Next chapter up! Thanks for waiting!
I don't own Avatar, or Man Vs Wild, but me, bob, katt [partly, as my sister did most of the work so give her some credit] and my version of eywa are mine!
Adventus: Hello again to another episode of Pandoran Truth or Dare!
Katt: [looks up from her water bowl] We aren't running a TV show..
Adventus: Perhaps, but I still broadcast it world wide! On with the dares!
LaTeNiGhTaLuMnI
*Jake has to live off of the land for one day without Neytiri (Good Luck Jake!)
*Neytiri and Tsu'Tey have to make out while Jake watches
*Three words: "Na'vi Rave Party"
*One Question: "Is Neytiri ticklish?"
Neytiri: [about to say something]
Jake: Yeah! Neytiri's ticklish! Everyone knows! [starts chasing Neytiri with a feather]
Neytiri: [laughing hysterically]
Adventus: Fangirl nonsense aside, Neytiri has to make out with Tsu'tey while jake watches!
Neytiri: [shivers] Ewwwww…
Tsu'tey: In you face Jakesully! Bahahahahah!
10 seconds of filthy crap from hell later!
Jake: [shaking and having a seizure]
Katt: [pokes him] I think he's dead!
Adventus: Hmmm, too bad. [teleports jake into the rainforest]
Wainfleet: Rave party? Awesome!!!
AMP dudes: [pull out all these speakers, lasers, and food] Yeah! Get some!
Wainfleet: Yeah, I'll be the DJ bro! [gets an AMP sized turntable]
Tsu'tey: Kava for everyone!
Eytukan: Mine! [drinks a whole bowl of kava]
Quaritch: [looks at Na'vis] I challenge you blue monkey scum to a drinking contest!
Eytukan: Agreed! [falls over and snores]
Tsu'tey: We'll see about that Tawtute! [chugs a bowl of kava]
Quaritch: Pfft. Amateur. [drinks a keg of beer]
Meanwhile in the forest…
Jake: Hmm, how am I going to get out of this? Stupid adventus… [missile explodes near him]
Jake: Fine, I take it back! I should probably get a vantage point.. [climbs up a tree]
Trudy: ..And if you look to your right you should see a Na'vi up a tree.
Dude: [shoots at jake] Yeah! You just got some bro!
Jake: [falls off a tree, and sees a figure in the distance] Who's that..?
Bear Grylls: [pops up] I'm Bear Grylls!
Jake: Whoa! [falls backwards]
Bear Grylls: I'm going to tell you how to survive in the wilderness! Let's start by foraging some food…
Jake: Right… where?
Bear Grylls: [gets up from pooping in a bush] Well, I can see an avocado tree up there! [points to a floating mountain]
Jake: [surprised look] An avocado tree? On Pandora? I must be dreaming…
Bear Grylls: [unconsciously pulls on avocado out of his pants] You're not dreaming. Now, since this avocado is covered in smelly bacteria.. [farts] ..we have to disinfect it with mayonnaise!
Jake: Uhh, okay. [takes mayo bottle from bear and puts it on avocado]
Bear Grylls: [eats an avocado] Well?
Jake: Owww, stomach pains.. [clutches his stomach in agony]
Bear Grylls: Oh, that mayonnaise is expired. Now on to water.. [walks up to the bush]
Jake: My stomach! This is all your fault!
Bear Grylls: Nah, wasn't as good as how Neytiri says it. [picks up his poop from earlier] Now what you can do, is drink the liquid from a fresh animal dung..
Jake: Oh nooooo…
Meanwhile in the hometree..
Tsu'tey: [sits with quaritch] Ah… I can hardly see the forest from all this kava…
Quaritch: [nudges him] Haven't got lost in the woods have you?
Piral: You're both soft! [drinks the rest of the kava pot and sits in it]
Quaritch: A woman.. [coughs] ..winning a drinking contest? That's blasphemous!
Piral: You're just jealous because you didn't do it!
Quaritch: True..
Wainfleet: Come on, brothers! Let's get this party started! [throws a burning keg on the hometree]
Hometree: [goes up in flames]
Parker: [looks up, barely missing a falling log] You see that?
Hometree: [burns down]
Tsu'tey: [stumbles around] Oh well, at least the kavas still here. [looks in the pot] Ahhhhhh! Thanator, Thanator!
Piral: [sitting in the pot] Tsu'tey, shut up.
Adventus: [teleports everyone back] So, how was it?
Bear Grylls: Excellent! We ate poo, fought a giant crocodile, and I sacrificed Jake to King Kong a few minutes ago! He didn't like the offer..
Adventus: [laughs] Interesting. I always pictured Jake that way..
Wainfleet: Yeah! It's 'cos he hasn't got any!
Everyone: [laughs]
Adventus: Hmm, what about the party?
Eywa: [comes down from the clouds] They destroyed my damn hometree!
Moat: I know.. but would you look at this warbonnet fern! [stuffs it in a bong and smokes]
Adventus Ahh, Excellent! I knew something bad would happen! Great job Wainfleet! [pats wainfleet on the back] Say hello to new characters Eywa, and Bear Grylls!
Eywa: [pulls out a weird pandoran fruit] I come in peace, and possibly other things…
Bear Grylls: [takes the fruit and bites into it] Thanks!
Adventus: Next dare!
Jack The Reaper
Just as Katt is about to pull out Jack's next dare from somewhere on her person, a large ball of shadow suddenly materializes from nowhere. A loud "SLURP!" sound later, a relatively tall man pops up where the shadowball once was. Roughly 1,90 tall, with short black hair and a neatly trimmed goatee on his chin, the man is clad in a nice black suit with a green shirt and gray tie, with a long trenchcoat over it, coupled with a fedora on his head.
"Mornin'! The name's Jack "The Reaper" Smith. I figured I'd come here in person, just for fun. And, if I may, I'll stay here too." The person, apparantly Jack, said, before smiling. To everyones suprise, the smiles showed off a pair of vicious fangs, which somewhat ruined the calming effect the smile was indendet to induce.
"Ehm... Jack? You have fangs." Katt said, not entirely sure whether to smile or not, since the fangs meant Jack was somewhat simalar to her, yet they were potentially incredibly creepy.
"Yeah? Oh, woops, forgot to mention that. I'm a vampire. Not the sparkly-pants kind, thankfully. That's not a problem, is it?"
"Ehm... Probably not...?" Adventus replied, not entirely convinced.
"Oh well. Now that I'm here, I have a dare for you," Jack said, suddenly grinning rather evily. "I dare you Adventus, to lay off from Katt!"
Adventus: Oh, you bitch. You've been planning this haven't you?
Jack The Reaper: [nods and smiles again]
Adventus: Well, I'm sorry to say, but I cant comply with that dare. [has to grab katt from her running over to jack]
Katt: [keeps meowing with big eyes]
Adventus: Well, uhh nice suit, but I can't comply with that!
Neytiri: Wait a minute, that means..
Jake: ..We can choose a dare for him!
Adventus: [puts his head in his hands] Shit.
Jack The Reaper: It has to be related to my dare somehow. Or I'll come at you like a buzzard!
Quaritch: Oooo, I'm scared! [turns] Make him go with someone else!
Bear Grylls: And I think I know who.. [turns to eywa] Today you become an honoury member of the game!
Everyone else: [turn to eywa]
Eywa: [looks around and smiles] Ehm.. what?
Jake: You have one objective.
Quaritch: [points to adventus] Go with him.
Eywa: Oh. [waves to adventus]
Adventus: [face palms]
20 minutes of godly despicable crap from hell later!
Adventus: [clings onto the desk] Next dare!
Pali Makto
That's the best chapter so far, keep it up.
Okay so dares:
Grace should tie Parker to a chair and tell him about the connection that the trees have with Pandora to ** Parker off.
Make Jake have another epic battle with Quaritch.
To cap it off: Bob and Katt should have lunch together while all this is going on in the background.
Adventus: Thanks for the compliment. [ties parker to a chair]
Grace: [walks up to parker] You see Parker, the trees on Pandora…
Adventus: Meanwhile, Katt and Bob are welcome to a picnic!
Katt: Wow! Do they have fish?
Adventus: Not sure.
Bob: Slinger?
Adventus: They do have slingers and strawberries though!
Katt: Strawberries? Where, Where?
Adventus: Over there [points to a hill]
Katt and Bob: [race to the hill]
4 hours of boring lectures from grace later!
Parker: [snoring, wakes up] You know, grace, I used to think I enjoyed our little talks, but personally I'd rather play golf. [looks around] Where's my putter?
Adventus: Predictable. Jake needs to fight Quaritch!
Quaritch: [shoots at jake]
Jake: [rolls over and grabs quaritch's weapon]
Quaritch: [swipes at jake]
Jake: [runs up the AMP suit arm and holds the blade above his head, ready to jump]
Quaritch: Hah! I learned from this! [presses the eject button]
Jake: [the canopy flies off and smashes jake backwards]
Adventus: And Jake is dead! Great job!
Katt: [comes back] Me and Bob saw the fight! Jake must be a moron! I knew it!
Bob: [nods and rolls over]
Parker: [kicks jake on his back] Jake?
Jake: …Yeah?
Parker: You're fired! [walks off]
Adventus: Next dare!
Pandora Nuker
This story is, while extremely random, the funniest thing invented on to my knowledge. I have to say, it gets 4.5 stars (I had to nick a half-point cause this story certainly is on the borderline of story and not story). Now on to the dares:
Colonel Quaritch may be given the opportunity to destroy the Tree of Souls, but he has to completely rip it apart in an unarmed AMP in one minute or else he must worship Eywa for one hour straight.
Parker Selfridge may get one billion tons of unobtainium and no Na'vi interference on mining if he can survive in the Pandoran jungle for one day.
Lyle Wainfleet mentioned in an earlier chapter about hunting Hammerheads for breakfast. If this is true, then he must go in the jungle in his AMP suit, hunt down a Hammerhead, and eat all edible parts of it in one hour.
And finally, have Quaritch solve a Rubiks cube.
Thanks for dedicating your story to a true piece of comedy!
Adventus: And thanks for reviewing! Much appreciated.
Quaritch: But.. Katt destroyed the tree of souls in an earlier chapter!
Adventus: Precisely! NOW WORSHIP EYWA!
Eywa: Yay! More mindless servants! [looks at the na'vis] No offence guys…
Quaritch: Stuff you! [pulls out a cross]
Eywa: AHHHHHHHH!
Adventus: Quaritch! Solve this rubiks cube! [throws a rubiks cube at quaritch]
Quaritch: [hits him in the head] ..Fine.
Adventus: Parker! [teleports parker away] Survive in the jungle!
Parker: Where's my goddamn carrot!?
Adventus: And Wainfleet! Eat that hammerhead. [points to a hammerhead walking around in the mansion]
Wainfleet: No problem bro! [tackles the hammerhead] ..Got it! [holds up a leg]
Adventus: Now, you have to eat all of that!
Wainfleet: Oh, easy!
25 hours later!
Wainfleet: Owwww… I don't want to ever see another hammerhead again!
Adventus: [looks around] Where's Parker?
Eywa: [holds up his head with a shy smile] Well, I kind of got hungry..
Adventus: Excellent! That means we can torture Wainfleet and Parker in the next round! Good job! [pats eywa on the head]
Eywa: [goes blue] Uh.. thanks!
Jack The Reaper: I can tell where this is going…
Adventus: Silence fool! And Quaritch still hasn't finished!
Quaritch: [throws the rubiks cube on the ground] I can't do it! Baaaaaahhhhh! [shoots the rubiks cube with a machine gun]
Bear Grylls: What a waste. [eats the remains of the rubiks cube] You have to be opportunistic like me!
Adventus: Right… Now go back to your living quarters and go to sleep! NOW!
Everyone else: [runs off]
Adventus: Now… [turns] Katt, murder someone in their sleep. I want a conspiracy!
Katt: Ok, but I want some fish when I get back.
Adventus: [turns] …..Fine.
Done! Yay! Now i'm even more happy after my success with my english assessment!
Bear Grylls is from the british show Man Vs Wild, and he goes to other places, eating crap, walking through crap, and eventually escaping the crap which he calls elephant dung.
It's normally on moday here in aus. Look it up on wikipedia.
My version of Eywa is white, with white hair and black stripes. With black leather double loincloth and covering [like Neytiri's in the battle of the tree of souls]
Thanks for reading, and please review!