Sealed

Disclaimer: I own nothing; Dick Wolf owns everything

Rating: T

Summary: I hate writing anything not cannon, but I just couldn't pass this up. A/U, Elliot never reconciled with Kathy. They have an amicable relationship, but his eye is on Olivia. Post Undercover, circa PTSD. Olivia finally comes clean about what happened in the basement, but she's having trouble with romantic relationships.

Fin found Olivia the next morning in the gym at the precinct. Her hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail and she was sporting an old NYPD tank and sweatpants, and wailing on a punching bag with her favorite set of boxing gloves.

"Liv!" he called. She forced herself to stop her assault on the bag and turned to face him.

"Ok, let's get this over with." she said.

"Whoa, I just came to see how last night went." Fin looked at her with a puzzled face.

"Oh, come off it. I know how you guys are. You're all alike. Jim called you last night and told you all about it." she spat. She turned to give the bag one last punch before unlacing her gloves.

"Ok, yeah, he called me. Said you two were having a great time, and you ended it abruptly. He sounded kinda worried. Look, we're friends, but I'll back off if that's what you want."

"I had a flashback. Right after he put his hand up my shirt." There was no feeling in her voice, and she looked him dead in the eye. It was the same demeanor she had when she was grilling a suspect. Her eyes were cold, and her jaw was locked in place. "Are you happy now?"

"It's ok, Liv. Maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. It takes time. You'll get there." Fin said. He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, which never made contact. She pushed past him and headed straight for the showers.

XxXxX

The squad room was a madhouse. There were at least half a dozen college boys in the tank, all sporting Greek letters of some form.

"Liv, we need you." Cragen motioned to her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Frat party that got a little out of hand. We have two victims who both claim they were raped last night by our guests in the tank. Elliot's interviewing one of them in Interview 2, and I have the other waiting for you in Interview 1. Her name is Natalie Brown." Cragen said.

"Rape kits?" she asked.

"Already taken care of. Munch was down at the hospital, but he has his hands full with the serial rape case we caught two days ago. I'm putting you and Elliot on the frat boys." She stared at Cragen with her jaw dropped. "Don't worry, Liv, these two girls were taken care of at the hospital." She headed over to the room, pausing to glance into the room. The girl looked scared to death. She felt the same tug in her chest she always felt whenever she saw a new victim as she opened the door to the room.

"Hi, Natalie, I'm Detective Benson. Can I get you something to drink? Water, coffee, soda…?" The girl shook her head and shrunk farther into her chair. Olivia walked over and took the chair on the adjacent side of the table. She listened as the girl poured out her story of the night before. She told the detective how she and her friend had gone to the frat party, left their drinks unattended for a split second, been drugged and raped by six different frat boys. They had treated her like a glorified sex object. Olivia was holding Natalie's hand. The interview took over 3 hours. When they had finished, she and Elliot drove both girls back to their homes. They stopped by Melinda Warner's office and learned that the rape kits had been positive for fluids, and she was running DNA samples from the boys in the tank against the kits. The spent the rest of the day going over witness statements with ADA Kim Greylek and filing their appropriate paperwork.

"Wanna grab a bite to eat?" Elliot asked when they had finished for the day.

"I think I just want to go home." she said.

"Well, we could always order delivery." he countered.

"That actually sounds like a great idea. Chinese?" she said.

"Sounds great to me." he said.

XxXxX

The two of them sat at Olivia's dining room table, laughing over beef with broccoli and orange chicken.

"It's good to see you like this, Liv." Elliot said.

"Like what?" she said, looking up at him completely innocently.

"Laughing. Having a good time. You've seemed kind of…serious since you came back." She made an uncomfortable expression. "I'm sorry, Liv. I shouldn't have even brought it up." Elliot said quickly.

"No, it's ok. I was having a great time." She got up and started packing the leftovers into her practically bare refrigerator.

"Here, let me help you with that." The two of them working together had the dining area cleaned in no time. Olivia was standing at the sink, having just rinsed the last of the dishes before dropping them into the dishwasher as Elliot closed the fridge. Their eyes locked again. He had been in love with her for so long, but he could never break his vows to Kathy. Then she had asked him to leave, and she had been sleeping with someone else. Staring into Liv's dark brown eyes, he saw the one he truly loved, the one he could never have. It seemed so unfair. He was free now, and she wasn't ready for a relationship, thanks to one Lowell Harris.

She wanted him. She had wanted him about two seconds after they were paired together as partners, 10 years ago. But he was married then, and there was no way she was going to get between a married couple. And here he was, standing in front of her, no longer married. She reached out and touched his cheek, rubbing her thumb over the stubble that had grown since the morning. She snaked her hand around his head and pulled his lips down the hers. Elliot reached to take her into his arms before pulling back.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She bit her bottom lip as her mouth curled into a sly smile, nodding yes. He lifted her up onto the counter to bring her closer to his height, leaning in for another kiss.

"I've dreamed of this day for so long, Liv, but let me know if you want me to stop." he whispered, nibbling on her bottom lip. He traced his way with his mouth to the sensitive spot behind her ear. She unbuttoned the top button on her blouse. Following her lead, he undid the rest of them and slid the blouse off, dropping it on the counter. His hands make contact with her bare skin, sending shivers through her body. His lips found hers again. "You're beautiful, so beautiful…" he whispered. She wound her hands through his hair.

She could feel the cold steel of the cuffs holding her hands behind her as her body was thrown onto the mattress. He was looming over her, sneering at her. She got up, bruising her wrists as she tried uselessly to pull them from behind her back. He was shoving her into something hard and forcing his mouth to hers. She was screaming…

"ELLIOT!" she screamed. He instantly took his hands off of her and stepped back. Her eyes were wide open and glassy. Her face was ghost white and an expression of sheer terror was etched on her face. She was hyperventilating.

"Ok, Liv, ok…" he said. He gingerly reached out to touched her arms. Her hands were clutching the counter, knuckles white. He made contact with her, and she drew an arm into a defensive stance. He backed off.

"Ok, Liv, easy…it's just me. I'm not going to hurt you. You're not in Sealview. You are in your own apartment, and you're safe. Take a deep breath, hon, you can do it." She closed her eyes and started to breathe. He could see her visibly relaxing. She buried her head in her hands.

"El, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"It's ok, Liv. Come on, let's get this back on you." He picked up her discarded blouse, which she slipped around her. Her hands were shaking as she tried to work the buttons. Elliot reached out to steady her hands, holding his over hers, but never touching them.

"May I?" he asked, waiting for her permission. She dropped her hands and nodded her head. He gently buttoned her blouse back up before putting his arm around her and helping her off the counter. She leaned it to him, putting her head on his chest. He pulled her into his arms, and she felt his now softening erection in her belly. She pushed him back and bolted for the other side of the counter.

"Elliot! You were aroused by that?" She looked wounded and fierce at the same time. He wasn't sure whether she was going to break down or attack him.

"No, Liv. I…I was turned on while I was kissing you. I'm sorry…Liv, you've gotta believe me. Look, you're my best friend, and I love you. I want to be here for you and help you through this, no matter how long it takes." She looked him dead in the eye.

"What did you just say?"

"That I want to help you through it."

"No, before that."

"That you're my best friend? You already know that."

"No, you said you loved me." Oops. Yes, it was true. He did love her, but that wasn't exactly the way he had planned on telling her.

"Dammit, Elliot. You just complicated everything."

"Ok, that came out all wrong. So, let me try that again. Olivia Benson, I love you. I've loved you for years now. I had finally worked up the nerve to ask you out on a real date, and then the whole thing at Sealview happened. I was waiting for the right moment, and it just kind of came out." He paused. "I will wait for you for as long as it takes. I know you felt out of control, and it will take a while for you to feel completely safe again. That's ok, Liv. You can have that control. I will do whatever I can for you, but you're the one in control, Liv. You have all the power. Just, please don't be afraid." He was pleading with her.

"Elliot, I appreciate everything you're saying to me, I do. But, you don't want to be with me, not right now. I told you last night, I'm broken. I can't be the woman you need me to be, the woman you deserve."

"You are not broken. You may be having some issues right now, but I'll wait. Let me help you pick up those pieces." Her heart melted, but she said nothing. After a full minute, he spoke again. "Ok, I get it. I blew it. See you tomorrow." He turned and headed for the door.

"Elliot…" she started. He turned to face her again. "I don't know how long this is going to take. If you want to be with me, you have to understand that it could be a very long time before I can physically have sex again without feeling like I'm being raped."

"I would never hurt you, Liv. I'd die before I did that."

"I know, I know. The thing is…" She scratched her forehead with her thumb, like she always did when she was having trouble finding the words for what she wanted to say. "I love you too, El. I have for a long time. I just think you deserve better than me."

"There is no one better than you." He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "No. One." Getting no response from her again, he turned to leave.

"Elliot…" she stopped him once more. He turned to face her. "Will you sleep with me again tonight?"

"Anytime, any night, for as long as you want me to." he replied.

Please review! I appreciated all of your comments from Chapter 1. No, this is not the end of the story, and I will keep writing, but it's great to know that you are all reading and enjoying.