We're baaaack! Or well I am Beth is recovering from a cold/flu thingy.
Sorry we haven't updated in forever :(
But we have good excuses, as in plural,
I was sick two weeks ago,
Beth is currently sick,
School started last month and well I'd be lying if I said it wasn't occupying, well, all of my time. I am actually putting this over homework just for you lovely readers, :)
Homework is a bitch,
Sports started for me,
But I am sending out this chapter because I love y'all so much!
Alright so on with it,
Oh aaaaand, Standard disclaimer applies, Twilight's not mine. If it were I would insisted that Bella would have some kind of expression in the movies, and that Emmett would have had more lines!
-Read and review-
I had stayed overnight with Edward, the whole time he had been fading
in and out of consciousness. I would get all I could out of him when
he was awake though. I felt a slight pressure on my hand, and turned
to see Edward squinting at me in the darkness of the room I hadn't
been able to fall asleep after what he had told me when he was last
awake. Sometimes it was incoherent babblings, or choppy explanations.
*"Love... So sorry... Stress... Mistake... Big mistakes... Never..."
and on and on. But the thing he said the most was 'mistake' and I knew
that he wasn't speaking of the accident as much as he was our
relationship.
Carlisle and Esme had been in and out, each stay seemed shorter than
the last, Esme seemed to have a break down every time she looked at her
sons broken form. It seemed that the breakdowns had gotten worse after
he woke up, the doctor said that he had mild amnesia and that his
incoherent babbling wasn't unusual... But it still worried her greatly.
It was seen on her face, the stress and worry it seemed to be eating her up, from the inside out. The doctored had
assured her Edward would be okay, a little worse for wear, but okay.
Hearing this news made me worry about Esme even more, she didn't look
better or anything, and like I said she only seemed to be getting
worse. She never stayed the night with him and neither did Carlisle.
"Bella?" Edward rasped, I tightened my hand around him a little bit as
I looked into his eyes. "let... Let me explain."
I kinked an eyebrow and shifted in my seat. "Look I did... Sleep
with... her..." I tilted my head to the side, in confusion, it was
such a random thing to wake up and blurt out that it had caught me off
guard. My back straightened and I frowned at the thought.
"She... Got me... Drunk..." he said slowly, "I was...there ... At
the... Bar... But I never in-... Intended to drink as much... As I did... The drink she... Gave me was... Stronger...
Much stronger than... I thought..." he cleared his throat and gulped,
" I don't even remember..." he lifted a weak hand and twisted it in
the air, "having..."
"I get it," I said quickly, he nodded softly.
"Bella... I still... love... you" He said looking into my eyes confidently.
"Why didn't you just tell me? You claim to love me so much but... You
have done absolutely nothing to show me that you do." His expression
changed from soft to angry in a second.
"What do you..." he took a gasping breath, "mean I haven't showed...
You? I was in a big commitment... to you for most of my... freaking
high school career! I... Broke it off because I do... love you... And
you deserved better... than some cheating bastard..."
"And has that changed?"
"No,"
"Then why are you trying to apologize now?" That stopped him and I
took advantage of his momentary pause, "if I deserved better than that
then, than what has changed from then to now? What in this past month or so has changed how I should be treated?"
He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled shakily, "It hasn't but... Bella
I would... Have explained this... Situation... To you if... I knew how
to... Bella... I felt like I... Was walking on thin ice with... you,
during conversations... And in public... I just assumed... That you
didn't... want to talk about... It. You seemed fine... To me... I just
thought that... Maybe the breakup hadn't affected you... As much.. As
it did me..." I didn't know whether to believe him, or not. He could
have been feeding me shit, but when I thought about his words it would
make sense that I didn't seem upset by the break up. I always cried in
the privacy of my own room, with the exception of outside of the club,
he never did see how affected I was. When I did see him, I was always
putting on the tough act, and I acted like a friend more than a
heartbroken ex. Not that I needed to come across more wimp-ish... But
it wasn't really my fault.
"Edward... I- how am I supposed to know that you aren't lying? Look, I don't know how- if I can trust you anymore,"
"Bella what... Besides the 'incident'... I haven't done anything...
that was un-trust... worthy!" he argued.
"You never told me the truth until now, though! If you had told me
what had really happened than... We could have avoided all of this...
I mean, sure, I would have been fucking pissed off at you for awhile,
but we could have spared all of this unnecessary shit that went on the
past month... 's,"
He curled a lip at me, "No you wouldn't have Bella, *you would have
just broken up with *me."
My mouth dropped open, "Is that what this was about? You're fucking
pride? You broke up with me, crushed me, just so you could feel good
about never being broken up with!"
"Of course not-"
I gasped, "It is! You were worried that if you told the truth and I
didn't believe you I'd break up with you! You- Ugh! If you weren't so
fucking broken I would have slapped you."
He was quiet, looking up at me with his big green eyes, I sighed and sagged back against my hard chair.
"Ok... I *was worried about my... *feelings," He said emphasizing
'feelings'. "But like... I said earlier... You deserve better."
"Who the fuck cares! I sure don't because if I did care about 'what I
deserve'" I said in a mocking voice, " I probably wouldn't be here
right now! But your right. I do deserve better." His eyes pulled away
from mine and I let mine drift toward the ceiling, "I deserve you, the
old you, not this new cocky ass player, not the lying, cheating
bastard, trying to be... *Tony. Edward I deserve your honesty, and you
deserve mine. I am just as bad as you, I almost slept with Tony when I
was sober!" I looked at him and his jaw was ticking, "But I couldn't."
I sighed, "We all make mistakes, Edward, and the first part of yours
was forgivable, but you never tried to be forgiven you just sank
yourself into a deeper hole, as did I." He nodded, still looking away
from me. "If you felt so bad about Chelsea, that why even try to be
friends with me?"
"Selfish...Bastard.."
He was starting to drift off, I could tell by his slowed breathing,
his hand lethargically sought out mine and I grabbed it softly, lying
a kiss on the back of his knuckles I smile softly at his confession.
"No your just a confused teenager. Aren't we all?" He smirked and the
previously thick tension in the room slowly dissipated as he fell
asleep, "I was selfish too though; I could have cut off communication
just as easily as you, but I wasn't ready- I'm still not ready to lose
you." I said sadly. His head slowly turned to me and his droopy eyes
started to close.
"You won't... lose me... I love you..." His eyes shut.
"Love you too," I whispered. We still had a lot to work out, and we
would work it out. Together.
I awoke when a harsh light started seeping through the lightly colored
curtains and hit my closed eyelids, I sat up from where I had been
leaning against Edwards bed and went to rub my eyes when I noticed
Edwards grip on my hand hadn't slackened at all from when he had gone to sleep, until now. I reached up to brush some hair off of his "No it's just that his tests..." His voice started to trail off, and
he quietly mumbled to himself. I was about to ask what was going on
when Carlisle came in looking stressed.
"Dad?" Edward croaked, Carlisle smiled at him but kept moving towards
the Doctor.
"What is going on?" I asked slightly on edge because of the concerned
look on their faces.
"Edward's surgery... I mean there is nothing... Nothings wrong, but we
do need to start prepping Edward for surgery." I looked at Edward in
worry, "He will be fine, but we want to get the surgery done before
something goes wrong." Edwards hand flexed around mine. "We just need
you to leave for awhile Bella, we will call your house when he is out
of surgery, ok?" I nodded and stood up, leaned over to kiss Edwards
forehead, and left the room.
It was five o'clock and I still hadn't gotten any phone call. I was
pacing around my bed as Carly sat on it, chewing her fingernails.
"You think he'll be alright?" She asked, I nodded jiterishly. "But
forehead and his eyelids started to flutter when the door banged open,
letting the commotion of the hospital hall flood into the quiet,
calmness of Edward's private room. Dr. Gerandy walked in quickly,
mumbling a quick "Hello," and snatching up Edwards chart. His brow
furrowed and Edwards eyes opened, I smiled softly at him and looked
back to the doctor,
"Something wrong?" what if he isn't? What if they kill him? That would suck Bella!" Her
voice rose in pitch before sinking back down, "It kinda' stinks that
you just said I love you and everything and he goes in for brain
surgery! Dude, he's probably not gonna remember that, then you would
feel so stupid! Or what if he had some damage that caused him to
forget you altogether! What if he was like delirious and he still
hates you like in real life!" I raised my eyebrows incredulously and
through the hairbrush she stole from me at her.
"You would be a fucking terrible therapist, life coach and anything
else dealing with... *people!" She frowned and shrugged before
nodding.
"True," she sighed and hopped off of my bed, the phone rang as she
went to the door and she stopped what she was doing and jumped back
onto my bed and grabbed my phone, answering it.
"Hello?" There was silence, then her eyebrows furrowed and she looked
like she was about to cry, which sent mw into tears.
"Okay, goodbye." I felt her arms wrap around me. "that was just great acting, Edward's surgery went great!" She laughed, I shoed herout of my way and grabbed my jacket off of the chair by my door before taking off down the steps. I heard heavy footsteps and turned to see Carly on my heels.
"What're you-" She gave me a pointed look.
"If he doesn't remember you… Then I probably have a good chance with him this time," She grinned cheekily and wiggled her eyebrows. I curled a lip and rolled my eyes before yanking my keys out of my pocket and dashing out the door.
-WTP-
Hey y'all,
I know you're probably really angry that we haven't updated in forever, but leave us some reviews anyway… just 'cause we're awesome. If we can get the number of reviews close to ninety than I do my best to convince Beth to get her ass to the computer ;)
Also… I am personally reeeeaaally upset with myself because I didn't get around to answering like any reviews or sending out that teaser to people who asked…. So sorry people.
Review and we'll try and get out another chapter in the next week or so…
'So' being keyword, haha