Susan whispering to Peter: Kids these days. They always want attention which gets them into a bigger mess.
(Lucy sighs frustratingly and looks at the others with accusation.)
Lucy: I wish you would all stop trying to get this comedy wrong by quoting from 101 Dalmatians and Barefoot Detective.
Trumpkin cocking an eyebrow: What?
Lucy: I didn't think I saw them, I know I saw HIM.
(Lucy walks over to the edge of the cliff)
Trumpkin complaining: I'm not even quoting from any movie.
Lucy: It was right…eeeehhhhhhhh!
(A piece of the cliff collapses and Lucy falls straight down.)
Peter: Lucy!
Susan to Peter: What have you done?
Peter mumbling: Yeah. Kids these days…
Susan interrupting: Not her. You!
Peter: It wasn't a setup.
(The three Pevensies and Trumpkin go over to the part of the cliff that had collapsed and they find Lucy sitting still, trembling from slight shock.)
Lucy: Here.
Susan: Who?
Peter: Aslan?
Lucy: No. The path to get down and across.
(Peter points across the river.)
Peter: Then by Jove, why in all Narnia did you say the path was on the other side of the river?
Lucy: I didn't. I said…I…ugh! You're getting me confused. Let's just cross instead of bickering like grownups.
(Lucy jumps down and starts going to the edge of the river.)
Trumpkin hesitatingly: I am a grownup.
(The Pevensies and Trumpkin cross the river and get safely to the other side. After some more walking and hiking. They stop and camp for the night. The others go asleep while Lucy gazes up into the starlit sky.)
Susan: Lucy?
Lucy: Mmm.
Susan: Are you awake?
Lucy: Nope. Are you?
Susan: Nope.
Lucy: Susan, if you were sleeping, would you be talking to me?
Susan decidedly: Well…noooo.
Lucy indignantly: Then you're not sleeping! So just shut up!
Susan: Well you're talking to me also and you claim to be sleeping.
(Lucy gets up so that she faces Susan and she leans on her elbow.)
Lucy: How do you know?
Susan: Well we got across.
Lucy: And what in all Narnia does "getting across the river" have to do with you and I sleeping?
Susan indignantly: Well I just thought that we should be staying on track with the script. You, Peter, Edmund, and DLF just keep on messing up this script!
(Susan flops down on the ground with an angry sigh while Lucy remains in her posture.)
Lucy: Susan, don't you like this comedy?
Susan: While it lasts.
(The two then go to sleep. Lucy awakes and hears someone calling her. She gets up and starts walking towards the voice she guesses as Aslan. She walks through the forest which is coming alive and then walks around a corner to see Aslan. She cries out his name and runs to him, embracing him.)
Lucy: Aslan, why didn't you come rushing in and saving us as before?
Aslan: Since when did you need saving?
Lucy: I mean, not me. All of Narnia. How come you haven't come rushing in and saving us like last time?
Aslan whispering: Things, never happen twice, dear one.
Lucy: What did you say?
Aslan raising his voice slightly: Things, never happen twice, dear one.
Lucy: I still can't hear you.
Aslan: Why you silly girl! If I say things never happen twice, then that means things are never said twice.
Lucy: What did you say Aslan?
(Aslan is about to speak when they both hear a twig snap. Lucy awakens from her sleep and realizes it that it is all a dream. Lucy then hears someone calling her. She gets up and starts walking towards the voice she guesses as Aslan. She walks through the forest which is coming alive and then walks around a corner to see Aslan. She says his name and jogs to him, embracing him.)
Lucy: Aslan, why didn't you come rushing in and saving us as before?
Aslan: Since when did you need saving?
Lucy: I'm sure I've already have told you. All of Narnia.
Aslan: I was never informed that you told all of Narnia.
Lucy: How come you haven't come rushing in and saving us like last time?
Aslan whispering: Things, never happen twice, dear one.
Lucy hesitatingly: Well, I think I have dreamed of this moment before.
Aslan: Like I've told you dear one, things never happen again. Never twice.
(Aslan is about to speak more when they both hear a twig snap. Lucy awakens and to her frustration realizes that it's just another dream. Lucy again hears someone calling her. She withdraws her knife and walks towards the voice. She walks through the forest which is alive with dryads, and walks around a corner to see Aslan. She walks over to Aslan and touches his mane while Aslan is having a big grin on his face.)
Lucy doubtfully: Aslan…is this…is this just another dream?
Aslan: What are you talking about?
Lucy: I have been through this scenario before.
Aslan indignantly: Ridiculous. We haven't met for 1300 years. This has been the first meeting in a long time.
Lucy: But Aslan…
Aslan interrupts: Haven't I've told you before that nothing happens twice, DEAR ONE?
Lucy tired: Yes Aslan. In fact, seven times from what the script is showing me.
Aslan: Then let me tell you once and for all, nothing never happens more then thrice!
(Lucy cries with tears of joy and hugs Aslan. She expects to fell the warm fur of Aslan's mane, but instead awakens and finds she's been hugging a tree. Lucy steps back, horrified and looks back. Footprints in the dewy grass shows that she had been sleep walking the whole time. Lucy looks back on the tree she had been hugging and kicks it with frustration.)
Lucy: Wake up. Please wake up.
(Woody lips appear on the tree and say,)
Tree 2: I am not Aslan. And Aslan never wakes up.
Lucy pleadingly: Will he ever wake up?
Tree 2: He never wakes up. Because, he never sleeps.
(The tree chortles deeply within himself and the lips on the tree disappear. Lucy sighs and walks around a corner and hears true rumbling.)
Lucy: Aslan?
(A hand covers Lucy's mouth and pulls her suddenly backwards. She does a muffled scream before realizing that it's Peter. Peter motions her to be quiet. They then look from behind a bush and see a Telmarine. They don't know it is Prince Caspian because he is wearing a Telmarine Helmet. Peter turns on his lightsaber and slowly walks behind Caspian to strike him down. He then feels something knock his lightsaber away from Caspian. Peter then turns to see a young teenage boy with glasses on who is attacking him with a sword and wand. Peter defends himself easily and manages in cutting off the boy's wand.)
Young Boy 1: Hey! How dare…
(Peter does a side kick in the boy's jaw and sends him falling over one side. He then takes a step forward but the young boy moves both of his legs and tries to trip Peter. Peter jumps just in time while the boy is moving with magic in a full circle like a clock in less then a second. When his legs start coming around again, Peter lands on both of the legs accidentally and breaks both of them. The boy groans and slumps over exhausted while Peter is about to kill him with the Force.)
Lucy pleading: No!
(Peter then looks around and sees Narnians gathered about him with weapons at the ready. The young boy gets up clumsily and shakily, heals his wounds with his magic and sizes himself up to Peter. Peter then looks at this young attacker and stares at him hard.)
Peter hesitatingly: Harry…Potter?
Harry Potter/Young Boy 1: Yes? And who are you?
Susan: Peter!
(Susan appears. Harry Potter then looks at Peter Pevensies' lightsaber.)
Harry Potter: Jedi Peter.
Peter: I don't believe you called.
Harry Potter surprised: Yes…but I thought you'd be older.
(Peter glares at Harry Potter and points his lightsaber right beneath his chin.)
Peter: Whatever you li…no. Actually, whatever you think, you can come back in 2000 in the other world.
Harry Potter hurriedly: No. That's alright. It's just that, you're not what I expected. (*looks at Susan with interest*)
(Susan doesn't notice Harry Potter but looks at Prince Caspian who has taken off his helmet.)
Edmund to a Minotaur: Well, neither are you.
(Minotuar 6 growls.)
Trufflehunter: The common of enemies, unites even the oldest of foes. (*turns to Peter*) Harry Potter has hardly heard of your splendid prestige and legend.
Peter sarcastically and coolly: Oh. (*to Harry Potter*) Been sick or in America?
(Edmund elbows Peter and clears his throat.)
Harry Potter coolly: Why no. I've been here in Narnia for the last 3 years.
Peter sarcastically and coolly: Oh. Buried.
(Edmund elbows Peter again. Reepicheep splendidly appears before Peter.)
Reepicheep to Peter: We anxiously awaited your return my liege.
(Harry Potter rolls his eyes.)
Harry Potter: I've only been away for five minutes.
Reepicheep to Harry Potter: I wasn't talking to you, you infidel.
(Peter draws his sword.)
Peter to Reepicheep: How dare you call me that!
Harry Potter to Peter: He was talking to me.
Peter to Harry Potter: No! He was talking to me!
Harry Potter: Fine. That was a good title you deserve.
Reepicheep to Harry Potter: Me? Why of all the disrespect to an honorable mouse!
(Reepicheep draws his sword. Peter jabs his finger towards himself.)
Peter: He was talking to me!
Harry Potter: Couldn't agree more.
Reepicheep to Harry Potter: Why you poltroon! I'd make your death quick and easy for your misdemeanors!
Peter to Reepicheep: Just when I've arrived to save Narnia, you'd dare put me to death?
Harry Potter: In this case, you both were talking to each other.
Caspian: ENOUGH!
(Reepicheep, Peter, and Harry Potter immediately quit.)
Caspian: This bickering is pointless.
Harry Potter pointing to Caspian: But you're not Darth Vader.
Reepicheep indignantly: Are you suggesting that I look like one?
Caspian: We will stick strictly to this comedy script and nothing more.
(Peter pulls out some paper.)
Peter: Actually, all those lines up to this line, are in the comedy script. Ahem. Beyond that, we're supposed to keep strict to the movie script.
Caspian: A good idea too.
(Reepicheep sheathes his sword.)
Reepicheep: Now where was I…ah yes. (*looks at Peter*) Our hearts and swords are at your service.
Edmund mimicking Harry Potter's voice: Oh my goodness! He looks so ugly!
(Reepicheep draws his sword again in anger.)
Reepicheep: WHO SAID THAT?
(Reepicheep looks around himself. Edmund steps forward and clears his throat.)
Edmund: I'm sorry Reepicheep for his bad manners.
(Edmund points to Harry Potter with his thumb.)
Reepicheep coolly: Well, well, well. The truth never surprises or shocks me.
Trufflehunter: Reepicheep, I thought we all had an agreement to go against Harry Potter.
Reepicheep: I was in that agreement.
Trufflehunter: Then why have we been lugging around this useless and dangerous weight with us all this time?
Reepicheep: Because, (*sheathes his sword*) his time will come. But I do believe, idiotic, poltroon, a two-horned cheeky faced donkey, or all-powerful-yet-not-so-powerful-because-he-has-to-wear-glasses, would more suit a member of the Pitcher family.
Trumpkin: That's a pretty long but fine title to me.
Harry Potter to Reepicheep: My last name is Potter, not Pitcher.
Reepicheep: Ball Four. I get to take my leave.
(Reepicheep joins the continuing procession of Narnians. Prince Caspian looks at Peter and laughs nervously.)
Prince Caspian: Then you'll probably be wanting your's back.
(Caspian absentmindedly hands Peter his own sword.)
Peter glaring: I already have my sword.
(Caspian looks down at what he was handing Peter and his eyes grow wide and he hurriedly sheathes his sword.)
Peter: But we will of course, be needing every sword we can get.
(The Pevensies and Trumpkin then join Caspian and the Narnians on their journey to Aslan's Howe. Meanwhile, at the Fords of Beruna, Miraz is inspecting a Hostess Twinkie truck along with Lord Sopespian, General Glozzel and several of his men.)
Miraz to Glozzel: How much did they take?
Glozzel: Enough to feed two regiments.
Miraz: And the span?
Glozzel: There life span will extend to more then 200 years.
Soldier 98: How does that work?
(Glozzel turns to Soldier 98.)
Glozzel: Because a twinkie has a shelf life of 50 years.
Soldier 98: Oh.
Glozzel to Miraz: But there's more.
(Glozzel points to spray-painted graffiti on the doors of the truck.)
Miraz reading graffiti: "You suck John. Kiss my…"
Glozzel hurriedly: Oops. Wrong side.
(Glozzel closes the doors of the truck and locks them to reveal spray painted writing on the other side.)
Miraz reading spray-painted writing: You were right that there was a disturbance in Your Force.
Sopespian: X?
(Miraz looks down to see an X written on the doors.)
Miraz slowly: X, marks the spot. So, that means, (*quickly*) there's treasure here!
Glozzel murmuring: This is not exactly the type of opposite Indiana Jones philosophy you should be believing right now.
(Miraz turns to Glozzel and his soldiers.)
Miraz: Who just contradicted me?
(Silence.)
Miraz: Speak up.
Glozzel: Forgive me my lord. The blame is mine.
Miraz: I know. Tell me general. (*draws General Glozzel's sword out of his sheath*) How many men did you lose?
Glozzel confused: What?
Miraz: How many men did you lose?
Glozzel: Just now?
Miraz: Last night.
Glozzel: None, my lord.
Miraz: None?
Glozzel: They came out like ghosts in the night. We all saw…I mean…ahem…we never saw them.
(Glozzel's soldiers nod their heads vigorously.)
Miraz: Then how do you explain to Andrew Adamson your injuries?
(General Glozzel looks at Lord Sopespian and sees betrayal on his face. Miraz backhands Glozzel in the face while he is distracted.)
Miraz: I asked, how many men were lost in this bloodless…Narnian…attack? Of which you (*holds up Glozzel's sword toward his face*) were an unfortunate survivor?
Glozzel: Why do you consider me "unfortunate"?
Miraz: Because you have to keep on playing in this comedy.
Glozzel happily: I love playing in this comedy.
Miraz grumbling: I was afraid you'd say that.
Sopespian clearing his throat: Ahem. Aren't we getting off the script?
(Andrew Adamson appears on set.)
Andrew Adamson: Cut! Cut! Cut! Listen all of you actors! None of you are getting off the script! Whatever you say, you are not getting off the script! WHAT YOU SAY IS PART OF THE SCRIPT!
Sopespian: Does that mean when we say, "We are getting off the script?" means that is not part of the script?
Andrew Adamson: YES! (*goes back behind camera*) Action! (*turns to comedy director*) Sometimes these Narnian actors give me a pain in the back.
Comedy Director: You're probably not showing enough backbone then.
Andrew Adamson: Very funny.
Miraz to Glozzel: General, how many?
(Glozzel grabs the hilt of the sword which Miraz has held in front of him.)
Glozzel: 2.
Miraz: You didn't happen to lose three, did you?
Glozzel: No. Why do you ask?
Miraz: Because the royal chef is missing.
(General Glozzel's soldiers start doing a force cough.)
Glozzel: There were no others. Even if he is truly missing, the Narnians have won the war for us.
Miraz: And how's that General?
Glozzel: The royal chef was not the best cook.
(Miraz rolls his eyes and turns away. Sopespian gives Glozzel a smug look before following Miraz.)
Miraz to Sopespian: I apologize my lord, Sopespian.
Glozzel mumbling: Thanks.
Miraz to Glozzel: I was not apologizing to you and you are not Sopespian.
Glozzel: Fine.
Miraz to Sopespian: Prince Caspian is not the victim of this uprising. He is the instigator.
(Sopespian cocks an eyebrow.)
Sopespian: He's a lizard?
Miraz: Of course not idiot. (*mounts his horse*) I said he's an "instigator."
Sopespian: That still doesn't make sense to me. You're calling him an "insta-gator?"
Miraz growling: Ugh! Stupid idiots! Can't think correctly!
Sopespian: I know. Sometimes I have a problem with that too.
Miraz: Not me! You! It seems that Narnia is in need of a new King.
Sopespian: Have the polls come in yet?
Miraz smiles crookedly: Definitely.
Sopespian: So what are the polls?
(General Glozzel overhears the two talking and walks up to Miraz and Sopespian with two pieces of paper.)
Glozzel: Well, Lord Revilian came with a vote of 98. Lord Bern, with 107. Lord Argoz with 76. Lord Mavramorn with 75. Lord Octesian with 104. Lord Restimar with 68. Lord Rhoop with 35. Ummmm.
(Sopespian stares off into space smugly.)
Glozzel hesitatingly: Umm. Lord Sopespian with 113, and Lord Miraz at 220.
(Sopespian looses his smugness and his eyes grow wide and he looks at General Glozzel with anger.)
Sopespian: WHAT?
Glozzel: Actually? (*shuffles the papers in his hands*) Lord Miraz came in at 221. As head of the council, he got to vote for himself.
Sopespian: WHAT MADNESS! (*turns to Miraz*) HOW COME THE PEOPLE VOTED MORE FOR YOU THEN FOR ME?
Miraz smugly: I bribed the people.
(Sopespian furiously jabs a finger at himself.)
Sopespian: I BRIBED THE PEOPLE TOO!
Miraz smugly: Ohhh, let's just say, the royal postage intercepted your charity and added it to my collection.
Sopespian: YOU CHEAT!
Miraz coolly: All for the health of the empire.
Sopespian: YOU VILE CHEAT!
Miraz in mock Dutch: Farvel.
(Miraz spurs his horse and rides back to his castle.)