sorry for the re-upload of this chapter but its been a while since i uploaded this and im looking into getting back to write these stories. not much has changed in this chapter but i just had to change a few things that i didnt like. its probably not that big a deal but yeah i just felt like fixing it up a bit.

I wasn't going to continue this because I started to not really like it but then I got some inspiring reviews (thanks guys), and I decided to try to continue this so here goes. I stopped because I didn't know how to write about this sad depressing stuff then I watched Thirteen that is the most depressing movie ever but I loved it. It's roughly based on some stuff that happened to Nikki Reed and she's in it and its so sad, I almost cried …okay I did, but I do that a lot, crying in movies. I'm pathetic; I do it all the time. Movies that made me cry - A Walk to Remember (seriously how can you not), Armageddon (that's sounds dumb but it's the part at the end when the girls saying goodbye to her dad because hes gonna go die to save the world its such a sad scene) and PS I Love You (that movie made me cry pretty much straight away and I cried like all night because of it, but heaps of stuff on there reminded me of some one I lost a while ago and watching that made me cry for the longest time in ages, it was actually really good) so after you read this, watch those movies oh and tell me what movies make you cry. Okay well I went way off topic but anyway here you go ;) Really short but I might as well post what I have.

oh yeah and I changed my mind its been 5 years and Renesmee is 15

Nessie

As I held the silver blade in my hand, I twisted it in my hands watching it gleam as the light of the bathroom shone down at different angles. I look and stare at myself in the mirror and pull the hair out of my eyes. My growing has slowed significantly and I'm trying to grow my bangs out, except they've reached the length where they are just in the way. Sort of like me actually.

It used to belong to my Dad actually, another one of his treasured heirlooms from his dead parents. When he was 16 his father bought him his own special set of razor blades. Of course he never really got to use them, so he just keeps them in the attic. He never noticed they were missing.

Sometimes I wonder if they'd ever notice if I just left. Would they stop fighting each other? I don't know what I thinking most of the time. Dad would be so mad at me if he just stopped and really looked into what I was thinking. I mask what I'm thinking pretty much all the time. It helps that Aunty Alice can't see what I might get up to.

I hate feeling the pain of my pathetic life; I liked pretending I was fine. I don't cry for my mother's stupidity or my father's evil ways. I tell myself that I'm crying because of real pain. I always reason with myself on this. I know I don't need to reason with myself on this but I do anyway. Almost as if it's okay to be doing this, so I can justify with myself.

I grab an old bloodstained rag; it was actually my old blanket. I don't even know why I kept it, but it makes me feel better, reminds of happier times. I keep it in my draw, they never go into, and they probably think I'm as happy as we all pretend to be.

As I rolled up my sleeve I ran my fingers on the old scars that had formed up and down my wrists. Even though they all healed within seconds of the cut they left thin slivers of discoloured scars. I keep telling myself that I'll stop, I tried reasoning with myself last time, I feel so stupid talking to myself like that though. I then looked at my right arm, there were only a few scars down this one, I felt like unbalanced only having scars on my left arm so I started cutting on my right arm a few weeks ago. The first few lines were a bit crooked, I'm not used to using my left arm very much but I think I've gotten better.

I turned on the tap and watched the water flow down the sink and I pressed the blade against my skin until it broke through my skin. The blood flowed out through the small cut, I watched it join the water, mixing and flowing down the drain, creating a watery red/pink colour.

As I held my arm over the sink, letting the blood leak out until my fresh cut healed itself up. It is the most amazing thing to watch, I am mesmerised by it every time I cut. I let all my problems slip away and concentrated on my happy place.

The next morning I woke up and unsurprisingly I could hear them promising each other that things would change and last night wouldn't happen again. I'm pretty sure we all knew that wasn't true, maybe that crappy excuse for a father would wait a while before he threw another fit over nothing.

I wish that I could just run away and leave this mess of a "so-called" family behind me. Aunt Rosie said she would teach me how to drive some day when I'm older and I can't wait for that. I love going fast, another thing passed down to me from my father so I've been told. Where would I even go, I have nothing outside of my family here in little old Forks.

Another thing that has to change, no more Forks. According to Grandpa and Nana we can't live here anymore. They told me all about how they have to move every now and then so people don't click on about our little family secret. Mum said that we've already been here longer than they usually would of but we stayed because of her and me.

I'm going to miss everyone so much and the worst part is that we're never coming back to visit Forks again, so tomorrow I have to say goodbye to Grandpa Charlie and Nanny Sue. It's so unfair, we're going to move away and never see anyone here again I didn't really like Forks but I'm definitely going to miss it.

Aunty Alice is excited about picking a new place to live, it's her turn again and I think that if it's up to her, it will definitely be a fancy big city the complete opposite to Forks. She said that because we all look young, that when we move, we are going to tell everyone that Mum is my sister, Grandpa Carlisle and Nana Esme adopted all of us. Dad and my uncles are going to be my foster brothers and my aunties will be my foster sisters. It sounds messed up. Part of me wishes I could just stay here in Forks with Jake, Grandpa and Nanny.

I already know how Mum and Dad met, all about how she finally figured him out so Uncle Emmet has been giving Dad a hard time about letting her find out and everyone's been teasing him about not letting it happen again. I asked Uncle Jasper what would happen if it got out that we were vampires in our new city. He told me that we would just move away again, but something in his voice made it sound like there would be more to it than that. I tried to press him for more information but Mum stared him down and Aunty Alice danced over to take him away. They never tell me the whole story about anything.