The past is the past, the bruises might fade but the scars are here to stay..

I woke up today and realized it's almost been 6months since that awful morning we had packed up the most important things and left. It was when we drown out of the small town I still love more than anything, no intention to come back. The best friends I had to that day have faded. They aren't best friends anymore. They are friends, or is it in the place to even call them that? They are people I spent every day with for two and a half years. Now I cant say best friends anymore, that hurts. I miss them so much. They went form best friends I knew to "people I know". We used to talk every day. And now we barely don't talk at all.

I think back to the mornings before school. I sat on the bus half asleep. Too early to be alive, to be awake at all. But school is important, education too. So you get up in the morning to get there. I sat on the bus afraid to fall asleep. We came to the stop where I was going off, I always got of with a smile. It wasn't my choice. They just made it that way.

Their bus came in a few minutes after mine. And like always they ran out and it was good mornings greets and bear hugs like we hadn't seen each other in weeks even though it was barely 12 hours. That was the kind of friendship we had. And we all loved it, we were so close. We told each other everything and could joke about everything.

The next school bus came and we were laughing when we walked inside like we always did. The bus driver always had the same look. "How can they have so much energy so early in the morning, I am driving them to school? Which they hate" I bet the thought that. But we didn't care, as long we were together we could be anywhere and still have fun.

I know now I took what I had for granted. I've lived in this shelter for almost six months now. And I know what I miss. I miss waking up in the morning, walking into the kitchen to find my little brother at the table eating cereal for breakfast, mom reading the news paper. I miss walking into the kitchen, our kitchen, sit down beside my mom and have that first cup of coffee of many along the day. Just sit beside her and "wake up" with that cup of coffee, with her.

I just want my life back, be able to walk out the door and not be afraid. Not needing to live in a shelter with alarms connected directly to the police on every door and window's. Bulletproof windows. Be able to be a "kid". Live a little, do things just right there and then. And think about the trouble I might get later. I cant do that, cause if anything went wrong it wouldn't just effect me like it normally would, it would affect the whole family. And maybe even be dangerous for all of us. I have to watch everything I say and do so nothing will go wrong. And it's exhausting.

I hadn't done anything for myself until that night not too long ago when I found out that this was it, not I wanted to do something for myself. I needed to do it, so I did. I took a chance and lived a little and it was good, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. With extremely adrenalin rush. Haha.

It happened when I was over at my grandmothers place and my aunt came in and smiling and asked me if I knew where my other aunt was going that night with the train. I didn't, but of course she told me. "she's going to Oslo tonight for the Pink concert tomorrow" my mouth dropped to the floor, my best friend down here from 7th grade had been talking about going, but we had totally forgot. And damn I wanted to go, so bad so we went on the internet at my grandmother's house in seconds to see if there was any tickets left and to our surprise it was. I was like omg lets order, lets do this. I got up and called my mom and told her.

She said no, and that I had school in the morning. And I knew she was afraid to let me go there, to go to the capital of Norway. It is a six hours car ride from where we live now and are safe, but only one hour from the lovely town I love over everything we ran away from. I ignored what she and my family said. I gathered some of the things I had there and tld them I was sleeping at Julla's place for the night and that we took her car to school in the morning. But that was a lie or it became a lie within 30 minutes. Because when that half hour had passed we had been home at her place ordered two tickets, called her uncle to ask if we could stay there a night and was already started on the six hour long road trip to Oslo.

It was crazy, both of us has such a adrenalin rush, the clock was 8.30 pm and we would be there around . I sat with my phone in my hand laughing and waiting for them to call. I sent my mother a message telling her I left even if she said no. she never answered, not until I had to call the morning after to make sure she got the message, she did. But she wasn't in the mood to argue, she said we could talk about it when I came back in town.

The pink concert was awesome, it was the funnies thing ever. Pink is funny. She joked about a lot, she played acoustic guitar when she sang "glitter ball" she told us that she only could play three songs on guitar. She started and the mood was incredible so we all started clapping to the rhythm, she stopped playing and told us "if your gonna clap do it like this" she clapped once and said" oh.. that all I got" we all laughed. She was in the air, like when she preformed sober at the MTV thing. And damn she's good live. Listening to her funhouse CD is boring compared, she's much better live.

I had the best time of my live those two days I was in Oslo, I did something for me. And I was so lucky to share it with Julla . But on the way back home things got ugly. My dad had heard about what we did or had done and called me to yell as always.

That is the kind of relationship we have now, or always have had. He always call when im through his eyes does something wrong. He yells, I've been at his house once, one night since that day he told me that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I never got an apology for that, for what he said. He isn't that person emitting he's wrong. So..

Anyways he called to yell, argue like he always does. I thought like whatever and just let him yell not talking back. I didn't want the drama. Drama sucks. But when he said "your ruining the family" I couldn't help but flip, and damn. I was so angry.

He had no right to say that at all. Cause he never calls to ask how's things are going, how I am. If I want to come over to visit. Never. Before we lived six hours away from each other. Now we live 10 minutes and I see him less now that before. I told him that and I hung up, turned of my phone and wanted to jump out of the car.

Was I ruining the family? By doing something for me for once. I don't. I know that and my mom wasn't mad, she was just glad to have me back in the shelter safe. She even sat down and looked at all the pictures we had taken.

And now 3weeks later I still don't regret my wild tour to Oslo. It was the best thing ever, it was better than when I saw Beyonce live. Pink is better. Way better. I dont talk to me dad anymore he stopped my money again, so im broke, but that's just how amazing he is. Go daddy, or not.

Im sick of drama. I miss my friends and the good ol days.