A/N: These diary entries are set before the letters. Therefore most of the entries will also be set before the events that unfold in the movie.
Diary entries
Tuesday 15th September
Something amazing has happened. It's so great that I feel the need to write it down, just so I know that it's real.
I met a girl in one of my first science lessons today. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Her name's Donna Keppel. She has the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen and beautiful blonde hair. The only problem is that she's only thirteen. It's too young, I know it is, but already I love her so much. I'm unsure of what to do.
It doesn't help that I'm here teacher. Right now it seems that all these strong feelings I have towards her are useless. What's the point in loving her the way I do if I can't show these feelings towards her? The only thing that I can do right now is to bide my time.
Maybe these emotions will pass. In a way I hope that they don't. They're such strong feelings and I like the fact that I feel them for her. Love is such an amazing thing.
You probably think I'm stupid, don't you? Normal people don't fall in love with someone after only knowing them for a few hours. Then again maybe I'm not normal. I don't really care. The feelings that I have for Donna are real, I know that. I just need to wait to see if they'll stay.
Tuesday 22nd September
It's been a week and the feelings that I feel for Donna haven't changed. In fact, if anything, they've become stronger.
I've had three lessons with her so far and each time I see her my heart skips a beat. She always looks so angelic as she sits at her desk.
In the brief time that I've known her, I've managed to work out that she's very clever. It also seems that she is very good at Science, which is good to know. It means that at least we have something in common.
I think that she's starting to notice the way I look at her. However I'm not too sure whether she likes me or not. When she catches me staring at her she always blushes and looks away embarrassed. This embarrassment that she feels when she knows I'm looking at her could mean anything. It could mean that she's pleased that I like to look at her but it could mean that she doesn't like it. There doesn't seem to be a way to show how she feels.
Nonetheless I don't think she's suspicious of me. I say that as if I am doing something wrong. I'm not though. I only look at her. Nothing is wrong with that.
Thursday 24th September
It seems that Donna is starting to notice how much attention I am paying to her. However she doesn't seem to be taking it too well.
I try to talk to her as much as possible but whenever she sees me coming near her she looks uncomfortable and turns her head away.
Maybe it's just because she's confused about why I keep paying so much attention to her.
I wish I could just tell her how I feel. I can't though because it would just freak her out, of course it would. I don't want to scare her away but I just don't know what to do.
I can't keep all of these feelings bottled up anymore. Sometimes it feels like I'm just going to explode with all the love that I feel for her. I just wish things weren't so complicated and that Donna was older. If she was older then it would mean that I would be able to tell her my feelings and she could maybe tell me how she felt about me.
However I feel as if she is too young to be able to know what she feels. Plus if I tell her how I feel and she tells someone else then surely I won't be able to see Donna anymore. I wouldn't be able to cope if that ever happened.
Saturday 26th September
It's so wrong but it feels so right. I had to see her, I just had to.
It's a Saturday today, meaning that I couldn't see Donna. I needed to see if she was okay, so I decided to go and see her. I'd already memorised her address, so today I went round to her house and waited outside in my car.
When I saw her leaving the house I just felt so happy. I've found out that when I'm not around her I feel miserable, so the elated feeling that came when seeing her felt so good. Therefore when she got in the car with her mother I had to follow her. It was interesting to see what Donna did when she was out of school.
I found out several things about her, just by watching her from a distance. I found that she likes to read. This I worked out by watching her go into the library and come back out with a bag full of books. She also seems to like Chinese food as she went into a Chinese restaurant food for lunch.
I have to admit that although it felt wrong to be following her, it also felt incredibly good. I love knowing what Donna is up too because it makes me feel even closer to her.
Maybe I'll be able to see her each day. Then I'll always be happy and I'll never feel lonely.
Monday 28th September
Today I was sitting at my desk whilst Donna and the rest of the class worked from the textbooks and I started randomly doodling. When I looked down and saw what I had drawn I realised that I'd unconsciously been drawing Donna.
That pretty much sums up how I feel about Donna. Even unconsciously I think about her. The love runs that deep.
I've decided to keep the drawing I did of her, along with a school photograph of her that I took from the computer. I just need to see her face everyday.
Tuesday 29th September
I can't stop thinking about Donna. Every time I think of her, my chest hurts from the vast amount of love that I feel towards her. I want her to know how I feel, more then anything but its too hard. It would just make everything complicated.
I sat outside her house after school for several hours, just watching her move about the house. She doesn't leave her room much so it's always hard for me to see her. However the brief glimpses that I get of her are enough to keep me happy, at least for now.
I know a lot about her family now as well. She has a mother, father and a younger brother. From what I've seen of the interactions that go on between them, she seems to get on relatively well with them, although she has the occasional argument with her brother.
Her family seems nice but I know that they'll get in the way if I ever choose to tell Donna how I feel. I have the feeling that Donna wouldn't hesitate in telling her mother if she was worried about something. This worries me, but I can't dwell on it too much.
At the moment it's just better to think about the present, not the future.
Friday 2nd October
I now have so many wonderful pictures of Donna. When I got paid yesterday, the first thing I bought was a camera. I knew that I needed to capture all of the moments in Donna's life.
The pictures that I took yesterday and today are now plastered across my walls. Therefore I can now see her every time that I walk around the house. It's a lovely feeling to think that she's always looking at me.
I've also started writing schedules of what Donna does each day. I figured that the pictures could be added alongside the writing. It will be like a journal of Donna. Already I've filled a whole notepad with various things about her.
I write down different fantasies I have about her. Some of them are just about being able to hold her in my arms but some are more personal.
I've even written several poems about her.
My life is consumed by her. If I'm not at home writing things about her, then I'm at school teaching her or I'm outside her house watching over her. You'd think it would bother me but it doesn't, not one bit. The love I feel consumes me and I feel as if without Donna there's nothing else to live for. She's my world.
Tuesday 6th October
I nearly messed it all up.
Yesterday, when I was sitting outside Donna's house, I saw Donna looking out through her window. Although I ducked I knew that she saw me.
I was stupid because I didn't drive away. Instead I sat there like an idiot. After a few minutes the front door opened and her father came marching out. Immediately I drove away but I knew that he saw me.
Today, at school, the headmaster asked to see me regarding Donna. He told me that both her father and Donna had seen me outside the house and wondered what I was doing there.
I lied of course and said that my cousin lived nearby and I was just waiting for them. However, apparently her father had seen me several times outside their house. The lies came naturally but I knew that the headmaster didn't believe me. However, seeing as I hadn't really done anything wrong he couldn't do anything so he just told me that he was going to keep an eye on me.
Although I'm pleased that he didn't sack me I'm upset that I can't wait outside Donna's house anymore. Already I've filled up lots of journals with pictures and information on Donna and to not be able to add to it just makes me upset.
I'm thinking about just telling Donna how I feel. Maybe she'll understand. You see, I think she's starting to develop feelings for me. Sometimes she looks at me and there's such a kindness in her eyes. I know that it's reserved for me only.
Friday 9th October
It's over. It's all over. I might as well be dead.
What's the fucking point in anything anymore? Why am I even alive?
I hate them! I hate them. Why didn't they just kill me as well? That would have been easier. Oh, Donna. I need you. I love you. Donna! Please, take me back... I'm sorry...
Saturday 10th October
I still feel as bad as I did yesterday, maybe even worse, but I have to write this down. I have to write down what happened because I need to try and understand it.
A few days ago I told Donna how I felt about her. I expected her to be happy about it but she wasn't. She started crying. I don't know why she started crying. I think that she was scared and it was too much.
I tried to calm her down by touching her arm but she started screaming.
One of the teachers came in and Donna told them what I'd said. It broke my heart when she told the teacher how I felt about her. The words I spoke to her were personal, meant for her ears only, but she told someone else.
I wanted to hurt someone so badly then but I didn't want to scare Donna so I just stood there as the teacher went to get the headmaster. Almost instantly they decided to fire me.
I thought this was bad enough but then Donna told them about how she thought she'd seen me taking a picture of her when I was outside her house. They asked to see my camera. I refused but they said they'd call the police if I didn't hand it over. They saw the hundreds of pictures that I had taken of Donna and then they called the police.
I'm due in court next week. My lawyer says that I won't be put in Prison but apparently they're getting some kind of order out on me so that I can't see Donna. I'm hoping that the court won't let that happen. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I could never see Donna again. I love her so much. I love her more then life itself. Why can't they see that? Why can't she see that?
I hate everything about life itself right now. I just want to lash out at everyone. Everyday I'm just so angry. The next week is going to be hell. I hate waiting and my patience is wearing thin. Soon I won't be able to cope anymore.
Friday 16th October
The Courts have decided I'm not allowed to see Donna.
Therefore I've decided that I have no choice. This is their fault. I'm going to have to make Donna realise how she feels about it. She's going to have to find out the hard way.
You see I've worked it out. It's her family, yeah, her family. They're the ones stopping her from realising her feelings for me.
Without her family she'll have no one. Without her family, she'll be able to realise that I'm all she has. I'm the only one who's ever going to love her. With them out of the picture Donna and I can be together at long last.
Nothing can keep us apart. Soon, all she'll have is me and then we'll be together forever. Me and my precious Donna.
A/N: This is dedicated to 'Witch isit,' 'Arabellatrixcutie' who reviewed. However a special thanks goes to 'Blackspade003' for reviewing and saying that it would be a good idea to write this. :) I hope you guys like it.