Last time on Total… Drama… Return! A paintball war of the century started drama between our teams. Trent failed… badly. Duncan and Heather switched teams, and with Trent out of the way and Duncan and Courtney separated, how does Gwen feel? School is in session on a new Total… Drama… Return!
A quiet breakfast at Camp Wawanakwa. Owen was eating, Duncan was carving into the tables, and Justin was flexing. All was well. Gwen glimpsed- well, stared- at Duncan. He caught her, and said as she blushed, "What are you looking at, Midnight Blue?" She loved that nickname. Chris walked in, dressed in a dress shirt and tie. "Everyone follow me!"
Confession Cam- God, this story sucks. A year-long hiatus?
Heather- Man, I can't believe it took Chris a year to come up with a challenge!
Gwen- I don't like Duncan! Well…
Duncan- Hey, what can I say? I'm likeable.
"Welcome to the Chris McLean Academy for the Mentally/Emotionally Challenged, or the CMLAM/EC. Math class is in session! I will put a series of equations on the board. First person to get the first problem wins the challenge!"
"What's the point of the rest of the problems?" Noah inquired.
"Well, we will keep going until there are two people who didn't answer. Those people will be expelled- from the island! High stakes- they raise ratings." Chris winked to the camera.
"First question- [(3x^2-27)divided by 4)] times[ 8x^2) divided by(9-3x)]divided by [(x^2+3x) divided by 6]." First to answer was Noah.
"-12x!"
"Correct! The Raccoons get invincibility! Who will get the next question? (x/a)^2+(y/b)^2+(z/c)^2 = 1." Bridgette piped up, "= 4pabc/3!"
Confession Cam-Pi=3.
Noah- Yes!
Bridgette- Yes!
-15 minutes later-
"All right, bottom 3! Joe… Big Bertha… and Duncan! The final equation is… x+(3+78*x)+(.345+45*x)+(x+321)=89*x
!" Immediately Duncan yelled, "x = -21623/2400!"
"YES! Duncan, you are safe. Goodbye, Joe and Big Bertha! And hello…" A Spanish male and a purple-haired female walked in. "Alejandro and Sierra!"
"Hi, everybody!" Sierra gasped. "CODY!" She ran over and gave Cody a bear hug.
"Hola, fellow competidores."
"Okay, Alejandro to the Bears, Sierra to the Raccoons." Chris said. "Time for lunch!"
-15 minutes later-
"Today's lunch is bacon- and lots of it!" Chef yelled. Everyone loved the fresh, greasy bacon, especially Beth. She even ate more than Owen! After the bacon was gone, Chef said, "Second course- rotten fruits and vegetables, pizza, and maple syrup!"
"Why is there a second course?" Beth asked. "The bacon was so good!"
"It's time for your next challenge! FOOD FIGHT!" Chef ran to safety in his trailer.
-1 hour later-
"Alright, let's see who got hit most!" Chris said. After checking every camper, Chris said, "It looks like the prime target was… Ezekiel! So the Bears lose, which means…" Suddenly a huge pile of food on the floor farted. "Wait a minute…" Chris wiped some of the food away, and there Owen lay, sleeping. "Well, the Raccoons lose! We need a tiebreaker! The greatest pain of school is… GYM CLASS! MOVE!"
When they got there, Chris said, "Time to bring out a favorite from Season 1... DODGEBALL!"
"Great." Noah cynically replied. The Bears and Raccoons formed two lines. Chef blew a whistle, and it was a mad dash to the balls. After 3 hours of balls and dodging, there were two competitors left- Alejandro and Sierra. Alejandro took off his shirt to distract Sierra as he threw a dodge ball. Sierra ducked, and the ball nailed Cody in the kiwis. Sierra glared at the Latin arch villain and chucked a ball, slamming into Alejandro's face.
"The Raccoons win, but everyone is invited to the ceremony tonight."
Confession Cam- Currently trying to get rid of the scent of sweat… and vegetables.
Joe- This sucks. I almost wish I paid attention in math class now… almost.
Heather- Alejandro lost the tiebreaker. Goodbye!
D.J.- Sorry, Alejandro.
Bunny- (puts nose to a picture of Alejandro)
"Okay, let's make this quick. Heather, Eva, Sadie, Tyler, Courtney, Harold, Bridgette, D.J., Duncan, Geoff. The last marshmallow goes to…"
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
"Ezekiel. However, this was a reward challenge! We still have to say good bye to Joe."
"Wait! What about Big Bertha?" Beth exclaimed.
"Well…"
"You didn't!"
"Yep. How did Bertha taste?" Beth broke into tears as Joe stepped onto the Boat of Losers.
"Well, that's it for today, but come back next time for more Total… Drama… Return!"
That… sucked for a year-long hiatus. Next chapter up on September 5th. Bye! 0_o