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sweet talk 101

o5 : keep them separated - the offspring

Axel is now thinking that maybe he's found a new hobby. Teasing Roxas. The look on the boy's face had been priceless. Pure gold. Better than taking a punch to the kid and pinning him against a wall.

...Maybe not.

So now he was walking by his sister taking notice that Roxas was purposely lagging behind with a furious pout on his face. He really didn't want to be here. Honestly. Roxas might've tagged along but that was only because he was scared shitless of Kairi. Hell, if he had the choice, he would've glued himself to his bedroom floor for the next millennia. Roxas's lip jutted out even more. Axel almost laughed. Cute.

Axel froze mid-step. He did not just think that. Not about that little fuck. Though, of course, he had to admit-no! No way, I swear, if I think like that again, I'll drop a piano on myself. The thought was seriously odd.

"..el.. AXEL!"

Said retard - I mean, redhead jumped.

"You gonna stand there looking like a dork?" Kairi asked, hands on her hips.

"You gonna stand there, looking like a dork looking at me?" Axel asked, imitating Kairi's posture just for shits and giggles.

"Can we go find Riku?" Sora asked, pouting slightly.

Axel grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "Your boyfriend prolly ditched you."

"One," Sora ground out, his face suddenly flushed a very pretty shade of red, "he is not my boyfriend. Two, he told me he'd be waiting at the food court. Third, keep out of things that aren't your business."

"Oooh, lookie here. Sora can count."

"Shut up, already!"

"Getting defensive, Sora?"

"You're such a dick," Sora grumbled, turning away and resuming walking.

"At least I have a dick."

Sora groaned in frustration. Needless to say, Roxas was impressed.

"Tell me again why you brought him?" Sora mumbled to Kairi once he was sure Axel was out of earshot.

"Because I want him to stop fighting with Roxas. Get on friendlier terms with him."

"..You do know that's not gonna work, right?"

"It so will."

"Kai, they're gonna tear at each other's throats until they're dead and bleeding their guts out on the floor with their bones lying around them in little pieces. I don't see why you're trying anyway. It's a waste of time. It'd be ten times easier to just keep those two apart. Just imagine how much blood and bones we could save!"

"I care because I don't like seeing Roxas get hurt and my asshole of a brother needs to learn a lesson."

Sora sighed and rolled his eyes. "I still don't see where you're going with this-oh! There's Riku!"

The older, silver-haired teen was leaning comfortably against a table, smoothie in hand, His eyes flicked up when he heard his name and visibly brightened.

"Maaan, took you long enough," Riku drawled. Then his eyes fell on Axel. "What the hell is he-"

"NO," Kairi mouthed. Riku raised an eyebrow as Kairi shook her head slightly. He and Sora exchanged glances.

"It's her secret plan!" Yuffie said, bouncing excitedly on her heels.

"Plan? What plan?" Axel chirped. Kairi had a plan? Wait, no, Axel, don't look interested. He yawned.

"Her plan of ultimate doom!" Yuffie said, wiggling her fingers in Axel's face. Axel snapped at them. Yuffie shrieked.

"Shut it, Or we'll get thrown out. Again," Riku said, handing his half-finished smoothie to a puppy-dog-eyed Sora. "Is Roxas hiding somewhere around here?"

Everyone turned around to look. He was here a second ago, right? ...Right? Ah, there he was, standing a few feet back, contently blocking out the world with his headphones, and coiling the headphone cord around his tongue.

Is that a tongue ring? Axel thought, touching his own to the roof of his mouth. Yep. Axel found himself thining about what it'd be like to french someone else with a tongue ring.

...That'd be wicked.

...With Roxas?

Axel's eye spasmed and he shook his head.

Was he gay? Wait, that was a stupid question. But why the flying fuck was he having these thoughts about the blonde?

...Let's just leave Axel to his pretty little thoughts for now and focus in on Kairi and Yuffie.

"You you think that your plan of ultimate doom will work?" Yuffie whispered to Kairi, once they were farther ahead of the group by a considerable amount.

"Totally," Kairi said, smirking. Kairi knew because her plans always worked. Always! They have never failed and won't start now. She swore it.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Roxas has been living, like, under his little community rock for, like, ever. He has his little group of friends. Therefore, your plan of ultimate doom will go right down the toilet."

"It will not. My plan my not be perfect, but it sure'll work. And it's not only for Roxas and Axel. It's also for Riku and Sora.." Kairi nearly cackled.

"Hey, what secrets are you two keeping?" Sora called, trying to keep his smoothie from Riku's grasp. Riku wanted his smoothie back, dammit!

Kairi turned to face the brunette, smiling sweetly. "Oh, nothing you should worry your pretty little head about, Sora, dear."

Sora raised an eyebrow at Kairi. That was scary. When Kairi got that look and said things like that, weird things were going to happen. Like, having a watermelon fall on your head sort of weird. And then releasing watermelon-eating rabid dogs upon you sort of weird. Sora shuddered.

"You okay, Sora?" Riku asked, nudging his (all-time crush, obsession, one-and-only-true-love) friend in the shoulder.

"Y-yeah.. fine.. great.. fantastic.." Sora said, his eye twitching slightly.

We pan back to Axel (and Roxas).

Axel snuck a glance behind him to see a dangerously brooding Roxas. Okay, never mind the fact that he was a preppy little fuck, but the kid was also emo. Can someone be preppy and emo at the same time? Maybe he was just emo.

Maybe he has a ten foot pole stuck sideways up his ass, Axel thought moodily. Then again, why should he care? Kairi wanted him to get on friendlier terms with Roxas, though she never said exactly how. So without an explanation, Axel wasn't going to do it.

Roxas seemed to be perfectly content in imagining himself locked in a hamster ball, keeping all of the mean, bad kitties away. So that made Axel a bad kitty too?

Axel "hmph"d and marched on. He didn't need this. He didn't need it at all. And in his march of haughtiness, he had not looked where he was going and bumped right into Riku. It created almost of a mini domino effect because then Riku fell into Sora.

...And they were talking.

...And Yuffie and Kairi were about to ask Riku and Sora something.

...And Axel pushed Riku right into Sora.

Now, one might think of this as the romantic cliché moment where boy falls forward, kissing his one true love by accident, which quickly morphs into a hot, steamy make-out session, and then hot, kinky sex right in the middle of the mall. But nooooo, Fate decided to be a bitch. Fate wanted to have a little fun. And boy oh boy would Fate get a show. ...That bitch.

Riku let out masculine squeak (because men don't squeak like women, oh no, they don't) and toppled forward and onto Sora.

As for Riku's face? It landed right in Sora's crotch.

The events after this came faster than tickets were sold out for Spider-Man 3. Roxas, going into a sibling-protective overdrive, lunged forward, punching Riku right in the side of the head. The silver-haired teen let out a yelp, tumbling off of Sora. Roxas aimed another hit at Riku which was intercepted by Axel.

In the end, Riku had multiple bruises (both on body and ego, courtesy of Roxas) and a slap-mark on his cheek (courtesy of Sora), and Axel had a few bruises himself and a few pulled muscles (also courtesy of Roxas).

Damage done to Roxas? One bump on the head.

Damage done to Sora? None. (Except for the fact that he practically got groped. Which was an accident by the way. And all totally Axel's fault who blamed it on Roxas.)

Sora now refused to speak to Riku. Roxas wouldn't even look at Axel because the guy had defended the enemy. The brother-crotch-nuzzling enemy!

"So," Yuffie started, rolling her eyes at a twitching Kairi. "What was that part about your plan working?"

x.x.x