Elincia, reigning queen of Crimea, was feeling rather unhappy. In a less exalted woman, some might have said she was in a snit. The source of her highness' discontent was, in fact, her general, who was completely ignoring her pursuit of him.

"It is refreshing to find a man who is courteous and genteel in this day and age," She lamented to Lucia, who was looking anxiously towards the horizon where the sun was sinking below the tree line. "But there are times, unladylike as it is, when I wish that he were a little less concerned with appearances and treat me like a common woman."

"I quite agree, your majesty," Lucia was willing to agree to anything by this point. "If you will excuse me, I have personal business to attend to."

"Oh yes, of course." Elincia agreed. She watched Lucia walk away, hoping that the blue-haired swordmaster had not contracted too serious of an illness. She was rather relieved to see Ike meet Lucia at the edge of the forest. It was so good of him to be solicitous of his soldiers! He would make sure that Lucia returned safely once she was feeling better. How she wished he would be more solicitous of her emotions for him!

*

Elincia continued to ponder this question over the next several days. She was innocently loitering near his tent when she saw the boy from the supply caravan enter. Carefully, not wanting it to look as if she were spying on her general, she moved close enough to be able to hear Daniel ask Ike,

"So can you give me any other advice? No matter how many times we play, he still just keeps beating me!"

"The best I can tell you is to observe your opponent carefully," Ike lectured. Elincia yawned. Tactics were the most boring part of learning to be a warrior queen. The best part was getting to fly around on her grandmother's pegasus all the time! However her ears perked up as he finished, "Take your opponent's tactics and use them against him. Sometimes he falls into his own trap."

Make him fall into his own trap! Of course! Elincia thought joyfully. She sprang to her feet and ran through the camp, looking for Soren, bumping into Titania as she ran. After a good fifteen minutes of searching, she finally found the mage sipping a cup of tea. He was muttering over a set of documents, and put them down a little too brusquely when she entered. Elincia elected not to notice.

"What are m'lord Ike's tactics?" She asked breathlessly, her innocent bosom heaving with exertion. Soren's face turned, if possible, more sour.

"Apparently," he snapped, sarcasm nearly tangible in his voice, "his chief tactics are to just blindly charge in and kill everything in his path." He picked up the documents again, muttering about foolhardy beorc as Elincia rushed from the tent again.

That must be it! He likes warrior women! I have to become a stronger fighter, She mused walking back through the camp towards her own tent. She only looked up briefly when she heard Titania, sweaty and panting standing at the flap of Ike's tent.

"You're so much like your father, Ike." She breathed.

I hope he helps her to recover from her grief over Greil soon, She thought, with a compassionate sigh for the other woman.

*

Elinca was trying hard to come up with a way to become the sort of warrior Ike would like best. She looked up to see Nephenee and Calill talking to one another a little way ahead. She brightened up and walked over just in time to hear Calill ask Nephenee,

"So what sword rank would you give General Ike?"

"Oh, an 'S'," Nephenee's eyes were wide. "Definitely an 'S'." She was breathing hard just thinking about it.

"Mmmm, you're generous," Calill's smile turned sly. "But I would give him at least an 'A'. He is rather skilled."

"But of course he is!" Elincia spoke up loyally. The two women's jaws dropped and they looked at each other, then back at the princess with wide eyes. A little disconcerted with their reaction, Elincia defended her statement, "After all, he was trained by Master Greil. So he must have his father's raw talent!"

Nephenee and Calill looked at one another again for a moment. Calill burst into howling laughter.

"Elincia, honey," Nephenee began to say, her cheeks flaming with a blush. Calill grabbed her arm.

"Leave it, Neph, she's a lost cause!" The sage was still chortling as she dragged the other woman off. Elincia watched them go, confused.

"What did I say that was so funny?" She wondered aloud, then realized, "Shoot! I forgot to ask them about fighting!"

"Devdan wonders why pretty princess is talking to herself," A familiar, slow drawl sounded from behind her. Elincia turned to see the large halberdier and smiled again despite herself.

"Oh, Devdan, hello," She answered brightly. "I was just wondering what sort of fighter is best suited for rushing in and killing people on the battlefield."

"Princess Elincia is talking about going berserk," Devdan informed her. "But madness and foaming are not right for a delicate noble woman."

Elincia thought about that for a moment. "Well, maybe Largo can teach me to be a berserker without the foaming?"

"It does not hurt to ask," Devdan agreed. Elincia waved as she left to find the berserker. On the way, she passed Makalov, who was carrying a bouquet of flowers.

"Oh, those are lovely," She told him. Makalov grinned.

"If you think so, then Astrid will think so too! I'm glad I got the right kind this time. She told me all about the difference between flowers and weeds last time I got her something pretty."

"So they're a present for Astrid?" Elincia was slightly charmed. "That's a sweet gesture!"

"I'm just waiting for her to get back. She said that she knew a way to make sure that Ike forgave me for my debts to the company. I don't know what she was planning, but it's sure nice to have a rich girlfriend!" He continued on his way, and Elincia went along hers. Eventually, she did find Largo. She waited until he put down his massive ax- remembering at the last moment that it was called a brave ax.

"Largo?" She said his name tentatively. She was a little intimidated by him.

"Waaaa hahahaha!" He broke into his hearty laugh. "I didn't see you there, little lady! How can I help you?"

"Well, ummm," Elincia found her courage and blurted out, "I want you to teach me to be a Berserker class!"

Largo laughed heartily again. "That's a good one, my skinny little queen!"

"Please," Elincia begged. "Can't you teach me anything?"

"Welllll." He thought for a moment. "Well, I'd say to have Boyd teach you to use an ax first." He hurried on as her face fell. "But I can tell you that all berserkers have a good battle cry. Like this!"

Largo gave a full-throated roar. Elincia eeped and jumped back, terrified. At last the audio assault ended. "Now you!"

She looked around timidly, afraid of being seen, and gave a prissy, ladylike little scream.

"That's not good enough! Again!"

*

By dinner time, Elincia's throat felt like it was on fire. She sipped miserably at a bit of broth, despite the teasing and coddling of both Bastian and Geoffrey who were worried about her health. After dinner, she rose and walked between the tents. She decided to take a bath and had just ducked down between Shinon and Marcia's tents, taking the shortcut to the bathing tent, when she heard deep gasps from her right, followed by a scream of,

"Oh, crackers, YES!"

Elincia froze, blushing deeply. A hand nearly broke her nose as Shinon pulled his bolt hole shut again. From inside, she could hear Gatrie's voice say,

"Crackers?"

"Precisely."

"Who's she-"

"Better not to know."

Her cheeks still flaming, Elincia continued to the bathing tent with a disgusted thought of men! Reemerging fifteen minutes later, she nearly walked right into Ike, coming from the direction of the other tents. Glancing up, she clutched her dirty clothes to her chest over her robe, stammered something, and fled back to her own tent to spend the rest of the night virtuously alone.

*

"Jill!" Elincia was surprised the next morning to see the wyvern rider looking flustered as she ducked around the edge of Ike's tent, which a sweaty Ike had left five minutes before. Elincia made a note to have the ventilation of the tents checked if her General was that sweaty before leaving it this early in the morning. Elincia returned her attention to the now-startled lancer. There was something furtive in Jill's movements. "Are you alright?"

"Umm, umm, yes! I was just seeing Ike's dragon- I mean, Ike was seeing my dragon- wyvern! Yes! Ike was seeing my wyvern visiting- Oh, never mind!" The impulsive woman ran away. Elincia blinked a couple of times in confusion. She continued on past the training grounds, where the still-sweaty Ike was leaning against a pole on the edge of the sword ring. Mia was walking slowly towards Ike, her voice somewhat lower than usual as she purred,

"But Boss! Your swordwork, it's so... masterful. I want to see it in action."

It's so nice that he takes the time to train with the people under his command! Elincia already felt better, putting the mystery that was Jill behind her. She waved cheerfully to them and kept walking, passing an- as usual- sour-faced Soren. He ignored her and looked at Ike, muttering,

"It's a wonder anything ever gets done in this camp!" before raising his voice to shout, "Ike, you're a half hour late for our meeting!"

"Your tent, two hours. You probably have more luxurious accomodations." Mia stage-whispered. Ike nodded to her and walked over to Soren, already reaching for the files that the logistics officer was shoving at him.

I guess My Lord Ike and I won't be having tea this afternoon, then, if he already has a guest, Elincia thought sadly, her good mood gone. She trudged through the camp, finally locating Boyd as he was receiving his daily torture from Titania. They looked up at her approach.

"Boyd, Largo says I should ask you to teach me to use an ax," she told him.

"Riiiight," Boyd leaned against the side of Titania's horse. Titania shooed him off. "Does this have anything to do with all that screaming yesterday?"

Elincia was feeling so down that she couldn't even be embarrassed that everyone in the camp knew about her unladylike behavior. She merely nodded. Boyd walked over and offered her the handle of his iron ax.

"Here," He said. She took it. Immediately, the head dragged her arms to the ground with its weight. She struggled to lift it.

"Just as I thought," Titania sighed. "Look, Elincia, the only way you'll ever be a good warrior is if you practice what you're good at until your 'good' is perfect. Just stick to what you know."

"So I can be a warrior lady with a sword without being a berserker? And Ike will li- find my skills useful?"

"He's found uses for you before," Titania's voice was sardonic. Elincia didn't quite get her meaning, and was wondering at the strange look Boyd gave the paladin.

"Just be myself? And Lord Ike will like me?" Elincia asked.

"That's the general idea!" Boyd told her. Elincia hugged them both, then ran off to ride her Pegasus, practice with Amity, and take a nap in the sun. When it started to get dark, she went to take dinner with Lucia, Bastian, and Geoffrey, smiling as she passed Ike's tent where he shared oysters, strawberries, and cocoa with Ilyana. It was good of him to look out for the delicate, perpetually hungry mage!

*

The next morning was the dawn of a day of battle. Elincia, wearing her white armor, stood in the pegasus paddocks, feeding and grooming her pegasus. Tanith walked briskly by, giving the princess a little nod of approval. Something looked slightly off.

"Commander, is that... sex hair?" One of the young knights asked. The commander whipped around to look at her.

"Silence! Look to your own duties!" She barked. More quietly, almost defensively, she added, "I had an early staff meeting." Tanith marched firmly off, shouting as she passed her knights.

"Don't mind her. She's always touchy after a staff meeting," One of the girl's friends informed her. The two began to giggle.

"I wouldn't mind being on his staff!" The first replied. More giggling ensued.

"That's enough!" Elincia told them in her most imperial voice. "You should show more respect to your commanding officer."

The pegasus knights looked at her for a moment. "Clueless," One said. The other nodded.

"How rude!" Elincia sputtered. She mounted and flew out of the paddock. She remained airborne until time to speak with the General. Upon getting her instructions, Elincia took to the air again.

Remember: charge, battle cry, best at. Charge, battle cry, best at. Charge, battle- wait, what's that? Oh no!

She turned, preparing to warn the ground-based units about the enemy sage hiding behind a tree, when the sage unleashed a blizzard on the front rank of the army- right on Ike. Panicked, Elincia landed next to him. He was frozen, part of his body sticking out of the monolith of ice.

"General? General? General Ike!" Elincia cried. But I- But he- but we never got a chance to... I'll never lose my virginity to him now! As she looked at him, encased in that bespelled tomb, an icy rage settled in her heart. Drawing Amity, she rose in her stirrups, looking out over the ranks of the enemy. In a howl that was later reported to be heard three miles away, Elincia gave a battle cry that would become legend:

"FOR IKE'S THROBBING MANHOOD!"

A terrifying, ululating scream of rage and lust arose from behind the princess. The men ducked and dodged as the women of Ike's army poured past them, following the vengeful queen into combat. Soren sighed with disgust as he cast fire on Ike, melting the ice and leaving the commander gasping on the ground as he fought to regain his composure.

"My sister!" Geoffrey was horrified, watching Lucia's savagery.

"But then- does that- all these women!" Gatrie stammered, dumbfounded.

"Yep. Every last one of them," Shinon answered, unstringing his bow as he decided to let Ike's Angels do the work.

"But he- and they- he seriously- Ooooooooh," Gatrie fell to the ground in a swoon.

"We have to do something about the horrible influence these mercenaries are having on the queen. This is improper," Bastian murmured.

"What- what's going on?" Mist asked, wide eyed. "What are you talking about?"

"Ask Rolf or Boyd. They'll be glad to teach you," Shinon told her. He looked out where Lethe was ripping the sage's face off. "Even the furry. You bastard."

Watching the carnage before them, Elincia charging in the lead and decimating the army by herself, Ike merely answered Shinon's accusation with, "Goddess, that is hot..."