AN: Harry Potter is completely and totally not mine because he is quite frankly someone's else. I don't even take credit for the stuff that isn't in the books because I went through so much fanfiction in the last three years that I can't remember what I take inspiration from half of the time. Got two flamers at once after the last chapter… well, at least they flamed chapter one. The other one I got before was on chapter seven (Who the hell reads seven chapter of a story just to say that it's all crap?)…

Anyway, thanks to Hineko for the beta-work. People confused with the magical theory I use should read my other "story" accessible in my profile. (09/09/09)

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Swords are cool. That's a generally accepted fact of life. I think that the opinion polls taken by specialized magazines came up with a fifty percent approval rate of swords by an indicative sample of the British population. So, there's no denying that. If you keep that line of thought, then swords fights must be cool. Because as swords are meant to fight with and useless things are considered uncool by 97 percent of the population, what else could they be? But somehow, nobody never ever made a poll to know if sword training is cool. Well, let me tell you this: it isn't. As in: not at all. It's downright boring in fact. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is the distant promise that someday, I might be able to stab an annoying pureblood and not get sued for it.

Still, that will only last so long.

Maybe it's conceited of me, but I like seeing myself improve when practicing something. With magic that's fine, you learn the theories behind the stuff and when you memorized it and understand it you try it. It takes up to a dozen or so times doing whatever you are supposed to and then it works. At least, that's what it always was for me. Sure, there was that experimenting bit with animation where I couldn't get the thing right. But at least, different, interesting, things kept happening. Like making a teddy's eyes zoom out of its head and shatter a wall. Even then, it was the most frustrating time of my life. Was. Now, after only an hour and a half of fencing lessons, it's a distant second.

And it's getting harder to even remember that it did happen by the minute.

One can only have his starting stance corrected so many times before thoughts of murder become more than acquaintances. Right now we are on a mildly friendly basis, but at the rate that things are presently going, the old lover status isn't so far away. Which is bad, as I don't know of any means to legally put those to good use without improving in my stabbing things quest. I'm glad that the lake party with Assistant isn't far away. I could really use the break. Maybe it's showing in the way the left side of my neck is twitching now and then, because B takes a hint. "I think that that's enough for today. I was planning on something intensive to be ready by the end of the month, but that would obviously be a mistake."

I just give a sharp nod. We are official friends since two hours ago only and I don't trust myself to be polite at the moment.

In fact, with the way my cramps from this morning made a spectacular comeback, I wouldn't trust myself to walk straight. Which reminds me that sitting down is a great idea. Worthy of my genius, really. B gives me an amused look before going on. Wonder what he is laughing at. "After assessing the general state of disrepair of what can't honestly be called a body, I have determined what would be the best suited style for your type. Well, the best I know well enough to teach anyway, and that's one out of three. It will be based on your natural shrimpiness, taking advantage of how little you weight and of how narrow a target you make of yourself."

I am not exactly sure why, but I feel slightly insulted.

I kind of feel bad for the people that usually talk with me now; because I can't say that I like the feeling at all. But then again, it would be a terrible waste to have such a gift for it and not to use it… "You may have heard of it as the piercing winds or sky drill, but the official name is Birdy, birdy, birdy!" Right. Hmm… I don't really have an answer to that… Let's stick with plain disbelief. "How can that even be a name?" At least B has got the decency of looking contrite. "Hey, it's not my fault! That's what it says in the registry. I asked Uncle Tolgerias about it and he said that the guy who came up with it wasn't all that sane…"

Urg! Who names a child Tolgerias?

I mean, he isn't even the heir of the family… I don't fool myself into thinking that I will make it out of a place like Hogwarts without losing at least one bet that will force my first born to have a ridiculous name of some kind, but that's the kind of wagers that you don't make again once you lost for the first time! "… which is quite disturbing when you take into account Uncle's tendency to flirt with the paintings of the manor. Even the ones of not human creatures. Of both genders." What can I even answer to that? Somehow, 'My condolences' doesn't seem to cut the deal… "Anyway, no matter how mad the guy was, the style is still really good and perfectly adapted for you as you are now. We'll start next week. Now, you said something about going outside?"

I sigh. I need to do something if I don't want to drown.

I nod and start walking in direction of the grounds. Until I understand why sitting down was a bad idea. The cramps are even worse now. Well, there's nothing to do but soldier through I guess. Now I am going to transfigurate my robes into a bathing suit. But what kind of array should I draw on it before going? Well, there's that dumb tri-part floating array that would do the trick I guess. If you can't sink it's one half of the problem solved, isn't it? I thought about having that tattooed on me when I was ten or something, but I changed my mind quickly when I saw all the stories about unforeseen consequences of arrays. I already told you about the dangers of that grounding rune in a vehicle didn't I? Well, imagine this: you make yourself unsinkable by the use of the tattoo version of the array. Now, what do you think would happen if you were to somehow end in the water but with something heavy upon you?

Let's start by discarding the obvious disaster that would be being crushed because you couldn't sink to diffuse the blow.

But even if the thing were empty in the center like, say, a canoe; what would happen? If you didn't have the tattoo, you would just sink a little and swim under the water until you aren't under it anymore. But you can't sink. The tattoo isn't a swimsuit that you can discard. Instant prison! Like all those guys that turned immortal and ended trapped in a one by one room till the end of times. So, yeah… I won't do tattoos if I can do something else that works too. Where was I again? Oh yeah! The array will be fine I guess… Just need to draw it quickly. I stop and do the transfiguration. B is somewhat surprised but does the same. The array doesn't take too much time to draw. It's fairly simple and I studied it a decent amount of time when I was in my mutilating-my-body-with-magic-would-be-so-cool phase.

And here we go! Now we- Ompf!

Did I? Did it… that little… "That was you wasn't it?" Not having a particular direction to glare, as the castle is all around me, is frustrating. I set for drilling mental holes on the spot that altered itself just enough to make me trip. "That's just petty. And sad. Seriously, doing that kind of things to an eleven years old just shows that you are bitter. You really didn't have to take it that way, you are just such a girl!" I have no idea who B thinks I am talking with but I can't really tell him that I managed to get Hogwarts mad… He would end the lessons right away because I am a desperate case. Hell, I don't think it would be past him to make a lab rat of me so that people could try to understand how I can suck so much.

So what if he thinks I believe in God or that I'm skyzo?

Did the earth just shake a little? Suddenly I don't feel my cramps anymore. "Come on B! We are going to be late if you keep lazing around!" With the new pace, we don't take long to make it outside of the danger zone. I can see the lake now. I can see all the little ripples in the water. I can see a lone tentacle of the giant squid. I can see My-parents-hate-my-guts on the shore making catcalls. I can see Assistant and H in the water, madly kissing each other… Why can I see Assistant and H in the water, madly kissing each other? Should they be doing that? I don't think they should be doing that! I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to take my chance with the castle now. Lets just back out slowly…

"Wotcher Harry!"

Why do I always get busted? Do I need remedial stealth lessons too? Or maybe I should just give up on the slowly part and run like hell the next time? I wave my hand weakly. Clearly there are some wizarding customs that I'm not acquainted with going around. I don't think I would see that kind of things happening in a muggle pool. Then again, there's no one but them here. "Hmm… well, hi! I would ask how you are all doing but I am definitely not comfortable with the answer I think… So I'll settle for introducing B. He is the other member of the Slytherin Intensive Skill Trade Program for World Domination. He is the Etiquette teacher. I take care of Runes."

Now I can fool myself into thinking they are laughing at my joke rather than at the fact that every ounce of my blood went up.

"Hmr… And B, these are Tonks, Assistant and H. Respectively prefect, niece of a ministry official and… and why are you useful again?" H rolls her eyes. "I think that Sue said something about my dashing good looks just a few minutes ago…" Now I know the little wench is doing it on purpose. Well, all provocations will be met with deadly fire from now on. "Ah yeah! You are the one we are planning to pimp! So, as you see B, they are all very useful and therefore can be socialized with as per rule seventy-two alinea c."

B seems half amused and half exasperated.

"You know Harry, if you want to be a good Slytherin, you shouldn't warn your acquaintances that you are using them. It's very bad form. Plus, you broke rule three paragraph two by revealing one of the rules to outsiders." Is he joking? I can't ever tell. I'm pretty sure that even if there is such a thing as rules for Slytherin house, number seventy-two won't be what I said it is. But who knows really? Pink-head interrupts my thoughts. "Yes Harry, not very bright at all… I think I need to punish you both for your distasteful lack of heart now…" What is sh- Ompf! Urg! She is so paying for that! Throw me in a lake with a mild blasting hex will you?

I think that some water went in my right ear because I can't hear B's shouts all that well.

I'm glad that I was clever enough to set the floating array a little under the actual level of the water. It hurt a good deal with thirty centimeters to soften the impact already. Where's my wand? Oh there! I transfigure the suit to include my feet without disturbing the array. I can walk on the water now. I wish I could do the elemental animation trick I tried on D on a large scale to strike the three of them back but as I look at the algae around me I understand the problem. While the water isn't alive itself it carries a lot of life on a very small level. Same for earth or air. Fire is the only one immune of the four great. Without Form magic to tell the energy to ignore the micro-organisms inside it takes a sensibility I don't have not to waste my magic while trying.

Well, it's not like I can't use anything but animation anyway.

Aguamenti! Personae ligatio! Accio evil prefect! Now, we will have fun. With the seventh year out of the way revenge will be sweet indeed! "What will I do with you now? What do you think B? Should I forgive them in my kindness? Should I spare them the horrors of the tickling charm? Would that be the Slytherin thing to do?" There is no need to ask really, B is oozing with malice. "I'm afraid doing so would be a capital offense… You must take your tribute, otherwise you'll give a weak image you understand." I let a maniacal laugh for theatrics' sakes. "Oh… well… nothing I can do then! We can't have little D upset with me, can we?" I enjoy the squeals of terror that Assistant and H are making without me having yet to lift my wand but it's the fight in pinky's eyes that will make this so sweet.

I prepare myself. I shan't show any mercy to my future followers for that kind of offense! They must learn their place!

Wait a minute. What is that thing coming my way? Its crimson red, it's big and flying my way pretty fast I must say… Some kind of falcon maybe? I don't think it's the right size for a falcon but I never had very good eyesight. I tried to find a way correct it by magic but the available options are either something you must do yourself or must wait until the target is a bit older than I am. I try to feel the things magic. It's a mistake. Such a strong essence it has! Even at Hogwarts I rarely feel so much in such a small space. With all my sensing focused on it I'm overwhelmed by its presence. It's so much that for a dozen of seconds I'm stunned.

Enough for the thing to grab me by the arm and lift me from the surface of the water.

When I retake control of my mind I am already some fifteen or so meters above the ground. I guess that I could try to get free now; I could cast an Aresto momentum on my way down. But my wand is likely floating somewhere near the tiny people on the ground and there isn't a lot to animate around. Well, my suit I guess, but I don't like the idea of abdicating of my modesty as long as I don't have a reason to think that I am in mortal peril. Sirius Black is the most likely owner of the beast that is carrying me, but even so, once I am on the ground there will be a lot of not-alive things to use against him.

Nobody is going to end me.

Still, I wish I had access to my trunk. I have it with me since it was in my robe's pocket when I transfigurated it. But I can't even find it until I give the suit its original appearance back. Back to business! Where are we going? We are nearing a tower of the castle… is Black inside already? That doesn't make sense. Why risk it now when the tournament is so close? I- argh! Did that bloody thing, whatever it is, throw me through a window? Granted, it was open at least… but still!

Now, where am I?

"Ah! Mister Potter! I am so glad you could make it!" I know that voice! Oh, that's not good! Really, really not good in the least! Why couldn't it be Black? I don't mind Black! Send him any day over dear old Dumbles! I remember everything that B told me to do when facing the Headmaster. First thing is to have your occlumency ready to snap in place in a fraction of second. Fooling oneself, after all, can't be done properly without giving away what makes you yourself. Therefore I must know when to use it, how to use it and more importantly, for how long. Second rule is to appear mildly stupid if possible. That's the hardest part as beautiful people are often smart too, but it can be done.

I'll just have to smile like a loon and exude some arrogance à-la-Gilderoy!

"Oh hello there! Did I just come in flying?" I can see my attempt at a dazzling smile reflecting on the shiny and silvery devices on the ancient-one's desk. Not bad. Not bad at all, if I say so myself. My fingers go through my hairs in a nonchalant motion. It doesn't fix anything of course but it strengthens my image. "Indeed you did Mister Potter. When you didn't answer my numerous requests to grace me with your presence and I saw you by the lake through my window I couldn't resist having Fawkes fetch you." He points something behind me. I take a look and blink. "A phoenix! This is great! Wait till I tell D about this! Harry James Potter carried by phoenix! Phoenix friend! Phoenix master even!"

Oh yeah. Forgot about the third thing. Always keep my unusual gift in check.

Damn! The thing is murderous! Well, best to make what I can of it. I give some girlish screams that I borrowed from little D and hide myself behind colour-blind-guy. "Now, now Fawkes! There's no need for that! I'm sure that Mister Potter didn't mean any offense by saying those things…" The bird gives a snort but relents in the end. Victory! "Ah ah ah! Really Headmaster, there was no need for you to step in! The situation was perfectly under control!" I can see that he is disturbed now. "Hum… yes, indeed. Well, if you would take a chair then Mister Potter?" He conjures a hideous piece of furniture that more or less fulfils the function of a seat.

I give a little grimace likes he probably expects me to, but I sit down and give him a warm smile.

"So, what did you want to see me for Headmaster? I'm truly sorry about not coming earlier but things kept coming in the way…" Now that the bird isn't after me, I take the time of assessing the situation. There are quite a lot of things I can use around here but with the paintings behind him and the firebird behind me I don't think I can make anything look like a coincidence or an accident. And there's no-one to frame either. "Quite alright Mister Potter! Say, would you mind terribly if I were to call you Harry?" I beam at him. "But of course Headmaster! It would be my pleasure!" He smiles back. "So Harry, how are you liking classes at Hogwarts? Do you want some lemon drops?"

I shake my head no.

I do need a clear head to have this talk but when I sense the sweet it feels magical. I won't take the chance of being fed something I don't know the effects of. "I was thinking of going back to the water later and they say it's better if you didn't just eat." I'm not quite as good at sounding wise as I am at sounding arrogant but I manage alright. I frown. "Well, the teachers are great of course… but apart from Mister Quirrell the material is very easy and not very interesting at all. And they don't like it when I ask questions." There's no need to hide that I'm a genius. The teachers and the little show with runes in the hall must have clued him by now.

Well, a sane, logical person would have been clued. Not sure about him but best to play it safe.

"Ah, yes! It was reported to me that you were quite advanced in several classes. So much, in fact, that it was disturbing the course of the lessons. Very impressive at your age, I must say." I puff out my chest as much as I can. Praise from the head honcho himself! Why, that's almost as good as finding a penny in the street! He keeps at it. "But I worry about where you learnt so much. Tell me Harry, who was it that taught you?" I don't even need to fake the confusion that is creeping in my mind. What does he means who? Where, I can understand, but who? There's no-one but me and myself! "What do you mean Headmaster? Nobody taught me anything… I just bought some books when I entered Diagon Alley… I'm up to fourth year now, but I'm not so good at casting yet…"

He gives me a thoughtful look.

"But when did you have time for that Harry? Don't you live with your muggle relatives? How could you learn so much in such a short time? A couple of months is not enough to study all of that you know." Yeah… It won't work on me old man… There's no way he doesn't know about me not living at Privet Drive anymore. What with the watchers I found out about and all. Hey! I could use them to my advantage! "Well, there was this strange person… I never could tell if it was a man or a woman… Whoever it was wore really odd clothes… I was very curious about what someone so weird was doing around my house all the time, so one day, I followed after. The strange person walked to a derelict house and entered. I waited for him or her to leave again but it never happened. So one day I went there while I knew the person was near my house."

He is sucking my every word. How naïve!

Better keep at it. "The house was really dirty. There was dust everywhere, but especially inside of a small bowl near the chimney. And that was weird too… there was a fire going inside! How could there be a fire when nobody was there? It was creepy but I calmed myself and forced myself to hide in a corner to see what would happen when the mysterious person would come back. I waited a long time but the person came back. I saw when he or she threw the dust at the fire. For a second I thought that the person was angry or something but I heard a shout of Diagon Alley! Then the fire turned green and the person stepped in and vanished. I was confused at first but then I tried to do the same and see what happened."

I make another pause and give a small smile.

"I never found who it was but I didn't care much after that. Diagon Alley is such a wonderful place! I went to the bank to try to make a loan and buy some things but they told me that I had lots of money! A vault full of gold! So I took a lot and I bought books…" I think I saw a flicker of rage in his eyes. Someone is going to pay for an imaginary flunk I made up! All the better! "I see… But Harry, how did you go back to your relatives? If you took the floo like I think you did then you couldn't go back without having the address of your parting point." I give him a shrug. "Well, yeah… But I didn't like them very much to begin with anyway. So I changed some money into pounds and I went to a hotel nearby. It wasn't easy to convince the receptionist but when I gave him two-hundred pounds he let me."

Funny enough, that last part is the only one that is purely true.

Greed does that to people. Well, he surely seems to believe what I'm saying… I'm kind of surprised he didn't go for a mental assault yet. Maybe B was wrong about that? "I see. Harry, your problems with your family aside, there are things that you don't know about the wizarding world. I believe that you were told about being the boy-who-lived?" I nod happily. "Well, Sirius Black that escaped our prison recently was a great supporter of Lord Voldemort. It is no longer safe for you to live in that hotel of yours. You must, come summer, go back to the Dursleys! You will be protected there by old magics that I placed myself."

Did he just wave his hand while talking? Does the guy think he is a Jedi or something?

Hey! Great idea! "I must go back to the Dursleys. I will be protected there." He looks kind of suspicious now… Maybe I should have put more of a fight but the inside joke was too much for me. Oh, there he is trying to send a probe in my mind. Quickly, I fool myself into thinking that everything I said was the truth and change my personality to match it. It will last two hours. I hope it's enough. Dumbledore smiles after a minute of silence. "Very good Harry! Now, it's getting late. You should run along if you don't want to miss diner! No need to use the window this time. I think the stairs will do alright."

I nod happily.

I'm so lucky to have met the Headmaster that way! Wait until I tell everybody around! Surely no-one else got to do so in their first year! I'm kind of sad about having to go back to the Dursleys come summer; but if the Headmaster says it's important, then it must be true. After all, he is the greatest light wizard of the century!