CHAPTER SIX

After their encounter, Callie stormed off into another area of the park to cool off. She didn't understand why Arizona continued to jab at her, continued to fight with her, continued to hide from her. It was ridiculous, and childish; for someone who decided it was fair game to call her a freaking newborn, her behavior certainly rivals that term. She pushed back against the bench, reaching back and looking up to the sky. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, preventing the tears that welled there from falling. This was all just so absurd. They were fighting like teenagers; Arizona persisted on avoiding, and Callie was letting her by just getting up and walking away. But she was just so exhausted. So sick and so tired of going back and forth and never really getting anywhere. What had they become? Was this really the end?

As thoughts about their demise as a couple swirled around in her head, she pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Arizona was supposed to be different, they were supposed to be happy. They were, after all, the stable couple, the one that had everything figured out, the one that had all the answers. Arizona is different, she thought. And together, they were incredible. They had magic. So what the hell was wrong with them? They were going so well, following the path that would eventually lead them into something much more, deeper, long lasting. Callie was all in, she had been since their first kiss, but why wasn't Arizona? Did she not see how amazing they were together? How much Callie had fought for her?

Wait.

Callie had done all the fighting. She had her share of drama and tears, of course, and Arizona was always there to comfort her through them. But the fact of the matter was, Arizona never had to fight for her. Callie was always the one having to stand up, give up, give in throughout their whole relationship. And now that she was refusing, begging Arizona to fight for her, Arizona had no idea how to do it. Because she'd never had to. Callie had basically handed her a future, promising to fight for her so that Arizona wouldn't have to. And that, she thought, was preposterous. This time it was Arizona's turn. If she wanted to stay in this, she had to fight for her, she had to realize that average wasn't going to cut it, that she had to learn to let her in and depend on her in the ways she had taught Callie to after her family disowned her and when George died. As she took a deep breath, braced her hands on the sides of the bench and stood, she realized that's exactly what she had to tell her. Straight to her face.

But first, she needed a drink. Or ten. Because she wasn't sure she could handle how Arizona might react to everything being put on the line. She wasn't sure Arizona would actually fight for her, for them. Yeah, she needed a drink. This could wait until tomorrow. Walking away from the park she set her destination in her mind and headed off.

Callie downed a shot of tequila as Joe placed another in front of her. She slammed down the emptied glass and picked up the new one, bringing it to her lips as she gestured to Joe for one more. She loved the burn the liquid left as it traveled down her throat. She was fairly certain she had just downed shots number two and three, and as she caught Joe's glance for a fourth, he gave her an uneasy once over and shook his head. She grasped the glass and shoved it towards him, "Just one more. Then I'm done and outta here, I promise."

"Keys," he said, sticking his hand out into her personal space, making her back off slightly.

"I walked here." He shot her a look of disbelief and so she quickly added, "I promise. I've seen first hand what happens if you get behind the wheel like this - no driving. One more."

He finally relented and poured the liquid into a glass, shoving it her way, causing it to slosh over the rim. Unfazed, she picked it up and stared through it for a moment, examining the contents, measuring its worth. As she brought it to her lips, her heart stopped and her eyes popped out of her head when she caught sight of the familiar bouncing blonde curls from across the bar. She put her glass down on the counter, fingers gripping onto it loosely as she stared at her, unable to move, unable to breathe.

She was talking animatedly to Teddy, her curls bouncing as she giggled slightly, nudging her friend with her shoulder. She was laughing. She was happy. There wasn't a remnant of despair on her face. No tear stains. Her skin was supple and glowing as it always was. It wasn't puffy and red from crying and rubbing away the tears. Her make-up was done flawlessly; she was dressed in one of Callie's favorite outfits. This hurt. Badly. She was perfectly fine.

Then again, Arizona had perfected the art of bottling things away. Especially emotions. She didn't wear her heart on her sleeve for people to toss around and do with it as they pleased. She hated that Arizona could hide away so easily, as if nothing bad had ever happened to her. It wasn't fair.

She picked up the glass once again and swirled the tequila around with her finger, watching Arizona and Teddy laughing with one another. How one would lean in closer and put a hand to her mouth, covering the secret from the rest of the room, like freaking schoolgirls. How Arizona's face showed surprise and then relaxed again as the waves of laughter washed over her, giggles that Callie had always adored, filling the space around them. And then she noticed how her head jerked and her eyes popped out when she spotted Callie across the bar.

Fuck, Arizona knew she was there. Alarms began going off in loud cadences throughout Callie's head, as she felt her nerves, and those fucking butterflies return, building up suddenly in the pit of her stomach. She watched Arizona turn back to Teddy as she placed a hand on her shoulder to let her know she'd be back in a minute, rising from her bar stool as she did so. She was going to come over there. She was going to try and talk to her. Going to try to fix things. Again. She was going to be the gallant hero and come to save the day, to save everything.

Callie quickly downed the shot, shutting her eyes as she swallowed. She wasn't prepared for this. She had hoped it could wait until tomorrow. She needed it to wait until tomorrow. She was too tired to deal with her now.

She slammed the glass back on the counter and jumped off the stool, throwing some money and nodding at Joe. She darted for the bathroom, zig-zagging through people, wanting desperately to throw some cold water on her face. She gave the door a hard shove and quickly made her way to the sink, turning the knob for cold and cupping her hands beneath the faucet, slowly bringing the water up to her face and splashing the cool liquid against it, gasping at the temperature. She grabbed a paper towel to dry the dripping water and gazed into the mirror, waiting for Arizona to appear. How fucking poetic.

Within moments, she opened the door and walked in with a confident stride, shutting the door behind her. Callie tuned around abruptly to face her, locking her jaw tightly and clenching her teeth. They stood there in complete silence for a few moments, absorbing each other's presence. One they both had been longing for, but now, suddenly had no idea what to actually do with.

Thoughts of their first meeting flickered through Callie's eyes. Those were times similar to now, Callie heart broken, Arizona coming in to rescue her. Irony at its finest. But when Arizona spoke for the first time that night, they were instantly happier times. Times when the possibility of a new romance was only just beginning. And now, Callie thought, they were in the same place, only the possibility of it ending was more likely than she'd ever actually admit to herself.

Right now, their perfect, whirlwind romance was just barely hanging on by a thread. Arizona let out a small sigh, signaling she was ready to break the comfortable silence that had filled the room.

Normally, Callie would let Arizona speak her piece first. It was easier that way. She knew her well enough to know that Arizona needed to be first to speak, and she couldn't be interrupted or she'd lose her nerve. But this time was different. This time Callie would start the conversation, she had earned that much. Callie would be the one with the upper hand.

"People have broken me in the past. I've been bruised and beaten up in the worst of ways, and I had a hard time walking tall for a while." She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, willing herself to continue. "I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit that. They may have broken me, but that doesn't mean I let them. There's a difference. A big, fucking difference."

Arizona stood silently, slightly perplexed but intently focused on the woman standing before her. Callie noticed her shift slightly, possibly from the uncertainty of where this conversation was headed, if it foretold both their fates.

"But you know what? You have no right to use my past as a weapon. It may have led me to you, but you most certainly weren't there. And you know what else? I've been all in this since the beginning. You? You're a fucking mystery half the time, Arizona. You choose what I get to see, what I get to know, you withhold your emotions, and you sure as hell won't talk about them with me without starting an argument."

She was on a roll now. All the pent up frustration and anger was oozing out of her. If this was going to end, she was going to say everything that had been weighing on her heart. She was going to leave it all on the table, no holding back. Not only did she deserve to say it, but Arizona deserved to hear it. All of it.

"I don't even know much about your past; barely know anything about your family, about your life before Seattle. And yet, you have the audacity to judge me for going all in and getting hurt a few times? No."

Arizona scrunched her face in confusion, her mouth gaping in an attempt to protest, but Callie quickly cut her off. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins now; she could barely hear herself think. She knew this needed to be done, to put everything out there so she wouldn't implode.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm not the problem here? I've been broken, yes, but the reason I was is because I took a chance. I opened myself up to a possibility. I dove head first into something because that's who I am. I don't just give half of myself. I don't pick and choose which parts I share. Broken or not, it was worth it. Why? Because I wouldn't have you if I hadn't.

There are two things I know. I may have been hurt before, but I always put myself back together and came out stronger. The last time? I was a mess when I met you. But you fixed me, you put me back together."

She could see the pain in Arizona's eyes. She knew this was hurting her. She had somewhat intended on that, but she hadn't accounted for how that would make her feel. How much it would hurt her to see that in Arizona's eyes. How much she would desperately want to rush to her and hold her. But she couldn't, not this time. She had to be the strong one. So, with another deep breath, she continued.

"That's what you do, Arizona. You fix people. You take broken people and fit them into this mold of what you think is the ideal for them, what you think is best for them, what's best for you."

Callie glanced down and noticed Arizona's thumb nervously stroking her finger, as if she were twisting a non-existent ring. She was hitting a nerve, and even if she was horrible for admitting it, she felt a surge of satisfaction for standing up for herself. For once, she'd call the shots, make the big grandiose speech, and Arizona would be the one left trying to figure out where they would go from there.

"But who the hell are you to judge? Who do you let in? You didn't even want to date me because I wasn't lesbian enough. And you're only friends with Teddy because she's hung up on Owen. Everything is one big fucking project to you!

I thought I'd finally found someone who loved how much I loved. You even said it once. But telling me I let people break me? That says something completely different. And this time, this time I won't let you break me, too. I'm not broken either, Arizona. So you know what? Fuck you. You said you loved my big heart and that you loved me with all of yours. That you wanted me. You said all these things, but then you go and say something like that to win an argument, but really, I think you're just lying to me and to yourself."

She could see the tears start to form in Arizona's eyes. Maybe she is finally getting through to her. Maybe she will finally understand. The tears, they were killing her. She couldn't look at her anymore, so she closed her eyes, willing herself to continue, to say just a bit more.

"I've fought for you since before we were even together. And I'm tired, Arizona. Exhausted. I can't prove to you that I love you and that I'm not going to leave you any more than I already have. So, if you want me as much as you claim to? Fucking prove it."

Callie opened her eyes and instantly looked Arizona square in the eyes. She held her gaze with Arizona's for a moment before kicking into motion and leaving the room. Her head was buzzing and she wasn't entirely sure if she got her point across, she wasn't the speech giver after all, but she felt damn good at the effort as the door slammed behind her.