Hey there! As I said to some of you I had some difficulties to start chapter six and now chapter eight. Not a real blank but still annoying as hell. I relized after I posted chapter five that I never mentioned it before but the status of the chapters can be seen in my profile. What else... well, I wasn't too happy with this chapter when I sent it to Hineko (who is a girl by the way... got quite the hearful by calling her a he last time...) but I just went through it again and I can't find anything wrong now... Go figure. Well, let's start then!

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I feel queasy. Not very good at all. Maybe it's from eating sweets and then the actual meal. Maybe it's from the perspective of having class with the wonderful professor Lockhart. I don't really care as long as it gives me an excuse to get the hell out of here. Well, I wouldn't care. As it is, I care very much because I know that if I miss the first lesson it'll be that much worse when I do attend. So yeah, condemned to spend an afternoon with him and a stomach-ache. I wait in front of the defence classroom with a growing feeling of dread.

It vanishes when I see Malfoy coming straight at me, obviously looking for a fight.

"Hey Potter! You are not looking so good. What's up? Finally realized how much of a disgrace you are to the school and Slytherin?" That's a fine show of arrogance if I ever saw one. And I did, God is my witness. It's almost enough to make me feel better. It gives me enough strength to reply in kind. "Sorry… did you say something little D? I was busy contemplating my greatness and feeling sad for the likes of you that can't quite grasp it in its whole glorious totality." Oh yes! I got him good. He is so red that if you pass by him fast enough you'll mistake him for a Gryfindor.

B doesn't look happy though. Damage control then.

"Hey there is no need to feel insulted with your nickname really! It's just that I can't call you D as there is already D that I call D. And she is taller than you… I suppose that I could call you D and call her big D but I don't think that it would go well at all. She wasn't even happy with princess. What kind of girl doesn't like being called princess, I wonder? But yeah… unless you would like to be called princess? No? Yeah, I didn't think so. But anyway, what did you want again?"

Why are they all staring at me?

B just face-palmed. Does it mean that I'm going to have remedial lessons? On the other hand, D is plainly disbelieving. Do they actually think that I am that bad? Well, I am. I just followed my first reflex. But I could have stopped myself. I just didn't. Because there isn't anything that works quite as well for confusion tactics than just saying the first thing that I feel like I should say. Turn your weaknesses into your greatest strengths and all that.

The mix of expressions on little D's face is quite amusing.

But I'm not done. B isn't going to be happy about it but it'll help me to calm my nerves. "Are you alright little D? You don't look so good… Do you want me to show you the way to the infirmary? It wouldn't be good for you to get lost in the state you are in." Yeah. His expression isn't mixed anymore! I cured him! It's a miracle! Alleluia! The prophet has returned! Where was I again? Oh yeah! Potter 2 Little D 0. Hey, where did I put my rations again? Best to have them handy.

Here comes Lockhart.

No time to waste then. I pick my seat carefully so as to not draw too much attention but still be able to escape easily from the room if need be. Unfortunately the seat in question is the one next to D. Too bad, so sad. I'm not a regular teenager, but like most of them, I would rather take my chance with possible bodily harm than with possible humiliation. The fact that, in the wizarding world, limbs can be regrown, which can't be said of standing, is the deciding factor.

She looks at me with morbid fascination. Clearly unable to believe that I'm doing it.

"You better be very careful of what you do if you sit here Potter. One fool around me is quite enough already." I nod. There's no denying that we all have more important things to think about right now. I know for a fact that I'll be a target, but she is too, to a lesser extent. After all, only morons fall for the guy's manipulations. As she is not part of that wide ranged category, she is automatically in the other one. With Lockhart's kind of people you are either a resource or a customer. "Cease fire then? During his classes at least?" She agrees.

Which is good as I'm pretty sure that she could make me a very easy target if she tried.

There would be payback of course but… She nodded. Almost disappointed it would seem. Guess I'm not the only one that enjoys a good conflict around here. Or she just doesn't really trust me. Equal chances. But as said before, there would be plenty of time to examine such matters later. Now was the time for peace. "Think I should go pre-emptive on him?" She looks thoughtful. Of course, I know that she will say go ahead. She has nothing to lose from it herself and everything to gain. She nods.

I'll just get him in the middle of his speech then.

Something simple. Something classic. What about that skeleton in the left corner of the room? Isn't that a manticore? Does it even really matter? I am pretty sure that a mouse skeleton would have him squealing for help. Whatever that thing is will most likely make him faint one second after I animate it. How he even gathered enough courage to bring it in the classroom in the first place is somewhat of a mystery. Maybe he asked the elves and had a notice-me-not charm keyed on him put on it?

Even if that's true, he will have to notice it when it gives him small taps on the shoulder. Cartoons are great inspiration.

Of course, it's better to actually use my wand and mutter the words to animate it. We don't want D to understand just how good we are, do we? I wait for the right moment and give it a try. Belis anima. I'm pretty sure that this incantation isn't true Latin but it works anyway. And now D is glaring at me. Oh yeah. I let her believe that I didn't know how to animate. Huh… guess that the truce will only apply to Defence then. No time to think of that. If I don't laugh like the rest when the enemy runs screaming in fright I'll be suspicious.

Here it goes.

Any moment now. Maybe I went overboard by making it walk on the tip of its toes but that way I'm free of the twins for the rest of the month. Wow, did that really happen? I turn to D in amazement to confirm that I'm not dreaming. She looks shocked too. I pinch her. She pinches me back, quite hard I must say. How is that even possible? The guy was tripping on his own feet just Friday and now he pulls something like that? He, for all intents and purposes heard my toy moving, turned around with lightning-fast reflexes and turned it to dust!

Dust!

He turned a magical skeleton to dust just like that. Non-verbally at that! Just wow! Maybe the term priority concern doesn't really describe the seriousness of the situation if the guy feels like I deserve to be humiliated a bit. He's talking now. "Good afternoon class, I'm professor Lockhart. As you see, whoever tried that little stunt helped me to demonstrate today's lesson in a very spectacular way. A wizard's best friend in combat situation is his wand. And to use one's wand with any chance of success, good reflexes and general awareness are a must. Most creatures of Darkness are a great deal faster than humans. It is therefore our objective this term to try and get you all more aware of your surroundings and ready to react to it at the very least."

That guy is my hero!

Was it all a mask before? To lull his enemies into a false sense of security maybe? I really hope that that's it because I sure as hell can't do much against the likes of him without some serious preparations. And most likely a lot of luck. "However, that will only take half of our time. While we will spend Monday's lessons working on that part, Friday's lessons will be dedicated to learning spells for combat situation. Both direct effects and indirect effects. There will be one essay per week, assigned on Friday and due on Monday about possible utilisations of the spells discussed. A minimal length of four feet of parchment each time."

That's fine by me and I don't think that D, or B for that matter, are complaining either.

"As you may have read in my books, a great deal of luck is always involved when one survives an encounter with the Dark and its servants…" The guy is badmouthing himself? Did one of the Potion Masters force-feed him truth serum or something? I read the books. It was painful to read. And painfully obvious that the man was arrogant to the point of delirium. Dazzle a werewolf with one's smile? Well, I guess that he could with those freakish things inside his mouth. Maybe the poor thing's eyes couldn't adapt from the total darkness to the fucking lighthouse of Alexandria.

Still, if he keeps it up like that it'll be one pink mage that I actually respect!

"…and that is why, without being able to rely on luck, you should all try to avoid danger if possible and call professional assistance. As we all know, sometimes, you will be unable to do so. If such a situation arises you will instead rely on the skills I will try to transmit you here until such a time when you can flee and call for help. Let us hope that it will be enough."

I still don't get it, how can he be so good?

I mean, it's true that the methods in his books would work very well for the most part… but there is a lot of extra that just makes the story fishy. More like a romance novel than a description of facts and techniques. And it's really not textbook-like at all. I don't like fishy things. They smell funny and I think I already made my point about that. But hey, it's not like I am a Gryffindor right? I don't fancy mysteries (unless I am the one being all mysterious, it's a lot of fun then), but I don't crave for answers either.

I can live perfectly fine without knowing what's up with Lockhart sudden case of schizophrenia.

I'll just need to keep my distances from him. It doesn't matter that he just turned into an actual Defence against the Dark Arts' expert. It really wouldn't do to become his best student, his heir even, and just as quickly have him change back to waste-of-air mode and stab me in the back. I already have my fellow Slytherins for that. It could even be worse than just that scenario. It could easily be something far more nefarious than the all too common craziness of the wizarding world striking again.

No, I'm not being paranoid again.

You just wait and see. I'm sure that Black will do something to warrant all my cautiousness by the end of the year. "Would you care to repeat to the class what I just said mister Potter?" Oups! Busted! Time to get creative I guess. "Why would I do that when I can easily expand on it? Thus avoiding a very bored class?" His left eyebrow rose quite high. That's what experience and pink magic do to you. The right one didn't even twitch! If it wasn't so obvious that the guy has got issues I think that I would send Assistant to take lessons with him.

But I did read somewhere that being molested affects a woman's productivity at work…

Better not to risk it then. Can't afford to fall back on schedule with the new realities of the market. There just isn't enough time for that. Maybe I should go on. He seems kind of anxious. I can tell by the way he is sipping his black tea without even adding any sugar. "While your proposed methods are of unquestionable value for all the reasons you yourself stated…" Nice and vague. No need to show to anyone but him that I have no idea about what he was talking about. "… I think that you put less than enough emphasis on the importance of ways of recognizing the danger which is I think an essential step to put anything else in application."

I didn't think that I had it in me.

And he seems to even accept it. I think that he is even mildly amused in fact. He isn't the only one. D's face is full of wonder. Even B is impressed. Little D is not but what can I do? I'm not certain that he knows about half the words I used… "Indeed. A most welcome observation of your part mister Potter. Unfortunately, our schedule is rather full as it is and, as the already discussed points are the ones that demand the most of our time to show improvements, we will only start threat identification in your second year."

He keeps going and I try to focus on him now. Who knows what he'll do otherwise?

He talks a lot. That's still the same from last time. But his mannerisms are a good deal more those you would expect of a pureblood now than what you are used to see in TV shows' spoke persons like it was before. This doesn't make any sense. If it was some sort of way to fool his enemies before, then why drop it now? Granted, it would be hard to teach without dropping the mask. But then why still wear it during the feast?

Let's just think about something else. This is getting me nowhere.

How about the prank for the twins? I need a new one since this one failed in a rather miserable way. It's better like this in fact. I hadn't thought of a way to sign their name all over it. The first thing that comes to mind is the old animate-their-clothes-to-make-them-dance trick. But I don't know how to dance and can't therefore clearly represent it inside my mind. As I said before, animation depends almost only on will magic. If I don't know what, exactly, I want to happen it won't.

That's why I don't have sentience for my minions yet.

Because it can't be done with will magic only. In fact, I personally never ever heard of it being done with essence magic only either. There's always at least some form magic and a great deal of the time only form magic. Hum… best eat a snack now. I am starting to drift here. So, if not dance then what? What about an all out martial arts tournament? I couldn't throw a punch to save my life myself, but I am fairly confident that I could drag people bodies into doing something I saw in one of those Kung Fu movies.

If not accurate it will at the very least be entertaining.

The problem is that it would take much more than I have to do that to the whole school. Who should I pick then? Obviously not people that can be linked to me. The best would be people that the twins are known for pranking. But I don't know, nor do I care to know, who those could be. So who? Ah yes! The professors of course. It'll even do me good to see those who get tricked and those who don't. I don't think that Lockhart will, and Dumbles won't either, but I would bet anything that at least half of them will fall for it. I wonder if Lockhart will turn his clothes to dust…

Hey! Class is over! And I wasn't left behind this time!

That's good. Now what should I do? The day is pretty much over and I don't really have any homework worth mentioning. I don't feel like bugging my fellow snakes either. If I start doing it too much it won't stay fun will it? Ah, well… I am not in a library mood right now. I know for a fact that Old-guy-Fawkes-had-his-party-in-my-hairdo will be there (Maybe I should burn it all. Even if I don't get the terrorist I'll still be doing a great thing for England and the world as a whole), fussing and moaning about how little time there is to properly write two feet of parchment about the first rule of transfiguration or something.

I think I'll go play with the map in the hall. See if I can think of how I would have made it with Nordic runes maybe.

You never know what will be helpful. And here we are. There aren't all that many people at this time of the day. Which suits me fine. I don't want any noisy classmates trying to pry information out of me. But just to be on the safe side of caution it would be better not to sit on Slytherin's table. Now that I think about it, the Ravenclaws won't be able to help themselves either. And there will be an instantaneous mutiny if I sit with the Gryffindors. So Hufflepuf it is!

I sit in one fluid motion.

But they don't give me twenty seconds before I am disrupted. "Hey! You are Harry Potter! But you are a Slytherin! You can't sit here!" Why did I even bother trying? It matters little now. If I back out it will be bad for me. I change my tie's colours from the red and blue polka dots to their colours. "Here. Can you go bother someone else now? I would really like some peace and quiet right about this instant." I stunned him. I guess it was bad enough for me not to wear my own house's colours. The guy is so prejudiced about it that he couldn't handle the mental and emotional strain of having a snake turn badger.

Then again, their house is all about loyalty.

For them it's just the same as if I had yelled to the whole world to hear that I liked them better than my own house. Which is true, but that's not my point. In my house I like B and respect D and her red-headed friend somewhat. In this one, I like my assistant and by proxy her crazy friend H that I never met I guess. And I tolerate the rest of them, minus the guy who just talked to me. Huge difference! I take a look around to see how the other people around are taking it. Most are only confused. Very few are angry. That's good.

I activate the spell for seeing under the normal spectrum again. Suboculus.

By doing so while still observing the hall, I catch a disturbing image. The assistant healer, Miss Johnson or something, is leaking some sort of aura. That's not normal. Nope, definitively not. Auras can't normally be seen. They can be sensed by a powerful pink or grey mage, but never seen without the use of a device of some sort. A simple spell like Suboculus would sooner allow you to see imaginary friends than allow you to see an actual aura. It doesn't matter how powerful or skilled I am, I won't ever be able to nail anything by use of a spoon. I need a hammer like everyone else. If I could, it wouldn't be just hers anyway.

So what in God's name could it be?

Whatever it is, it's oozing and reeks of death. Just how many weird things are going on around me? I don't feel quite safe anymore. I didn't like the idea of being at the business end of Lockhart's promo-campaign, but now I think I would much prefer that to being at the business end of his wand. If you add to that a contained Cerberus-guardian, a roaming Sirius Black with murdering intent, and now a suspiciously evil-looking aura attached to one of the castle nurses…

Well, staying out of the infirmary may be for the best.

But I am not allowed to wallow in those depressing thoughts. I am, indeed, rudely interrupted by… by what anyway? Oh. It's my assistant. And what can only be her friend H. And a random Hufflepuf female prefect with pink hair. Is this day getting really surreal or what? I mean, okay, she is a girl and therefore does not fall under The Great Book of Male Pride's jurisdiction. But still. I wore that polka dots tie all of Friday plus the weekend and I can still tell how utterly queer that particular shade makes her. Wait, wait, wait! Let's backtrack some. Her friend H? Didn't Harry James Potter, our supreme ruler, decide just the other day that staying away from her for now would be a very good idea?

Something involving craziness and pointy teeth?

I'm pretty sure that I do remember something like that occurring. And really, who am I to go against the decisions of such a great mind as his? So that means tactical retreat if possible. Slowly, slowly… Ah! Busted! I guess I shouldn't have gone for it while the three of them were staring at me. Still, doesn't that make like thrice today that I have someone besting me? Either I am losing my edge or this is really not my day. "Hello? What can I do for you Assistant number one?" The two other aren't any more surprised than Assistant. I guess she is spreading some stories about me huh? "Did you actually convince someone to be number two? That Slytherin blonde I see you talking to at meals maybe?"

Someone should really tell her about the eyebrow thing. I throw a meaningful look at pinky to see if she'll help.

She doesn't seem to understand. Why don't other people notice important stuff like that I'll never know. "Well, what else would you have brought these two for? They don't look like they could be much else…" I am, in fact, half-joking about that. People don't make prefect without some semblance of skill so the older one should have some interesting things to share if we relate well enough together. Friends should always be useful at the very least.

Assistant is grinning now.

"Told you he would open the meeting by making some joke about you girls! That'll be five silver coins from you and one transformation from you! And you better pay up!" Making money on my back? How distasteful! She didn't even give me my share! "So, what do you want?" "I was just going to introduce you to Hannah and Tonks. Tonks is the one who gave us the map and she was wondering how we managed to fill it so much in such a short time…" Ah! That explains it. Weirder-than-usual-name doesn't look like the kind that have got too many friends but it's still weird to see someone so much older hang out with firsties without at least an excuse to start the conversation leading to it.

"Wotcher! It was really detailed work you did! I'm interested!"

I shrug. "A lot of free time wasted and the systematic use of a magic-revealing diagnostic-charm followed by concentrated function-diagnostic charms. It's tedious but it works well enough." Her eyes just widened. "Aren't those fourth year material? Scratch that, I know they are. How can you do those in your first year?" I hum carelessly. "The answer to that is a lot of wasted free time, again. Well that and the fact that I'm a genius." Assistant pumps her fist. "And that makes five more coins from you and an extra transformation from you!" This is getting annoying. Maybe Lockhart is possessing her or something? Would that mean that Assistant is possessing Lockhart then?

If so she isn't nearly as bad as she appears.

"Anyway, we were just passing by. There is going to be a first day of school party in our dorms in half an hour and we need to get ready. See you tomorrow Harry!" They are leaving. And luckily the madder of the lot didn't even speak to me. That's good. But its way too much stress for one day only. Which can't be good, no matter your age. I think that I'll just go to sleep now. It means that I'll be that much more incoherent in the morning but right now that seems like a fair price in exchange of ending the day.