CHAPTER NINE
"Well, that sucked."
Callie shot Cristina a dirty look that she simply shrugged off. She placed her bowl on the coffee table and grabbed her iPod, searching for the aptly titled "Dance It Out" playlist. She stuck in into the dock and wiggled her eyebrows at Callie, rocking her upper body from side to side as she shuffled to where Callie had remained planted, unable to move. Cristina's efforts at enticing Callie into a dance failed miserably as she squirmed away from her approaching form. She wasn't in the mood to dance.
"Come on Torres, you need to dance it out."
From past experience, Callie knew if she continued on with her reluctance, Cristina would sink to low, almost unbearable measures to convince her to change her mind. She'd nag and plead and just be an all around ass until she agreed. So, rather than adding to her already full plate of stress, she started to swing her hips and do an embarrassingly weak attempt at a cha cha with her arms.
It wasn't long before Callie really got into the music and was going all out with Cristina, both of them flailing around the living room, singing annoyingly loud and doing various air instruments when the rifts permitted. Callie lost herself in the moment and let all the pressure just flow out of her, and for the first time in days, she felt completely free. Free of stress, free of tension, free of sadness, free of everything. Right now, all she needed to worry about was what song came on next, adjusting her rhythm accordingly, and making sure not to crash into anything.
Cristina shimmied over to one of the bar stools, plopping down to catch her breath. Callie lowered the volume and joined her at the counter, a small smile ghosting her lips. Slowly she began coming down from the high of dancing and her mind was once again flooded with fragmented memories of the fights she and Arizona had had over the last week. But the pain wasn't as intense this time. It almost felt, even if it was just for a moment, that it hadn't even happened, that it was some distant nightmare she had that blurred the line and had somehow become part of her reality. And for that, Callie was grateful Cristina had pushed her.
"Wanna get trashed?" Cristina inquired, already pouring two shots of tequila before Callie had a chance to respond. She pushed a glass towards Callie and lifted her own, a signal for her to follow suit. She followed Cristina's lead as they shot back the burning liquid, slamming their glasses together nearly in sync on the counter. Callie pushed hers forward for a refill, and they clinked them together before heading into a second and third round. When Callie requested a fourth, Cristina sat back, studying Callie's expression.
"You really love her, don't you?"
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Callie peered at her friend who sat expressionless, staring at her glass as she twisted it between her fingers. She could clearly see the inquisition had made her uncomfortable, meaning it was genuinely out of concern and placation.
These moments were rare with Cristina, when she put her guard down long enough to have a serious conversation, especially about emotions, even if only for a few moments. Deep down, Callie knew she did care about her, even though she'd never admit it, somewhere, in her own way. She blinked once, a small smile forming as she pictured a smiling Arizona in her dimple popping glory.
"More than anything."
There was a slight hint of sadness in her voice, one that Cristina hadn't missed, and after they both sat in silence staring into the kitchen for a few moments, Cristina sat up and poured a fourth shot. Raising her glass, motioning at Callie to do the same.
"It'll be okay Cal. She needs you just as much as you need her."
Callie raised her eyebrows quizzically. Twice in one night? She wasn't sure where that had come from, Cristina wasn't usually one to enquire such things at all, let alone more than once, and she knew better than to ask twice, so she simply relished in the sentiment. A huge grin that she couldn't contain if she tried to spread across her face, causing Cristina to roll her eyes, tossing the shot back and slamming the glass on the counter once more.
"A toast! To Blondie's ass being handed to her tonight."
Rolling her eyes, Callie clinked their glasses together. The last thing she wanted was to have hurt Arizona, but maybe, just maybe, having her ass handed to her, twice, would do the trick. Arizona hated to lose, and maybe it'd be a shove in the right direction, the direction that led her back into her arms.
Arizona turned the knob to her apartment, crossing the threshold and throwing the items in her hands onto the chair. Her cheeks were flushed and stained from her tears, and her throat was dry. She walked to the kitchen and reached for a bottle of water from the fridge. No more alcohol, it'd only served to hurt her even more tonight. She closed her eyes as the liquid soothed her throat and brought herself to the couch. She reclined back and rubbed circles into her temples, praying for some relief from her pounding headache. She knew she needed to talk to Callie, properly, and she knew it needed to happen sooner rather than later, but the memories, they were just, too painful. She shook her head, furrowed her brow and let them flow from her. Not stopping them, not blocking them, not trying to forget them.
She could remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Remember the frantic call from Isaac that Paige's water had broken. She had to chuckle to herself at his impending fatherhood nerves, and the various swear words he directed her way when she told him the early part wasn't up to her until they got to the hospital. The little one was five weeks early, and while it made Arizona a little nervous, she had delivered her share of babies much younger than the newly impending addition to the Robbins clan. Plus, her success rate was impeccable, and with Robbins blood running through him, she knew he would come out kicking and screaming and strong as any other newborn could be.
Back in those days she was going to be an OB/GYN, and was even accepted into a prestigious fellowship program, the fast track into early success. She loved everything about that moment when a child was first born. How the whole world felt like it stopped as everyone held their breaths waiting for that first cry. The anxious family members, the pacing father, the strength of the mother, the beautiful little smushy baby as she ushered another life into the world. She loved every second. And she also loved the fact that she could participate in it every day without having to actually go through it herself.
As she thought back to her early career, she had many happy memories, many success stories of babies she'd saved just by being the one to deliver them. But the best day of her entire career as a doctor was an easy choice. The day she delivered her nephew, all six pounds, three ounces of him. He was tiny, but right from the very beginning a scrappy little fighter. He screamed his head off like he was insulted she had the audacity to take him from his warm little cocoon.
The moment he was born Arizona looked at him and said "Me and you are gonna have fun together, yes we are." As she looked into his eyes she instantly felt like a part of something bigger. The spitting image of his father, she instantly felt the twin-like bond she shared with her brother, and as soon as he entered the world, she knew it was a new beginning. Yes, Kade Eric Robbins was the perfect addition to their little family.
While Isaac, Paige, and Arizona had always been close, getting together for family movie nights at least twice a week, and sometimes going out, when careers permitted, their parents always kept their distance. Times had changed; certainly, their relationships were no longer strained. Arizona called her mother and father at least once a day, she told stories of babies she'd saved, mothers she had grown attached to, talked about her girlfriends, as scarce as they were. Apparently, distance was what it took to build back a relationship, and she was secretly glad at how well things were. Paige and Arizona became the best of friends; they worked at the same hospital, and were almost as close as she and Isaac. And when she learned of the pregnancy, she was more excited than she ever had been in her entire life. And from the moment she laid eyes on him, she was hopelessly in love with that little boy.
The kid, he was a whirlwind miracle. He brought such life into her family. He made everyone smile and everyone happy, and everything else they'd been through together over the years seemed insignificant by comparison. He was their second chance at being a family. The best part about it? She liked being able to spend the weekend with him; they wore each other out playing, they'd do all kinds of fun and exciting things. Anything he wanted to do, she participated in. Her inner child was alive and well, everybody knew that by her natural perky attitude, but this kid? This kid brought out the best in her.
But, after a long weekend, she was secretly thankful for the convenience of giving him back. She could get used to that. Having a kid, without actually having to deal with the demands of having that kid in her life every second of every day. She could have an amazing career, have her amazing love story, travel the world, and still have that wonderful little boy to come home to whenever she felt the desire. Yes, she could just as easily live vicariously through her brother, and just as whole-heartily love her nephew as much as she would have her own.
She often spent her lunch hours down in the nursery of the hospital when he was a baby. She'd read to him, just as her father had read to her. And as he grew, she was right there with him. She was just as much his mother as his own, and Isaac loved that. He beamed with pride when he saw his little family of four together, cooing over the baby, being competitive at Cribbage or Gin, or lounging together watching movies. As far as Arizona and Isaac were concerned, their lives were perfect.
That is, until one day in late September. The temperature had just begun to drop, the leaves changing colors and falling to the ground. Normally it was Arizona's favorite season, she loved the nip in the air, the extra quilt she could add to her big warm bed as the cool night air made the house slightly chilly. She loved the colors, and the smell of fires as they permeated the evening air. She could remember that night too, just as vividly. She was lounging on the couch, covered in a quilt, a warm fire raging in the fireplace. Something she loved to do on her evenings off. She finished her book and closed it with a thud, dropping it onto the coffee table. Sitting up, she stretched her arms and cracked her neck, this was the life, she thought. Before she could get up her cell phone rang. It was Isaac, and he was frantic.
She raced to the hospital, only knowing a few details. He had collapsed. He wouldn't wake up. His tiny body wasn't responding. As she ran through the doors of the emergency room she came to his room and watched as her colleagues worked on that little boy. All the tubes, all the monitors shrilling. She was used to it as a doctor, of course, but coming from her nephew, the little love of her life, it was something she had never thought she'd have to experience. Isaac saw her standing in the doorway frozen and yelled at her to find out what was going on. She rushed to the toddler's side and looked his doctor in the eye. He looked at her and frowned, dropping his gaze. Her eyes widened and she lunged for his chart, reading it over quickly as soft tears began to trail down her face.
After hours of waiting and praying, Kade woke up and was relatively fine. Babbling on about monkeys and wanting 'AA' to hold him. They did tests on his heart and learned there was a deformation. Something tiny, something that could kill him, something they could only postpone, not cure. They ushered him into surgery not long after, it was a temporary fix, a band-aid over a bullet wound, but it would save him, for now. Regardless, he was given a death warrant; one Arizona would never forgive herself for.
As she downed the last bit of the water she leaned back and brought her hand to cover her eyes. She felt all the stress and anxiety and pain she'd carried with her this past week wash over and through her as she sobbed uncontrollably. She sobbed for her nephew, for how much she missed his smile and his dimples and the way he clung to her when he was scared. She sobbed for her brother, for the loss of her twin, and for the fact that she had promised him she would save his son. She sobbed for the fact that she couldn't, for her failure, which had let her family down. She sobbed for her sister-in-law and how losing the two things she loved the most killed her. And finally, she sobbed for herself. For the fact that she had held onto all this pain and guilt for so long for fear of bringing it back and having to re-live the events.
But most of all, she sobbed for Callie, and that the one thing she needed more than anything else right now wasn't to hide, wasn't to deal with this on her own, it was for Callie to hold her, to shush her with her soft kisses, to carry her into bed and climb in behind her, protecting her from the world. In that moment she realized that telling Callie about her past wasn't the hard part that would break her, it was losing Callie all together that would.
At that strong realization everything shifted. Her tears stopped, her heart filled, and all the pain she'd felt disappeared. It finally clicked. This is exactly what Callie had been trying to get her to understand for the past week. This moment was exactly what Callie had needed from her, and the realization that her past wasn't as scary if she knew that Callie would be there to comfort her and help her through it all. It was in that moment that Arizona knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Callie was her future and she was determined never to let it go again.
She shot off the couch, searching frantically for her cell. She knew that going to Callie's after what had just happened wouldn't be a good idea. Callie was exhausted, she was hurt, and Arizona was the cause of it. So, instead of being selfish, she decided to send her a text. A text would be harmless and she could go to bed and plan out how things would go if Callie agreed to meet with her. She had to do this. For herself, for her relationship, for Callie.
"I know you don't want to hear from me, but I did some thinking. You were right. About everything. I know what I need to do now. No more arguing or fighting, I promise. Tomorrow night after work will you come over so we can talk? So I can talk? I love you, Calliope."
She hit send quickly before she could over think the message, and locked the phone, placing it on the side table, stretching her tired body across the couch, allowing all the stress to seep into the cushions as she drifted off into sleep.
Just as she had fallen, her phone loudly vibrated against the table. Her heart raced, her palms began to sweat and she used all her energy into reaching for the phone. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second, swiping her thumb across the face of it, opening up the message. Her heart twinged at what it said.
"Okay. We'll go to your place after work. I'll make dinner. And you can talk. But this is the last time Arizona. I won't argue with you anymore. After this I'm done. Have sweet dreams."
She took another deep breath and froze, reading over the message one more time. Just as she finished, her phone vibrated again, indicating a new message. She quickly accepted it and had to smile at the new words.
"And Arizona? I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."
A/N: Just a quick note, the pace with which we have set this story and the "stewing" between them is necessary. As a character, we know Arizona likes to avoid things at all costs; she likes to keep the control over her situations (i.e. "I'm not broken." And "I'm a doctor and I can't even pronounce what's in this lotion."). So, while it may seem drawn out, that was the intent. We wanted to show that her accepting Callie into her heart completely, wouldn't be something instantaneous. She would try to protect her past and attempt not to bring it up until she had exhausted all other options, whether it was intentional, or just who she is as a person, and it had to be a struggle she went through by herself. Hence, the lack of an actual full on conversation about it. While it may seem drawn out, it was our attempt at trying to better understand, and better present Arizona as a character. We're nearing the finish line everyone, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the end of the ride. Trust us, the ending? We have a surprise for you and you're gunna love it. Thanks for reading and sticking with us. Have a lovely weekend.