"Alright, Evans?"

Oh my Jesus. Why did these things happen to me?

"I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

I couldn't think straight. I had to shut my mouth before I told him about my theory about the hateful heavens having it out for me.

Sirius' words from earlier in the day echoed in my head, "You've won her over, mate." A fresh wave of anger washed over me. I pushed myself off of him and straightened my robes while I cleared my throat. I wasn't going to let him win.

"Ready, Potter?"

He looked a little confused. What had he expected? For me to launch myself at him and start snogging the life out of him the second I saw him?

If he hadn't realized, I had been avoiding him all day.

And I didn't plan on snogging him. At all. Really, I didn't.

"Always am," he said, smiling and gesturing for me to lead the way to the portrait hole.

I admit that I was suspicious. The last time I was lulled into a false sense of security, disaster struck.

And then it continued to strike for the rest of the day.

I caught Sirius Black winking at me out of the corner of my eye just before I went through the portrait hole.

As if he hadn't done enough damage for the day, it caused me to trip, yet again. Only this time Potter wasn't there to break my fall.

Instead, he caught me from behind.

"Whoa, Evans. You sure you're alright?"

NO!

"Yes. I'm fine." I pulled my arm out of his grasp and continued walking like nothing happened.

Oh, to be able to lie again.

It really was nice to know that I could control what would come out of my big mouth. I mean, I know that it is always best to tell the truth, but, honestly, lying does have its advantages.

Mainly, self preservation.

I was so lost in my thoughts of all of the marvelous lies that I could tell, and how I had never truly appreciated the ability to fib, that I didn't notice we had already made it to the third floor.

Or that my brilliant plan from dinner had come back to haunt me.

What was I thinking? Why didn't someone tell me my plan was so…stupid?

Well, they didn't know what my plan was.

But they should have.

Halfway through the third floor charms corridor, it hit me.

Oh, my lord did it ever hit me.

"Alright?"

That was the first thing that either of us had said throughout our rounds. He must have seen the horrified look on my face as I realized I was only about two seconds away from peeing my pants.

No joke.

I didn't dare open my mouth, instead I gave a tight smile, nodded my head and started frantically trying to remember which loo was closer to where we were.

James nodded, but he looked skeptical. I'm sure he thought that I was thinking of ways to kill his mate.

Not that he'd be wrong. If it wasn't for Black, I wouldn't have blurted out that I fancy James Potter, I wouldn't have kept taking a drink of water every time someone tried to get a reaction out of me at dinner, and I certainly wouldn't have nearly peed my seventeen year old pants in the charms corridor.

We turned a corner and it was beckoning to me. It swear, if bathrooms could have halos, this one would.

Except, wait a second. We were on the wrong end of the bloody corridor. This was the boys' bathroom! Oh, how could my day possibly get any worse?

I mean, I had a choice to make.

Ask James to guard the door while I relieved myself.

Pee all over the corridor.

I know. I shouldn't have had to think about that one, but I did. Finally I spoke up.

"Er…James?" I asked. He turned toward me and I think that he looked a little hopeful. Like maybe I was going to ask him to snog me senseless.

"Yeah?"

Oh, bloody hell.

"Will you watch the door? I may pee myself." I'm pretty sure I said it as one word, though.

I watched his eyebrows knitting in confusion as he tried to work out what I said, and I could feel my face redden with embarrassment.

It was one thing to blurt out that you liked a guy, it was another to ask him to stand guard so you could go to the bathroom.

Whatever it was he thought I was going to ask him, that certainly wasn't it. I tried to look at him while I tried to explain my situation. I mean, really, if someone tells you they're going to pee their pants, why ask so many questions?

I took a deep breath. "It's really sort of turning into an emergency."

He still didn't say anything at first. "An emergency? What's an emergency?"

Was he kidding or just dense? What the hell did blokes do in the loo?

I don't really want to know, honest.

"I really, really, need to use the loo. This is the boy's room. Please just stand guard for me. I'd really appreciate it."

Oh, god. If I wasn't too busy trying not to look like a completely lunatic while I walked into the bathroom with my legs practically crossed, I probably would have hugged him right then and there.

And then pissed all over the both of us.

Which is why it's a good thing I choose option A.

In an ideal word, there would be no Sirius Black, or options A or B.

We don't live in an ideal word, however, and while I did my crazy half run, half walk, half undressing in the hallway, I nearly had an aneurism from embarrassment when I heard James say, "Christ, Lily. Maybe you shouldn't have drank so much water at dinner. I think the lake's run dry."

He then proceeded to laugh at me.

Surely, the water we drink couldn't come from that grimy lake? Why was I even thinking about that. Forcing myself to concentrate on the matter at hand, I muttered something along the lines of, "Yeah, well. I turned dinner into a drinking game."

A drinking game? With water? Was my brain on vacation?

James surely had the same thought because he looked at me a little oddly when I returned and asked, "If you intended to get drunk, why did you drink water?"

"Wishful thinking?"

What was I even talking about? I didn't want to get drunk. Although, now that it seemed to be an option, it was looking pretty good.

"I figured I couldn't react to anyone teasing me if I was taking a drink."

"Lots of people teasing you, eh?"

Like you don't know.

He was starting to remind me of Sirius, which, I have to say, was not good for him considering the thoughts that were running through my head through out the conversation. I was running through the halls of Hogwarts with Sirius Black's grinning head on a stick.

It was all very medieval.

I think he could read my mind, because he said, "I'm sorry. About Sirius, I mean. He's a prat."

He's a prat? That's all he had to say about him. I could think of about ten other things to call him.

I just raised my eyebrows. "As if you didn't have anything to do with that brilliant plan."

"No, really. I didn't. I'm not really to happy with him right now."

Lies, all lies!

"Really." I was skeptical. Very, very skeptical. The me in my head waved Sirius' head on a stick at me to keep me from falling for his lies.

"Yes!" he sounded exasperated. "I can't believe you think I would actually do that."

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies!

"And besides. I didn't want to find you that you fancy me in a dungeon full of people snickering when you had that horrified look on your face."

I pretended that I didn't hear him.

"It was pretty funny, really. You're face I mean. You looked like you were waiting for someone to rip a piece of spello-tape off your arm."

"Or to just rip my arm off." I added, and then slapped a hand over my mouth. What happened to my plan to stay silent? Where did that plan go?

It went out the window, that's where.

James laughed at me. "Come on. Don't you think it's a little bit funny?"

NO!

"Maybe I'll be able to laugh about this when I'm old and senile, surrounded by my loving and understanding cats."

"You don't strike me as that type. You might as well mope about for a week, and then go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend and laugh about it then."

No!

Did he drug me? Is that what happened? It felt like an instant replay of my burning humiliation earlier that very day.

Why, heavens, why do you hate me so? I will gaze lovingly up at you for the rest of my life, even when it's raining! And the raindrops are in my eyes and it hurts to keep them open!

Why did I blush? Why did I have to turn as red as a stupid ripe tomato and get all flustered. It was like I was under that stupid potion again. My tongue wouldn't work! It wouldn't say anything! It just flopped around my mouth making me look like a complete and utter moron while my face turned red and my feet shuffled around and my hands practically broke themselves wringing together.

My brain was screaming Just say no! Don't do it! Resist! But my stupid neck had other ideas when it began to nod my head up and down.

My tongue wouldn't work, but apparently, James took my awkward, jerky motions with my head to mean yes. I realized too late that I had just agreed to a date with James Potter.

I also realized too late that he intended to kiss me.

I hate Sirius Black.

Once I kill him, it won't matter that I stupidly agreed to go on a date with James Potter the very day that I was tricked into admitting that I fancy him. It won't matter that I had to ask him to watch the door while I tried not to pee my pants. And in all actually, it won't matter that I allowed him to kiss me and spin me around the corridor.

But, alas, Black is a slippery fellow, and I still haven't quite managed to get my hands on him, or his neck. So here I am over a week later, contemplating this entirely ridiculous situation while I frantically try and find something to wear to Hogsmeade that says, "I fancy you, and I hate your best mate. For our second date, let's kill him."

Second date? Oh, Merlin, how does my feverish brain get so carried away? One predicament at a time, please.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters. You're so kind. There's only one chapter left! Gasp! I feel like I should tell you that it's in a different format than the other three chapters. This is because this was the end of the story, and then there was going to be a companion piece. I decided, though, to just make it the final chapter here, and keep the format that it was originally intended to be in.

Hope you enjoyed!