't panic…I'm sure this cage business is innocent enough.
In his mind a thousand very disturbing possibilities rush by. With decided unsavoury outcomes in mind he lifted his head to look down at his own body and almost recoiled with horror. He was wearing nothing but a thick white pair of briefs but that was not all. His body was no longer in proportion. His legs were short and stubby, covered in rolls of fat.
Help! What's happened to me?
Luke opened his mouth to instinctive yell for help but to his great dismay a shrieking wail pierced the room. Tears started to obscure his vision and his hands formed fists of their own accord. It took him several moments to realise he was crying, very loudly.
"Oh no!" a strangely familiar electronic voice floated into the room.
Desperately Luke wiped the tears from his eyes and attempted to get up from his prone position but found the action far too exhausting. In this universe he had no muscle tone to speak of. With a great effort he hauled his upper body into a sitting position and found his legs simply would not stand.
"Oh, the baby is crying!"
To Luke's astonishment, it was unfortunate he had spent the last day feeling nothing but pure shock, he saw the shining gold plated C3PO waving his arms in despair.
"He could be sick!"
"3PO – m' fine!" said Luke but he found his tongue too hard to control and his words became terribly slurred.
Great! Even the muscles in my tongue refuse to work properly!
"Mistress Padme! Master Luke is talking!"
Luke wasn't sure if it was joy or just a more elevated level of panic that coloured 3PO's tone.
Wait, did he just say baby?
"I'm coming 3PO," said the same calm voice that he had become acquainted with just moments ago.
Padme emerged from the hallway but this was not the woman that he just met. The traces of wrinkles had disappeared from her face and her skin was beautifully pale. The worn combat uniform she had been wearing was now a simple elegant dressed made from shimmering silk.
Holy veermok dung, we've just travelled back in time.
"I'll be able to handle it from here, 3PO,"
The protocol droid departed but not without a fuss.
"I know it's you," murmured Padme as she leant over the side of his cage. The scent of her perfume filled Luke's nostrils. Never in his life had he smelt anything so pleasant before. Her shimmer dressed blocked the room of view and she filled his entire field of vision with her radiant beauty.
Suddenly he heard footsteps behind her and a familiar dark presence brushed against his mind.
Oh stars! If Padme is young again – wouldn't Darth Vader be Anakin Skywalker? Well it does explain why I'm a baby…
As if on cue Anakin Skywalker, complete with black gloved hand and handsome facial scar leant over Padme's shoulder with a sinister smile.
No!
That was all he needed to trigger his crying reflex and before he could even rationalise his fear Luke was howling away like a mythical demon.
Strong hands lifted him from his crib and pressed him against the sweet smelling fabric of Padme's shoulder.
"Shh, shh, it's okay," a large hand patted his back and he felt himself being lightly bounced up and down.
"Funny," snarled Darth Vader in Anakin's voice, "I would have thought you to be less – domesticated."
"For heaven's sake," muttered Padme, "keep talking like that and Dorme will know something is wrong. We mustn't alert anyone to our predicament."
Suddenly Luke felt, rather than saw, Darth Vader reach out and grip Padme's arm in a bruising hold.
"Let go of me," she hissed, trying to disguise her gasp of pain.
"My darling, wife, I suggest you speak to me with more respect,"
Through the force Luke felt Padme's panic rising. With all his strength he tried to pry the huge gloved fingers from her arm with his very stubby and equally useless fingers.
His futile efforts merely put the twisted smile back on Vader's lips.
With a cool sense of self-assurance, Vader simply reach out his natural hand to grasp Luke's hair. With a cry Luke flinched away but there was nowhere to turn but instead of the jarring pain he was familiar with, the rough fingers stroked through his downy locks; taking time to savour each individual curl.
Shock and Padme's arm kept him in place and as Vader stared back at him, Luke could see that the yellow was fading from his irises and a small patch of blue was appearing.
"I haven't been able to do that all my life," said Vader quietly as he finally let go of Luke's hair.
"Well, jumping into a volcano will do that people," said Padme coolly and Luke seriously found himself wondering if she was quite as mentally stable as she seemed.
The yellow fire flared up in Vader's eyes once more and he leaned forwards thrusting his face into hers.
"You have no idea what I have been through!" he sneered. A wave of pure vitriol swept against Luke's mind making him dizzy with emotion.
"Stop it!" snapped Padme, as she cradled his swaying head, "you anger is going to make him sick."
"Well considering he's not your child or mine, I'm surprised you even care,"
"Wah!!"
That new revelation jerked Luke from his dark side induced nausea. Hadn't they said in the clearing, just now that he was their son? What happened…could he have been sent to different universe to the Vader and Padme he had known?
"Padme, choose to enlighten me on a few facts I seem to have missed while you were sleeping,"
The cold, arrogant drawl of Vader's voice was almost drowned out the pounding of blood in Luke's ears.
I have a bad feeling about this…
"It seems that my child died in the womb and my dear wife consumed by grief decided to spend the next fifteen years in a convent. Bail Organa, the sly conniving politician, found that one of his twins was force sensitive and afraid for his own skin, sent the boy away to be raised as Luke Skywalker, hoping that Kenobi would take note of the name and train the boy to be a Jedi."
I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I'm going to die, Vader's going to kill me now – oh Leia, I'll never get to tell you I'm your brother!
"Don't you dare!" hissed Padme, shielding Luke from Vader as if she had read his thoughts.
"Unfortunately," continued Darth Vader in a decidedly smug tone, "In this universe, you are very much my child."
"And even more unfortunate for you, you are still a Jedi Knight," said Padme.
Vader's sinister smirk only widened at her comment.
"Oh yes, but you see my dear, I finally get to do what I always intended,"
"Obi-Wan-,"
"I'm not going to fight Obi-wan. I'm going to bring the order down from the inside."
"I'd like to see you try!" spat Padme forgetting for once to keep her voice down.
"Yes, you'll be helping me, my dear," replied Vader smoothly, "oh you will be my greatest asset." Releasing the vice like grip he had on her arm, Vader reached out his natural finger to tease her brown curls but Padme jerked back as if his skin burned.
"Get out!" hissed Padme sounding surprisingly fierce.
"Why, milady? After all everyone knows we are husband and wife now."
"You are no husband of mine, you're a monster wearing Anakin's skin! I wish to the almighty God that I was the one to severe your limbs!"
Wow, she's sounding more and more like a nut case, thought Luke as he looked from one adult to the other; It must have been that convent…Han always did say women go slightly batty without regular action…whatever that means.
Suddenly a device on Vader's belt emitted a loud beeping noise.
"Well, it seems I am needed at the temple…but don't worry I shall be back for dinner."
Abruptly Vader strode away with his black cloak billowing out behind like a living entity, leaving two distraught victims in the wake of his psychological torment.
Once he had departed Luke felt Padme visibly relax.
"You 'kay?" ask Luke as he brought his chubby little hands up to her face.
"I'm fine, I'm just fine," whispered Padme, fighting to control her voice.
"Wah happen?"
"I personally have no idea how wormholes operate," replied Padme having regained her usual nonchalant demeanour, "but despite entering at the same time we seem to arrive at different time points. I arrived several days ago and you, just now, but Darth Vader has been here for over two weeks and he's loved every moment of it."
"Why so happy?" asked Luke concentrating very hard on forming each syllable.
"He's got his old body back; he no longer needs that horrible suit. His prowess in the force has grown exponentially and with his long experience he's now much more dangerous than Anakin ever was."
"We stop him!"
"How? I can't warn the Jedi without them finding out about our situation and I know for a fact that Vader will not hesitate to slaughter them all."
As much as Luke feared the Dark Lord of the Sith he found it inconceivable that one Sith could slaughter the entire Jedi order. In his history lessons he had learnt that it took the whole 501st legion to storm the temple.
"Order 66 backfired on Palpatine and the Jedi have him in custody but I know that Vader has something but his sleeve. He would not be so sure of himself, otherwise."
Personally Luke was hoping for the arrogant deportment to be a poorly disguised bluff but having been on the run from the Empire for three years he was beginning to think Vader had never come across the concept of bluffing. There was no such thing as a hyperbole in the Imperial Navy; they simply had too many resources for true exaggeration.
"You must be hungry," said Padme after a mutual pause as each contemplated the weight of their dire situation.
"Yah!" said Luke enthusiastically.
I do hope I can eat solid food, thought Luke as Padme carried him into what looked to be a very stylish lounge. To one side it expended outwards into a balcony with a magnificent view over Coruscant and on the other, a frosted glass door lead to a chic kitchenette of a style that Luke had only seen in off-world magazines.
"3PO," called Padme softly, "did you make the formula for the baby?"
"Why yes, Mistress Padme," replied 3PO as he hastily trundled into the kitchen "It's being kept warm,"
The golden droid, looking shinier than Luke had ever seen him, indicated to a strange contraption containing six milk bottle sitting in six identical slots arrange around a central glowing orb.
"Thank you, 3PO," said Padme graciously and Luke almost smirked. C3PO had never been treated so politely by anyone; the droid he knew would have fallen over in shock. However this new and much more appreciated model simply excused himself in order to get back to the important task of sorting out Master Anakin's clothing.
Why Darth Vader's wardrobe needed rearranging, Luke could not imagine, after all what could you do with wardrobe full of identically black robes?
"There you go,"
Padme held out a milk bottle to Luke and he grasped its smooth sides feebly but she did not let go. Instead she gently tilted him onto his back and Luke found himself in the rather compromising position of being bottle fed by a woman he had known for less than an hour. Han would have found something indecent to say but Luke simply laid back and enjoyed the taste of warm milk.
AN: Next chapter - Darth Vader meets his psychological match in some very cute looking Jedi Younglings.
Please review - your thoughts mean so much to me!