Last chapter! The end of three days' furious typing, exasperation, and projectiles hurled at the aforementioned demon brother.

Disclaimer: They're doing it on purpose. They know how much it hurts me to admit that I DON'T OWN ARTEMIS FOWL! Well, I hope they're happy.

Thanks for ploughing through my witterings and reading - Slania x

Nothing Is Ever Simple

Chapter Three: A Magnet for Trouble – Both Kinds

Holly stirred in the early morning light. She felt so warm, comfortable…and remembered the pale, wiry arm around her naked waist. Oh. That.

The plan had been visit the Mud Boy, make sure he wasn't being naughty, and go home. At least until she had ignored the plan, ripped it up, set fire to the pieces and stamped on the ashes. And then thrown them into a nuclear reactor. Kelp is going to kill me…but Holly didn't care about Trouble. Instead she turned over and pressed herself closer to Artemis' surprisingly muscular chest. Thank you, Butler. Now I'm not hugging a toast rack.

She glanced at his bed. Under the pillow there was a CD. How quaint.

"It's Evocation I, by Eluveitie. Well, Holly?" Artemis' voice was soft, and brought the sensations of the night back to her…suppressing a shiver, she looked up into his bright, alert eyes.

"What's with the CD?"

His face studied hers for a moment. "It helps me sleep, when I'm restless." When I think of you.

"I didn't think that you would listen to –"

"I'm not who I was. Not so…snobbish. To return to my previous question; well, Holly?"

"Well, what?"

"Am I in trouble?" His tone was teasing. How could she be angry, even if she'd wanted to be?

"No…but this is going to complicate everything."

"Yes; I can't imagine Commander Kelp will be pleased."

"Right now, I couldn't care less about him." Holly wasn't completely surprised to find that she meant it. "It's just…who we are, what we do. How can we do this?"

"We'll work it out." Artemis kissed the top of her head. "Holly, last night, I noticed…your ears; they aren't so –"

Holly sighed; at least now she had someone to really talk to. "I know; my height as well. It's as though I've become half-human."

The concern on his face touched Holly deeply. "Do you still have your magic, and fairy gifts?"

"Yes; the medics think it's from constantly manipulating time and space with you." She smiled; it hid her own fears. "Your fault, Arty! But after all, we've swapped eyes; we might have done the same with our actual characteristics."

Artemis nodded and with his free hand, he pushed his own hair back from his ear. "Look, Holly." She gasped; it had tapered into a small point like hers. In conjunction with the rest of his face, she could see that his features were not so…human as they had been. In fact, she could see the shadow of an elf in his countenance. "From an early age, I predicted my height to be around 5'10". However my growth rate slowed after we rescued the demons, and it did so further after returning Jayjay, and I am now 3 inches shorter than my previous calculations supported." He shrugged. "The theory makes sense."

Holly yawned and sat up. Artemis followed. "Did I meet your expectations, Major? Was I acceptable?"

She looked at him, slightly confused. "The People frown on…this…before marriage."

He seemed surprised. "So you've never -? Well, that makes two of us."

Holly smiled; she couldn't help leaning up to kiss him.

As she pulled away, she saw the clock on his bedside table. "D'Arvit!"

"Holly?"

"I was meant to go back yesterday – I mean I knew I was late, but not that – oh, Frond!" she leapt out of bed, almost pulling Artemis with her, grabbed her clothing from the floor and with hasty, staccato movements, began to dress.

"Calm down, here…" his cool hands did compose her slightly as her lover, and best friend, helped her dress.

-o-

Police Plaza, Haven

"Well, at least we know the Mud Man didn't kill her," growled Trouble as he watched Holly's vitals appear back on screen, coordinated with her jumpsuit. "I'll do that myself…"

Apart from a slightly accelerated heart and breathing rate, the Major seemed fine. Foaly breathed a small sigh of relief, tempered by his exasperation at having to stay in the Ops booth all night with his homicidal commander. "She'll never live this one down – oh! Here she comes now!"

-o-

Fowl Manor, Dublin

The library door slammed open as Holly sprinted through the shelves, closely followed by Artemis whose bathrobe flapped comically round his ankles. But Holly could find little humour in the situation. Locating her helmet in the corner where she'd left it, the elf jammed it hastily on her head – and winced:

"SHORT! Get to the fairy fort NOW. Bring the Mud Man with you; he's getting a trip to the holding cells!" The communicator cut out abruptly as Trouble slammed it onto his desk.

Great, he's probably blown the comms in the helmet – and Holly's now had to be custom made. "Did you get that, Arty?" The Mud Man in question nodded tersely, and without a word he quickly returned to his room to change.

Holly walked quickly into the Manor's imposing entrance hall. She found her path blocked by a certain bodyguard; before she could even attempt to think of a cover story, Butler spoke: "I know exactly what went on last night, Holly. And I know what's going to happen now. Spare me the details and I'll give you and Artemis a lift." His smile was slightly vexed, but it was there.

"Thanks, Butler."

-o-

Police Plaza, Haven, 3 hours later

Since arriving at the fairy fort, Holly and Artemis had felt like criminals. Hustled into a small LEP shuttle with its taciturn pilot, pulled out of the shuttle as soon as it docked, taken with a police escort to Police Plaza, and put in separate interrogation rooms; it was enough to tire out any girl, she thought to herself. Holly hoped that Artemis was alright; she was surprised to find that she missed him.

The door opened behind her; Trouble and Foaly walked into her line of sight. Both were solemn.

"Major Holly Short, eighty-eight years old?"

"Sir." She noticed that Foaly was uncharacteristically silent.

Trouble's tough guy demeanour dropped. "Holly, the cameras and mics are turned off. Why did you do what you did?"

It was a question that Holly knew the answer to. "Trouble – I love him. I have for years, and it was bound to get me some time or other."

Her date didn't look angry; just beaten. He didn't tell her that Artemis had given him an identical answer. "He's a Mud Man. He kidnapped you. He stole fairy technology. Lied to us –"

"And he's saved us, abided by us, sacrificed so much for us. He's not the child he was, Trouble, he's a man – and no ordinary man."

"And what about your jobs, lives? You can't be with him, Holly. And then he'll die, in sixty years or so, and you'll be alone again."

Holly closed her eyes. Trouble's words, spoken without malice, were like gall in her heart. So she played her ace: "His adventures with us have changed him. Both of us. I request for us to be medically and magically examined."

Trouble's face was grim. "I thought you might."

-o-

An hour or so later

"Artemis!" He turned, stooping in the fairy-sized corridor. He smiled as Holly gave him a tight hug.

"They've done your tests, too?"

She was suddenly solemn. "Yes. We're supposed to wait in here for their verdict." And, taking hands, the couple walked into the office on their right.

"D'Arvit! Why do they make them so small?"

-o-

"Well," N°1 handed the findings to Foaly. "This isn't what we expected."

He nodded. "We'd best tell them now."

-o-

Foaly and N°1 were silent as they entered the office. Holly and Artemis were sat on the couch, hands clasped. They studied the centaur's face for a hint, and Artemis tapped the back of Holly's hand twenty times. "Well?"

Foaly decided to get on with it. "You were right; travelling with no experience in two timestreams has, um, scrambled your DNA." The two exchanged nervous glances. "Holly, you have finished mutating physically. But you are almost out of magic. For the past year or so you've been dependent on our demon warlock here and his boosts to uphold your magic levels at average." She gasped; Artemis put his arm around her. N°1 shifted uncomfortably. "You still have the capacity for fairy magic, but you are producing very little of it yourself." She turned her face to Artemis' chest.

Foaly continued: "Artemis, you are also finished; your body will change no more. But you have a surprising amount of unlocked magic in you." Artemis' head snapped up from Holly's. "Unfortunately, it's all being used to give you a fairy lifespan."

"What?"

"It's not enough on its own." Foaly was unsure how to continue. "Artemis; your dabbling with magic has meant that you have directed most of the magic gifted to you by Holly in the timestream on fairy longevity. But if you can get magic from no other source, this will falter in a short number of years, and you will die without it." Foaly could see that Artemis was making the connections.

Holly wasn't too far behind either. "The healing yesterday, from the thieves – extra sparks –"

"Additional magic was transferred?" Holly nodded eagerly. "Yes, that will have gone to upholding his existence. Did this happen at any other time?"

Both looked embarrassed.

"Sparks flew, eh?" mumbled N°1. "Heh heh. Heh." His tail drooped.

"Well anyway," Foaly hurried on, "if you continue to associate with Holly's magic, your lifespan will be the same as hers. You will age and eventually die together."

They nodded slowly. Holly was first to speak. "So as long as I see Arty regularly, and know that magic has transferred, he will live as long as I do?"

Foaly smiled as he confirmed it. "Exactly –"

"Yes!" Artemis shouted with more emotion than Foaly had ever known him to have, and Holly kissed him passionately. After they broke apart, he stuttered "Thank you, Foaly – N°1 –" The Mud Man was actually speechless!

"I'll need another boost, N°1!" was all that they heard from Holly…

-o-

Some days later…

"So," asked Foaly casually, "When do you see lovely Arty again?"

Holly had had the same grin on her face for about 30 hours now, since the genius had left Haven. She didn't even notice his sarcasm, unusually, as she replied, "I'm cleared every Friday or Saturday night, depending when I'm on duty."

He couldn't conceal his smile. "Trouble's alright with it, you know. I think he's always known."

Holly finished the thought. "It's just his pride; beaten by Arty, he'll never live it down…"

Now the centaur couldn't resist. "Arty?" he questioned acidly. "Are you going to call him that when you two are on Canto? When you battle psycho pixies and overeager Irish biographers? Because you two are a magnet for trouble, and you're getting complacent. Some police officer you are –"

Unfortunately, Foaly had forgotten to take his bracer guns from the Major. "Don't point those at me, Holly – ouch!"

Holly sighed happily. She was doing the job she loved, she was causing Foaly pain, and she had a millennium to spend with Artemis Fowl. Life was better than ever.

-End-

Well? What's your verdict? Tell me if you like it, hate it, hate me; as long as you review, I don't care! Well, maybe a little bit. ;)

The CD is real, it's the band's beautiful acoustic album. I listen to it on my iPod when I can't sleep. But not because I'm thinking of Holly.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, favouriting, and sticking with the story- if you have. Again, I'm writing this before everything's been published. If you have, yay! And thanks.

If you haven't, fine. Stuff you. I'll just, um, get councilling for my clearly massively inflated ego.

Thanks to big bro again, and to Indica, whose song "In Passing" gave me the kick up the arse I needed to get this story finished. And to you XD

See you around,

Slania. (wow, I have gushed. Ah well.)

PS. Someone who asked about TAC ending in a review (terribly sorry, I've lost your name), the last sentence in the book between Holly and Artemis is from Artemis saying, "I hear you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac anytime soon?" It then goes to a conversation between Butler and Angeline Fowl before the ending. At least in the UK version. And don't ask about the bivouacs. I'm sick of the bivouacs.

Thanks for your question!