So, here we are, in a brothel.

Al shivered. "WHO ARE YOU?" He cried, referring to the voice that had just said 'So, here we are, in a brothel'.

I? I am the omnipotent narrator who sees all, knows all, and tells all.

"Oh." Al thought. "So, can you tell me how to get out of here?"

No, you are only a young grasshopper.

"Hey, Mister," Al frowned. "You're starting to piss me off."

For your information, I am a Miss, and you are an unclean child for saying 'piss'.

"AAAAAAUUUUURRRRYYYYYGGGHH!" Al screamed. This was even worse than the XXX activities.

"Wanna play?" A well endowed woman swooped onto Al from behind.

Al gulped. The frog in his throat went down.

Meanwhile, Ed and Trisha were still conversing.

"Fried beans,"

"Moldy brains~"

"Peanut butter,"

"VERY moldy brains~"

"Lemon slushie,"

"Mold~"

"American pie,"

"Moldy mold~"

"Cheese,"

The PTA prez, (who was named Perez, by the way), combed his hair again, eliciting several swoons from the female PTA members.

"This is boring," he said, smoothing out a particularly rumpled stretch of hair. "Yo, Edward. You can have your soul back." Perez took out his Soul Injector tool and gave Ed back his soul.

"Tortill- hey, where am I?" Ed blinked.

"You're in a random meadow," Perez informed Ed. "And you're in love with Roy Mustang." He sniggered.

"And you are an only child," said the PTA vice prez, who's name was Turd.

"It's true," Trisha said. "Alphonse is dead to me now."

All this information was difficult for Ed to take in at once. His brain started dripping out of his bum. Trisha was there immediately, her mouth wide open.

[insert EXTREMELY GRAPHIC material here]

Now that Ed had no brain, he was back to being a vegetable as before.

"Cardboard."

Trisha gasped. "Edward, do not say such things!"

"Camera?" Ed looked at her questioningly.

At the brothel, Al and the well endowed woman were getting along well.

I'm rather disgusted by this display of carnal pleasure.

"Um...excuse me?" Al gently but firmly pushed the woman off. "I'm only 14, so..."

That is no excuse. Now, drop and give me three-hundred.

"I don't wanna!" Al whined.

Don't make me get the switch out, Alphonse, darling.

The well endowed woman looked shocked. "What is this?"

Al gasped. "Er... this isn't what it looks like, dear!"

Mei Chan and Xiao Mei appeared out of nowhere. Mei Chan looked around her. "Hey... this looks like Ling's Happy Fun Time place!"

"Mei!" Al was really in a pickle now. "Er...what's going on? Why are you here?"

You useless twit, it's obvious that she used a simple transportation machine to get here.

"That's right," Mei affirmed. "I traded my sanity for it on shmeeBay."

"Is that so," Al stroked an imaginary beard.

And so, they lived happily ever after.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHHA~!" Mei cackled loudly. "I CAN HEAR VOICES!"

"I can hear them too," said Al. "I guess I lost my sanity too."

And so, the insane shrimp girl, shrimp panda, and insane tin can lived happily ever after.

Al glared at the ceiling, where he thought an omnipotent narrator would like to hide. "Could you please stop making assumptions about me?"

But sweetie, assumptions are what I live for.

"GAH!" Al snarled. "WHERE ARE YOU? COME OUT, SO I CAN KILL YOU!"

Mei gasped at the sight of Al's butcher knife. "Arufonse-kewn?"

"WHAT?" Al turned his steely gaze onto Mei. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M BUSY HERE?"

"Butcher knives are no good," said Mei. "You need this machine gun,"

Al logged off the computer. "No thanks, I just bought an Omnipotent Narrator Trap from shmeeBay." He set the trap in a corner of the brothel.

"Are you sure it will work?" Mei asked tearfully.

Ooooh... a plot bunny. I MUST HAVE!

Al and Mei were staring into each other's eyes as the Omnipotent Narrator Trap crashed down, trapping a hapless omnipotent narrator.

Mei broke off the staring contest. "Now, let's see who this villain is!" she exclaimed, pulling on the narrator's face. "This is a mask, I can feel it."

The face that looked back at them was none other than of Pride.

"Selim?" Al gasped. "But... I thought you were an innocent little boy who adored his father!"

"I thought you were an innocent little boy too, until I saw you here," said Pride.

"Go die in heck, biznatch!" Al cleaved Pride's head in half. It glued itself together.

Pride sniffled. "Al, don't you remember what we had between us?"

"Never mind those precious summertime memories!" Al smacked Pride on the head. "Besides, I thought you said you were a Miss!"

"I was." Pride spat. "Until my father spayed me."

"Huh?" Now Al was confused. "My virgin ears are not used to this kind of language."

Pride sighed huffily. "You suck."

"Yo momma!" Mei came to Al's rescue. She karate chopped Pride's head into half. It glued itself together again. Mei assured herself it was the principle of the thing that mattered, and made a beeline for Al's side.

"FIREPLACE!" Ed jumped in and sliced Pride's head into thirds.

AN: It's the battle of the century: Al, Ed, and Mei vs. Pride. Don't miss it! And please, find some kindness in your hearts to review.