Title: So what now?

Author: Angelicatt

Theme: Interlude

Genre: Romance/Friendship/Fluff

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,744

Summary: Continued from #79 Neck: Kagome opens up to Sesshoumaru about her reservations and her heart.

A/N: If anyone pays attention to my weekly drabbles, you'll notice that this one-shot harkens back somewhat to #69 Unrequited Souls but it's not connected enough for it to be a part of the main story. Obviously this tale, has been trying to emerge for some time. Originally posted on LJ 3/25/2010

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my cracked imagination

"I am so lucky to have you love me…thank you."


Back on the riverbank, Kagome was ensconced on Sesshoumaru's lap, held firmly within his strong arms, as his head rested on top of hers; most of the discomforting feelings he had earlier had evaporated with her statement. She still had to inform him of her decision but if her aura was any indication, it was going to be a good one. He hoped.

"Before we talk, really talk about this," her hands gesturing to both of them, "there are some things I need to say first and I beg you not to interrupt. It's really important that I get it off my chest now" she pleaded to him, unshed tears pushing to escape their confinement.

"Anata, you are free to say anything you need to this Sesshoumaru." he responded, one of his hands brushing a stray bang from her eyes, "Never feel like you need to refrain, I relish your honesty and frankness. It is a part of what makes you, you".

The tears fell freely then. The warm trails down her cheeks were intercepted by the barest of kisses from the mighty daiyoukai; which of course made them flow even more. The happiness that enveloped her heart was threatening to burst out of her already heaving chest.

She twisted around a bit so she could face him as she prepared to speak, not taking into consideration how the slightly seductive movement would affect him, or the fact that they were now face to face and in the most compromising of positions; not that it mattered to either of them.

~*~*~*~*~

For far too long she had secretly pined for him but held her tongue, afraid that she wasn't good enough for him. Her poor heart couldn't handle any more unrequited emotions. How was she supposed to know that Sesshoumaru was going through his own crisis, thinking that she would reject him? He had never been in love before and the fact that he had chosen her as his first and only, over everyone else, was a frightfully overwhelming thought. She still wasn't sure if she could live up to his expectations, whatever they were.

They had reached an interlude in their declarations. Her hesitation held Sesshoumaru with bated breath; it seemed like the gabby miko had finally been rendered speechless. He knew he could not push her to talk; that would only make her more nervous and probably clam up even more. 'All in good time', he thought, even though the anticipation was driving him crazy. He was after all, the one who told her that she was worth the wait.

Minutes passed in silence as the night crept in around them. The full moon shone through the canopy of trees like radiant beams and surrounded the couple sitting under the budding plum branches. The sounds of the evening were the only thing heard, but for for the miko and the daiyoukai, the thrumming of two very strong heartbeats overshadowed all other noises.

~*~*~*~*~

Kagome took a slow but heavy breath as she absentmindedly toyed with a long lock of Sesshoumaru's silver tresses. She had been allowed to touch his hair in the past but to actually be able to just play with the silky tendrils was quite soothing on her frayed nerves. Sesshoumaru had to stifle a smile at her ministrations. She was acting much like Rin did whenever she was troubled, any moment now and she would bury her face into his mokomoko and unburden her quandaries. Mere minutes after, Kagome leaned onto Sesshoumaru's fluffy shoulder and sniffled a couple times. 'Sometimes onna can be so predictable' he smirked to himself, as he continued to rub circles on her back.

"When I was a little girl, I always believed that there was a Prince Charming, who would rescue me from some dreadful peril and that we would fall in love and live happily ever after, like in the fairytales…" she began, without looking him but sensing his confusion about her futuristic terminology. "…umm, the story books that I read to Shippou and Rin sometimes… my mother used to read them to me every night and I would have such wonderful dreams about what he would look and sound like. But when my father died, I longed for my fantastical Prince even more because I felt so alone…yeah, I know that I still have my grandfather and my little brother but neither of them understood me like my father did and for the longest time after, I didn't think that anyone would. No boys ever talked to me, partly because I lived on a shrine, but mostly because they think that I am too stuck up or cold and snobby towards them, for the simple reason, that I have been saving myself for my one true love." Again she paused in order to gage his reaction. He was listening with the utmost intensity and showed no intentions of interrupting her.

"In my time, sex isn't just between married people or ladies from brothels; it's taught to us in school and kids as young as Rin engage in it, just to see what it's all about. Out of my small group of girlfriends, I am the only one who's never had sex or even a real boyfriend for that matter. There's a guy that I go to school with named Hojo, that's always asking me out on dates and bringing me presents, but I only think of him as a friend, nothing more. He's the first male to ever show any interest in me and the ironic thing is that he started bugging me around the same time I got pulled into the well. Which leads me to your brother…"

"Half-brother" he intoned sharply, prior to resuming his silent ear.

"Sorry, half-brother. InuYasha was the very first boy I ever willingly gave my heart to. It was hard at first, especially with him originally wanting to kill me and all because he thought I was Kikyou, but after a while, I think I kind of grew on him…either that or he was just hooked on the ramen. In any case, no matter how hard I tried to make him see that I wasn't the one who hurt him and that I would never do anything of the sort to him, he just couldn't separate the two of us. And that hurt…a lot!!! I loved him and all he ever saw me as was a reincarnation of the one that died and his damn shard detector. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. I know I am not perfect but I am from the twentieth century for crying out loud; it's not like they teach archery in school or even miko training – there's only so much I can do with what I have…" her voice went from tense, to frustrated, to angered and finally to dejected before the tears resumed their torrential race down her flushed face.

Sesshoumaru felt many things as she spoke so candidly about the baka hanyou that he called his kin; most of all, was the immense desire to beat the boy senseless the next time he saw him. How truly stupid could InuYasha be to not see the glorious differences between the recently re-dead clay pot and the living tenshi, that currently shivered in his arms, from the pain of unrequited emotions for someone who clearly never deserved them. He wanted so much to wipe the tears from her cherubic cheeks, as if the mere act of touching her would erase the hurt that she had dredged up in her need to divulge the angst of her heart; but he knew that it had to be enough to just hold her and let her finish, then maybe after…well maybe.

"What I was trying to get at was that InuYasha was my first love, and for a long time, I really thought and hoped that he would turn out to be my Prince; but charming he ain't. When Kikyou was brought back by Urasue, he doggedly pursued her again, claiming that it was his responsibility to protect her, even though she repeatedly tried to kill me or send me back to my time permanently. He was so blinded by guilt and grief that I all but ceased to exist in his mind. He never knew how every time he ran off to be with her or called out to her in his delirium, that it killed a little piece of my heart, of the love that I had for him. It was making me bitter and I didn't like that feeling. So I used my free time to focus on training myself to be independent of him, of everyone. You tend to forget the heartbreak when you're too physically tired to think of anything else." she sniggered quietly about her last sentence before her reminiscences reminded her of how much time and effort she had given the hanyou and received nothing but biting abuse and neglect to show for it.

"I honestly believed that maybe I was destined to be alone, that maybe the Kamis put me on this Earth to love others, to show them how to love but that I would never actually know what it would feel like myself. I know that my mother and family love me and that Sango, Miroku and the kids do as well but there is a big difference between familial or platonic love and passionate, committed love. I mean that's the kind of love they always end the fairytales with, where the prince marries the fair maiden and they live together happily ever after; but this is real life, and when I realized that what I had been doing was projecting my image of my perfect 'Prince' onto InuYasha and that all I had succeeded in doing was hurting myself, I closed my heart off…well I tried, it's not like I can magically stop feeling the way I do one minute to the next. There is a saying in my time that states: 'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all' – I say it's a load of bullcrap. Whoever came up with that has obviously never known what love felt like. I did decide that I was going to step away from wanting and wishing it and that maybe giving it and making others happy was rewarding enough. I thought that would work and for a while I was comforted by the results, InuYasha's obstinate attitude not withstanding; but then a most unsuspecting thing happened a year ago that had me second guess myself. You want to know what it was?" her attitude had lightened over the course of her diatribe, almost as if she was coming to some great revelation.

Sesshoumaru's control was near breaking point. Never in his thousand plus years had he ever wished that she would just end his misery, one way, or another. His only response was a stiff nod of his head at her. He couldn't even bring himself to look her in the eyes.

"A little over one year ago, you Sesshoumaru, decided to join forces with our little group and we became friends. It was awkward and somewhat daunting but I was determined to get to know the real you…the 'you' that you pretend does not exist. My mother always taught me that honesty was one of the most important factors in founding lasting relationships, which is why I told you everything…well not everything, you know 'time paradox thing'; but enough that could be used against me and my time, if you were truly as evil and vindictive as InuYasha originally panned you as. Your inquisitive nature and eternal quest for knowledge allowed you to gradually open yourself up to me and I could not have possibly been happier. Every time I thought about 'throwing in the towel' and just giving up, you were always right there to guide me back down the right path. As our relationship changed, my feelings changed and yes, I raged against them because I thought that maybe I was treating you as a rebound from InuYasha; but the two of you are so totally different in terms of maturity and civility and understanding that in the end I had to just give in and admit that I liked you for you. Ok, not just liked, I unwittingly and shamelessly fell in love with you…" she paused long enough to hide her face in his mokomoko, too afraid of his reaction to her admission.

He was stunned. She loved him. But that still didn't explain why she had reacted the way she did when he had confessed to her.

"I was afraid to do or say anything to you because I was terrified of pushing you away. I couldn't have dealt with the thought of losing what I had with you, as intangible as it is. I'm human and a miko and you're an inu-daiyoukai and perfect. We're like oil and water, never destined to be mixed. I have nothing that you could possibly ever want or need and it broke me to have to lock these feelings inside whenever I was close to you. Sometimes I failed to, I would un-accidentally try and cop a feel of your hair, your bare skin, any part of you that would make me feel like I had a stronger connection to you; but ultimately I deemed that it was all in my imagination, that I could never be good enough for you, that you would never see 'me'. I felt like I was dying inside all over again." Her heart felt like it would just explode, her anguish at the thought of being so close to him and never being to love him was making it complicated for her to talk. Having her face still buried in his fluff wasn't exactly helping either.

Sesshoumaru frantically wanted to soothe her worries and reiterate to her that she was wrong, that he would never walk away from her and that he did indeed love her but he was at a loss as to how to adequately express it to her. So instead, he nuzzled her midnight head with a gentle growl, which reverberated through her petite body. It apparently worked because she finally pulled her face away from his chest and looked at him, with the most lovingly but frailly needy look in her red-rimmed eyes before she spoke again.

"When you told me you loved me, my heart told me to glomp you but my reticent mind kept saying that it was all a dream; that it couldn't possibly happen. I believe you, I do. I am sorry that I hurt you with my confusion and that it seemed like I wasn't happy; frankly I am way too ecstatic that I don't honestly know how to describe it. It's going to take some time to come to terms with this, however I promise I will. I have never had a real committed relationship with anyone and I have no clue what it is you expect from me but I want this, I want to be with you. All I have to offer is my eternal love and devotion and a heart that yearns to be with you for as long as you'll have me. So what now?"

The smile that emanated from her as she finally poured out the vestiges of her soul to him, was so blindingly beautiful that he could only truly come up with one response to her last and only question.

He leaned his head forward, his eyes never leaving hers; even as she gasped quietly and closed her own, in anticipation of what would be their first of many kisses. His warm breath tickled her nose as he drew closer to her trembling lips. When he at last reached the pink pout, he breathily whispered "I love you Kagome" before sealing them with his own strong, yet surprisingly soft own. Her arms reached around the back of his neck and pulled him even closer than they already were.

Neither cared about the crazy consequences of their union; that could wait until they were ready to go back and deal with them. In this moment right here, right now, two hearts had found each other – the miko had found her Prince Charming.

End Note: Cookies to the 1st person to catch the name drop in the chapter. Also for anyone who catches the 'theme-wordplay' at the end. ;)