DAY 4 PART II

Every time I thought about you it was like I fluttered on the inside. Have you eve felt that way? When you have to clutch your chest because it's like your heart has decided to become a stampede of elephants on LSD. All I ever want is to see your face. That in itself is enough to last me a day. You're pretty much my everything. Crazy and cliché I know. It's just the way it works."

I looked at him for a split second and saw he was giving me the puppy dog eyes look again. Great.

I moved my hand towards where his layed on his thigh. I grasped it tightly and felt the corners of my lips stretch into what was a smile.

We sat there for what seemed like hours holding each others hand and smiling. I looked at my watch and it was only twelve thirty.

I opened his car door and slammed it behind me and leaned into the open window.

"I still can't believe that you work at Frankie's. Now that is something." I chuckled as the horror in his eyes faded to a warm glow.

"I guess this means I'm forgiven?"

"Maybe. Now if you don't mind, there is a bath at home with my name on it. Thanks for the pizza. I'll see you later."

I left and headed straight for my car. I got in a drove straight home repeating his conversation in my head like a bad CD was stuck on repeat.

In the bath, I couldn't help but think of being dirty. Not in a perverted mind sense, but the idea of being unclean. Like when Patrick and I went paint balling or when I revealed myself to get him out of detention or the time that Joey and I …, never mind. I was just reminded. I slowly sunk into the water and let it drown me in bubbles and cloudy memories.

"Oh, crap". I gasped as I emerged from the water. I had spent so long in the bath relaxing and unwinding I had let the time slip away from me. Precious time that I couldn't afford to waste. I desperately wanted to be with Patrick but I didn't want to seem fervent.

As I put on my sun and moon pyjamas I picked out a book from my very selective library of classics. I decided on Shakespeare. This reminded me so much of Mandela and made me wonder how she was enjoying Stratford-Upon-Avon. Knowing her she'd have probably found herself a strapping young English guy that she could spend the rest of her life with. It didn't work out with her previous relationship. He went to an Ivy League university and she just wasn't cut out to wait around for him. Travel. Travel, was the next best thing for her.

It would seem that everyone is travelling now-a-days. I really wanted to leave this place and experience what the world had to offer, but I can't now. At this thought my chest began to tighten and I was crunching up my duvet trying to grasp the last molecules of air to fill my lungs. It hurt so much. Life, love, everything.

I picked up 'Taming of The Shrew' as it happened to be one of my favourite plays by Shakespeare.

I was deep into the first act when I heard a tap on my window. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again. And another time. I was truly irritated as I wanted to continue reading but I eventually managed to heave myself off the bed and answer the call. My heart pounded at the thought of him. What he would say.

I ledged open the window with a beaming smile on my face.

"Hi Pat…" "JOEY! What the hell are you doing here?" Instead of meeting the man of my existence I was faced with a greasy haired buffoon with a preference to act like a child in a candy store.

"Oh, hey babe, I just wanted to drop by and see if your hot sis was here? Of course I'd ask for you but I'm not into sloppy seconds."

How I wanted to pelt him with the fire of a thousand suns. He was such an egotistical jerk with a really bad hairstyle and lack of common sense.

"Sorry babe she's not here. You may want to try another continent. Oh and she has a BOYFRIEND. I guess she wasn't into your floppy disk if you know what I mean. Look, do you mind leaving. I have a feeling animals are going to come around and grope you any minute. You seem to fit their mating categories in every way possible. Too bad it doesn't work on humans."

"Bitch." He said as his smiled wavered into a frown.

"Always was, bastard." I shut the window with such a fierce it caused me to crumple to the floor. I really should start taking things slow.

I heard another rap on the window.

I got up off the floor and opened it.

"Oh, you can tell that bitch of a sister that she can …"

"Go home Joey."

I shut the window and was faced with another rap of stones.

"…because I didn't like her anyway, you know what, she's just a …"

"FUCK OFF!" I was stunned at myself that I had to sink to his level in order for him to leave me alone.

I ran back to my bed and picked up my book in a haste. I was so angry. Why did he have to ruin things? Did he not have a life of his own? Around ten minutes later there was a tap of stones on my window again. I was absolutely fuming. I threw my book aside and stomped towards my window. I lifted the ledge with such emphasis that it shattered some of the glass, but didn't break.

"I sweat to God Joey, I will kick your …"

"Joey? You must be confused." There beneath my very eyes was Patrick.

"Oh, God; I am so sorry. He was a here not long ago being his usual self. Let's just forget him. So, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you. Can I come up?" He looked at me intently.

"Of course. Be careful though." I watched him as he latched onto the drain pipe and skilfully climbed his way up into my room.

He landed with a thud and his hair gathered around his face, hiding his eyes.

Instinctively, I reached out and brushed it away from his eyes, revealing his closed eyes as he held onto my hands.

"You don't know how much I've missed that. Your hands in my hair. It wasn't the same doing it myself. I felt like was posing for muscle beach or something."

I couldn't help but laugh as I took him towards the bed with clammy hands guiding him the way.

"So seriously, what are you doing here?" I was lost in his eyes again. I noticed that he had changed out of his work uniform of bright colours into an Alice in Chains T-shirt and frayed jeans. His boots were worn at the souls and were covered in "Peace protest" badges. I loved the way he looked so much. I had to contain myself not to pounce on him

"Cute pj's, very seductive", as he started to trace his finger around the suns and the moons I felt a tingling sensation in my chest. From the tumour or his touch, I really didn't know.

"Why, thank you. I picked them out just for you. I had a feeling you were coming over and I just wanted to excite you that little bit extra", a smile was starting to stretch on my face.

"Kat, no matter what you may think of me, I still love you. Love is such a strong and over-used word these days. I'm still quite confused about it myself, but I know whatever it is, I share it with you. At least, I hope we still do." His hand had stopped tracing my pyjamas and had begun to fiddle with the badges on his boots, which I wish he would take off since we were in my bedroom, but I didn't want to ruin the moment.

Without really thinking I tilted my head towards his neck and allowed his chin to cover my head. I took his hand and we swayed together as his hand moved across the back of my waist. This reminded me so much of Prom. We danced to my favourite band and he held me like there was nothing else in the world, until Joey came and ruined it all; although I did need to hear the truth.

I moved away from him to turn on my stereo and put on the song that we danced to at Prom. Immediately he smiled and said

"I called in a favour" he remembered.

I fleeted to his side and we danced together and until the moon glowed in the night sky. I was happy again. Like a huge hole had been filled with everything that I had been missing. I felt like me again.

As the music came to an end Patrick looked at me intently and held my head in his hands.

"I have to go now, but I promise you on my love, that I'll be back tomorrow".

The hole was slowly creeping back again. He started to move towards my window and before he put his leg up to climb out, I caught him by the wrist and made him face me as he stumbled.

"Please don't go. It only just feels like you got here. I know that this may sound insane, but stay the night. I don't want us to do anything, so don't get your hopes up. I just need to be able to roll over and reach out, knowing that you are there".

He looked at me for what seemed like a life time and then nodded his head and walked over to my bed. He gestured for me to sit next to him and I followed behind him and launched myself on the bed, jostling him in the process. As this point, my chest began to burn and so I sat up clasping my shirt breathing deeply in and out. Patrick began to worry and wrapped his arms around me and told me to copy him as he elongated his breaths until finally I was able to calm down.

"Thank you. That helped a lot".

"What are friends for? I mean boyfriends". He started to feel self-conscious and I re-assured him by kissing him on the cheek. How I missed doing that.

I tucked myself under the duvet as he lay on top of them whilst his arm was around my head. We both layed there whispering to each other and talking until our eyes became droopy and we both fell asleep.

Patrick Point of View
Tonight I felt so relieved. It was like everything I had taken for granted, showed right up in my face and I realised what I had to do. I had always loved Kat. And I knew that, but she didn't. As soon as my shift was over I practically ran straight home and grabbed the cleanest thing I could find. I'm not one for looks but when you're about to plead your heart to your soul mate, you have to look at least somewhat presentable. My hair was in straggly knots as usual but I knew she liked it that way. I missed her hands rustling through it. I missed her breath and she leaned in to whisper something only the stars could hear. I missed her.
I hopped back in my car going over the speed limit bye like thirty miles. I didn't care. The fine I would get would be nothing compared to the price of my love for Kat. I reached her house in no time and tried to think of the most romantic yet non clichéd way of entering. I decided upon the stone to the window. Very Rapunzel yet it had sentimental value. She screamed at me thinking it was Joey and I was so confused. Did she love Joey now? I think she'd have to be on every medication in the world for that to happen.

That evening I talked to her. Not as her boyfriend. Not as a desperate guy. But just as Patrick. My feelings, my thoughts. And she listened. She didn't have to say anything; I just knew. And in those moments of silence I knew that we were destined. I didn't care if I wasn't macho anymore or that people would think me less of a man. I still have feelings. Feelings for someone very important in my life. It was only ever her.

As we lay in her bed, holding each other. It made me think; would I ever truly get to be with her. You know what I mean. "Real Love" or so young, desperate teenagers put it. I want to but at the same time, it feels wrong to do this to her. I'm so confused. I just want to be happy. But how can I? Pretty soon, she's going to be gone and then what do I do? The earth is nothing without a Star. I'm nothing without her. I don't want to dwell on it that much and so I hold her hand trying to grasp every fragment of her to my memory. After all, that will be all I have left.