You Will Be Mine
A/N: Thanks for the reviews Zoya Zalan and RubyDragonJewel it is very much appreciated. Also thank you to the people who have added this story to their alerts and favourites.
This chapter sees the proper introduction of Bella, enjoy!
This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout.
Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!
Chapter Three: Unexpected Solace
I heard the muffled crunch of gravel as it was flattened by tires at around six in the evening. It had been two days since the passing of my wife and I had to face my children. I specifically asked the authorities not to contact them; I had that kind of pull being a doctor. I wanted to protect the ignorance of my children a little more than what could have been deemed sane, but I was hurting and seeing them suffer as I was would have broken me into tiny little shards. Telling them over the phone was also unacceptable to me. I had to break their hearts in person, one by one. Alice arrived first.
The weather was cool and the ground was coated in sparkling frost but the sun beat down relentlessly. The calamity of the climate was mocking. Her mother's corpse had barely been removed when I saw her dance eloquently down the drive, and although her body language seemed to match the weather – I was not fooled. She was acting. The worry lines that occasionally flashed across her mousy face gave her away. I couldn't fault her though; her perceptiveness matched or even exceeded my own. She had sensed that something was wrong from the tone I took with her on the phone.
"Dad!" she smiled genuinely and wrapped her tiny arms around my middle. "I can't believe it," I winced at her ironic words, "It has been so long! Too long. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to visit before now; I've just been so caught up in life. The south is amazing! So beautiful, and I've met such a wonderful man. His name is Jasper and he is the picture of southern hospitality, he even called me 'M'am' when we first met how sweet! Oh..." she trailed off as she saw the disdain on my face.
"So why did you want to see me Dad?" the lines in her expression returned and her deep eyes locked into mine trying to figure me out.
"Your mother-" I choked. Esme wasn't just my wife, she was a mother, a mother to three children who loved her too much and saw her too little.
"Is mum okay!"
"Alice," I turned away from her, I was burning under the heat of her gaze. "Your mother is gone."
I turned back. I was instantly reminded of myself in my moments of shock. She just stood in place, her lips twitched slightly trying to form words and her eyes welling and expanding ready for the release of giant grievous tears. I felt my emotions begin to pile, but I had prepared myself for the assault. Obviously I hadn't prepared enough because waves of guilt crashed down on me, swiftly followed by anguish, doubt, hatred, love and depression. Before I knew it I was leaning on the floor with my daughters arm on my shoulder. She was comforting me. She was strong, just like Esme.
After she had begun to accept the horrifying news I had shared with her, I showed her the note. She read it aloud cringing at the word 'die'. Tracing her small fingers over the stains left by my bitter tears she gave me an apologetic smile. Alice had agreed to help me tell Emmett.
"It must have been hard for you to say it out loud." She empathised after taking a long sip from her mug. There weren't words to agree with her enthusiastically enough, so I just responded with a slight nod and mirrored her actions. The amount of coffee I had consumed over the last two days was previously unimaginable; any one would have thought I had a serious caffeine addiction under any other circumstances.
A series of slight taps at the front door announced Emmett's arrival. He looked sceptical as I answered the door, but still patted me heavily on the back and pulled Alice into a crushing hug that should have bent her like soft metal. He looked a lot more bulky since I had last seen him a couple of years ago. We were all ecstatic when he received a sports scholarship at a top University in Florida and we hadn't seen him since he packed off as he spent his summers with his long-term girlfriend Rosalie. I had missed his great booming laugh and generally manly presence. However, I regretted that such an awful event had brought us together again because the one that bound us all together was gone, and she wasn't coming back. I strolled casually to Alice's side, trying to urge her with my pleading eyes to begin. She bit her lip and sighed as Emmett pulled away from her gently.
"What's going on?" Emmett got straight to the point, something was obviously wrong to him. Alice's face was stained with make-up, my normally well kempt hair was in frenzy and his mother was not there. I gave up on Alice and opened my mouth to start, but she was one step ahead of me.
"Please Emmett, sit down. Have some biscuits," she waved her hand shakily at the tray placed on the crammed coffee table. My mouth closed slowly, trying to disguise the shock from Alice's calm tone.
Emmett rolled his eyes, clearly not buying this terrible act. "Just out with it guys. I'm not really in the mood for bullshit." His language stunned me and I wanted to revert into angry parent mode, but what was the point? His language was sure to get worse after he heard what we had to tell him.
"Two days ago Dad came home," she looked at me for approval and I stared back blankly, "he found this note." she shoved the note into Emmetts unoccupied hand and continued, "Mom is dead, suicide. Emmett I'm so sorry!" the words tumbled out of her mouth clumsily.
As his eyes scanned the note I saw that his hands began to tremble, his face became creased and he let out a soft growl. The note crumpled inside his fist and he threw it furiously at me.
"Emmett!" Alice disciplined.
I merely sighed and picked up the note, placing it back on the table, watching Emmett all the while.
"No, no, no!" he snarled, "Mom wouldn't do this!" he violently shook his head back and forth and flicked his eyes helplessly at me then Alice. My chest burnt at the pain I had to relive. I had lost my wife once, but it felt like she had died three times. Each time the situation was re-explained to new ears and I saw the misery echoed in their eyes, the deep gash in my chest was ripped apart and left me feeling hollow all over again. It was like being punched in the gut, repeatedly. Whenever something reminded me of her, my whole body set ablaze, tears stung from my eyes and streaked down my boiling face.
Edward explained to me that he would come the day after as he was caught up with coursework at his medical school in Dartmouth. That was fine; I would trudge through the muddy fields of depression one last time before I could keep the unbearable melancholy to myself. I knew Edward would not take the news as well as the others. Edward and his mother were extremely close; it wasn't just the typical mother-son bond. It was special, they shared everything. It was hard for him to leave for Dartmouth; it would be excruciating just to watch him get kicked in the teeth, let alone feel his pain.
The isolated slam of a car door shook my back to my senses. I braced myself and tried to remember the plan. I knew that things would get out of hand though, and that the carefully devised steps that we had prepared would be irrelevant and soon forgotten. I would greet Edward at the door; bring him into the front room where Emmett and Alice would be seated. Alice would then proceed with the matter at hand and Emmett would analyse him, keep him calm. It sounded pretty heartless, but also pretty foolproof.
It was a shame that I had never expected such a condemning reaction from my youngest child. The swift hammering at the door alerted me to take my position. Smile in place, I opened the door.
"Edward, it's wonderful to see you." I grinned, obviously too eagerly because he shot me a dark look before replying.
"Hello Father, how are things?"
"Oh fine, fine." I gulped. "Um, Alice and Emmett are in the front room if you would like to join them?" I offered rather tentatively. There was always an awkward air about my relationship with Edward. He never did give me the same respect that he gave to his Mother. I always put his extra affection towards Esme down to their special bond, but now I saw that somewhere along the line Edward had developed a grudge against me. I wasn't sure what I had done, or if I was even concerned about the issue as there were much more pressing ones at that moment. I turned. Ambling self consciously into the dimly lit room I held an expression that resembled the pure terror of a small mouse being chased by a hungry snake. Edward stalked behind me looking rather bewildered. He seated himself beside Alice, glanced momentarily around the room and grabbed a small wine filled glass from the table. The room must have changed a lot to him. The once bare navy blue walls were now a smooth cream and decorated with a vast range of paintings and wall hangings. All collected from the various holidays Esme and I had taken. Quaint Chinese crafted plates leant delicately against the wall above the fire place. The flames below whispered hideously and licked the black metal guard making it glow red in anger. As soon as I descended into my allocated space in the armchair next to Emmett, I found it increasingly hard to breathe. I wasn't scared; it was just the chaste density of the atmosphere that choked me. It was like a thick fog had wafted gently into the room and had wrapped itself around me only. I felt faint, provoking out of character incoherency and the absence of my active mind.
"Carlise!" I heard Alice's voice ring in my ear, I jerked my head swiftly to the side, but she was not there. She was still sitting across the room from me with her arms folded in irritation. My previous thoughts of zoning out throughout the bearing of bad news process were dashed. I could see Alice didn't want to do this alone. I didn't want to do this at all, but I couldn't keep my youngest child in the dark forever. As much I tried to stay present for the conversation, my broken mind couldn't help but find a distraction, anything to avoid the pain again. I was suddenly interested in the broken seam of my jumper; I tugged at the fabric softly then brushed down the fabric that encased my arm.
"...all his fault, how he just left her alone all the time. She was like a time bomb ready to go off at any moment. It's not bad enough for her that we left – for good enough reasons I may add, but he left her here in solitude. It's disgusting, how can you even stand the presence of him? How did you even put up with him without me here? Your facade was quite convincing I must say..." the cold voice briefly caught my attention. My whole body tightened in response. My eyes were shut forcefully and I was rocking back and forth with my hands pulling my hair with intense strength. I shook impossibly with the intake of breath.
"Edward," I whispered, surprised by the venom released by my shaky voice. "Are you blaming me for your Mother's suicide?" I had almost thrown up trying to push the last words out of my mouth. We stood simultaneously.
"I think we both know that you abandoned her, Father." He spat back at me, "All that precious time at the hospital 'saving lives', when you could have saved your marriage! You are a selfish man Carlisle."
"Indeed selfish I may be, but if we are going to label each other so brutally Edward, I think that the label of abandonment would fit a lot more comfortably upon your shoulders. Do you not agree?"
A sharp intake of breath and then the glass Edward was holding left his hands with amazing vigour. It smashed dramatically before my feet. Wine poured from the remains and soaked my shoes in red liquid that reflected the light repulsively. Taunting me.
Emmett's stare never left Edwards face. He didn't move an inch, the only one still sitting.
"Stop it Edward!" Alice screamed as she lunged to my side. She looked up at me with her eyes moist, on the cusp of tears, and she whimpered. Edward simply ignored her and continued on with his bitter accusations.
"Fuck off Alice. You've obviously been brainwashed to believe just what he wants. All that time at the hospital you suppose Carlisle?" his disgusting demeanour and behaviour rocked me from my position. I straightened almost immediately and stepped closer to him, studying his aggressive body language only confirmed that Edward was more than prepared to harm me.
"If you have something to say son, then I suggest you lay aside your unnecessary hysteria and just say it." I hissed. I had never lowered myself against Edwards disrespect before, but it felt right. The power within me strengthened. In some sick twisted way it felt like I was avenging my wife.
"I know that you weren't at the hospital." Edward said brusquely, contrasting almost painfully with his previous madness, "You were having an affair." he finished.
My hands clenched into fists and my face burned in fury. I knew that I was almost purple with rage. I looked at his face, into his eyes. They were masked with a thick coat of nonchalance. I wanted to shatter his disguise, rip his arrogance into unrecognisable pieces.
"You are a disgusting child Edward!" was all I could manage. So many things happened at once. I saw Edward dart forwards with his fist pulled back. Then I was facing the back of Alice. Then Alice was on the floor in a small pool of blood that mingled with the wine. Edward simply stepped over her and turned to face me. I was too confused to react. Emmett launched himself with the force of a giant bear upon Edwards more slender frame. I helped Emmett restrain Edward until he was calm, then tended to Alice's wound. Her upper cheek and eye was purple and black, stained with her brother's hatred. Both her eyes were bloodshot as tears streamed from them openly.
"I'm leaving." Edward announced some time later with the same disinterest he has invested in earlier. Emmett finally released his grasp but didn't take his eyes off his brother until he was safely outside. My head was back in my hands, I began to cry. My wife was gone and my son loathed me like the devil.
It had been a week since the violence had graced itself upon my household and everyone, everything, everywhere was tense. Alice's bruises faded, but her anxiety did not. Edward would be at the funeral, and she cried herself to sleep thinking of the atrocity that could become of the event. I would not let him make a scene I assured her. I knew deep down that he wouldn't, his presence would mark respect for his mother, not disrespect for us. These thoughts however did not succeed in soothing Alice's apprehensions. Honestly, I had trouble using them to calm myself, even as I drove from my house to the charming modest church that sat mingled in trees half way between Forks and La Push. I parked near the church and proceeded on foot with Emmett and Alice marching solemnly behind me. I wore an all black suit reflecting my dejection; my head was bowed as we crossed the busy highway without a second thought and turned down onto a narrow cobblestoned path. Framed by flowers, shrubs, trees and delicate lanterns stood the church in the near distance. I glanced behind me and saw that Alice had donned a pair of thick black sunglasses to disguise her heartache and tears and Emmett now had his hand on her shoulder brushing dust from her black shawl. He caught my eye and shook his head miserably.
The priest greeted me with a handshake at the large wooden doors and led me to the ceremony area. The room was empty; it much reflected my state of being. My life was being projected wholly into this room, empty and strewn with remnants of love. The garden was beautiful. The threatening hole in the ground was not. I rejoined Emmett and Alice inside and saw that the room was now filled. Buzzing in the chatter of people I knew, those who I didn't, those who I didn't expect to be there and most importantly those who had no right to be there. I spotted Edward sitting alone at the front of the room. I felt relieved and chuckled a little at my worries. Then I saw her. Her hair danced like flames as she tossed it back. Stood with Charlie and his daughter Bella; chatting inanely at them. She shot a look at me and caught my eye, when she noticed her stare was reciprocated, she waved at me sweetly and nodded at me. She was beckoning me to join them. I was tempted to refuse, I did not want to talk to her now of all times. But my feet brought me to her before I could deny.
"...yes well I am here for Carlisle, I didn't know Esme personally, I didn't really want to, but me and Carlisle were very close and I'm here to offer a shoulder if he should require one. What would he do without people like..." she cut her sentence short when she realised I was standing beside her.
"Hello Victoria, how nice of you to offer me your shoulder. Although I am reserved in using it, I appreciate the thought."
Victoria looked rather abashed; it took her a while to regain her stature. She smiled again her sweet smile and took the champagne glass in her small hands to her full lips looking up at me with her wide eyes.
"Carlisle." She replied removing her lips somewhat from the glass.
"Oh and how rude of me... hello Charlie, how nice of you to come today. Esme would have appreciated so much." I smiled.
"That's fine Carlisle, I suppose you haven't met my daughter?" he patted the young woman at his side on the shoulder and she blushed. It was cute.
"No I haven't, but I am pleased to." I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips gently and smiled.
"Bella." She laughed at my formality.
"Carlisle, as you already know." I sighed. As I returned to my full height I saw Victoria saunter off towards one of the pews her expression was angry and it confused me.
"I think the procession will begin soon. You better take your seats." I suggested to Charlie. He walked off in the opposite direction of Victoria without a word but his daughter stayed.
"I hope you're okay, people are talking awful things about you." She said with a concerned edge to her voice.
"I'm fine." I lied. I was taken aback by the sudden grip of small arms around my waist as Bella embraced me. I felt comforted, it was better than a hug from Alice or Emmett or anyone. I felt alleviated. I pulled away.
"Thank you Bella, go find your Father." With the words she turned from me to join her father and I felt the hollowness creep up behind me and consume my body again.
I recall little from the funeral. I was there, but I was not interested in listening to the meaningless testimonials presented by people who thought they knew Esme. I was content with my own memories and I declined sharing them with anyone else. It may have been selfish, but the memories were mine and I could relish in them in the way no one else could. Instead of listening to others, I lavished myself in my recollections.
Shaken by the sound of bustling feet and the tapping of shoes on hard concrete I opened my eyes wiped my face from silent tears and followed the small crowd to the church garden.
I stood and watched all my hopes, dreams and wishes lower into the ground with the corpse of my wife. The sweet fragrance of jasmine and lilies wafted under my nose as flowers were showered around her grave. Several pats on the back denoted the departure of many to the wake back at my house.
I stayed, hoping to stay alone in my head. I sat on a small bench close to my wife's grave with my head lowered in defeat. My lap was soaked in tears that were no longer silent. I gasped for air and trembled as the cold mid-December wind abused my drenched face.
A soft hand caressed my face and then a felt a tissue wipe my face dry.
"Bella?" I blinked and my eyes stung from the acidity of my tears, "What are you doing here, you should be at the wake with everyone else."
"I didn't want you to suffer alone, you're a good guy." She sighed, "No one seems to care about you not being at your own wife's wake. I think that's pretty terrible. But look at you! You can't drive, I'll drive you there, get you some water." Her eyes were huge with concern, and I couldn't argue with her sincerity.
She grasped my arm and guided me to her truck. It tore apart the peace of the night with an obnoxious roar. She succeeded in comforting me. We soon moved on from depressing subjects and proceeded to talk more casually. She was a sweet girl and her ability to console me was extraordinary. This was the moment I knew that Bella and I would be good friends; I hoped that she realised this too. She must have, because she smiled when I informed her.
A/N: This chapter took me a while to write. I have been a little busy but I hope it was worth the little wait. So where do you think this is all going? Review and tell me! I want someone else's insight. Thanks for reading!