Title: Never doubt me

Author: Angelicatt

Theme: Second thoughts

Genre: Romance/Drama/Hurt/Comfort

Rating: K+

Word Count: 1,546

Summary: Continued from #74 Confessions – Sesshoumaru's profession of love reveals the heartbreak and angst in Kagome's heart.

A/N: Originally posted on LJ 3/2/10

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my cracked imagination.

"This…I, Sesshoumaru, daiyoukai of the Western Lands, loves you."

"Huh? I thought I just heard you say that you loved me." the befuddled miko joked.

"Your hearing is not impaired Kagome. That is exactly what this Sesshoumaru said." he responded, feeling somewhat nervous and agitated at the same time.

Here he was confessing his feelings to her and the only emotion that she was radiating was one of confusion. Where was the hyper, loquacious, passionate onna that had whittled away the last vestiges of his icy heart?

"You love ME? Me, Kagome Higurashi, Shikon Miko, and shrine maiden from the future? Me, the one you tried to kill in your father's tomb because I gave InuYasha Tetsusaiga?" the questions poured out of her mouth as she looked him squarely in the eye. Her doubt ever evident but it was laced with both anxiety and a subdued sadness.

"Kagome, do you doubt the veracity of this Sesshoumaru? Have you ever been given cause to mistrust anything this Sesshoumaru says or does?" he inquired, as he silently wondered what could have possibly caused her to be so unresponsive to something her kind was known for showing excessive exuberance over. He still had a firm grasp on her petite hands and was rubbing circles on the top with his thumb, in an effort to calm her.

Something just didn't feel right and it was churning away at the pit of his stomach.

"No no Sesshoumaru. You have always been most direct and honest about everything you do. You are the most honorable being I have ever met in my eighteen years of life. It's just that…." she trailed off quietly, eyes cast downwards to look at her scuffed shoes.

She was obviously holding something back and her inability to voice her qualms was beginning to frustrate the daiyoukai. If she was so bewildered about this, was she also having second thoughts about their burgeoning relationship?

"Miko! Speak your mind. What is it about this Sesshoumaru's declaration that disturbs you to the point that you have lost the ability to vocalize even the minutest of thoughts" he knew his tone would shake her from her troubled reverie. It might just piss her off enough for her classic Kagome temper to flair up; anything to get her out of this depressing spiral that she was on.

His harsh words pinched at her patience but she easily figured it why it was said. He was trying to rile her up purposely. In some ways, Kagome felt bad for him. Sesshoumaru was never the most verbal communicator and his earlier words about his lack of faith in emotions, unless they were hate or disgust, were common knowledge to everyone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He was recognized for his honorable nature, his impressive strength, his commanding intelligence of politics and warfare and as the Daiyoukai of the West and possibly the strongest youkai in all of Japan, he was expected to be stoic, cold, ruthless, and unyielding to all he saw as below him. But, she was lucky enough to be one of only two people, humans both, who could truly say that they understood him and saw the 'softer side' of his personality, the part that he normally hid from view.

He had the ability to be funny, had a wry, sarcastic sense of humor, and delighted in verbal sparring. As was his nature, he was immensely protective of those he considered pack and ever since he had combined forces with InuYasha against Naraku, his pack had grown to include three more humans, two demons and his hanyou brother.

Ever since she willingly came clean about where she really was from and why she was so different, they had developed and open repertoire, consisting of him asking her tons of questions and she eagerly answering him without giving up too much information, in fear of the dreaded time paradox. Over the course of time, he had even allowed Kagome to 'get under his skin' and she openly called him a trusted friend. Their relationship was unique and special – a miko and a daiyoukai – two of the most unlikely beings, together for a common cause.

It was hard not to like him, harder even not to fall in love with him. Especially after the disaster that was her 'puppy love' with InuYasha, which ended when he once again pledged his eternal love and devotion to his first love, Kikyou; only to have to watch her wither away and die, under the strain of battle against the spider hanyou. A love like that couldn't be argued or pushed aside, not even by the reincarnation that resembled her so much. Kikyou's demise had strained Kagome's relationship with InuYasha, which only served to push her closer to Sesshoumaru's logical and understanding arms. The daiyoukai had become used to her roller-coaster feelings and always gave her a firm but comforting ear when her emotions threatened to drive her to abandon her quest, in favor of her mother's embrace, a hot shower, and a comfortable bed for good.

But no matter how nice Sesshoumaru acted towards her, Kagome believed in her heart that he would never feel anything more than mutual respect and friendship for her. He was a daiyoukai and was as close kami perfection as one could get; while she was still a bumbling teenager, who had only just recently had her last awkward growth spurt. The cruelty was that she hadn't gotten any taller, which is what she had secretly hoped for; instead, she grown curvier and bustier leaving her old uniforms absolutely un-wearable, in fear of popping a button while fighting. It was unsightly and on occasion it seemed like his stares were disapproving, adding to the list of grievances, and cementing any chance of their being anymore than pack-mates.

Fate had a tendency to be an ironic bitch at times and now would be the perfect example of it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You do remember that I am just a plain, ordinary, clumsy, ungraceful, untrained human?" she finally mumbled under her breath. "I talk too much, scream all the time, have more mood swings than there are moon cycles and I'm well…blah." She pulled away from him at the last word and sat down on a boulder near the river bank.

'Ah now the truth comes out. She thinks that she is unworthy of this Sesshoumaru's affection.' he pondered silently, deciding almost immediately that she needed to be set straight. He stepped closer to her and went down on bended knee in front of her, putting them at eye level.

Being that this was the Feudal era and that Sesshoumaru was an inuyoukai, he was totally unaware of what his prone position implied. The fact of it, however, was not lost to Kagome, whose tear filled eyes widened as he reached for her hand again.

"Onna, do you have any idea how annoyingly frustrating you can be? You drive this Sesshoumaru to distraction with the way you choose to describe yourself." his tone was serious and teasing at the same time. It would do no good to act his usual stoic self with her in this mentally fragile condition. He had never had to have this kind of conversation with anyone before, especially a human and it was railing against his core personality but he knew what was at stake. He would make Kagome understand his feelings…he had to.

"It is your very nature that this Sesshoumaru fell in love with it; your humanity has little to do with it. You are loud and sometimes abrasive, you are opinionated and stubborn and totally un-submissive. No other female could ever act the way you do and remain in my presence – they would have been removed immediately. But these traits are welcome in you because they highlight your strength, your intelligence, your loyalty, your fairness, your very independence; all the things this Sesshoumaru would want in a mate. As for thinking yourself plain and ordinary, you couldn't be further from the truth. You are the bright, shining gem in a sea of mundane sameness. There is nothing about you that this...that I do not appreciate and admire about you – your midnight hair, your porcelain skin, your fiery temper, your unconditional warmth, and heart. You befriended me even with our less than spectacular history and have forgiven my past transgressions and have never asked anything of me. You are as unique as a snowflake and just as beautiful for it. It is my sole desire to love you, to protect you, to be everything that you need me to be, so long as you are happy. This Sesshoumaru understands that this is a lot to accept and will give you any necessary time you need to think it over. You are more than worth the wait."

Speech completed, he stood up and placed a hand on the side of her face, brushing a stray bang out of her vibrant brown eyes, before walking away from her. True to his word, he was going to give her time to ponder but he was not going to leave her sitting there alone, so he retreated to the treeline, just out of her vision and sat down to meditate over his tumultuous heart and possible future.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~