A/N: There is a shift to first-person POV that begins later in this chapter and continues through to the finale. The change happens after the break with "Callie -". We hope you enjoy and that it meets all of your expectations.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"Do you remember the first person you killed, Calliope?"

The question resounded in her head. She knew it was meant to be rhetorical, but it still ignited a memory buried deep within Callie's subconscious. She hadn't thought about it for a long, long time, but she would always remember the first. Her first was even before she was a doctor. The infernal buzzing that signaled the end had already arrived and she could do nothing but watch, nothing would make it stop, nothing she did would bring her best friend back. Callie snapped herself back to the present, her eyes glassy with the newly formed tears from a long since buried pain. She saw a similar look in Arizona's eyes, one of distance and defeat. One she could relate to, one she understood, one any surgeon would feel compassion towards.

But this wasn't about relating feelings or experiences. They weren't going to share past heartbreaks or shortcomings and compare their wounds. They were far beyond that point in their relationship. This was about something much, much deeper. About Arizona opening up about her past, about letting Callie in, about not holding back no matter how much it may hurt to give up such a tender piece of herself. This was about trust, about their future. Something both of them could share, something they could give one another, something intangible that would hold them together like nothing else could.

"The first I killed was my nephew. It wasn't entirely my fault, my therapist got that one hammered into my brain years ago. But the fact that I couldn't save him, that I couldn't keep my promise to my brother, to myself, to protect him, it broke me. Losing him and not being able to do anything about it, it just, destroyed me."

Callie reached for her hands and squeezed them gently, giving her encouragement and strength in her touch, knowing that Arizona would need the reassurance that she was listening and that she understood how hard this was on her.

"He was just barely two, a few weeks after his birthday, we had a Lion King themed party for him. There were little hat things that made us looked like lions, and Timon and Pumba stuffed animals. And the cake, oh my God, the cake Callie! Paige and I spent the whole day getting everything perfect while Isaac took him out for a father/son birthday day of fun. And when he came home, his eyes lit up and his mouth fell open, and it was just so ... awesome. We had the party, there were toddlers everywhere, it was hectic and loud and by the end of it when I got into my car to go home, I was so thankful I didn't have one of my own. But after his bath that night, when he and Isaac went into his room to pick out a story, he collapsed and wouldn't wake up. I got the call half an hour after I got home. And I just remember feeling so, I don't know, it was like time stopped, but not in a good way."

Callie watched her as she relived the happy moments with her family. How she would smile and her eyes would sparkle, but when it dawned on her that they were gone, her eyes would become distant and would turn a pale gray. It was so hard to listen to, but then again, part of her needed to know these things. She needed to know why Arizona was so closed off, why she was so afraid to let her in. She settled into the couch and reached to tuck a strand of Arizona's hair behind her ear and run her thumb down her cheek. If Arizona was going to do this for her, for them, Callie knew she needed to make Arizona feel as safe and as loved as possible. And when Arizona reached to place her hand on Callie's, she knew immediately that things were only going to get better between them.

"May I hold you?"

She watched as Arizona smiled softy, her dimples just barely visible as she nodded her head and leaned into Callie's outstretched arm. She ran her nails soothingly down Arizona's side, just like she liked it, encouraging her to continue.

"I was an OB/GYN fellow then," she snuck a peek up at Callie, knowing the look that she would get, and chuckled softly as Callie shot her a look of surprised confusion. "I loved delivering the little babies, and was actually content and super happy there. But, he needed surgery to save his life. A little microsurgery that I was familiar with, because in Med school I read up on everything having to do with Peds, but didn't know every little thing that was going to happen while he was in there."

Callie nodded and rolled her eyes, Arizona would memorize every detail about everything having to do with kids regardless of her specialty. Just one more thing that made Callie fall so deeply in love with her.

"Hey! Don't roll your eyes. I'm an awesome doctor," she said, as she lightly swatted Callie's thigh. Snuggling in a little closer to Callie, God had she missed that, being close to her, feeling her. She made a mental note never to let her get far enough away that she couldn't get to her in less than fifteen minutes for some snuggle time. She smiled at the thought and continued.

"You never met my twin brother, but if you had before Kade was sick, you would have loved him. He was a lot like you, actually. But, the diagnosis changed him. Hardened him. He rarely laughed, never smiled, and became a shell of the man he once was. He wouldn't even touch his son, like he was afraid he'd kill him just by laying a finger on him. It was awful, painful, horribly sad, the worst experience of my life. To see him that...distant...I just - he loved so hard and so completely, just like you, and to witness that warmth leave his eyes, well, it broke my heart."

Callie placed a lingering kiss to her temple and watched as Arizona smiled sadly without looking up.

"They rushed him into surgery, and I just remember the feeling of utter helplessness. I mean, I'm a doctor! It was the hospital I worked at! And yet, I had no control over what happened to the most important thing in my life. I was completely powerless. I paced up and down the halls, back and forth. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't acknowledge anyone, and it wasn't until my ex found me and forced me into an on call room, that I broke down. That day I decided that I could never feel that powerless ever again, and I made the decision to switch my specialty to Peds surgery. I knew I could never be a doctor again if I ever felt that out of control."

Callie nodded. She understood. There were moments just like that for her when she was in the Peace Corps. Moments she never discussed with anyone. Moments that changed her as a doctor, as a person, and she knew that without a doubt, especially with the kind of person Arizona was, it was absolutely the worst thing that ever could have happened to her. To have someone she loved in such a vulnerable position and having no control over what would happen to them? Especially with the way she protected the things she loved? It had to have been unbearable, inconceivably, it would have broken her. At that second Callie understood Arizona more than she ever had in their entire relationship. A wave of contentment rushed over her and she spoke.

"I love you - so much. An - and if you don't want to talk about this I understand. I understand now, how hard it had to be for you, I understand. So, if you want to stop, you've given me so much already. If you need to stop, it's enough already, okay?"

Arizona jerked up and looked at Callie curiously. There was something in her eyes, something that she hadn't noticed before. A look of - understanding, perhaps? But she knew that Callie deserved to know everything. She wanted her to know everything.

"I love you, too. But - I - we-, I need to tell you. You need to know. I - want you to be a part of my past too Callie. And I want you to know them like I knew them. I want you to be a part of my family." She looked at her hands. "... even if that family is gone now. I want you to be my family."

She looked at Callie and nodded firmly, raising her eyebrows and leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek before settling back into Callie's embrace.

"Things went well for a few months, he pulled through the surgery. Paige had a really hard time with all of it though. I think the helplessness changed her as well, she ended up quitting her job at the hospital altogether. It changed me too. I decided that my family needed me, broke up with my girlfriend, took a leave of absence, and temporarily moved in with them to help carry some of the burden of raising a very sick child. He wasn't mine, of course, but, he was my twin's son, and in my eyes, he was basically my son too. Isaac completely checked out, Paige was exhausted and heartbroken, and I was left to pick up the pieces. Not that I minded, I would have done anything for that little boy. I would have died for him. I think part of me did."

Callie's head was swimming. She finally understood why Arizona was the way she was. And there was so much she wanted to say to her, but more than anything she wanted to kiss her. And to take away all the pain she had ever felt. She could feel her tense at her side while she relived the painful memories of her past. But when she talked about her nephew, she would sit up and look at her, eyes sparkling, dimples popping, and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. But, if she let herself, it also broke her heart wondering if that's how she'd look when she talked about their own kids. But this, this wasn't about that. This was about Arizona. And Callie knew that more than anything, this was the moment that everything would change for them. Still grazing her side, Callie felt content and loved and whole as she listened to the blonde open her heart up to her.

"It was a screwed up and miserable situation, but we somehow managed to hold onto one another and get through it. Four months later, Isaac received his deployment papers and things changed. Kade was doing well, considering he was given a death warrant, the sweetest little kid I'd ever met. He would babble on and on with his adorable little sentences about animals and gross icky bugs and colors and he would sing the ABCs like it was the most exciting thing in the world. Everything was so new and so exciting for him. Even though he was always pretty weak, he was a fighter and it was obvious to everyone who met him. He was just so - perfect Callie. Everything about him."

"The day Isaac was set to deploy, he pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear, making me promise him that if anything happened to him, I would do everything in my power to save his son, and I would stick by Paige and help her in every possible way I could. I, of course, swore on both our lives that I would, and he left that morning thinking that his son would survive and I would be the one to make that happen. But I - I let him down Callie. I let that little boy die because I wasn't good enough."

Callie furrowed her brow and placed her finger under Arizona's chin, ushering her to meet her gaze. She resisted, focusing intently on her fingers as they twisted that imaginary ring on her finger as she had done in the bathroom.

"Listen to me, what happened to that baby was not your fault. You're - you're the most amazing doctor I've ever met. You go so far beyond anything anyone else would do for their patients. You have the biggest heart and you're so loving and compassionate with their families. Each and every one of those kids is like your own, and I know that makes it that much harder when you lose them, but that doesn't mean it's ever your fault, Arizona. If any of them have a shot, it's with you as their doctor. You fight like hell for those kids to live, even if it exhausts you. And even if you weren't Kade's doctor, you were his aunt and you loved him more than anything else in this world. I can see in your eyes how much he meant to you. So no, sweetie, you don't get to stop blame yourself. You gave that little boy a wonderful life, as short as it was, and you need to hold onto that, not the fact that he died."

Arizona inhaled sharply, looking Callie in the eyes intently as she tried not to cry. If she was going to do this, she had to be strong and do it without tears. She sniffled slightly and did the one thing she knew would show Callie just how amazing she thought she was, as she kissed her so softly and so gently she almost didn't touch her lips at all. The way she could calm her with her words, or the way she was gently scratching lightly down her arm and side to always keep a connection with her, or the way she would pull her closer into her when she reached a particularly vulnerable moment, those are the things that made her amazing. And those are the things that gave her the courage to go through this again with her by her side. And as Arizona did, she realized that without a doubt, if Callie had been there four years ago, it wouldn't have broken her. She would have protected her and helped her cope. She would have held her while she cried and taken care of things while she grieved. Reliving it this time, Callie is what made the difference. She took another deep breath and tightened her jaw, squeezing Callie's hand for support.

"Paige got rid of their apartment and moved into my house with me, and things were going well, for the most part. Kade was slowly becoming stronger as the days passed, happy and smile and we played hide and go seek and Candy Land and I was teaching him how to read at night. My residency switch was going well, and Paige was coping the best she could. We were just going through the motions, living each day in the moment and doing our best, you know?"

Callie nodded as she twisted a blonde curl lazily with her index finger.

"And then, one night changed all of that. Paige hadn't been sleeping well, she was too scared and too anxious all the time. So, I suggested she take a few sleeping pills and promised her that I would stay up for the rest of the night with the baby. She didn't want to, but I was pretty insistent, you know how persuasive I can be..." She chuckled slightly, knowing that Callie had probably just rolled her eyes and smirked at her own joke.

"I stayed up with Kade, read him stories, told him about times with his father growing up as I rocked him in the rocker by his bed. We were both almost asleep when, without any warning, he started vomiting blood. It was bad, there was just so much. It was all over me, I looked like that girl in that one movie where she gets the blood thrown onto her at prom? Yeah. And it covered and soaked him, it was awful. Kade was screaming in pain, I was frantic, and as much as I yelled at Paige, she never did wake up. So, I put him in the car and rushed the twenty minuets it took to get to the hospital. It was literally the single most terrifying chunk of time in my life."

"He was just so little Cal, so small and helpless, and the fear in his eyes broke me. He kept crying my name, AA he called me, and I tried my best but no matter what I did, I couldn't soothe him. Out of anyone I always could, we had such a special relationship, he was my little man. And when I couldn't help him, I knew nobody could, and once again I felt that loss of control and it killed me. As soon as they got him looked over in the ER and took him to get scans, I was finally able to get a hold of Paige. And the next thing I remember, my best friend at the hospital, think Mark for you, was coming out to tell me that my nephew was dead. And his mother wasn't even there yet. It was just absolutely the most horrible day of my life."

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, needing the escape. Needing the moment. Not to hide from Callie exactly, but more to reflect on the moment that changed her life forever. And how much she missed her little family.

"He just - just died. Just like that. I mean, I know how it works, I'm a doctor, I've witnessed it hundreds of times, but he was there and then the next second he wasn't. And for us it's different, you know, we have control over it, well, we can do everything in our power to stop it at least, but with Kade, I had none. He went in, Brian came out to tell me, Erin ushered me into the on call room, I broke down, and that was that. But, it all just felt so - routine. So - detached. You'd think a big life changing event like that would feel significant, but it was all just so bazaar."

Bazaar.

The word lingered on her lips, its meaning slowly sinking into her consciousness. Even now, after all of these years, it was still something she had trouble grasping. There was endless yelling and blaming and crying for months; her family was torn to shreds after Kade's death. The bickering and the guilt ate her alive, consuming her every thought, her every dream. The only time she ever found an ounce of relief was in surgery, the exact moment when she knew she had saved another life. But even that distraction lost its power over time, and all she could think about was losing him, losing her family, losing everything. She had perfection. And in a split second, it was taken away from her. It was just, gone.

So she left. She left her family and her home, everything she had ever known to start over, to heal. She found herself across the country in a top-ranked pediatrics program, a switch she needed to make for herself. She needed to regain control, to be able to save the tiny humans without the memories or the pain of being at that hospital every single day.

But it wasn't enough, and deep down in her heart of hearts she knew it never would be. She buried it just deep enough so no one would see it, but just far enough so it would remind her of the surgeon she aspired to be, the surgeon she needed to be, the surgeon she had to be. Because in all honesty, her life depended on it now, her career was all she had left.

As time passed it healed some wounds, her relationship with her parents slowly reached a comfortable place and she and Paige would talk every now and then. But they never spoke of that night, not to themselves or to anyone else. Even after all of her accomplishments as a surgeon, becoming one of the top in her field, it did nothing to diminish the feeling of losing a patient, of burying another tiny coffin. It was easier not to think about it, to tuck it away and lose herself in rainbows and butterflies. To make plans, to move onto the next kid, the next family she could spare from experiencing what she had.

And here she was now, snuggled up close to Callie, releasing every one of her bottled up ghosts, the ones no one ever loved or cared enough or dug deep enough to find.

It was her biggest fear about being in a serious relationship. She always feared that once she told someone about her past, something horrendous would happen and it would ruin what they shared. But Callie had been nothing short of understanding and supportive, absorbing everything Arizona said. Pulling her tighter into her when she was afraid, kissing her temple gently when she felt sadness, and smiling and asking questions about Kade when she was excited in remembering happy memories of her time him. For the first time in years, she felt ... relief. The burden of her secrets were no longer hers alone to bear, and the woman she shared it with would keep this secret safe, holding it close to her heart.

Maybe this was all she ever needed, to be pushed off that scary ledge and know someone would be there to catch her. Someone who would heal her heart and her put her back together. And that someone she knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, was Calliope Torres.

Callie looked at her and nods, she understood completely. She could also see it in Arizona's eyes that she was emotionally exhausted. She hadn't cried, but all this had to be taxing. There was one thing Callie wanted to do, and she wanted it more than anything in the world.

"You look exhausted, sweetie. And you've shared somuch with me. Done so much for us. I want to take you into your room, lie you on the bed, and make love to you. I want to show you how much what you just did meant to me, I want to show you that I can protect your heart by loving you. I want to make a new beginning. A beginning of complete trust, honesty, and love. And we're going to do that. In your bed. Right. Now."

She leaned in quickly to steal a kiss from Arizona, who looked at her with so much love and lust it made her heart skip a beat. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it softly and then kissed her fully, deeply. But just as she began to stand, Arizona tugged her back down and when she spoke, Callie was utterly surprised.

Callie-

"Callie, I'm so sorry." Her soft voice ghosted over my body. After everything we'd been through this past week, after everything she had just told me, all Callie could do was meet her eyes in the darkness with a smile of nothing but pure adoration.

"Don't be, not anymore." She'd just given me everything. She opened her heart and bared her soul, she told me everything she tried so desperately to keep locked inside. And the only thing I could think about was how strongly I ached to kiss Arizona. To feel her lips, to hold her tightly in my arms. It was tearing me apart inside. But I knew she needed something, anything.

"You mean so much to me, and you – what you just did for me, for us, I can't – Iloveyou so so much."

Arizona smiles as I reach for her hands, bringing them up and placing a gentle kiss on the back of each. I knew we needed to talk more, but all I wanted right then was to feel Arizona hard against me, my mouth devouring hers, our skin smoothly gliding against one another. All I wanted, no, all I needed, more than anything, was to make love to my beautiful, amazing, strong, brave girlfriend.

I stand quickly, pulling her up and flush against my body, kissing her with such force it made my own head spin. She moans as her pj clad breasts press against the fabric of my silky robe, instantly wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. I quickly tug off her shirt, pulling it over her head and hear her gasp as her bare skin meets the cool fall air from the open window across the room, her nipples instantly tighten. I run my forefinger over the left, teasing her as I swallow another gasp with a deep kiss.

"Callie…"

"You have a choice, Arizona," I say, practically growling it into her ear. "I can take you right here, right now, standing in the living room, where it'll be quick but deliciously dirty; or I can take you in your bedroom, in the bed, where it'll be romantic and lovely and sensual and perfect. But you better make it quick, because I'm about eight point three seconds from making the decision for you. Either way, you're mine tonight. You're mine forever if I have any say in it."

I feel her knees go weak as she meets my gaze, unwavering. "Bed. Now."

"Yeah, well, you first, darling."

The smirk and darkening of her baby blues into a swirling cerulean and slate, make my heart skip a beat.

As I watch her saunter into the bedroom, dropping her shorts in the process, I quickly follow, catching up to her and pulling the tie on the robe. I come up behind her and press my naked body against her back and pull her hard into me. I latch onto her neck with my teeth, swirling my tongue to lavish her behind them. I lick and suck and gnaw my way down to her shoulder and I bite down, softly at first, but as she lets out a soft moan, I increase the pressure, causing her to hiss out my name.

Even quicker than I was prepared for, she began grinding back against me, softly whimpering. She grabbed my hands from their vice-like grip on her hips and brings one up to kneed her left right breast as I instantly catch on and force the other between her thighs, running it up and down the length of her and smirk against her shoulder as she lets out a sharp gasp. She tried to turn and face me, but I keep her locked where she is; my fingers teasing her nipple as my hand strokes her firmly, slowly, lightly, all at once.

God she was so wet.

"Cal – Callie, can't - I can't take the teasing. Baby. Bed. The bed - please." She manages to pant between ragged, shallow breaths.

She gasps as my fingertips continue to dance and tease and lightly scratch her clit with my fingernail. I break away from her, removing all traces of myself from her body as I motion for her to follow me with one finger, slowly, to the bed. When she stands there frozen, I reach my hand to my lips and insert two digits, sucking them into the depths of my mouth loudly and swirl my tongue over them, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and closing, finally tasting her, humming softly as she overtook my senses.

TBC…

Posting Chapter 14 (the final one!) on Wednesday, October 6.