AN: Yet another chapter. And it grew a little again. It was shorter at first but I over-compensated… I thank people for theirs reviews again. Like last time, I'll wait for 10 reviews at least before posting the next chapter for reasons I already explained. If it's hard for you people to gather the courage I was thinking of posting shorts enigmas at the end (or even inside) each chapter and give cookies-points to the first to answer correctly. Then you could spend it by deciding minors things in the story, like the name of a chapter or such. Personaly I think it isn't as shameless as polls… Well, let me know what you think both about this idea and the chapter.

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Urg! I hate morning! Turns out that nobody found me in my corner after all. Madam Pince expulsing, in a very loud way for a damn librarian, the capilar accident from yesterday woke me up. It frightens me how the girl's first reflex was exactly the same as mine's. Only with the rule-respecting crap. Maybe some payback is in order. After all, that's twice now that she is directly or indirectly responsible for disturbing my rest. If she were a pureblood I would have buried her already.

Lucky her! (not heir, hare and most certainly not hair)

What was I saying again? I keep getting sidetracked when I haven't eaten anything for eight plus hours… doesn't matter. I've some more pressing issues on my hands. The most notable one probably being the not so discreet s glares from most of the snakes in my year. Why are those fools in such a bad mood suddenly? Everyone was fine yesterday. Surely they can't all be like me? Well, if the little psychos won't tell what's wrong I'll just need to persuade one to share.

Not the girlish one though.

Princess is right in front of me. Perfect. I kick her shin under the table to get her attention. Except she was already staring at me. Forgot about that. Well, I'm pretty sure that she did something in her life to warrant it so it isn't wasted. Her murderous look makes me pause for a fraction of second. There's madness somewhere in there. It's still better than stupidity so I don't complain. Time for confusion-tactics I guess. She isn't a threat right now but non-encephalicaly-dead people can progress quite a bit in seven years. So I use my sweetest tone of voice.

"Is there something you want to tell me dear?"

Somehow she looks more angry than confused. Maybe I should start training? I didn't have a lot of friendly, or even friendly-sounding, conversations in my life and as I said I'm a terrible pink mage. No human-empathy whatsoever, no emotional-influence either and a complete lack of magnetism. It's pretty rare for a human being not to grasp instinctually at least one of the three. Hell, even muggles are decent in average and it's a skill that requires magic. I sigh and raise my hands in surrender. That should do it unless she takes it for mock-surrender. Maybe I should just dummify myself and start to walk around with giant tags?

"Where were you last night?"

Is there a hidden rule that states that when angry a Slytherin should never yell or growl but always hiss? Somehow she managed to transmit murdering-intent, curiosity and contempt at the same time. She doesn't let me answer. That's a somewhat good thing as I would have told her it was none of her business. Glad to know that the small favors service is available on weekends too. Her voice drops further.

"Professor Snape came to give the first years the directives last night."

Ah! So that's how they convey the hissing rule to everyone. The foaming guy distributes pamphlets to the firsties every year! And it's just like Startrek! Rule number twenty-one, I shall despise anyone below me. Rule number twenty-two, I shall revere my superiors. Rule number twenty-three, only people officially declared as Dark Lords by the ICW, my father and the foaming guy are my superiors. Rule number twenty-four, all Slytherins start their ranking with a peer-status while all non-Slytherins start with a below-status. Rule number twenty-five, peer and below status are altered by a system of points that takes into account blood purity, financial health, titles, the quality of one's sneer… Damn. I got sidetracked again. Better if I eat something. What did she just say?

"… and I don't care what your problem with him is, I don't want to pay for it Potter!"

So from the glimpse of her pureblood-princess rant that I caught, foaming guy noticed I wasn't there yesterday and went berserk on the others in my year. Fine by me. It most likely means that he had something unpleasant to set with me and that my natural genius foiled his evil plans. And some purebloods got a free ass-whipping. Clearly a win/win situation. But maybe I shouldn't tell her that. Hey! They have fine pancakes here! Oh, she is expecting an answer. Better not commit to anything. I blanken my face.

"I'll see what I can do."

She relents. It worked! She is all cold and snobby again! Latin-looking guy doesn't look so easy to appease though. And the other first years around aren't even worth the try as I don't seem to have raw meat with me at the moment. Whatever. My Prophet just arrived. Yes, you heard right. I subscribed to that piece of crap. For the simple reason that it's the only daily anything out there. Anyway, let's see. Black still on the run … Who are Black's known associates?… Just what black magic did Black use to escape?… Black's impact on the broom market …Blackened Denarius for sale …

This is ridiculous!

How on Earth is there not one article that doesn't talk about the guy? I mean, I'm just as interested as the next guy, more if you consider that I am a target, but they clearly went overboard here! Non-the-less, I can't avoid thinking about it some. Why I am a target? Of course, revenge isn't a foreign concept to me, but who in their right mind would put that ahead of the continued existence of one's soul? I know I would be in Transylvania by now if I were he. Granted that with ten years of exposure to dementors along with the pureblood natural disposition for madness it's hard to tell if he is in his right mind.

But he should be at least still partially sane to manage an escape.

Hey! Look! Foaming guy is coming in my direction! Huh. He really doesn't look happy. I almost feel bad for the others now. He seems to be the kind to sputter all over your face when angry. Maybe the hissing rule exists to prevent that? Too much of a hassle to ask but I think it's a valid hypothesis. It looks like he wants to grab my arm to prevent an escape. Now that just won't do it. I had enough of it with Vernon to take extras now that I'm free.

So preventive strike it is.

The funny thing, or rather disgusting really, thing about hair is that it's not really a living tissue. In fact, it's quite dead, or so I heard anyway. It's funny though because it means that while not as vulnerable as plastic, because it was once living, it doesn't have the rest of the body's "immunity" to magic. I could set his on fire right now if I wanted to, or change it to fushia even. But that could be taken as accidental magic and therefore linked to me. No, animation is much safer as long as I'm a firsty. But he doesn't have so much hair. It would just bother him like that. So I combine my fantastic idea with one of my earlier failures. The one that gave eleven plushies and a couple of barbies so much hair that I trimmed it all and made myself a better mattress. I'm a genius.

At least, the three other houses seem to think so.

I don't wait for Cousin Itt to think of using a simple finite incatatem to avoid being strangled and I slip away from the great hall. Why is it even called that I wonder. I didn't find any maps since yesterday but somehow I doubt that there is a lesser hall or a common hall. That's wizards for you. Hum… now that my breakfast was interrupted, what should I do? I have tons of artifacts from the main Potter-vault to run diagnostics charms on as the guys just stocked all of it there without even leaving notes about what each thing was. I can identify the most commons by sight but apparently I am not the first odd bean of the line.

Odd, not queer. Get it straight!

There is that snitch in particular that I really want to examine. Somehow, it's pure gold (not just goldened) but they still managed to enchant it. Not the standard set either. I can sense that it does something else. I don't care if they made it or stole it, it's just impressive to even posses. If I can learn from it, I am going to be on my merry way to build a really expensive magic-proof army. The problem with goldening like I want to do with the armors suits is that it can only take so much. Energy, even here, doesn't just vanish. Magical energy tends to just turn to heat when in contact with gold.

So after a few spells on the same spot it starts melting.

And you can't compensate with heat resistance magic as you can't put those on the gold layer and have it work. Applying that solution to what's underneath the gold, like for the animation runes, won't affect the outer layer so there isn't much of a point doing it either. Of course, as gold only shields from direct magic, the minions will still be preys to indirect casting much like what I did with the foaming guy twenty minutes ago. You trap the opponent with something that isn't a part of the restricted targets. Huh. Why I am explaining you all about magical theory again?

Guess I should have eaten more pancakes.

Somehow I think I just had an enchanting overdose. I'll just find an unused classroom and practice my wand magic some. Diagnostic spells for one. And maybe a little red magic for the beasts in my dormitory… the dormitory! I still don't know where it is! I knew I forgot something! Not that I changed my mind about sleeping there no. Thank you very much. But that's where my official trunk with all my clothes and school supplies are. Lets just grab a random student and ask.

"You! Yeah you with the unnaturally-glowing red hair!"

She doesn't look pleased. "Where are Slytherin dormitories?" I try to make it sounds like only a half-demand. I just met her after all. First impressions and all that. It must have worked as she doesn't look angry anymore. She looks confused. A pureblood then. "How should I know? I am a first year and in Hupflepuff!" Shit! Still, not my fault she's got the exact same shade as the princess' not-too-dumb friend. "Can't you see my tie's colors?"

Time for damage control.

I give her a look of disbelief and show her my own blue-with-red-polka-dots tie. First thing I did after the sorting. I don't like green. Not green magic, not forests and apparently not Slytherins. She is shocked now. "How did you do that? Wait, you are in Slitherin and you don't know where your own dormitory is?" Her tone is so full with incredulity that I can't help but laugh. "Ask me no questions and I'll not tell you to go to hell." There. Much more polite than the first way to finish that sentence I came up with.

I am flirting with her?

So maybe I am. It's not like I have proof that she is a pureblood. She didn't say anything damning yet so there must be hope no? She is grinning now. "You are not quite normal are you?" There's a teasing glint in her eyes. I lace my voice with just enough disdain to get an image going. "That's just another way to say I'm a genius." She can't say I didn't warn her now. "Well then mister genius, why didn't you just ask your head of house?" I'm quite certain that she is mocking me now. "You mean the foaming guy? We aren't exactly cordial if you remember what happened earlier…"

Her nose just twitched.

"That was you! I thought it was the Gryfindor's twins! All the school did! Even Snape!" How wonderful. Scapegoats. I wonder what I can get away with as long as they are nearby. "Well, there wouldn't be much point doing that to escape his wrath at me not being a good sheep yesterday after dinner if he realized I was guilty of that too…" Why am I bragging again? Oh yeah. Flirting. This is going to eat my free time I can just feel it. Still, maybe I can find some use for a pretty thing like that.

Assistant-overlord or something

At least until I manage to create a sentient artifact. She could keep me informed of appointments and take care of the minion-registration act at the very least. Shit! Was she talking this whole time? "… So? Do you want me to help you look for it?" I'm going to play it safe and just nod. "Do you know if there is a map of this place anywhere?" She doesn't look mad; well, not angry-mad at least. It means she didn't talk about that earlier when I wasn't listening. "Yes. That prefect with pink hair distributed them the first night. I do hope that she didn't make those herself because she seemed a bit forgetful and clumsy… Oh, and I don't think your dormitories are there. Not even ours are to make sure that they stay hidden."

So I was right about them hiding critically important rooms. How surprising.

At least now I know that she'll be a great assistant. Wow! The place is huge! I take the map from her and use a basic, if over-charged, replicating charm. Now that I've got my own, permanent, map I take a pen and start adding my personal notes on it. I put markers where the dummy's leg-eating trap is and on the section of the library I identified. She is looking over my shoulder now. "How do you know that?" I don't feel like explaining and she looks smart enough to figure it by herself with what I already told her so I just give her a mysterious smile.

Or at least I try. I didn't practice those often either.

"I knew there wasn't going to be a lesser hall…" I mumbled it but I think she heard because she just snorted. Very undignified if you ask me. I for one don't do snorts. Not even the disdainful kind as it was claimed as a purebloodish trademark early into the fifteenth century. I need to separate myself from both kinds of rabble. "So where are your dormitories?" She raises and eyebrow. Guess she doesn't socialize much either because she could use some training with it as the second one half-followed.

"I don't think I know you nearly well enough to answer that mister Potter."

I frown. How I am supposed to wake my assistant at three in the morning to have her go fetch me a sandwich and a glass of milk if I don't know where she sleeps? If only those talkie-walkies-like phones I heard are going to start being sold worked around here! In fact that would be even better than knowing were she sleeps as I wouldn't have to leave my bed to benefit from her assistance. Then again there would be other up-sides…

"How about I show you mine after you show me yours?"

I make a double-take. Oh my god! She is flirting back! This isn't supposed to happen! It never does in the movies! I just need to think about a way to distract her… Damn. It wasn't nearly as hard when it was with the foaming guy. I settle for scoffing awkwardly. Maybe it's not too late to play the clueless fool? "But I don't know where the Slytherin dormitories are. We already discussed that." She looks slightly disappointed but I don't think it's because I fooled her. I can still see a dimming, but present, victorious glint in her eyes. She knows she just scored a hit but she would have preferred a knockout.

What a vicious streak.

If all the witches my age that have a brain are like that then maybe I should put more effort in promoting peace with princess? But now isn't the time for thinking about that. Somehow I managed to turn her out again. If I keep it like that she is fated to notice sometime soon. Should I start carrying a food-supply around? Something with caffeine in it maybe? Better write it down before my mind starts wandering again and I forget about it.

She raised her eyebrow again. It's only marginally better than last time. Should I tell her?

Best to wait I think. "So where should we start to look you think?" I look at the map again. "The prefects were leading us this way and I… hum… lost them around here. They were going in that direction." I briefly entertain the thought of enlarging the map, fish for some plastic figurines in my trunk and animate them to demonstrate but I stop myself in time. Assistant or not, it's better not to show my strongest skill too much. I don't want people to start connecting dots that I'm sure will start appearing all around the place very soon.

The train's incident and the breakfast's happenings come to mind.

"Unless they were planning to use some kind of secret passage that means we are looking for an entrance in the dungeons." I can't believe it! The dungeons? What the hell? Are they really that cliché? Then again, they did build the castle some thousand years ago. Maybe it was the hip thing to do, for creepy snake-talking black wizards, at the time? Live in a dungeon, never cast a cooling charm in your life again! "But my aunt told me that prefects don't use to show secret passages to students. Something about exploring sating people's sense of adventure and preventing chaos…" That actually made sense.

Still, now I'm sure that she has at least one magical relative.

Well, even if she is a pureblood, it's not like anybody is perfect. And she is the only CV on the pile anyway… Didn't I already tell you to stop looking at me that way? I've got perfectly good reasons to think so lowly of purebloods. I know that even muggleborns, who are the ones at the receiving end of their stupidity most of the time, aren't nearly as much combative as me… But lets face it; muggleborns don't really live in the wizarding world until they finish Hogwarts. They learn about all the crap little bit by little bit and by the time they graduate they are so used to it that some don't even realize how wrong it is.

It wasn't like that for me.

As soon as I had enough money I left the Dursleys. That means I've had three years in the center of wizarding-London. Non-stop. It made me sick at night before I learned to mind-rant to vent the frustration and the disgust. And that's just Diagon and the bank with a touch of Knockturn. I just don't want to know how it would have been if I had added the government. It's likely that I would have slit my wrists for even being related to them.

"How about we go there then? I need the training with diagnostic charms anyway…"

From where she stands it probably looks like I am bragging. She is wrong of course but then again I'm pretty sure she thought I was joking about being a genius… "Ok! If it's anything like mine there should be some sort of guardian with a password. I wonder what it could be. It's not like there are paintings down there." Magia revelio. Magia revelio. Magia revelio. Is that even true latin? I'm getting good after five minutes of it but God it's tedious.

So I find myself asking personal questions about her to kill time.

It's not exactly a wise thing to do. First, because she is a female and even they admit that if prodded the right way they can, and will, talk for hours. Second, because that's an invitation to do the same in the near future. And if I don't talk about my family, where I live or what my skills are there isn't a great deal of things I have to tell about myself. But wizards are hardly wise anyway. So I hear all about her Aunt that is the Head of the Aurors (a ministry-worker! It's even worse than I thought!) and about her friend Hannah Abbott. It's funny that I know her Aunt's name and her friend's but not hers.

No matter. Assistant suits her fine.

I found a lot of things by casting the magic-diagnostic charm. Traps, hidden alcoves, lost objects, half-eaten candies, more traps, secret passages and what I think is one of the places where the builders carved the warding-runes and covered them up with stones. But no dormitories just yet. And it's almost lunchtime. As I said, the place is huge. It's doing wonders for my map at least. "How about we try again after eating?" She looks like she wants to but shakes her head, which incidentally do weird things to her hair… But who am I to talk? As long as it's not as bad as She-who-won't-let-me-sleep I don't really care all that much.

"I can't. I promised Hannah that we would do some exploring on our own. Can I have a copy of your map by the way?"

Well, it's only fair. And I don't think I would have liked going with them anyway. There's only so much time in the day I can be courteous and I better save what little is left for the off chance that I have to talk to princess or anyone else that I don't fancy trying to kill me. I give her a nod and we walk silently to the hall. Now that I have proof that it's the only one we have I sure as hell am not going to call it great. If anything it should be called the lame hall. It's cold, badly illuminated even with the creepy sky-roof and more importantly, there are always lots of wizards in it.I make another copy and give it to her. We part ways at the entrance.

"See you later then Harry!"

Eh. First person to ever call me that I think. But once again there is no time to lose by pondering such things. There is food to be eaten and we don't want a repeat of this morning. I sit down… near girly ponce. Damn! "Conspiring with blood-traitors Potter? And a Hufflepuff at that? How lowly of you!" I'm still unsure if I should give him an acidic reply or just vanish his pants when I am beaten to it. "Are you stupid Malfoy? Doesn't your father work at the ministry? You can't go around insulting Director Bones' family!" It's the first time I hear somewhat-tall-for-his-age latin-looking guy and I must say that I'm impressed.

He even makes it sound like he is concerned for the guy he just ridiculed.

Scoring on both sides of the board at eleven? He is almost as smart as I am. Maybe I could learn from him? It shouldn't be too hard to find something of equivalent value… Hum… girlish-boy pales quite well. It makes him look like a fresh corpse. But as that isn't something I want to learn how to do, there is no point in examining the phenomenon much longer. Not if that means looking at him anyway. Who knows what people might think?

I sigh.

Maybe I should go to the library again. I don't feel like exploring the horrible dungeons by myself. And NO, I'm not afraid! I'm just used to my assistant's ramblings by now. Tomorrow is Sunday still anyhow, so there are no classes I need material for. And really, who can tell the difference between a shower and a tergeo? But I should really transfigure that pillow before I start. I'm not that wicked that I don't need to rest yet.