I stood in front of apartment 8=D with my hand raised in a first, about to knock on the wooden door, but I couldn't do it. I slowly let down my hand and walked away. I was halfway down the elevator when I really think about what I'm doing, and I have no idea what the hell that is.
I'm Samantha Puckett. I don't get scared, EVER. Especially not around guys! Why should I be scared now? When the elevator hits the bottom floor I frantically press the | button to close the doors. I hate riding in elevators with people.
This time when I stand in front of 8=D I do knock and Freddie answers. "Freddie," I say, walking in.
"Sam?"
I look around at his sparkling clean apartment. Mrs. Benson spends any free time she has scrubbing away germs to keep her little Freddie safe. I swear the woman has OCD. I sit down on the brown couch and put my hands in my lap, awkwardly.
"What's up, Sam?" Freddie asks as he sits down, grabbing my hands and holding them in his lap. I turn my head away from him and sigh, then I turn back and say, "We need to talk about the baby."
"Yeah, what about it?" he asks.
"I don't want it," I tell him, bluntly. Freddie is silent and stares at me. I stare back. He doesn't say anything but I can see this hurts him. That surprises me, why the hell would this hurt him? I though the only reason he wanted to keep the baby was because he thought I wanted to keep the baby!
"Why not?" he finally asks me.
"I can't take care of a kid. I never planned on having kids. You may not have noticed, but I don't really like people, and I defiantly don't like kids," I tell him. He grins slightly, almost a grimace, and stares out the window.
"Well..." he says, "I've always wanted kids. True, I didn't want to be a father in high school. But Sam," he turns and looks at me intently, "This is MY kid too. I want to keep it. I don't understand why you don't! I'm getting a job already and my mom is making a nice amount. She could help us! We could be fine."
"I don't. Want. The. Kid," I repeat.
Freddie blows up, "SAM! THIS IS YOUR CHILD! YOU HAVENT GIVEN ME A GOOD ENOUGH REASON FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND WHY WE SHOULD GIVE IT UP! 'I DON'T LIKE KIDS' IS NOT A REASON, IT'S AN EXCUSE! I ALREADY LOVE THIS KID, HOW CAN YOU NOT? IT'S YOUR DAMN BABY! IT'S INSIDE YOU, NOT ME!"
I don't make a move as Freddie yells; I'm too used to fighting for it to even phase me. But I do think about his words. DO I love this baby? No, I don't. The damn thing has ruined my life. But I do feel connected to it. I feel protective, and I feel like I'm responsible for it.
"Freddie, I'm not mothering material! I don't know anything about kids, and it's not like I had a good one to model after!"
"Is that what you're worried about?" he asks, kindly. A quirk about me is that I respond better to screaming and violence than I do kindness. His being nice to me sends a wave of anger and resentment though me that I can't control. I jump up and begin to yell.
"GOD DAMN IT FREDDIE, NO! THAT'S NOT ALL THAT I'M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT! I'M A PREGNAT TEEN, I'M BROKE! I'M PROBABLY GOING TO FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL! I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THE KID! I'M A WEBSTAR THAT WENT FROM BEING LOVED TO HATED IN TWO MINTUES! I DONT KNOW HOW TO PAY FOR ALL THE DOCTORS VISITS AND STUFF THAT I NEED TO GO TO! I DONT KNOW HOW I SHOULD BE EATING OR WHAT I SHOUDL BE DOING WITH MY BODY! I DONT KNOW ANY FUCKING THING ABOUT BEING PREGO!" I begin to sob, irrationally and uncontrollably.
I collapse on the couch and curl up into a ball. Being pregnant has taken a toll on me. I was always bad at controlling anger, but always good at controlling tears. I convulse on the couch, trying to catch my breath. It's not working and finally I give up, letting the tears flow down my cheeks.
Freddie comes over and holds me. I burry my face into his chest. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I should resist him, he is the one who knocked me up, but for now I'll allow myself to do this. "Shh," he soothes. Eventually I calm down, enough to speak clearly again.
"I would tell you to go on 16 and pregnant, to make money, but you're not sixteen." Freddie jokes lightly. I laughed through my sobs.
"What was that, Sam?" he asks me gently about the random crying, his face growing from sweet teasing to genuine concern. He brushed a hair out of my face.
"I don't know…" I shake my head. I really don't know what came over me. "Anyway…" I prompt.
"Anyway," Freddie says, "I think we should keep the baby."
"I don't."
"I know."
Silence. Okay? I think. "Say something," I insist.
"Do you want me to just give you what you want? This isn't about toppings on a pizza, Sam, this is a human being."
"Yeah, but I'm the mother," I insist.
"So? I'm the father."
"I'm the one who's going to have to go through labor."
"I'm the one who's going out to get a job." I huff. He's proving to me that we both share this kid 50:50, and we're both going to have to make a decision. Damn all the rational, logical people in the world. Freddie mimics my huff and waits for me to speak.
"So," I say slowly, "I want to give this kid away, but you don't. What's the thing in the middle?"
Freddie looks at me blankly; I guess he doesn't know either.
"Why do you want this kid?" I demand.
"Why don't you?"
"B-because!" I stutter, "I've already told you why!"
"And I've already told you why I want to keep it!"
I – realizing I've stood up again – fall on the couch. I sigh deeply. "Okay… compromise…. I'm not very good as compromising; you'll have to come up with something."
Freddie stares at his feet and thinks about it a minute. I twiddle my thumbs like an idiot. Finally, he says, "we could give to someone we know, someone close to us."
I don't quite understand what he means, but the idea sounds silly. I ask, "Like who? Carly and Spencer?"
"No…" he says slowly, "I was thinking more along the lines of my mother."
"Oh," I respond. My sarcasm and skepticism drops immediately. I'm not sure how to respond. "Your mom?" I repeat, making sure I heard him right. He nods.
"Wow… um… yeah." I shake my head as I say yeah.
"That wasn't very convincing," Freddie says.
"I'm thinking," I tell him.
Having Freddie's mom take the baby would be a good solution. It would no longer be my responsibility, I didn't have to be in its life, but I could watch my child grow up from a distance. Freddie could be in the kids life just like he wanted and his mom would be able to help him. The only problem was Freddie's mom is a nut. She's insane. Freddie has a borderline complex from her. Even though I don't want to be in my child's life, I still want it to have a good life.
"Freddie, your mom…" I trailed off.
"Is crazy?" he finished my thought.
"Yes."
"I know." I rolled my eyes at him; I hated these stupid two word answers he was giving me!
"Fredward, you barely made it out of your childhood without a mental disorder! I don't want my kid to have one! Your mom is insane!"
"But she'd love the kid!"
"She loves you and she almost screwed you completely up!"
"Sam, it's the best life we can give the kid!"
"UGH!" I yelled, jumping up. I walked over to the window and leaned against it, looking down on the rain drizzling on the people in the streets.
"Freddie, your mom is loon. There is no way in hell she's taking this kid." He didn't respond for a while, then said,
"Then what do you want to do with it? You won't keep it!"
"Don't you have any cousins or something that are less crazy than your mom?" I demanded.
"Yeah," he said.
"Well call them!"
"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? 'Hey how are you? I was wondering if you wanted to adopt my unwanted love child?'" Freddie yelled.
"YES!" I yelled back.
Freddie hesitated, "are you serious?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am. Get on the phone!"
"Sam, half my family doesn't know about this kid! Do you know what would happen if they found out? They all expect me to go to Stanford or something!"
"And my mom expected me to graduate high school but if I keep this kid that's not happening either!"
Freddie gave me a long look, "I have two people I can call," he said, "but if they don't work I'm not calling anyone else, okay?"
"Yeah!" I said, eagerly. This could be the answer of what to do with the kid! Freddie pulled out his pear phone and dialed a number; he gives me a sigh and a look while he waits for whoever he's calling to answer.
"Hi, Aunt Jenifer?" he said.
"Put it on speaker!" I whispered.
"Hi Freddie!" said Jenifer from the phone, "How are you?"
"Ehhh," Freddie said, "you?"
"Uh oh, I don't like to hear that my favorite nephew isn't well. What's wrong?"
"Well… I'm sort of… in a pickle," he says.
A pickle? I mouth. That's something my grandma would say.
"Freddie, you're a seventeen year old boy who talks like an 80 year old woman. What could you have done?"
I laugh, "I think I like her!" I whisper.
"Well I kind of… got Sam… um… you remember Sam right?"
"Pushy, rude, assertive?"
"That's her," Freddie says.
"What else do you say to your family about me?" I ask, giving him a little shove.
"You kind of got Sam what?" Jenifer questions, putting words together.
"You know I have to go…" Freddie says, hurriedly, "bye!"
"FREDDIE! Did you get Sam pregnant?"
"Yeah…" he groans.
"FREDDIE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? DIDN'T YOU WEAR A CONDOM?" She yells, I snicker.
"YEAH! I DID! It… didn't work…" Freddie admits.
"Did you put it on right?" Jenifer asks.
"YES! It just didn't work!"
"Humph." Aunt Jenifer snorts, "well why are you calling?"
"Could you do me a favor?" Freddie asks.
"Maybe," she says.
"Sam and I were wondering… see we'd both like to graduate high school and neither of us have any money… I was going to get a job but I'm not sure if that would be enough… and we don't want my mother to take it… anyway… we were hoping you might want to take the baby?"
Silence on the other end. I've never met Jenifer, and today is the first time I've ever heard her on the phone, but I already have the feeling she's a person who isn't silent very often.
"Freddie I already have a kid, remember? Baby Stephanie?"
"Yeah, but she's only like nine months right? Our kid is due this January! They wouldn't be that far apart! When's Stephanie's birthday?"
"August 20th," Jennifer said.
"Okay so Stephanie would only be a year and five months older than our kid! That's not that big of a difference!"
"What would my husband say?"
"I thought he wanted a big family!"
"Yeah… but he wanted me to be the mother!"
"Aunt Jenifer, if you don't take the kid, we'll have to give it to a couple totally random strangers. I don't want that."
"Lemme think about it, okay Freddie? I can't just make a huge decision like this without talking to some people."
"Thank you," Freddie said, "Please think about it."
"I will, and, Freddie? Don't you know condoms are the one thing you pay retail for? Didn't your mom ever tell you that? Shesh! Next time wear two!"
"Bye," Freddie chuckles and hangs up the phone.
"She might say yes!" I exclaim.
"She might say no, too," Freddie says.
"Don't be such a downer! This could be some good chizz!"
"Yeah, maybe," he says. I roll my eyes at him, but I'm in too good a mood to really care. Aunt Jenifer sounds awesome; I bet she's a great mom. Much better than Mrs. Benson.
"Do you want to go do something? Like see a movie?" I ask, hopefully.
Freddie looks up from the couch, "Yeah," she says slowly, "let's go." I smile and grab my bag from the floor. Freddie jumps up and grabs my hand. "Let's go see Shrek 4!" he teases.
"Heck yes!" I say, and playfully punch him. We walk out of his apartment, his arm over my shoulder, my around his waist, in much higher hopes about the future.
WOW! I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO SO SO SO SO sorry about how long it's taken to get this up! ): so many apologies! SO SORRY! Agh, please forgive me! Anyway, its summer now and I don't have last minute school work to worry about any more, so the chapters should be coming regularly! Please review! Once again, SO SORRY.