Title: You're positively feudal.

Summary: A Tale as old as time, and true as it can be. Both a little scared, neither one prepared… You know where this is going. Beauty and the Beast with a twist. Toothless/Hiccup.

Warning: Eventual slash, mature themes, I guess.

Disclaimer: What part of FAN FICTION is hard to understand? I don't own Beauty and the Beast, and I don't own How to Train Your Dragon. They belong to whoever they do. I'm not here to make money; I'm just here to entertain.

As he left the store, Hiccup visibly retreated into himself. He put his nose in the book to avoid prying eyes. As he walked to Gobber the Belch's Blacksmith shop, he deftly avoided obstacles in a way that would have made even Astrid, the town's best, proud. It was a saying in Burk, that Hiccup was never more coordinated and careful than when he wasn't paying attention.

Thwok!

An arrow shot past Hiccup, burying itself into the wood he'd just passed, barely missing him. And while Hiccup didn't notice, the person who shot the arrow did.

"Hiccup!" yelled Snotlout.

And miracle of miracles, Hiccup looked up! He looked around and caught sight of Snotlout, looking genuinely pleased (if a bit uncomfortable) to see him. Hiccup closed the book he was reading (one of the best compliments he could give) and turned to talk to his cousin. Who was positively livid.

"Hiccup!" he cried.

'Oh, great,' Hiccup wanted to rub his face with his hands, 'Now everyone's looking'. Not that they weren't looking before, but this was worse. Now they actually had something to look at. But Snotlout wasn't done yet.

"Look at the arrow behind you! I could have killed you!" Snotlout shook Hiccup by the shoulders, which made Hiccup drop his book right into the mud. Hiccup sighed. He turned around to look the arrow and humor Snotlout…

… and nearly poked his eye out on the arrow's nock. Even Hiccup was a bit taken aback. It was close. Snotlout reached over Hiccup's shoulder to snap the shaft (presumably so no one would get poked by the protruding arrow), but Hiccup stopped him.

"Don't. It'll be easier to remove the head if the shaft's still attached to it."

"Right."

Hiccup looked around. The people around them suddenly sprang back to life, as if they'd never stopped working to gawk in the first place.

'Fakers,' Hiccup thought crossly. He picked his book up, and started walking again. As he expected, Snotlout fell into step beside him. Hiccup opened the book again, only to have it snatched away by Tuffnut, who held it above his head. Hiccup was Not Amused.

"Give me back my book, Tuffnut." Tuffnut ignored him.

"How can you read this?" Tuffnut asked. He threw the book over to Ruffnut.

"Yeah," Ruffnut agreed. She scrutinized the pages (as much as she could while keeping the book out of Hiccup's reach) "It doesn't have any pictures or anything."

"Some people use their imaginations," Hiccup snorted. He made a particularly brilliant leap, and Ruffnut had to pass the book on to Astrid. Hiccup didn't even try to get it back from her. She could kill him with her pinky finger and had no problem showing him. She skimmed the pages then shut the book.

"This book is just about dragons." She sneered. "It's useless. Dragons are pests. Our real problems are the Meathead and Bog Burglar Tribes."

She threw the book to Snotlout, who (after being mysteriously useless for the past few minutes) handed it back to Hiccup. Astrid left, with Ruffnut and Tuffnut in tow for some training, leaving Hiccup and Snotlout alone.

"You should keep better control of your friends," Hiccup said, dusting off the book's cover.

"I can't really, you know, control them." Snotlout scratched the back of his neck. "But they've got a point. You should focus on more important things, like training to become stronger, so that you can lead the tribe when the time comes."

"Me, lead?" Hiccup laughed.

"You are the chief's only son. We can't exactly pick anyone else."

"You do it. You're my cousin, you're as much the heir of the Hairy Hooligans as I am."

Snotlout looked aghast. "We can't do that. This isn't The Republic of Rome! And I was adopted, remember? Not a drop of royal blood."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "How positively feudal of you, Snotlout." He said.

"Thank you," Snotlout replied. "Of course," He said sneakily "If we got married, our problems would be solved. I could rule through marriage and you can have as much free time as you want under my protection."

Hiccup stiffened. While men marrying men weren't uncommon in Burk (not enough women), Hiccup, in particular, refused to marry anyone. Because marriages in Burk just had to be consummated. People knowing about his…defect was completely different from someone actually seeing it. He shook his head.

"You know I can't, Snotlout. We're friends."

"Ah well," Snoutlout said lightly, "can't blame me for trying!"

Snoutlout watched as Hiccup practically ran off, with a mumbled goodbye, face once again in a book. Snotlout started walking towards the training grounds as soon as Hiccup was well and truly out of sight.

When he got there, the others were well into training, throwing axes and punches at each other. They just sort of tolerated Hiccup, because they didn't know yet what a great chief Hiccup would make.

To be honest, Snotlout wanted to become the chief of the Hairy Hooligans too. But ever since the day Hiccup had saved his life, he'd known that Hiccup had something that would make him a better leader, and a good Viking always put the good of the tribe before anything else. If he married Hiccup and became chief himself , Hiccup wouldn't be able to resist meddling in his decisions (because they were married, and Snotlout's father said that all wives meddled), effectively becoming chief in everything but name.

Snotlout smiled and yelled as he dived into the 'training' (read: fight). He'd have to settle for being second-in-command, then!

A/N: This has got to be the most out of character Snotlout ever. I was going to make him an exact copy of Gaston, but then…it just sort of turned into this. I was writing this at 2 in the morning, and I had class tomorrow. Is it that bad?

Anyway, Toothless will be along in the next chapter. As always, feedback is appreciated!