A/N: Here it is, chapter 2. To clarify, italics are characters' thoughts (someone emailed asking and I answered. There ya go). Also, I know right now Jackie seems very season 1, but that's b/c she probably would be like that had she not met Hyde. Don't worry there will be character growth for both Hyde and Jackie in this story. Well only one review (tears silently rolling down my cheeks), but I press on. Hope those of you reading and not reviewing (feeling guilty yet? I hope so!) enjoy it anyway. Special thanks to Floridacutie for the review! You made my day! I'm still without a beta so I hope I caught all my mistakes. Enjoy!
Disclaimer - Don't own That 70s Show or Knocked Up. Wish I did, then I'd be rich and I could buy Hyde and make him my love slave (mwahahahaha - that's my evil laugh).
Riiiiiing! "Uh!" Someone was calling Jackie's phone and the sound was making thousands of giant feet tap dance on her brain. Riiiiiing! At least that's what it felt like. Riiiiiing! But the ringing apparently wasn't going to stop. Riiiiiing! As she rolled off the body beneath her…
Wait a minute? I'm laying on top of someone? Jackie quickly pushed herself up and scooted further down the L-shaped sofa, feeling a soreness between her legs as she moved. She looked down at her body and internally gasped.
And I'm naked! Jackie rubbed her temples in a desperate attempt to drown out the phone's incessant ringing and remember the night before. Okay yelling at Chip, Chip grabbing me, Chip calling me a bitch, Chip flying and….Oh my god! She covered her mouth in horror as the memories of her previous night's activities came rushing back. She couldn't believe it. She'd lambasted many a slut for doing just this sort of thing in high school. Now, here she was hung-over, naked, and sore; having lost her virginity on a one night stand. She attempted to collect herself, removing the focus from her shame and back to her still ringing phone.
"Hello" she answered hoarsely, using her voice for the first time that morning.
"Oh my god! Jackie, I've been calling you since like two AM, why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" Brooke was shouting angrily into the receiver. "You know what, answer that later right now you need to…"
"Brooke!" Jackie screeched, cutting Brooke off as she suddenly recalled that she had left her best friend at the club the night before. "I'm so sorry! I ran into Chip at that club and he was yelling at me….
"Jackie…"
"…and then he grabbed me and this hot guy punched him…."
"Jackie…"
"…well he was kinda scruffy but in a hot way…."
"Jackie…"
"…oh my god! I don't even know his name, I'm such a whore! I'm worse than Pam M…"
"Jackie!" Brooke yelled loudly into the phone.
"Geez, Brooke you don't have to be so rude!" Jackie said indignantly.
"You need to get your butt to the station! Christine is about to flip a lid!" Jackie glanced at the clock on the wall, confirming it was only 6:45AM. While Brooke, who was a production assistant, generally had to be at work at very early hours, Jackie had the average workday schedule.
"I don't have to be in until eight thirty, what's her problem?"
"I don't know. Something about pencils. All I know is she said you better get here in a hurry. She probably just wants to yell at you again, but I'd come just to be safe."
Jackie blew out a puff of air, sending a few errant strands of hair flying from her face "Fine, I'll be there."
"And tell me all about your night when you get here?" Brooke asked hopefully.
"You know it" Jackie replied, although not at all enthusiastic about going to work this early or telling her best friend she waited 19 years to screw a stranger on her couch.
"Later chick!"
"Sure, sure. See you at work." They hung up and Jackie released a deep breath as she turned her head warily to gaze at Hyde's sleeping form. Still too embarrassed to wake him, she decided she'd shower first.
As she stepped from her room fully dressed in a pinstriped pencil skirt, white blouse, and black pumps; she was sure this guy would be awake by now. It was almost 7:30 on a Friday morning and he probably had to go to work or school. I am never letting Brooke talk me into going out on a weeknight again. She walked to Hyde and softly nudged him. He pulled himself up groggily, looked up at Jackie, and then down to his naked body, covered only by a sheet.
"Did we…do it?" Hyde was pretty sure this was the girl he'd had amazing sex with the night before, but he remembered her through an alcohol haze and wearing considerably less clothing.
"Yeah" She answered while rubbing the back of her neck as her face slowly turned a bright tomato red. This was not at all how she'd pictured the morning after her first time.
"Nice" Hyde nodded his head, studying Jackie appraisingly. He attempted to speak while yawning and still extremely tired. "What time is it?"
"Seven thirty" Jackie responded, growing irritated that the man before her was making no effort to get up and get himself dressed.
"Then what the hell are we doing awake man? Let's go back to sleep!" How much did I drink? My head is killing me. I need to get some film ASAP.
Hyde thought he might die of exhaustion. He hadn't had that many beers or gone without that much sleep in a long time. In fact, the only time he could remember in his life having drank that much was the night after Sam had arrived proclaiming to be his wife. That night Charlie had let the guys all raid his father's beer warehouse and Hyde had practically drank himself into a coma by sunrise the next day.
"Okay, one, I don't even know your name so I'm not going BACK TO BED with you! And two, I have to go to work?" Jackie was beyond frustrated now. She'd lost her virginity to a complete stranger whose pork chop sideburns and band t-shirt screamed poor, even though she'd have to admit he was still kind of hot. The point was, he was going to make her late for work. No way was she about to suffer the wrath of Christine St. George for this jerk.
"Alright, chill!" Hyde held up his hands in mock surrender as he searched the room for his discarded clothing and sunglasses. Jackie's voice was beginning to grate. "The name's Hyde…and you are?"
"Jackie Burkhart" she answered as she eyed the naked man moving through her living room. "Hyde? That's a weird name. What's your last name?"
"That IS my last name." Hyde answered, not even looking up while stepping into his boxers and then his jeans.
"Ok, what's your FIRST name?" Jackie was getting annoyed at his blasé attitude.
"Don't worry about it doll, everybody calls me Hyde" he said now fully dressed, placing his sunglasses on his face.
"Well, I'm not everybody. I slept with a total stranger last night and he slept at my home so the least he could do is give me his first name!" Jackie wanted to slap his stupid (sexy) sunglasses from his face! Mostly though, she was angry at herself. This was NOT how her first time was supposed to be and he probably thought she was a major skankoid now!
"Alright! Alright!" Her shrill voice was doing nothing for his current hangover. At that point he'd have given her his social security number and blood type too just to shut her up.
"It's Steven, but everyone calls me Hyde. Okay?" She's hot, really, really, really…hot but damn she can get loud. Hyde thought to himself.
"Ok, Steven, sorry,"
"Hyde" Did she not JUST hear me say people call me Hyde?
Jackie looked down at her watch "…well anyway, Steven, we gotta get going. I have to go to work. Don't you need anything like…I don't know…to go to school or work?" she gestured with her hands to emphasize her point.
Hyde sighed as he headed toward the door, feeling his stomach grumble. "Nope, no work today. Wanna get some breakfast?"
Jackie rolled her eyes "Fine, let's just go to this place around the corner. I can't be late for work."
As they scooted into the booth of the 50s style diner, Hyde considered how much time he'd get for homicide by fork stabbing and if the judge would consider the fact he was under extreme duress. On the walk to the diner Hyde had made the mistake of asking Jackie what she liked to do for fun. This began one of Jackie's nonstop talkathons about the hotness of Donny Osmond matched only by her own beauty, the athletic benefits of cheerleading, the importance of keeping your wardrobe ahead of fashion and trends, and her esteemed titles of Snow Queen, Homecoming Queen, Point Place High Cheerleading Captain, and 1st Place Roller-disco champion. Hyde was positive she hadn't breathed in the entire ten minutes, causing him to wonder for the first time if perhaps Kelso might be onto something with his humanoid robot ramblings.
"What can I get you two?" the waitress cut into Jackie's lecture about the proper way to set your hair, much to Hyde's relief. Maybe there is a god.
"Toast, coffee, and a pitcher of water" Jackie ordered while rubbing her temples.
"The biscuits and gravy" said Hyde. After handing the menus back to the waitress Hyde looked across the table at Jackie. Damn maybe she'd shut up if I let her smoke a little of the joint in my wallet. "You know, the best thing for a hangover's weed. You smoke?"
"Not really" Ewww, he's a burnout! Jackie knew Hyde hadn't listened to much of her speech but she kept talking out of nervousness and fear - The last thing she wanted to do was relive the (amazing) sex she'd had with the poor dirty burnout.
"You're missin out. See the government doesn't want us to smoke because it opens our eyes man…" Hyde was leaning across the table speaking quietly to Jackie as he shifted his eyes around as if looking for eavesdroppers. "Plus, film's like the best medicine. Cuz it fixes everything. Kelso broke his elbow after he fell off the water tower once. We just got high and… well it still clicks, but, I mean, he's okay."
And he's a paranoid nut job. All I need to find out now is that he still lives at home with his mother and I'll have hit the loser trifecta! "Riiiiiight." Jackie nods along but the look on her face says she's more than a little bit concerned.
"So…" Hyde was struggling to find something to talk about with this girl. Why the hell did I suggest breakfast with her? Damn, why didn't I just leave like I normally do! "Um…what do you do…for work?"
"Oh!" Jackie immediately perked up at this topic and a bright smile spread across her face. "I work for What's Up Wisconsin!"
"The tv show?"
"Ummm…yes, remember we talked about this last night? I'm trying to get promoted from Christine St. George's assistant to her co-host? I get to do my first on-air interview next month for Valentine's Day? I was really excited about it?" Jackie was fishing to see if Hyde remembered anything from the night before, other than her slutty behavior, but unfortunately…
"Nope, don't remember any of that…at all " Hyde answered in pure zen. All I remember is you naked, writhing under me.
"Well, I'm super excited about it! This is better than a unicorn, roller-disco, AND Donny Osmond all rolled in one!" Jackie squealed with joy as she clasped her hands together.
Hyde scrunched his face up in disgust. Oh god, I might actually vomit now. Somebody needs to enlighten this chick!
"You know, Valentine's Day is just another made up holiday controlled by the government and Hallmark, man. It's sole purpose is to encourage irresponsible consumerism all in the name of a ridiculous made up emotion. Love." Hyde said the last word as if it felt filthy rolling off his tongue.
"You know the real St. Valentine was murdered by the emperor because he was spreading Christianity by marrying Christians? It had nothing to do with love man. That's why I don't do organized religions either. It's all about the government controlling the people. It always is…" Hyde leaned back into his seat in the booth with a smug smirk.
What the hell is this guy's problem? "Ummm, okaaay…well…what do you do…for work?"
"I own Grooves record store. Well, I will soon, my dad's gonna give it to me."
"Oh well that's nice!" phew! He only LOOKS poor! If he's gonna own Grooves, he has to have some kind of money!
"Yeah, it's pretty much the best job ever. Me and Leo, my supplier, we just smoke all day in the back office. Best job I ever had" Hyde was grinning wide.
Ugh never mind. There's no hope for this guy. Does he do anything other than get high and rant about the freakin government? Out of ALL the guys in the club, I had to find the one anti-government, anti-love, pothead! And then I lose my virginity to him!
"So, umm, do you need a ride home or anything because I actually need to get going so…"
"That's cool" Ok does that mean he needs a ride or not! God this guy is confusing. Hyde and Jackie awkwardly hug as Jackie stands to leave, still trying to determine if he needed a ride, but he didn't make any movement to follow her.
"So...yeah see ya" Jackie rushed out the diner doors never looking back.
Hyde arrived back at the basement thoroughly irritated. He had experienced what was quite possibly the best sex he ever had with a totally annoying (and sexy) square. All her shallow bitchiness irritated him to the point of almost screaming. He was upset with himself because in an attempt to pry something of substance from the recesses of her vapid brain he had asked her questions and attempted (in vain) to impart his knowledge of the government on her. But by the time breakfast ended he had reached the stage where he was bargaining with God just to make the chick stop talking. Now, here he was walking into Forman's basement and his friends were giving him looks of pity. I swear on my stash if I hear Sam and feelings in the same sentence today I'm gonna kill someone.
"So, where were YOU last night?" Eric spoke up from his seat on the couch with Donna.
"Well, mother, if you must know, I was nailing a hot chick. Anything else?"
Donna looked up at Hyde, her face filled with pity "Hyde are you ok? I mean, it's a little soon…" Hyde interrupts.
"I appreciate your concern Donna, but I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it. If you want to talk about feelings, your woman" he gestured to Eric "can answer all your questions. Now does anybody wanna do a circle with me or am I going solo?"
"I am in!" Fez speaks up.
***5 Minutes Later in the Circle***
"So I almost got this totally hot chick to do it with me in the club bathroom. But Fez ruined it!" Kelso was recounting his almost-score with a hot girl at the club which Hyde was positive was more likely a case of sexual harassment on Kelso's part.
"If by ruin it, you mean she did not want you when she saw me in all my beautiful brown glory then yes, you are correct. I ruined it!"
Correction: sexual harassment on BOTH Kelso and Fez's part.
"You" Donna was pointing at Hyde "had us worried to death! We thought we los…" She was looking at her finger now "hey I have really big fingers…I have really big hands!" she was nodding and smiling to herself as if discovering this for the first time.
"So, this chick you nailed. Was she Charlie's Angel sex kitten hot? Or was she innocent virginal Princess Leia hot?" Eric was turned to Hyde.
As annoying as she had been and as much as Hyde hated to admit it, he couldn't get the shallow, crazy, (hot) girl out of his mind and with a wide grin he said "Both"
"Damn" Eric said "that's hot!" and Donna frogged him with one of her freakishly large hands.
"So…" Jackie looked at Brooke as she finished recounting her previous night's activities and they walked through the "What's Up Wisconsin" studio doors.
"So…" Brooke returned.
"I told you about my night, what happened to you?"
"Oh, you mean other than spending all night afraid you'd been raped and murdered?"
"Yes…" Jackie rolled her eyes "other than that. I'm never gonna live that down am I?"
"No! You had me worried to death. And to answer your question, I spent the rest of my time trying to get away from these creepy perverted guys. I mean I thought they were gay at first. I'm still not really sure and one kept talking to me about candy. It was bizarre." Brooke shuddered.
Before they could continue their conversation, Christine St. George approached Jackie.
"Jenny!" she yelled.
"It's Jackie" She'd been working here for over 7 months and she wasn't sure if this woman kept mispronouncing her name because she didn't care what Jackie's name was or if it was intentional. Either way, it was really getting under her skin.
"Whatever, I'm just here to let you know that your interview next month better be perfect or you're fired!" Christine leaned in whispering loudly to Jackie "I will not tolerate someone around who knows as much about me as you and you will not take my job you little hussy!"
Jackie's jaw dropped in surprise as Christine began to walk away but not before she turned around and yelled "you're late and don't ever touch my Jane Paulie pencils again!"
Jackie turned back to Brooke. "What the hell?"
"Don't let her get to you. Apparently the show's been losing ratings, they're saying it's cuz she's old. She just feels threatened by you is all."
"Well she still has the power to fire me so I can't help but let her get to me!" Jackie practically yelled, now flustered by the older woman's threat.
Jackie sighed. Her day was not going well at all. She'd woken up to find out she'd lost her virginity to a total loser (who set my body on fire! But that's not the point! He's still a loser!) and now if she wasn't absolutely perfect, at least for the next few months, not only would she not get the co-host position, she'd be fired from her position as an assistant. And what the hell did Christine mean "knows as much about me"? Isn't that my job as an assistant? Jackie knew if she wanted to keep her job nothing else could go wrong.
TBC