Author's Note: Hey everyone. Here is your second outtake for the no forgotten hope update weekend ;). Enjoy!

P.S. Loving the ideas you guys have given so far for outtakes.

MPOV

*Takes place in "Forgotten Hope time"*

Rain. Katie always loved rain. She liked to spin in it.

I suspected that Alice did, too. Another way that she reminded me of Katie.

I was lying in my bed now, listening to the rain dancing on the roof. It had been raining for hours and I had been hearing it and remembering.

Remembering made things hurt. Especially so late at night. The darkness tended to creep into me, infecting any happy thoughts I managed to have.

Usually, I kept myself so busy during the day that at night, I would fall right asleep. But sometimes I had these nights. My bad nights.

Tomorrow--well, technically today--is...was...is (?) Katie and my anniversary. Could I still say 'is'? The anniversary didn't die.... I wasn't sure.

I also wasn't sure about whether I'd make it through today without using anything to numb the feelings that were bouncing around inside my brain.

God, did I miss my Katie.

Happy memories of her had slowly transformed themselves into the ones that haunted me. I had started comparing how she laughed to how she had screamed. I thought of how she had cried when holding her sick dog as the vet put it to sleep. And then thought of how I had cried when I held her after those... people, if you could call them that, had just about killed her.

The blood-- the screams-- the pain....

I wanted pot and I wanted pills and I wanted to be wasted and not thinking and not feeling and only seeing her.

When I was gone like that, on pills or high or whatever, I could see her so clearly. I could feel her, like she was in the room too. She was there to protect me and spend time with me and love me. She was always glowing and always happy and always just... Katie.

But 'sober' me knew better. 'Sober' me knew that Katie would've hated seeing me so messed up. So lost.

We were never lost. After she died, I learned that the only reason why we were never lost was because any time we got close to it, we'd find each other.

I reached over with shaking hands and grabbed the picture of her off of my bedside table. I clutched it to my chest and hugged her, my face wet as I squeezed my eyes with the effort of holding her picture.

"Katie...." I whispered into the darkness, my mind racing now. I loved the sound of her name.

All I could see was images from that night. I could see them and hear them and feel them and I didn't want to. I didn't want to see that shit anymore.

Pills.

Pills would put me to sleep. Or wake me up enough to control the flashes in my head. Depended on what kind of pills I took....

I breathed in and out, fighting the urge to leave now in search of them. I didn't keep them in the apartment because of times like these. I'd have to leave. And it was raining. But maybe I could spin....

There were many different ways to spin....

No pills.

I rolled out of bed and to the floor. On my stomach, I reached under the bed and pulled out a box. The rain clapped against the roof now, as if urging me on.

I took what I needed from the box and then got back into my bed, hiding under my covers with my picture. Trembling, tears still streaking my face, I clung to my new escape.

Katie's teddy bear.

When I hugged it tightly and breathed it in, it smelled like her, I swear. And it was soft and friendly and warm and I could pretend that she was right here. That I was holding her, not her picture. That I was hugging her, and not her teddy.

She had loved this teddy pretty much since the day she was born. It was the one thing from her childhood that she had kept around... as we got older, she had been embarrassed about how silly it was to still have a bear when you were about to graduate high school. But I always thought it was cute. It was just like her to keep her teddy bear.

Hugging it made me feel closer to her as I thought of all the times she had hugged it, just like I was doing right now.

Granted, she hadn't been hugging it to protect her from using drugs... but maybe to protect her from closet monsters, or nightmares, or the dark.

The dark.

It was this bear's purpose to protect both Katie and me from the dark. The dark would not win.

I curled myself in a ball, still shaking, and inhaled the soft fur of the bear. Around its neck was the necklace I had bought for her... the one that those pieces of shit had taken from her the night she had died. I had gotten it back... they'd had to die for it, but I had gotten it back....

The necklace was cold against my skin as it pressed into me. I hugged the bear close, thinking of her sleeping with this bear. Of her sleeping next to me. Of her laugh....

Sleep was good to me for about an hour, but I woke up screaming and clutching that bear like my life depended on it. Which it might have.

I thought about calling Alice to help calm me down, but she had her own problems. And she couldn't remember me, anyway. She was nice to me... wanted to be friends... and I think she saw that same good in me, now. But I couldn't burden her with this. Friends didn't do that to friends.

I was afraid to call my family because I didn't want them to think I was still as unstable as I was before. Even though I might be.

Had my body even stopped shaking while I slept?

I fumbled with the buttons of my phone and called Greg as I stumbled to the bathroom with Katie's bear in one hand and the phone in the other.

"What?" he answered.

"I think I'm losing it, man...." I whispered, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. Why were my eyes so pink? I hadn't smoked. Was that from being tired? Stressed? Crying?

"Well yeah, you're losing it. When's the last time you let yourself relax?" he demanded.
I shook my head. "I want to be good again. I don't want to relax that way... I don't want to be weak anymore...." I admitted in a whisper, knowing what he meant by "relax."

"It's not being weak. You're a fucking dumbass, Mack. Drugs are just to relax you, they aren't your enemy. You're a pussy if you can't even smoke some pot to chill out," he hissed.

I watched myself wince in the mirror and then turned away from it, leaning against the sink. "It's our anniversary. I-I don't--" I started.

"No--"

"need--"

"No, just listen to me! This would have been your anniversary with her and I don't want you doing anything stupid, all right? Just get a little buzzed so I don't worry." His voice softened a bit now, but not by much.

"Maybe... God, I don't know what to do Greg...." I choked out, squeezing her bear to me now.

"You know what to do. Go numb for a bit. Don't call me again 'til you're in your right mind," he said, and then the line clicked.

I took a huge breath and walked from the bathroom to the living room, wandering around my apartment, trying to figure out what to do.

What could I do?

I set her bear on the couch lightly, propped against a pillow. And then I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

At least beer was legal. Sort of. Not for me quite yet, but in general....

I chugged one, and then went outside for a smoke.

It was still raining, but somehow it helped me calm down and wake up a bit.

My fingers gradually stopped shaking so much as the cigarette got smaller. By the time I finished it, my hands were still again.

I took in a fresh breath and held it in my lungs, loving the feeling of the rain-flavored air in my lungs. I let it out slowly, and then I spun around, letting my arms wave free.

I looked up and smiled at her. "Happy anniversary, Katie. I love you," I whispered.

Retreating inside, feeling refreshed, I curled up on the couch. Her bear was wrapped in my one arm and her picture was in my other.

"Night, Katie...." I mumbled, finally drifting into sleep.

Author's Note: Sadness... I hope you guys enjoyed it. This outtake was written by my beta, Lucy Alyce. Leave her some love xD

Hope you all are having a good day/night!