Memories.
So many different memories showed themselves to Ryoma after so many years. Sad, happy, embarrassing and lonely. It seemed as if the lock that held them far away, in the deepest part of his mind, had broken and let the flow freely.
It was another restless night as Ryoma saw his days in Seigaku tennis club again. The laughs and competition, kind smiles and friends. Ryoma sometimes hoped that he could go back and stay young, innocent and pure forever, but then there were time when he wished that he would have never moved to Japan and joined the club.
He was lying on his bed, covered in sweat and panting a bit. The sheets had wrapped around him while he was tossing around during the night and made him feel uncomfortable.
But even then Ryoma did nothing even as he heard someone knocking on his door.
"Probably another door-to-door salesman or someone lost…" he murmured and continued to stare at the dirty ceiling. His eyes tried to look past things that couldn't be seen, past his own mind.
The banging became louder and faster, but he still tried to ignore it.
"Echizen. Echizen! Are you there? Open up! Echizen!" someone started the yell from the other side of the door. Such a familiar voice, but Ryoma still couldn't remember who it belonged to.
Slowly he untangled from the sheets and started to walk towards the door.
Ryoma stood in front of the door and stared blankly at it. He didn't want to open, to talk to anyone at the moment. His voice was slightly hoarse when he called out to the person on the other side of the wooden object.
"What do you want?"
The banging and the yelling stopped.
Silence.
Then another voice, muffled by the door between them, could be heard: "Echizen, is it you?"
Something shadowing a smile graced Ryoma's lips: "I don't know myself anymore."
And again there was silence between them.
"Umm… Can you please open the door Echizen? We just want to talk to you." the first voice again. Both of them sounded so familiar, but at the same time so new.
"Depends on who are you."
"I'm Fuji and the other with me is Inui. Do you remember us?" Fuji's voice held a slightly surprised tone. Ryoma once again recalled the memories from so long ago. The faces of his two sempais were slightly blurry in his head, but he still remembered.
He sighed and turned the key to unlock the lock and opened the door. So now, in front of him stood two of his old sempais. Neither changed too drastically, Inui still had his glasses and the spiky hair cut, but Fuji's hair had grown longer and were taken back into a ponytail. His eyes were closed as always.
Ryoma didn't say anything, only stepped back a little to let them both in. They quietly entered his dark apartment and sat on the small sofa in the living room.
He made tea for himself and them and when it was ready he went to where they were. He still didn't want to talk about the past, especially to the ex-regulars. The pain was still too raw.
Once he sat down, brought his legs up to himself and started to drink his tea, Fuji spoke: "You've changed."
"Well sorry to sadden you, but I highly doubt that one can stay the same after experiencing what I did. Besides, why do you care?"
Ryoma didn't care if he sounded mean; it wasn't like he actually wanted to talk about this. Now that he thought about it… Why did he actually let them in?
He could see that Fuji and Inui were a little shocked and doubted that they will say anything for a while, trying to find another strategy how to talk to him.
"So, why exactly are you here anyway? But now that I think about it, how did you know where I live?"
Inui shifted a bit and took out a black notebook. "Echizen, you forgot that I have my sources. After meeting Tezuka few days ago and hearing that he actually met you was a big surprise to us, so I tried to find out where you live so…"
"Ī still don't get it why are you here sempais." Ryoma said and took a sip of his tea before continuing,"Does Tezuka have something to do with this?"
This time it was Fuji who answered: "Partly. We wanted to talk to you about what happened ten years ago."
"Tezuka raped me; you didn't give a shit, said that I was lying, kicked me out of the team and forgot about me till this moment. That's all there is to it, nothing to talk about."
"It's true that we did that, I don't want to make excuses for it, but…"
"'But' what, Fuji-sempai? You came here to finally listen to the truth? Sorry, but it's kind of too late for that, don't you think? And from what I saw Tezuka didn't look like he himself actually cares, or remembers what he did to me, so why would you care?"
"He really doesn't remember." Inui interjected "He got hit by a tennis ball on the head and forgot some parts of his memory."
Ryoma snorted and placed the tea cup on the table: "Yeah right, and I'm the tooth fairy whose name is Bill. Tezuka getting amnesia from a tennis ball is true as Atobe going bald." The sarcasm was obvious in his voice.
"But it's true! After he actually confessed, year later, about what he did to you Momo hit a Jack Knife in his direction and the ball hit his head really hard, so… He really doesn't remember Echizen." Fuji opened his eyes to look straight into Ryoma's.
The lifeless gold met fierce icy-blue. It was a silent battle between them. Inui quietly sat next to Fuji and from the corner of hi eyes Ryoma saw him write down notes.
"Echizen," Inui looked up from the notebook and asked in almost pleading tone "could you please meet with Tezuka one more time and talk with him. Tell him what happened and what he did? Please?"
He stayed silent for a while. Flashes of the past ran through his him. Did he really want to talk to Tezuka? Does he actually need to do that?
He remembered the warmth that he felt when he was together with Keigo, the peacefulness, the slight happiness and the way he made his emotions come back to life.
Ryoma sighed and got up, taking the empty tea cup he said: "I don't think that it's necessary. If he forgot about it, then let it stay like that. I don't want to feel more pain than I already do. Besides, I don't really want to meet him or any other from the rest of the, in the near future."
With that he went out of the small room and after coming back from the kitchen pointed to the door. "I believe that you should go now."
Fuji and Inui stood up and headed to the door, Ryoma behind them. Ryoma hadn't believed a word they said and wasn't going to. His life from that pint had thought him that. But the mixed emotions he felt at the moment said that he still does feel something towards the bespectacled man, but it wasn't love or admiration like it used to be. Not even mere like.
It was hate and disgust.
"Echizen, if you happen to…" Fuji stared, but never finished his sentence.
"Fuji-sempai, I can't, or actually, I won't ever forgive him or any of you in that matter, so I won't meet up with you too. If you really want Tezuka to know what happened, tell him yourself. It would be best that way."
After saying that Ryoma closed the door and returned to his bedroom. He slumped in his bed and brought the sheets over himself and tried to fall asleep again, but this time without the painful memories and the long forgotten feelings.
He just wanted to sleep.
"Keigo…" one last whisper, before the darkness pulled Ryoma into a dreamless sleep.