Chapter Six: At The Attic
Where I live, school's starting. And I have to concentrate if I wanna be on the honor roll. So the next chapter will be posted in a week or two - sorry.
Thank you so much to those who reviewed, those who subscribed and added this story to their Favorites list.
The Potters are having dinner and James is not talking. He's not even eating. Ginny, confused, looks at Harry who shrugs.
"I think her girlfriend broke up with him," Lily whispers to Albus.
"James," Harry calls. "What's wrong with you?"
James looks at him. But before speaking, he reconsiders what he is about to say. Then Jian's voice rings through his mind.
I know that you're sort of angry at your Dad right now. But, please, don't hate him just because he wasn't the one who told you those things. Maybe his past really traumatized and hurt him especially the death of his loved ones.
"Dad, can I ask you a question?"
"What?" Harry asks warily.
"Do you know someone named Voldemort?"
Harry's eyebrows furrow and Ginny's head snaps up.
"James," Harry says after a pause. "This isn't the right - "
"Yeah, yeah," James interrupts with a roll of his eyes. "I've heard that before. But, it's okay, Dad. Now I know the truth. Someone told me."
"Who?" Ginny asks suspiciously.
"Someone who knew. You know what? I think it would have been better if I was another person - if I wasn't James Sirius Potter. At least, that way, I'd know your history. I'd know you."
Ginny worriedly glances at her husband.
"What are you getting at?" Harry says through gritted teeth. "That you wish you weren't my son?"
"Maybe."
Albus and Lily look at one another at James's answer.
"You know what hurts the most, Dad?" James continues. "It's the fact that we - your own children - don't know everything that happened in your past. I envy those people who, even if they haven't met you yet, are aware that you are The Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The Chosen One."
Harry suddenly bangs his fist on the table. He stands up and glares down at his son.
"It's not that simple, James!"
James stands up too. He is tired. Tired of being curious all the time. Tired of asking questions that always go unanswered. Tired of not knowing.
"What is not simple? To me it's pretty simple. Voldemort was after you; you were the one who killed him. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah."
"You don't know everything that had happened to me. You don't know what I've been through."
"What, and everybody else does? I mean, you could've just told us instead of sending us to our rooms every time we ask you. Why are you so guilty about the death of Grandma, Grandpa, Sirius and everybody else, anyway? Oh, wait. Here's an idea. maybe you were the one who killed them."
For a moment, it seems like Harry's about to punch his son on the face.
"Harry! No!" Ginny shouts and holds Harry back.
"How dare you!" Harry bellows, finally losing control. Hurt and, most especially, guilt is flooding through him. "How dare you say that. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what you're saying."
He pulls his arm away from Ginny and walks furiously to their room.
Ginny shakes her head at James in disappointment.
"You've gone too far, young man. I never taught my children to raise their voices on adults." Ginny lowers her voice. "Clearly, you never heard me say it. Because you were too busy looking for the Harry Potter in the past. I guess you didn't know that what you have now, is a whole lot better."
Then she follows Harry to their room, leaving a gobsmacked James. Now that all's said and done, he wants to take it all back.
Albus is looking at James with disapproval.
"You shouldn't have said that, you know."
And James stalks off to his own room. He locks his door and sits on the bed, his head on his hands.
"What have I done?" he mutters again and again.
Of course he doesn't mean the last sentence he'd said to Harry. But it just slipped out. He didn't even mean to make his father angry. He just wanted him to understand what he's feeling about the whole thing. But maybe those were the wrong words. Maybe he really got insensitive. Maybe he really is insensitive.
"I should've listened to what Jian had said," he says. "Now Dad's never going to forgive me. And Mum."
There's a knock on James's door the next morning.
"James, open up!" It's Albus.
"Go away!"
"But Dad's already at the Ministry! You can come out now."
"I don't care! Leave me alone."
After a few minutes, James can no longer hear his brother. He reckons Albus is having breakfast below.
"Now, what will I do?" he mumbles to himself. He's still in his pajamas and is lying on his bed with his blanket around him.
Maybe he should try the fireworks that Fred had given him. No, that's too noisy; his Mum will hear. Maybe he can reread Quidditch For All Times. But he remembers that Albus has it. Maybe he can start cleaning his room instead. But he's far lazy to do that. What's the point when it'll just be messed up again in a matter of hours? (One can barely see the floor, which is why Ginny doesn't ever go there and James likes to hang out at Albus's room.) James sighs, thinking of only one thing he can possibly do: go back to sleep. But as he closes his eyes, he remembers something.
He hurriedly gets up and grabs his wand. He quietly opens the door and peeks outside. No one's in sight. Everyone's downstairs. He gets out, closes the door and tiptoes to Albus's room. Then he pushes the cabinet slowly to the side. He once again goes up the stairs until he reaches the attic. He lights his wand and surveys the whole place. It's so dark and dusty there. A brown rat scurries across the room and enters a tiny hole in a corner. He discovers that there is a closed window on one side of the wall - or is it the roof already? He tries to open it but it seems like it got glued on the spot because of years and years of not being opened. When it finally opens, cold wind and sunlight greets him. There is a great view of the garden outside.
"Nox," he mutters, and the wand's light goes off.
He wrinkles his nose and walks toward the trunk. He blows the dust off and sneezes.
"Blimey."
He opens the trunk and peers inside. There are a couple of newspaper clippings, old Hogwarts books, old parchment, battered quills and, at the bottom are eight creatively designed notebooks. Curious, he takes them out and dusts them off.
As James takes a closer look at them, he sees that the covers are a little bit thick. On each spine are white horizontal lines, symbolic of having been opened many times before. He flips open the one on top. There are faded letters that read:
Ginny Weasley's Diary
Do Not Read
Or Else...
At the bottom part of the page are the words, Second Year at Hogwarts.
James stares wide-eyed at the page. These are his mother's diaries - forgotten in some hidden attic.
Hastily, he looks for the first diary. Those are a complete collection of Ginny's diaries by the time she was at Hogwarts. But the eighth one was written before Hogwarts. He excitedly lines the diaries on the floor, from the first (before Hogwarts) to the last (seventh year at Hogwarts). He decides to read first the diary written before Hogwarts.
The first entry is dated, September 1, 1991/ 8:21 pm.
Dear Diary,
It's the 1st of September again. I came with Mum to King Cross's Station to see my brother's off. Ron's already going to Hogwarts. And I'm left all alone here. I hope the year would pass quickly so I can be at Hogwarts too.
James read all the entries on the diary. But what really caught his attention is the entry dated, July 1, 1992/ 9:33 pm.
Dear Diary,
I've got loads to tell you today. It's about Harry Potter! You know him, right? Of course you know him!
Anyway, Ron bragged about it to me just this morning when no one was listening. He said that it was Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts too. He was even sorted to Gryffindor like the rest of my brothers. He said they instantly became friends along with a "know-it-all but sometimes nice" girl - his words, not mine - named Hermione..something. Of course I don't believe him. He was probably lying when he said he's best mates with Harry Potter.
So during the end of the year, they got into an adventure, he said. A very dangerous one. Well, we all know that You-Know-Who had been after Harry Potter when he was still alive. Ron claims that You-Know-Who's back, and was living on another human's body.
According to him, You-Know-Who wanted to get the Sorcerer's Stone - whatever that is - in order to live fully and immortally. Ron, being the boastful git that he is, explained - in detail - the things they got into before Harry Potter finally succeeded against You-Know-Who. Like Devil's Snare, flying keys, giant wizard's chess, potions, then finally - well, he didn't exactly tell me what happened after that because he said it was Harry Potter who had to continue on, which, in my opinion is a conclusion to my suspicions that he's lying. Maybe he made up all those things so he has something to brag about, and when he got to the last part, he simply couldn't think of anything more to go with it.
But this coming September 1, I'm finally going to Hogwarts. I'll be able to see for myself if what he's saying is true.
James comes through another interesting entry, written in a rather hurried penmanship.
August 2, 1992/ 10:13 am
Dear Diary,
!
He's here! He's here! Harry Potter's here! At our house! At the Burrow! I can't believe it. So it's true! Ron and Harry Potter really are friends. And that must mean what Ron had said is true.
Oh, oh, oh! Harry Potter - staying at OUR house for the rest of the summer! I've been crushing on him since the first time I heard about him.
Oh my, I think I'm going to faint
James raises an eyebrow at the diary, smiling slightly. Ginny had even forgotten to mark the last sentence with a period.
"Girls," he mumbles with a roll of his eyes.
He places the diary aside and picks up the second one - the one written when she was on her first year at Hogwarts. He then begins reading...