Woo! Third Chapter!
Here's something for you Guy Ritchie fans...
BTW: What do you think about the romance? Who should it be...?
"Shepard! How was Freedom's Progress?" TIM asked.
"Crowded. You want a report or something?" Shepard asked, lighting a cigarette.
"Yes, since it is the reason I sent you there," TIM answered, petting the white cat on his lap.
"Right. Well, I killed mechs, met Tali'Zorah and found out who attacked the colony. The Collectors."
Illusive Man's eyes narrowed slightly, but otherwise did not react.
"You don't look too surprised," Shepard remarked, crossing his arms.
"What?" TIM startled. "Oh, I was merely thinking about Tali'Zorah…what a stylish woman," he said quietly, looking thoughtful.
Now Shepard's eyes narrowed. This was again very disturbing.
"You know Tali?"
"I've been stalk—, I mean I am well-informed about most things," he still looked contemplative.
Shepard squeezed his eyes shut. Why the hell had he even asked TIM if he knew her? He lowered his head in complete horror and disgust.
"But enough about that charming girl…"Illusive man said, the thoughtful expression vanishing from his face "Now I'm going to boss you around a little more."
Shepard lifted his head, crossing his arms again "Don't think so."
"You don't need to think. See this button here?" he pointed at a button on his chair's arm "If I press this button, the floor beneath you will open and you will fall into a pool filled with sharks."
"Sharks?" Shepard asked in complete disbelief. He wondered if he could go through all the negative emotions in one meeting with TIM.
"Yes. Now be a good boy, and do as I say," he moved his finger closer to the button "Or else."
Shepard sighed "Fine."
"I want you to destroy the Collectors by attacking their home system…" he snapped his fingers and a holographic image of a mass relay appeared "…through the Omega-4 relay. Every ship traveling through it has disappeared, but I have the utmost confidence in your abilities."
"Great. A suicide mission. Again," Shepard sighed.
"Don't worry. I'm putting together a team of specialists to help you."
"I wasn't worried, but am now. Are they the same quality as Miranda and Jacob?"
"Yes."
Shepard sighed again, this time deeper "Look, I appreciate you trying to kill me, but I had a pretty good team when I was fighting Saren. Where are they? Wrex, for example?"
"Urdnot Wrex went to Tuchanka a while back, and won the elections. He is currently the president of Tuchanka, but has some trouble with 'rebels'."
President Wrex? An image of Wrex dressed up in a dark suit appeared into Shepard's mind.
"Garrus?"
Garrus Vakarian applied to the Spectre training, but apparently the training was not 'badass enough' for him. He disappeared afterwards."
Pretty cool for a nerdy ex-cop...first positive surprise.
"Liara?"
Liara T'Soni is currently on Illium, working as an information broker. She has developed many different personality disorders, paranoid and obsessive-compulsive among them."
This was starting to get scary.
"Ashley?"
"Ashley Williams is still with the Alliance, promoted. Somehow, she is very insulted that you died saving everyone. Probably an undiagnosed mental condition as well."
Very scary.
"And Tali's going towards Haelstrom? Am I supposed to save her?"
"Yes, but not yet."
Shepard frowned "That was just off the top of your head?"
TIM leaned backwards, smoking a cigarette "As I said, I've been stalki—, I am well-informed."
"Fine. Can I go now? You know, to fight your battles for you?"
"One thing first: I have a pilot for you, and they say he's one of the best. Someone you can trust…" TIM said, and cut off the communication.
"That you John Wayne, or is this me?" Joker asked.
Shepard turned towards him "Joker?"
"Hi Commander," Joker greeted and gestured Shepard to follow him.
They walked through the empty corridors of the station, and arrived to a room with a large window. Behind the window was a large, dark room.
"What the hell are you doing here, Joker?"
"Well, I wanted to meet different kinds of aliens and...kill them. The Alliance also grounded me after you died. They said I was lacking in character, that I was just 'the joking crippled guy'. The Illusive Man isn't so judgmental."
"Isn't that just a nice way of saying that his standards are lower?"
"Yes, but this isn't low…" Joker answered and pressed a button on the wall. The large room behind the window brightened up and Shepard could see a large ship in there.
Joker grinned "They only told me yesterday. What do you think?" he asked, turning towards Shepard.
"Wow. A space ship. Never seen one before," Shepard said dryly.
"But Commander, it's the new Normandy! Aren't you a bit excited?"
"If it's the same quality as everything else here? No."
Inside the Normandy again. It was actually much better quality than everything else and Shepard was glad that he had been wrong. It was definitely good to be back...
The interior was pretty similar to the old Normandy, except that the ship was decorated with the logo colors of Cerberus. Shepard didn't mind, since they actually looked pretty neat. However, some additions he did mind.
On almost every wall, there was a large portrait of the Illusive Man and underneath it a text 'Our Beloved Leader'. And if that wasn't disturbing enough, there were also the loudspeakers. Every ten minutes, the speakers began telling about TIM's achievements, and reminded the crew about the consequences of disloyalty.
"Damn son! Didn't know that the Illusive Man could beat a krogan in an armwrestling match!" Jacob yelled in admiration and Miranda immediately slapped him to the back of the head.
Miranda saluted Shepard, and the corks hanging from her hat jingled "Welcome to the Normandy, Commander. I'm your Executive Officer Mirand—"
"Shut up! My memory's not that bad," Shepard snapped, not lifting his gaze from the OSD in his hands. He was going through the dossiers.
"It's Cerberus protocol", Miranda retorted proudly, her posture straightening.
"Lots of things are…" Shepard muttered, still not lifting his gaze "Great. It seems that our future comrades are a crazy super-biotic, a crazy krogan, a crazy vigilante, a crazy mercenary and a crazy doctor."
Now Shepard lifted his gaze from the OSD, and looked at Miranda, frowning "How did you guys make this list? Were they at the same madhouse or something?"
Miranda's face wrinkled in anger "They are not crazy, but eccentric," the expression faded "Anyway, we should go find Doctor Mordin Solus first."
A golden balloon suddenly emerged from the console behind them "Miss Lawson is correct, master Lu-, uh, Commander. Doctor Solus could invent a measure against the seeker swarms," a female voice spoke with a British accent.
"Who the hell are you?" Shepard asked, turning towards the balloon.
"I am EDI, sir, the ship's artificial intelligence."
Shepard sighed, raising his hands before him "Just don't get in the way, please."
"I assure you, sir, I will not be a burden to you," EDI answered, and the balloon disappeared.
"Joker, towards Omega then. I need a drink," Shepard said, walking towards the elevator.
"There is not any alcohol onboard, Commander," Miranda stated.
Shepard stopped and sighed "I wish I was still dead…"
Since there was not any alcohol to drink, Shepard decided to take a look around the ship. He entered the armory and saw Jacob there. Shepard wished that he wouldn't break anything.
" 'Sup Shepard?" Jacob greeted as Shepard stepped inside the room.
Shepard frowned "What are you doing here?"
"I'm the Gunnery Chief, man."
Shepard facepalmed "No. Get out."
"Damn son! Nobody has ever allowed me to take a break! That's cool man, but I'm okay."
Shepard sighed again "Since this day couldn't possibly get any worse, tell me something about yourself."
"I would, but that shit's boring. Can tell you about Miranda though, cuz the girl has some mean booty."
"She's your girlfriend or something?"
"Nah man! We were pretty tight, and then we weren't. Let's not talk about this…"
"Yeah. Let's not."
"Tell you what, that Tali-girl…" Jacob slapped his hands together "Woo! That girl has some serious sex appeal, man!" he poked Shepard to the ribs "You know what I'm sayin'…"
"I do, because you're saying it."'
"Oh c'mon! Don't say she ain't hot man!" a dreamy look appeared on Jacob's face "I mean that tight-ass suit, with those fabrics hugging her body…that perfect waist-hip ratio…"
The image of Tali appeared into Shepard's mind as Jacob described her. The snug suit, the cloths highlighting her curves…the slim waist…that firm – wait a second, what the hell was he thinking?
"That top of the line boot—" Jacob was interrupted by Shepard.
"Stop that! God!" Shepard yelled, covering his face with his hands "Oh, god..."
He lowered his hands "She's my friend, not some damn sex object!"
Jacob slapped his hands together again "Damn! You've got some pent-up aggression in there!" he started chuckling "And apparently other pent-upped feelings as well!"
"Shut up! Go clean your guns!" Shepard snapped, and walked out of the Armory.
"Hi there!" a redheaded girl greeted Shepard when he approached her.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm your Yeoman, Kelly Chambers. I check out your crew's condition, both physical and psychological, then I'll send my report to you. Wanna see?"
Shepard shrugged, and Kelly handed him an OSD.
Subject
Hot or not ;)
Miranda
Very hot physically. Cold psychologically...she needs someone to warm her…*wink wink* Commander….;D
Jacob
Totally hot! :) Dunno about psychologically…he doesn't seem to have one : /
Joker
Beard not so cool :E…really funny, but his handicap limits the possibilities…
Shepard raised his gaze from the OSD, stunned. He could see Kelly smiling brightly.
"Whatcha think?"
"What the hell kind of a report is this?" Shepard asked.
"It's an evaluation of the crew's physical and psychological condition," Kelly stated matter-of-factly.
Shepard couldn't figure out what to say, so he just gave the OSD back to Kelly "I just realized that I have to go."
"Aww. Well I hate to see you leave, but love to see you go," she said softly, and gave Shepard a small wave "Bye!"
She watched after Shepard as he went...
Miranda, Jacob and Shepard were now on Omega. The place looked like a garbage dump.
"Howdy partner!" one salarian greeted them "Welcome to Omega, I'm—" he was interrupted by a slap from a batarian.
"Dead, if your mouth keeps running. Now run along, boy," the batarian snapped, and the salarian ran away.
"Welcome to Omega, pilgrim," the batarian greeted them, chewing chaw as he spoke "The woman you should talk to is Aria. She's over there at the tavern," he continued, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.
"Why should see I her?" Shepard asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Because I told you to, jackass, "the batarian snapped, putting his hand on his sidearm "Ain't gonna ask you twice."
"Fine…" Shepard muttered, brushing the batarian off.
The batarian relaxed and a smirk appeared on his face. Shepard smiled to him pleasantly, then suddenly punched the batarian to the head, knocking him out cold.
The trio began hearing loud banging (ha-ha) near them and saw a human repeatedly trying to slam a shuttle's door shut, with a batarian laying in that same doorway.
"Give…me…my…goddamn…bees!" the human yelled with strong English accent, as he kept slamming the door to the batarian's head.
It made Shepard's head hurt just by watching it. He grimaced in disgust, and tapped the human on the shoulder.
The human let go of the door and turned around, frowning "The hell are you mate?"
"You Massani?" Shepard asked.
"Yeah, am that. You're Shepard?" Zaeed asked, and Shepard nodded. "Pleased to meet ya."
Shepard nodded towards the batarian "Who's your friend?"
Zaeed turned back towards the batarian "The muppet owes me a little crust, and tried to lead me on a chase all over the Systems," he turned back towards Shepard, shaking his head slightly "So goddamn rude…"
"Don't see any money pouring out of him..." Shepard remarked.
"Hey! I don't come where you work and tell you how to skin bandits or flip burgers or whatnot," Zaeed snapped.
Zaeed turned back towards the batarian again, and Shepard glanced at Miranda "Skin bandits?" he asked, and she merely shrugged as an answer.
Batarian was moaning something incoherent and Zaeed leaned on closer "Do what darling? Could you perhaps speak with a little louder voice?" he asked softly and slapped the batarian on the head.
"Pocket," the batarian mumbled and Zaeed slapped him again.
"Got nothing in your pocket, wanker! Checked already!"
"Leg pocket…"
Zaeed started digging the batarian's leg pockets, and found a keycard "And where does this go, sunshine?" he asked softly.
"I'll show…"
"That you will, mate," Zaeed said, dragging the batarian to the floor by his neck collar. He started walking towards a door on the left, dragging the batarian with him "I'll be ready the next time you wanna do someone in. Cheers, Shepard."