Pleasure.

That was the only thing that Ryoma felt at that moment.

It wasn't anything sweet, lingering or loving. It was just rough sex. The pain and pleasure mixed together, the feel of body touching body, the smell of sweat and human warmth.

Real human warmth.

Even if this time was almost the same as his very first, all those years ago, this time the he wasn't afraid of it. He didn't cry and he didn't beg anyone to stop and there wasn't that physical and emotional pain.

This time the pain was pleasurable, sweet and warm.

Just as warm as Keigo's breathe on his neck, his big hands that held him close.

"This is the warmth that I was searching for." He said before falling asleep.

'Feels nice.' He thought and shifted slightly in the soft bed.

Ryoma slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was chest. The muscular and toned chest of another man. His eyes widened and he slowly sat up and took a look around before settling his gaze back at Keigo.

This was the first for him. Waking up before his customer. Waking up and finding him still there, in the bed that hasn't lost its warmth yet. So many firsts, so many unexpected things, so many unwanted emotions, so many forgotten memories happened in these past few days.

"Keigo." His soft lips whispered the name. It sounded so nice to him. So familiar. This one five letter word made him feel so many unwanted, forgotten emotions.

Ryoma pulled his legs to himself, wrapped his arms around them and placed his head on his knees. He smiled a sad smile to himself.

"I look like a crying child right now."

He raised his head and looked at Keigo one more time, before getting out of the bed. The silk sheets moved against his body, caressing it as if begging him not to leave.

Ryoma repeated the same every day morning routine, but faster and quieter. He dressed took some money from Keigo's wallet, and wrote a small note that only had two words in it.

'Thank you.'

Ryoma didn't know why he wrote them or if they had any meaning, but those were the only two words that came in to his mind.

And this action was also a first for him. The first time he had thanked someone, the first time he had left someone a note. The first time he had felt so confused.

The first time he thought that what he did with his body was wrong.

'I'm starting to lose it.' He thought and left the bedroom.

It was so quiet in the mansion. Not a single sound that would break the magical sensation of it.

Ryoma was already reaching for the door knob to get out of the mansion when someone opened them from the other side. Everything happened in slow motion as the wooden doors opened and bright light blinded his eyes. The next thing he saw was a beautiful lady in her late twenties.

The green eyes that seemed to see through him traveled up and down, scanning his clothes and face. It was almost as if she could look into his soul. She clearly gave off the aura of wealth and power, so she was probably Keigo's wife.

'Her name was Midori, if I remember correctly.' He thought to himself. Ryoma could guess why she was named 'Midori'.

She slowly formed words and her sharp voice woke Ryoma from his daydream.

"Who are you?"

Ryoma blinked three times and then said in a small voice:

"My name is Echizen. Echizen Ryoma. I'm Atobe-sans friend, I guess." Ryoma lied about being friends with her husband, but thanks to the years of training she probably won't be able to tell anyway.

"Hmm…" her look clearly said that she still doubted him.

He bowed a little to her and walked past her saying: "I should get going now."

Even if she did say something in return, Ryoma didn't hear it, he didn't even try to listen to her.

He just couldn't look and talk to her any longer. Ryoma couldn't stand her. Somehow he felt jealousy towards her. He couldn't understand why, but it had something to do with Keigo.

The night together only made him more confused. His body was burning in all the places that Keigo had touched just hours ago. He already missed the feeling of his breath against his neck, those big, warm hands holding him. But most of all Ryoma missed Keigo's warmth.

'Why?'

He rushed through the empty streets trying to empty his mind, hide his emotions, trying to become the empty 'him' again.

'Why? Why? Why?' "Why?"

Ryoma just ran.

The sun was blinding his eyes and when his legs could no longer run, Ryoma stopped and then raised his head and looked straight into the sun, trying not to blink and look away.

"Why do I change so much because of him?"

He stood there, in the middle of the road, and looked into the blinding sun, at the blue sky. Trying to find answers, hoping that he won't remember the painful memories that he suppressed for ten years.

'Now that I think about it, Tezuka looked like he had forgotten what he did to me. Shitty bastard.'

Ryoma started to move again, but this time he walked. With slow steps he walked to his apartment.

This night will be cold. Ryoma couldn't force himself to go look for a customer, not in his current condition. His body could still clearly remember every touch that Keigo made.

It was the same kind of feeling that he had felt so long ago. But that time he got hurt so much. He was used and then betrayed by the one he loved.

He promised himself that he will never fall in love again. But as it seemed destiny had other plans.

With these thoughts on his mind Ryoma remembered that night. That night that ruined his life.

"No! Please stop! It hurts!"

A gag was put into his mouth and he could no longer scream, only cry. Ryoma's usually cocky and bratty attitude was gone. Fear took over his body and he trembled as tears flowed down his face.

His arms tied above his head, clothes ripped off and thrown somewhere. His body completely bare and exposed to the older teen.

Ryoma was no longer fighting back. At first he tried, but the slap that he got still hurt so much and it was useless either way. He could only hope that everything will be over soon.

As soon as the older pushed himself inside Ryoma's virginal hole he creamed into the gag. It hurt so much. His back side was burning and the pain that went through his body was unbearable.

Ryoma shaked his head and forced himself to not remember anymore. It was still too painful to remember, even after all this time.

He reached his apartment and once he was inside he headed for the cold bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Even if he had slept at Keigo's house after feeling the unwanted emotions and remembering that night his body was tired.

"Keigo was warm. It was the warmth that I need."

A/N: …

A bit of the past revealed.

And I apologize for the shortness. I am a master at making them short. I haven't found a cure for that yet.

In the mean time – did you like it?