AN(18 September 09): When Harry complain about how easy the classes are in the last chapter he of course excludes Lockhart and not Quirrel from the list of annoying professors. Sorry for the mistake. The basic idea for this chapter was old, but I struggled to end it. I hope it doesn't show.
Thanks to the few who reviewed the last chapter and thanks to Hineko for the beta-work. The next chapter is really being a pain and my exams are comming fast, so I don't know when I'll update. Go see my profile I you want to check where I am. Everyone confused about the classification of magic I use should go see my other story in my profile.
Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even claim credit for the stuff that doesn't come from the book, as I went through a lot of fanfictions in the last three years and can't remember where I possibly took inspiration from.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sigh. I think I am going insane. Think that's funny, do you? You think that I'm joking maybe? Well, I'm not. Of course, there are lots and lots of reasons to go insane in the metaphorical sense of the word. For one, our schedule just changed for the fifth time since the year started. It's just so fucking much that I have no idea what day of the week we are anymore! I just follow B and D around, as they seem to be able to memorize all these changes in a blink of an eye. How do they do that? I'm someone with a good memory, but if you keep throwing combinations at me without logic backing it up in the least then I don't see how I'm supposed to cope! When I remember things, I remember lines of thought, events that start logical sequences that lead to a result.
If you ask me to remember phone numbers then I'll tell you to buy an agenda and stop bothering me if you don't want an armored foot up your ass.
Occlumency helps some. I can order my memories by date, but that doesn't stop most of them of being blurry, or even altered somewhat… I guess that I could try to fool myself into thinking that learning my schedule is of capital importance so that my subconscious mind would stop trying to burry what I see as of now as a useless piece of information, but that actually brings the non-metaphorical thing that is making me go crazy. Or so I think anyway. The thought had never crossed my mind before, but recent happenstances lead me to ponder the possibility that messing with your own thought process may not be the brightest idea around.
Well… now that I say it out loud it sounds a little obvious; but really, it sounded like such a neat trick when I first came up with it!
Umm… I think that I should pay a little more attention to what old Nicky is rambling about. I really don't want another incident involving clothes dissolving acids anytime soon. It may seem funny when I say it like that, but it sure as hell wasn't when I happened to be the one having to owl-order more robes from Diagon. To make matters worse, I was partnered with D at the time. You definitely won't be seeing me without my emergency food supplyin this class anymore, this I can tell you! "… and thus, if you don't allow the solution to cool down at least twice the time it was simmering before adding the next ingredient, the energy build up will naturally cascade out of control. In the earliest stage, that is if the proper counter is swiftly administered, the only consequence will be a loss of 35 to 45 percent of the potency of the reagents. In stage two, the potion created will have no effects whatsoever and your cauldron may be damaged by the leaking power…"
And the part that everyone knows about already…
"Stage three, as demonstrated by Mister Longbottom last time will correspond to either a melted cauldron or an explosion, depending of the average density of the components used. Now, for today's lesson. We will attempt to brew the solution known as the elixir of astral isolation. Its purpose is to ward magical objects from the effects of the positions of the stars as common enchanters seldom bother with the additional work that represents a shifting array. Can anyone tell me why this is an elixir and not a potion, an unguent or a salve?"
Okay, so now the guy interests me. I have read about this elixir before of course, but I have no idea how to brew it, as the textbook doesn't have anything about it. That's why I love Nick!
Don't get me wrong, I can do shifting arrays. But they do take a lot of work, especially if you aim to actually benefit from the stars' influences"
"Yes Miss Granger?" I already know what lightning-graced-hair is going to say. I heard her mutter to herself behind me while she was trying to dislocate her shoulder by sheer will. I did see something about it in the book, but somehow, it doesn't fit the recipe the fossil gave us. Let's just wait it out. "Garibaldiet says that elixir is the proper denomination for magical solutions with a cost of production higher than the salary of the master brewer that made them." She is so busy glowing in self-satisfaction that she doesn't see the disappointment on the old man's face. "Indeed Miss Granger, Garibaldiet does say that in your textbook, but that is his personal opinion and is not applicable to the case here. After all, schoolchildren can not afford ingredients that would be of higher value than even an hour of a Master's salary."
Yeah. I know what was bothering me now. Most of the ingredients are the cheapest around since a high cost would turn the thing useless for merchants.
"If you remember correctly, Garibaldiet brings Canuet's definition up at some point. He does so with the finality of lowering the worth of his opponent's views, so it is understandable that you wouldn't give much effort into assimilating it. Canuet's definition, regardless of its potential validity, understands elixirs as the liquid version of alchemical products. If you combine that piece of information with the definition of alchemical products given in the introduction of Garibaldiet's work you will understand what went through the mind of the creator of our solution. Here it is: alchemical products are after all, not so much the creation of new substances by the combination of essences and the careful direction of energies by ritualism, as they are the magical results of a reaction involving a catalyst. If you look at the recipe on the blackboard, you will see that here the cauldron must be made of silver. It is not a recommendation to maximize the power but a needed element. Therefore it qualifies."
Oh! Tricky! Guess he was really fishing for talents here. I don't think he was really hopeful though.
Well, I guess I should start the brewing now. B is already dicing the bloodroot and separated the rest of the components for preparation. Which means that I am on stirring duty. I don't mind, really. When I am taking care of the other side of the preparation I usually have trouble stopping myself from going Disney on them and animate both the knives and the ingredients to do the work themselves. I usually did before Hogwarts. Not with all potions though. Some components hold a bit too much magic, even after death, for me to be comfortable animating them. As I can't really do that here because I don't want the attention, and as enchanted stirring tools are somewhat common, my end of the deal is much sweeter to my mouth.
Well, it's started now. I have some time to think before I am needed again. I put a delayed stinging hex on my arm. Keyed on five minutes.
So, what were we saying before the ancient-one decided to break Hogwarts' traditions once again by being interesting? Oh yeah, occlumency troubles. I only ever used it before the conversation with the Headmaster to achieve wandless animation, as Snape never did manage to catch me yet, so I never noticed anything amiss. But after the changes I made expired, I noticed that while I still realize that he is a bloody fucker mentally, there is a lingering feeling of loyalty that I can't seem to get rid of. Which is bad. It makes me wonder if that's why I tend to look at animation as an answer for all my problems.
After all, every time I want to use it I must make myself think that animation is the necessary thing to solve the problem, even if only for a short time.
It was indeed almost true when I was a kid as it was the most powerful form of magic I had access to, but now that I have a wand there are other ways around obstacles. If I'm right, I guess manipulating myself to be different could reverse it, but that sounds a bit too obvious for my tastes. A bit too purebloodish and wizardlike if you will. After all, two opposed forces may cancel each other, but they can have others effects as well. If an amount of pressure is applied on a person with the exact same amount being applied from the opposite direction, while the person won't move from the initial position, you are likely to lose your lunch when seeing the results.
I don't want my mind destroyed because it couldn't cope with conflicting orders.
And that's only the worse case scenario. There's a whole range of nasty results that could come out of it. Freezing during battle as my brain can't pick what I'll do next for one… In fact, I wonder if the craziness of old Dumbles isn't the unfortunate consequence of such a conflict. B did say that he was a master of the mind arts, didn't he? It's not worth taking the risk anyway. Ouch! Oh yeah… delayed stinging hex! The water seems fine. I start the thickening process, adding some powdered blue starflowers every few seconds. B did a good job with the mortar but I can see that D did an even better job. It won't do her much good though, as her redheaded friend is at odds with potions.
I stop for a few seconds to let the solution stabilize.
There! Now I must put the fire out, wait a minute, and then add the newt blood for forty-five seconds. Then lit the fire anew and quickly add the diced bloodroot to absorb the excess. Once the solution is finished the bloodroot residues will be separated from the solution itself. After that there is a bit of waiting and then the decantation, followed at last by the application of pixie spit to give it the gel-like texture needed for application. And here we are. I cast another delayed spell to warn me when I am to start the decantation. I cast a worried look at my wand when I'm done with the spell. I am glad that it isn't one of Olivander's piss poor jobs. As it is the crafter took the time to carve runes for toughness, fireproofing and waterproofing.
A fine investment if I ever made one.
When I was told by the creep, in a very rude manner mind you, that I wouldn't be getting a wand before I was eleven I decided to tell him to go fuck himself. For some reason he didn't appreciate. So when the time came, I went about it by owl-order sending some blood so that they could tell which one was the right one. I wanted to go for a French wand since their enchanters are usually the best in Europe (I though about China but they tend to favor other foci), but it turns out that they don't have wandmakers. Or rather, they all are wandmakers. Everyone make his or her own wand at ten or so. Of course I had heard of such traditions but it was always centered in distant areas like Asia or South America. In the end I ordered it from some unpronounceable place in North-East Africa. It's baobab (don't know the length, the guy didn't say and I never bothered measuring) and the core is what can only be called nundu's crap.
Yeah, laugh it out! It's still a very fine wand!
I would prefer a nobler core, like hair or blood… but let's face it, when it takes a hundred skilled wizards to kill one it's just not worth it. Nundus don't leave pieces of themselves around for people to collect, so the African wizards take what they can. It's in fact a rather potent, if completely random, reagent, as nundus tend to eat a lot of magical creatures that interact in their stomach and are often only half digested when they are expulsed. It's a mystery core! Anyway, what was I saying again before I went all starved on you guys? Oh yeah… I'm kind of worried… it's working fine, but the waterproofing rune only does so much and if being floating wood for a couple of hours is indeed too much for everything to be stopped then it could be very bad.
The core isn't supposed to have a liquid component. Because the core and the wood must be strictly separate if one wishes to avoid entropy.
I really don't blame B and the girls for not taking care of it at the time. If one of my friends or allies were abducted by phoenix in the middle of a conversation, my first reaction wouldn't be to loot whatever was left behind. Well, not unless it was really valuable, easy to sell and untraceable at least. I ponder that while I enter the final stage of the preparation.
Soon enough the final result is on the professor's desk and I am out of the lab munching on a sandwich.
Until little D decide that he should share his thought with me and everybody else in a ten-kilometer radius. "Potter! I demand that you make those awful rumors about me stop! The pride of the Malfoy's name will not be stained any further unless you wish to become no more than a bloody stain yourself!" I blink a couple of times. Whatever. "Wasn't that like two weeks ago? Did the owl you sent your father asking for him to write you what to tell got lost in the way or something? Did it go to an owl party and forgot it was carrying mail in its drunken stupor? Or is it in fact that your father had to ask someone else to write it for him?" B is giving me a disappointed frown but it's so worth it.
After all, the other schools will be there in a week or something and I'll need to be more careful then.
Hey! Why isn't little D sputtering like he always does when I catch him good? Is he building an immunity or something? Well, that just won't do! "I don't care for your delusions. You think you are all witty, don't you Potter? Well, we'll see how witty you are when Professor Snape arrives! I gave him our schedule yesterday and he should be here any moment now. To have a little talk to you about the Slytherin way of life." Shit! I knew I forgot something important! I finished my sweet stash yesterday! How am I supposed to ward he-who-foams if I don't have anything sweet on me? Well, I guess that I could just trounce him but that would be the equivalent of open warfare…
Maybe something devious like a numbing charm on the leg?
Colourless and doesn't really have an incantation or wand movements. In other words perfect. Oh, but I should probably answer him now… "My condolences. I know you are going to miss it dearly and that it was still very young for a neuron, but I think that it's better that way. It must have been awfully lonely for all these years. Now it's happy up there, with all the ones from American presidents, from drug addicts and from professional boxers." Now I'm in doubt. Is the lack of reaction from his newly found resistance or didn't he understand what I said? It doesn't really matter. A great deal of the Gryfindors seems to know what I said and I can see that B is having difficulties containing himself (he is still frowning though).
I don't wait for little D's answer and start making my way for the hall.
He doesn't even try to stop me. How does he hope that Snape is going to catch me for a talk if he warns me of the peril and then does nothing to prevent me from taking counter-measures? Maybe he doesn't know about the sugar curse? That's good I guess. B is walking with me and sighs. "Why do I even try I can't fathom. He is going to declare you his archenemy by the end of the day you know?" I chuckle nervously. No matter how stupid little D is, with his resources even a chimpanzee could do a good deal of harm. "Bah! What else could I do? It's not like I could have stopped the rumor… it's way too strong by now! If I did promise to stop it and then failed he would have hated my guts and my image would have been ruined."
He nods.
"I know. Glad to see that you realize it as well. Still, I have the feeling that even if you could have done something you wouldn't have changed one word. Your annoying people thing is tiring sometimes, you know?" There's a reason I mentally call B my best friend despite him being a stuck up pureblood at times. He knows me too well. The weirdest part is that I don't take any particular pleasure from using my gift. Not any more than from breathing at any rate. But I have other things to think about right now. First there is eating, which tends to be very important on normal days and even more so since my customized holy water ran out.
Then, there is this pranking business.
After the failure with Lockhart (who is still oddly skilled by the way) I didn't do anything big enough to count for the month, and even if I am making progress with the map I can't afford to give it back just yet. There's that secondary array that interconnects with the ward-linking array that-… but there will be time to talk about the map later. My point is that I set some things up this morning. I'll activate it when the meal is at its end for maximum effect. Here we are. I take a seat near D. For some reason, since the incident of the beginning of the year in the common room, her presence seems to ward the nearby area from the lesser (up to fourth year) annoyances of Slytherin.
Let it never be said that she isn't any help!
I start filling my plate with the food worthy enough of being consumed by my glorious self. The prank is going to take it's toll on me since it will work better to animate all the targets at once rather than one by one, and my body will need fine materials do start the repairs while still staying as beautiful as it is right now. Once that much is done, I can't help but notice that there isn't anything sweet handy. That's bad. I don't think that Snape will try anything during the meal but I don't like taking chances… Where is he by the way? Oh there! At the end of the head table, the farthest possible from the other teachers. But why is he like this? After all if there's nothing with sugar around here there shouldn't be anything either there… Well, I wouldn't stay too close to Dumbledore if I was he; but that should be pretty much it… Ah! Of course! Hehehe! Just because I don't drink cold sweet soup doesn't mean that normal wizards don't!
I'm really finding a lot of new uses for horrible things these days… Fight fire with even more fire and all that.
I make idle chat with B and trade some offensive comments with D while I eat and wait for dessert. He… I really am settling in. Who would have thought? And here is the famous apple pie! I take a lot but don't eat any for now. I'll indulge once I have the time to go restock at the kitchens. Okay guys! Now's show time! I close my eyes for a couple of seconds and will my magic to change half of the staff's robes to blue and the other half to red. Everyone is laughing already. They seem to think that that's it; even the professors don't look too peeved about it. I take a look around. The twins are laughing but seem a little disappointed. The only one I didn't get was the weird guy with the bionic eye but if I remember what B told me right, the guy's robes are probably almost impervious to magic…
Anyway, time for phase two!
I bring my occlumency and fool myself into animation mode. I know that it isn't safe but this is something I did too often already for whatever damage I caused to myself to increase now. It's new stuff that I need to be wary of. Soon everyone bar the space-pirate is moving like neat little automatons. The screams of indignation kind of ruin the perfect picture but I don't know how to silence people wandlessly. The roaring laughter is making them pointless anyway. Soon enough, they are all divided by clothing colour on either side of the hall. A few of them that have their wand in hand manage to cast a finite but it doesn't have all that much effect as I recast it immediately. It's pretty weird to see people and their clothes as separate entities with the heads and hands just being dragged around by the rest of their bodies.
Now should be the time when the preparations I had to wake up for at bloody five AM come into play.
The Headmaster and Snape are both wearing different colours. Each of them takes position at one end of the room and without warning their long sleeves take hold on placards that were previously under strong notice-me-not charms. It reads thusly: WEASLEY AND WEASLEY PRESENT – BATTLE FOR THE CANDY IN HOGWARTS. While Snape is clearly disgusted by the title I can see old Dumbles' eyes lit up and twinkle merrily. I discreetly drop the notice-me-not charm I put on a large chunk in the middle of head table that is stuffed with sweets of various types. Most of it I nicked from Slytherins idiots that pissed me off at some point. It's really pathetic how simple the wards the seven years had put on their trunks were. I only had trouble the one time when one of the things started spiting fire everywhere when I tripped what must be the single most extended proximity ward I ever saw on an object this size. Makes me wonder how they can walk at all in their dorms…
But back at my current evil plot.
While the red and the blue troops assume battle formations (Well, their robes and shoes so anyway. Some of the heads and hands seem somewhat uncooperative…), each leader takes more placards and gives them to the soldiers. Most are blank right now, but I charmed them with some difficulty to display pre-written texts at certain times. Right now, Snape is saying: THE TIME HAS COME! TODAY WE DESTROY THE PLAGUE THAT IS ALL THINGS SUGARY! TAKE YOUR FREEDOM! And Dumbledore is answering: WILL WE ALLOW IT MY FRIENDS? WILL WE BOW TO FEAR AND PREJUDICE? I KNOW THAT I SHALL NOT! ALL WITH ME! FOR THE LEMON DROPS! Hehehe! Don't look at me like that! So I was a little hungry when I wrote the script, so what?
I don't think it's half bad if the twins having apoplexy attacks means anything at all…
It doesn't take long for the other professors' placards to activate and to start displaying things like: YES! , ATTACK! , NO! , TAGAZOK and other random things. Most of the victims are half smiling now, but the show-off and he-who-is-foaming-yet-again really don't look happy. In fact, I'd say that Snape gives out the aura of your regular psychopath right now… I don't have time to ponder further as I need to recast the animation for part two. As if by mutual understanding, both sides launch themselves at each other. Maybe I'm not impartial, but I think it's beautiful. Some I make do wild acrobatic feats, others I command to use their placards as weapons in fierce duels, one or two I even force to lay on the ground as if slain. I take a look and see that a lot of people are very unhappy right now. While I don't intend them to take actual blows, some are hit anyway because their heads didn't follow their bodies like they should have.
I let a quiet, if manic, laughter when I make my tiny charm professor hop from head to head like a shaolin monk of a bad movie. Soon, only the leaders are left locked in a gruesome placard duel. Splinters of wood are flying everywhere and a good deal of the furniture is being smashed to pieces in the confrontation. After avoiding a strike that could potentially have cracked his skull, animated-Dumbledore sweeps Snape's legs in a fluid motion before standing above him triumphant. His placard comes to life once more. VICTORY! YOU ARE VANQUISHED DARK VULTUREHEAD! ACCEPT YOUR DEFEAT NOW, FOR SWEETS SHALL PREVAIL IN THIS PLACE FOR AS LONG AS THERE ARE CHILDREN!
I know that I'm boosting Dumbles' popularity but I really don't have a choice… I am trying to give credit to the twins after all.
I only make him take the biggest cup of candy and hold it above his head before I release the animations. The first activation took its toll like I knew it would but anything after that wasn't too much of a stretch, so I'm not even sweating anymore. I tune out the applause and the twins bowing to the crowd as well as the angry buzz from the professors and Dumbldore's speech in favor of relaxing. Neither B nor D are looking all that interested by it, it would seem. They are in fact both staring at me. "That was impressive Potter. It's good that you set it up to fall on the idiot Gryfindors backs or I would have needed to kill you… Keep it that way and I may yet think that you could be worth being around." She leaves without waiting for an answer. Huh. Did she just say she would like being friends? Stupid pureblood speech patterns always confuse me! "That's Slytherin girls for you! Always after powerful men! Still, you should be more careful… I don't think that anyone but us noticed anything but you never know…"
I nod. "It was for a trade." He nods back. There's nothing else to say to that and I think he suspected as much. I think I'll go to the library now. Hopefully weed-for-hair is too busy admonishing the twins to disturb me today!