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.N o s o c o m e p h o b i a.
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The irrational and excessive fear of hospitals.
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Alphonse Elric wasn't one to be over excessive. He preferred the more humbler, simpler, things in life. It was always his brother that showered him with things, things that he didn't want and (secretly sometimes he did. Because he liked when his brother only payed attention to him.)
These wasn't those times.
It was true, Alphonse always knew it. He tried so hard; he became as generous as he possibly could be. He gave anything, always tried to humble and selfless. But the truth, Alphonse knew, was a whole different story.
He was practically as selfish as hell.
He had mastered the art of generosity, hoping to get rid of this monstrosity inside him. And for the most part, it worked. But there was always one thing that always made him selfish, always made him greedy, because he just couldn't help himself. He always wanted to be near his brother, his mother, because they were his family, and nothing was going to take them away from him.
Honestly, that was the only reason he went along with Edward's plan: to get his mother back.
To bring her, living, breathing, happy, with his brother, all with him forever. But his mother was lost; and almost his brother was too. But Edward was selfish too; he didn't want Alphonse to leave without him, and Alphonse didn't want Edward to leave without him. That was why he stayed by his older brother's side; because he never wanted to leave Edward's sight. He wanted to feel protected, loved, and that was what Edward gave him. He wasn't going to let it go, because it was the only thing he ever allowed himself to feel, the only time he let into his avarice.
He wanted his body back so badly; not because to sleep, eat, or feel pain. He wanted it back because he wanted to feel his brother's warm hugs again, he wanted to receive that same special smile only reserved for him and drown in it; the agony of a human's wants. He hated anything that took away his brother from him: the Military, the Truth, and once even Winry. He felt incredibly ashamed after the last one, remembering that this was their childhood friend. But still, the love in her eyes made Alphonse's blood boil.
And one other thing Alphonse added to his hate list; doctors.
He knew that Winry's parents were doctors, and so was Pinako; he didn't hate them, because they were the ones that brought Brother back to him. But he hated these hospitals, the clinics, the look of fear that passed Edward's face when a needle came with in sight, the stoic facade of Mustang when Edward screamed and thrashed that he simply wanted to bash the man's head in for hurting his brother-
But he restrained himself, because that was what he taught himself to do, because what he really wanted to do was grab his brother and use the intimidation his armor gave to get them away, although he knew it was going to unacceptable.
Because Edward always had control of his life, of Alphonse's life...until he was admitted to the hospital.
Then it was the heart monitors, the oxygen mask, the rush and emergency doting of the nurses and surgeons, the needles stuck in his arms and body that kept him alive. It wasn't Edward working himself anymore, and that meant that it wasn't Alphonse working himself anymore.
Because it was Edward who was his pillar, who helped him stand up straight and look forward even though he never wanted to look that way again; it was Edward that reminded him that it was them who were walking forward with their heads turned to the past.
But he was also scared, scared because hospitals meant that Edward was hurt. He was hurt, and he depended on someone else to fix him, and that person was not Alphonse. Scared, because if he was hurt bad enough, that meant Edward could die.
Edward could die...
Edward could die...
Big brother could die...
Edward was extremely hard to kill, as said by Colonel Mustang and the Fuhrer himself, but it didn't mean it wasn't possible. Because when big brother was on that bed, breathing in and out, his life was on someone else's line and that made Alphonse more scared than anything, because he was selfish and he always wanted his big brother to be there.
Because he wasn't going to allow anyone to take Edward away from him.
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