Chapter Four: "I'm not Normal"

Song: "Now and Forever" by Richard Marx (LISTEN to the song and tell me that isn't adorably sad)

FORWARDING A/N:

*Forewarning: A little more cursing in this chapter than what I've done so far.

*I do not own any of the characters names. SM does. I simply suffer from a lackadaisical need to be descriptive and use big words.

*Thank you all for the reviews so far! You are amazing and I read them all.

*We being me and my Beta, Juli, TRY to get all the punctuation settled. However, you may find SOME grammatical and punctuation flaws. We apologize in advance.

-*-Bella-*-

Whenever Im weary
From the battles that raged in my head
You made sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way, but still you
Seem to understand
Now & forever,
I will be your man

The strong hand dropped from my shoulder. I gasped and stepped back.

Finally, I could see who it was who was following me. My hand flew to my heart in a gesture of pure relief, and it was then that I heard the small sigh that escaped from the person that stood illuminated by the moons rays.

Edward.

"I'm sorry. I scared you again," Edward said, pressing his fingers against his forehead. "But you shouldn't be walking home in the dark,awake or asleep," he finished, dropping his fingers and finding my eyes with his own. "I keep telling you it's not safe out here alone."

"I don't have a choice," I said, watching as he walked past me. I had to jog to keep pace as we both walked on in the lighted shafts of the road. "I have to."

"No, you don't," he countered. "I can meet you at the edge of town and walk you home," he stated, kicking a small pine acorn top across the road. He looked sideways at me with his eyes. "I'm kind of old fashioned in that way."

I smiled and nodded. "So I see. Well, if it's not too much trouble for you…" I trailed off, looking at him now. He smiled, his hand came up and I felt the warmth of it touch my wrist as his fingers clasped over it.

"Trust me, it's no problem, Bella," he said, pulling me to a stop, "You are the last person on this planet that would cause me trouble," he took his free hand and brushed my cheek with his fingers and then let my wrist free of his grip and walked on, leaving me a little stunned. I shook my head and then caught up to him. My cheeks were emanating heat that could melt an iceberg. That simple touch of his hand left my cheeks burning. What did that mean?

We were silent for a moment, just the sound of our pattering feet walking along. My thoughts were jumbled, and confused. He seemed to be waiting for me to show some sort of affection as he had, with the same sort of affection, brushing my cheek with his fingers. For me, it was not simply something I could do without thought. I was attracted to him, this was a given, but I simply could not rely on that alone. I had to, internally, in my heart feel connected to him on another level. I just wasn't there yet. But I was getting there each time I looked at his eyes, his smile or felt his sadness and studious pain in his voice. By the way his hands felt on my cheeks, I'm pretty sure that I'm not far from that deep feeling. Although, it seems to want to surface slowly.

"Tell me something," he said, slowing his pace waiting for me to catch up to him, "How can you trust people so completely?" he turned to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say me, for example," Edward replied slowly, "You trust me, do you not?" he asked, completely serious. I could not understand why he'd want to ask something like this.

Struck dumb by his sudden question, I shrugged. "Why wouldn't I? You're keeping the fact that I am in your orchard every night a secret. Should I not trust you?" I laughed at the ridiculousness of that.

"And it doesn't bother you that you know nothing of me really?" he began, his voice lowering just slightly, but enough for me to catch it, "The night before last, you had no idea who I was or that I even existed…" he let that hang in the air as I struggled internally to process that in my mind.

"What are you getting at, Edward? I mean, are you telling me I shouldn't trust you? Is that what you are trying to tell me?" I asked, my voice rising slightly with confusion. And truthfully, I was confounded.

"What if I told you there is something about me? Something that isn't normal?" He said, stopping his walking and turning to me, making me pause in my tracks.

"Your nightmares... I get that, Edward. That's—"

"Not that. Not the nightmares. Something else," he pressed, bringing his hand up to mess with the carving he gave me as he spoke. "Something that might make you….well, I don't know, but it won't make you want to stay with me," he finished, releasing the carving and looking profoundly into my eyes, which by now, were as big as shimmering diamonds in the sun. He started walking along the darkened road once more and I followed.

I was confused at his words, though. Something that would make me leave him? Really? That was unfathomable. There was no way I would ever leave him, no matter what he considered to be 'not normal'.

"I want to show you something," he said, "Tonight when I wake you up. Before you leave, I need to show you something… on one condition," he said, his voice only a mere whisper in the chilly wind of winter.

Without hesitation, I responded, almost hypnotic from his voice, "Yes. Anything."

"You promise not to leave me. Promise me that when I show you my…abnormality—," he said the word as if it was a catchable disease, "—you won't run for the nearest path and never come back," he stared deep into my eyes seeming to look and search for answers he wanted, "I mean awake, of course," he added. He knew I had no choice while I was asleep. But when I was awake… I could leave him of my own free will.

"But—" I started to reply. The condition baffled me. Was it really that bad that he thought I would never come back in a conscious state?

"No 'buts', Isabella," he interrupted, "Promise me, or you will go on knowing the mask I put on for you," he said, acidly. It wasn't like before, now he cut across me, his voice was harsh and no longer a whisper. "I don't want you to agree to this if you don't want to. I'm giving you a choice, Bella."

"Alright…I promise then," I said softly, my voice then fading into silence.

"Good." He smiled, for the first time tonight, "Tonight then," he concluded. he smiled for the first time in a while. When he turned to me, his eyes were a little more lit then a moment ago. "Incidentally, while I am on the subject, I have something for you."

"What is it?" I asked, curiously, I looked looking over to see him watching me.

He laughed, shaking his head slightly with his eyes closed and his laughter fading, he sighed before answering.

He sighed, softly, "I will wait, though…" he looked to me, apprehensively, "Until I know you will stay with me," he finished, answered reopening his eyes as the sad smile he was wearing slowly faded fading into a thin line upon his handsome face. "Let that be an incentive to."

That was the last word spoken as we came upon Eden, now in full darkness. We were in silence, as he walked me into the edge of Eden.

When I told him that I could walk the rest of the way, he said nothing. We said goodbye to each other then, him with his thoughts, and me with my own. The last bit of him I saw before the darkness surrounded him… was his eyes. I wonder what he was thinking then, because they were cloudy. The way the sparkle from his eyes were gone was worrisome. I know that he has his secrets, but it worries me that it might be hurting him more than I can help. I want to take the sadness from his eyes, away. I wish that I could. And with a last wave, I was gone; swallowed whole by the piercing darkness.

-*-Edward-*-

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
Im holding a fortune
That heaven has given to me
Ill try to show you
Each and every way I can
Now & forever,
I will be your man


I watched the darkness completely take her before I turned and walked back the way I had come. I silently cursed myself for the revelations I promised to divulge to her tonight. It was a risk. One that if I revealed to anyone, could put my family or me in danger… and that was the last thing I needed. My instincts told me that she would understand; be reasonable. My fear was that she might be scared away by its oddness…its mystery. But I made the decision while discreetly replacing Rosalie's clothing, that I would tell her. The further along I dragged my lies behind me, the more she would pull away from me when she would finally found out did know the truth.

I walked back to the orchard, cutting across the grass and through the trees. It was silent as I reached the old brick house at the edge of the orchard. I bounced up the stairs and opened the front door, stepping inside and shutting it tight behind me. I moved past the darkened hallway, grabbing the white backpack off the bench beside the kitchen table. I went to the fridge and sat the backpack it on the counter beside it. I opened the door of the fridge and got out contents to make two sandwiches. Fixing them with concentration, I placed them in plastic zipper bags that were already on the counter and placed them carefully in the backpack. Then I returned to the refrigerator, and pulled out two very red, very sweet apples. I shoved them into the backpack and zipped it back up. I walked back over to the bench and placed it where I had gotten it. I would take this with me tonight, to the clearing.

I was walking back toward the front door to grab the afghan off the couch when I hear the faint call of my name. Unsure if I had actually heard it, I stopped. Again the call of my name came. Leaving the afghan forgotten, I walked back over to the basement door that stood to the right of the kitchen. Usually, the door was closed and locked, allowing access to no one.

"Edward, come here," the voice commanded. It was quiet, and seemingly calm. Although, I know otherwise. His voice was not kind or full of love; instead, it was full of malice and impatience. "Now, boy!" he retorted when I made no movement.

I opened the door a little more and slipped inside the dark, dank basement. Descending the stairs, I could hear clicking and clatters from the giant room at the bottom. My shoes no sooner hit the concrete floor then I heard his groan.

"Get in here, now," he demanded, impatient at my speed. I walked past the many bottles and vials and tubes that interconnected to test tubes. The smell was putrid and acidic. The heaviness in the air was so strong, that I gasped.

"What is it, Father?" I asked when I saw him hunched over the table, his back facing toward me. I would normally call him Carlisle, because he was not any real father to me. But perhaps, in hindsight, it was better not to make him even shrewder towards me.

"Who was that girl you were with this afternoon in the orchard?" he asked, his voice intimidating, not turning to me or recognizing my presence in any other way then verbally. "Well?"

"No one," I answered to quickly, "Just a friend," I said, answered him. "She's just—"

"She's just what, Edward?" he yelled, loudly, "Your friend? Someone you can trust?" he said, acidly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He yelled loudly. "She is nothing but trouble for you, Edward. You have to use your fucking mind! Think about it! There are accidents…things you don't mean to happen!" he threw at me, turning around now so I could see his face. His blond hair was matted with sweat, and his pale features sticking out from the florescent lights that hung above us.

"I won't let anything happen. She is only a friend, Father," I assured him. But, I knew it would not console him. He didn't ever seem to be comforted by my words, anymore. Anything I would say, he would just throw it right back at me, and my guilt would grow, and grow, until I couldn't bare it any longer.

He got up and started to pace in front of the table that he was working at. His head was shaking, his hands were put into fists against his side, and he half-laughed.

"I've tried to protect you, Edward. I have been slaving on my ass here, trying to figure out what I can do to alleviate the nightmares you have, and this is how you repay me?" he questioned, his hands still knotted into fists, "Do you understand the trouble she could cause for us? All the troubles that would happen if she ever found out?" he continued to pace, his breathing becoming more erratic, by each second. "I am only a doctor, not a fucking magician. I have to concoct, subtract, add, concoct some more, just to get a small amount of what it takes to give you what you need!"

"You can't help me with the problem you're worried about!" I spat, "You think I am only concerned about the nightmares? That that it is the only reason I stay awake for days and days, without an ounce of want to sleep? To dream? You think that it's the only thing that keeps me up night, after night?" I challenged, "You can't do anything about this, so why are you trying?" I cried, trying to slow down my erratic breathing. I took a deep breath and shoved my hands into my pockets. I shook my head, as if to clear it, "She is just a goddamn friend, father," I finished, my voice dropping, and my eyes looked down to the hard floor.

He suddenly stopped pacing. He turned, and looked at me. His eyes were almost red with rage. His face was now scarlet red, his hands knotting into fists beside his body, once more. He looked like he was going to explode.

"You couldn't help Rosalie, either! You lay in that hospital with her and you claimed that you wanted to, but you never wanted to help her!" he thundered, "You should be in here, with Rosalie, and not some bitch who you hardly even know! IN MY ORCHARD!" he roared.

I extracted my hands from my pockets hastily. "She is NOT a bitch! And you don't even know what you're talking about! I tried to help her! More than you did! You were too fucking concerned that people would find out that it was you that set the fire!" I exclaimed. His eyes went wide, the slightest bit, "You told people how Rosalie would be fine… how she would recover. But you expected me to do it!" I paused, and controlled my breathing and voice, "You wanted me to. And it kills you that I am still standing here in front of you, and Rosalie is still scarred. What do you think I would give to change it? To—to erase the memories of her lying in the corner burned?" I stuttered, getting angry again, "Of course not,"—I laughed without humor— "because it would always come back to me, wouldn't it? Me; the one who could and can still change it all," I finished, the anger in me resonating through my bones, through my bitter mind.

"Of course I did expect it to be you! What else did you think? She just said no, and that stopped you? You listened to her and you just, poof, decided to never try it again? I am not a fool, Edward." He criticized, looking into my eyes, "You are just a scared, guilty boy. The fire was an accident, and nothing more! You were there in time to get to her, and yet, you just let her burn," he said, turning around to fumble on his table. He picked something up and turned to me, shoving the small paper in my hand. "Remember this?" he asked, his voice harsh and commanding.

I looked at the paper in my hand. It wasn't a paper, but a photo. It was Rosalie; without burning scars on her face. Her blond hair elegantly posed into a style I couldn't remember the name of, the smile on her face was wide, bearing her pearl white teeth. I couldn't help the tears that slide from my sore eyes. He was right that I thought I was guilty. I felt guilty. I was guilty. I let the photo fall from my hands; my eyes watched watching as it fluttered down and hit the cold concrete with a small scraping sound.

"You could have saved her," he whispered softly, the anger no longer there, but his sadness taking control of his voice as he turned back to the table. "Saved her from what she is now."

"If I had done it,"—I whispered almost silently, —"she would have saved me."

I turned and bolted headed for the stairs. But, before I could climb them, his voice came roughly back to me.

"She stays out of the orchard. Don't you dare bring her in there to taint anything else," he ordered, called. "If I see her in there, I will take steps to keep her out."

I did not argue with him. All I wanted to do was I just wanted to just get away from him. I climbed the stairs and shut the door. Pressing my back to it, I let the tears stain my face, silently sobbing, feeling each and every drop fall from my watery eyes. I stood there for a moment or two, trying to regain control, and then returned to the afghan. I picked it up and walked to the bench, lifting the backpack. I opened it, roughly, and stuffed the afghan inside– effectively smashing the sandwiches –, and closed it again slinging it over my shoulder. I slipped out the front door and into the chilly night air, heading for the clearing. His words circulated in my brain;

"She's just what? Your friend? Someone you can trust?"

Feeling my eyes starting to tear, I felt my pocket of my jeans. The hard object that lie at the bottom making things clearer by each passing the second.

My answer?

Undoubtedly.

And, with that, I walked through the trees and disappeared.

-*-Bella-*-

Now I can rest my worries
And always be sure
That I wont be alone, anymore
If I'd only known you were there
All the time,
All this time. . .


I did not regard myself to my usual routine. I did not strip my clothes in favor of my frilly pajamas this time. Instead; I lie on the in bed fully clothed. Even my shoes were still on my feet. It had been hours since I left Edward standing on the road, yet it still felt as if he were beside me. I could still feel his hand clasping over my wrist, the way his fingers brushed along my cheekbones. I hadn't felt this way in years. I actually sprung to my room, and hopped into my warm sheets. I lay my head against the soft cloud of a pillow, the downy inside quivering at my impact, pulled the sheets up to my chin, and closed my eyes. The soft ticking of the clock was the only sound heard in the silence of the room. I counted the ticks in my head as I tried to drift off to sleep. Finally, when the numbers began to grow into the hundreds, I felt my heavy eyelids start to close. But, before I was completely under my unconscious spell, I reached over to my nightstand beside the bed, and grabbed the small gift I had for Edward. I wanted to give him something for the carving. Of course, it wasn't as pretty as the carving, but it was just as cherished; and though it wasn't much, it was something I thought he could use. It had hung on my wall for nearly ten years. I would pay forward its loyalty. It had helped me many times. I only wish it had helped last night, when the strange dream occurred.

I gently hooked the small object onto my belt loop, and turned myself on the mattress so I would not smash it. if I should roll. and I closed my eyes once more. Behind the blackness of my eyes, the possibilities of what Edward would show me tonight flashed in odd, twisted scenes. Some were farfetched, others were practical. It wasn't long before the flashes ceased, my breathing slowed to shallow breaths, that I was gone; no longer awake.

-*-Edward-*-

Until the day the ocean
Doesn't touch the sand
Now & forever
I will be your man

I watched her light in her bedroom switch on as I leaned against a mature, but bare, pine tree that stood in the field cross from her house. I strained to see a shadow, or something that told me it was her, but nothing came. I could almost imagine her undressing; unbuckling her jeans off her thin frame, lifting her shirt over her head. Basked in just her bra and panties until she took them off as well, getting into her pajamas. I could see her breasts even still, from when she wandered into my orchard that first night.

I shook my head, violently, "You goddamn pervert!" I scolded myself quietly, closing my eyes and trying to drown out the images that had invaded my mind. Although, I cannot deny that I liked what I saw floating behind my eyelids, it was still wrong to think like that. She was a friend, like I told my Father.

The light switched off again, distracting me from the thoughts in which I wanted to shake from myself. I turned my head in the direction of where the light had come from. She was in bed now, no doubt. I slunk down onto the ground, sitting Indian style, getting comfortable. I looked back up to her window, where the darkness was still shrouding her room. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small, round object I had been holding in my pocket since this afternoon. I had made it for her, ensuring that all the small details were fundamentally right, and that the carving depicted everything I had seen with my own eyes.

My callused fingers rubbed over each dip in the wood, the curve of the outline and the small necklace that I made with strips of bark plaited and bound tight together. I eyed the small, delicate features of it and smiled. It captured everything and more. The only thing missing was the person to give it to.

It was as if she had heard me. As soon as those thoughts came into my mind, I heard it then. A door in the distance had opened softly, and the slight echo of the screen opening, traveling in the December wind. A moment later, Bella's tiny frame emerged. She looked as if she was simply out for a nightly walk, only she was so stiff and she walked as if she were a zombie. I hastily shoved the carving back into my jeans, and set off from my spot against the pine. I waited until she was a little up the path from me before I came behind her slowly. Without any hesitation or fear of contact with her, I reached out when I was near enough and took her hand. It was still so warm, probably as a result from being wrapped around a blanket, while she lay in bed. While we walked slowly along the deserted, uninhabited night, I stole a look at her in the light of the silver semi-moon hanging in the sky. Her eyes were shut tightly, and her lips were moving, as if she was speaking; only nothing came out. My eyes traveled downward, and I was a little dismayed that she was wearing her clothing from this afternoon, and not the frilly pajamas I've come to secretly love. Her pace was quite fast for being asleep, though it must be easy for her body, since it seems to know the path quite well. Though, we had a long walk ahead of us.

"You look very pretty in the moonlight," I said. As cheesy as that sounded, it was true. Her hair shone a hazy blue, and her face glowed with the moon rays hitting her. "Well, you always look pretty," I added, even though I knew she could not hear me.

My hand remained firmly in hers as we made the way down the road. She shivered in the slightest. She was not wearing a jacket, of course, which bothered me. I had left the backpack with the afghan in it at the clearing. I cursed myself for not bringing at least that along. I looked at her face again.

"Would you find it weird if I talked to you while you sleepwalked?" I laughed at the sheer stupidity of even asking her, since it was obvious that she couldn't hear me in the least. "Of course not," I answered myself and looked at her. The silence dragged on as she walked on, oblivious.

I shifted my eyes forward, searching the shadows for nothing in particular. If anything, I was only building the courage to tell her what I wanted to say. It was all so much easier and unheeded when she wouldn't remember what I've told her when she opened her eyes again.

"So, my sister, Rosalie," I began, "She was in this fire. You know that, though, I told you already," I kicked a rock that was in my path and watched as it skidded to a stop along the ditch on the side of the road. I cleared my suddenly dry throat and moved on.

"When I woke up in the hospital… I looked over, and she was there, only…" I trailed off, my mind automatically playing the memories like highlight reel as if it was truly yesterday. "Her head was covered in white gauze." I paused, clearing my throat, "I could only see half her face," I said, bringing my free hand up to trace half my face in illustration, even though I knew she could not see me. "I remember picking her hand up, but then putting it down when she moaned in pain," my voice faltered; lost all stability. "I—um, went to touch her; to let her know I was there, but… she pulled away from me," I said, stuttering in places, my tears beginning to find their way to the front of my eyes.

I looked over back at her and took my hand— that was not holding hers— and brought it up to trace the pad of my finger down her gentle cheek. She reminded me so much of Rosalie, her humanity and her good nature; her trust of people more than anyone could understand. This was why, with each look and expression upon her face, each word that tumbled from her mouth, each seemingly insignificant thing she would do…I fell I would fall a little more for her. I dropped my finger and started again.

"A few days went by, and Rosalie's bandages were being changed. I caught a glimpse of what…what I had let happen to her. I had begged her, demanded that she let me touch her. But, she wouldn't let me," I whispered, guiding Bella back to the side of the road. I was so into pouring my heart that we had ventured out into the middle of the street.

We were about half a mile away now, the moon rising higher with each passing moment and casting shadows further down the road. I could just make out the tops of the Apple trees in the distance.

"It got to me so much that I would sneak in on her while she was asleep and press my hand to her face, but I would always pull away. She didn't want me to do it, she didn't need me to do it," I said, exhaling deeply.

I fell silent now. I know that I would tell her everything soon enough. For now, I only had to make sure we got to Eden in one, solid piece. But the little I did say was enough to effectively rip out my beating heart. The hurt and pain that went through me was enough to make me remember all the horrid things that I'd seen… the things that I let happen… everything that I tried so very desperately to hide was slowly resurfacing. The pain is unbearable at times, and now, my heart feels like it would wither and fall… if it feels like this now— when Bella is asleep, I wonder what would be the damage I'd make to my heart when I tell her when she awakens. All the images of that, burned into my brain, physically and emotionally scarring my soul. We walked the last half mile in silence, my hand holding hers, and she guiding along, asleep. Every so often, my eyes would drift over to her face, and her sleepy eyes would still be tightly closed.

We had finally come up on reached Eden. I let go of her hand, and watched in sordid fascination as she calmly walked over to the grassy edge and disappeared into the open trees, as if she had been doing this for years. Following her only a short distance behind, I watched as, about halfway in, she stopped, slumped to her knees, and turned over into a fetal position on the broken, cold orchard floor, and remained asleep.

"You look even prettier when you're asleep, here in the orchard. The Eve of my Eden," I said, kneeling beside her. I turned her so that she lay on her back, her beautiful face facing me and the moon overhead. And without a conscious thought in my mind, I bent down and pressed my lips to her soft, full lips.

Her eyes popped open in confusion as she sat up, my lips following her movement; never leaving hers. My eyes closed with the pleasure of feeling and tasting her. She began to understand things, her mind becoming clearer, her eyes falling closed, once more. Her lips were pliable now; moving with mine. Her hand came up and cupped my cheek, and slowly traveled down my neck. She left her hand resting on my shirt at my chest. Slowly, she reached her hand under the collar of my shirt.

It took me a full second to fully comprehend what she was trying to do… she was seeking skin.

My eyes popped open abruptly and I seemed to come back into the present, "NO!" I roared at her, pushing her away roughly, our lips violently separating in the process. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

The only counter response from her was the horror in her eyes…

And the unmistakable fury in mine…

A/N:

Next Chapter, you will find out his gift. Your questions from this chapter will be revealed ;) Thanks for the reviews and alerts! Just wow! I didn't think people would even read this, so thank you kindly.

For my three supporters, in no matter what I do:

*Eva

*Kimmy

*Juli

IFLY! Еден иснт тхе саме њитхоут ѕоу гуѕс. Ит њооулд њитхер анд дие. Тханкс фор алл ѕоур суппорт, хелп, анд лове њитх тхе фанфицтионс. Фуцкинг лове ѕоу!

I also want to take the time to thank my lovely Beta, Juli, who balances a lot of stuff including beta-ing for me. I appreciate it more than you know. You know I love you dearly and you make my story so much more. You are just so amazing and kind and sooo patient, even when I'm not. Love you!

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