Unanswered Questions
The scrubber who stood in front of me was short with long, greasy, brown hair that hung past his shoulders. His manky clothes were stained and ripped, and his face was splattered with filth.
"Hatter!" the scrawny man hissed.
"What is it Ratty?" I groaned, wishing he were bothering some other tea dealer in the middle of the night.
"A bottle of Lust. Gotta have it now." he grunted in return.
I sighed. He was just another addict looking for his next hit.
"And I assume you can actually pay this time." I said sleepily, rubbing my eyes. The cool night air was slowly bringing me 'round to alertness with its soft touch. The chilled breeze washed over my bare torso, causing goose-bumps to rise on my arms. I still wore the dark red pants and belt from the previous day but my shoes were no where to be found.
Ratty looked down and shuffled his feet uneasily.
"Well...yeah...but... not right now."
My temper began to burn at this, snapping me firmly awake. He'd gotten me up in the middle of the sodding night after all.
"No instant payment, no instant gratification. Sorry chum." I said tersely. "Now. Sleep tight. I'm back off to bed. G'night." I slammed the door closed in the geezer's face and headed back toward my flat and the enticingly soft and comfy hide-a-bed that awaited me there. I collapsed into the cloud-soft covers and dozed off into oblivion.
As the sky shifted from utter blackness to a dark, lifeless gray a pounding at the shop's door smacked me out of a lovely dream filled with Chamomile. I sat up stiffly, glaring at the wall across the room. If it was Ratty again I was going to thump him. When I found my way back to the front door of my shop- after stomping all the way through my flat, into the shop and to the business entrance- Ratty was, once again, standing on the other side of the metal barrier.
"Hatter, please. I will give you fifty of my rats for a bit of Lust!" he begged. My hands tightened into trembling fists as I jammed my eyes shut in a vane attempt to control the anger that had flared within me.
"Listen here you bloomin' knob-end," I barked. "I don't want any of your bloody rats! If you want your tea in the middle of the night you'll have to pay! If not in Wonders of your own then in tea. Real tea. The kind that was around in the time of the Reds. So if you can't get me either of those then you can just bog off!"
Ratty flinched as my voice raised. I took a deep breath, determined not to loose my head completely.
"But tea was outlawed. The Queen took it all! How am I to pay in tea?" he asked timidly.
"Not my problem," I said with a harsh and humorless chuckle. "I'm not your whippin' boy that's here to supply you with new ways to get lashed. Got it?"
Ratty's face screwed up in a disapproving way.
"Lashed? No. I'm no addict. I just want a bit of Lust, Hatter. For a friend?" he said as if we were great pals that went way back. Well he was wrong.
"LEAVE!" I bellowed, taking a step toward him. My voice echoing off the skyscrapers across the void. Ratty gave a startled cry and scampered away. His hole-riddled coat trailing like a filthy cape behind him. As I glared after him I was blinded by the search light of a Scarab that my shout had gotten the attention of as it was thrumming by. I took a step back into the darkness of the shop and closed the door.
"Berk." I grumbled as I stalked back to my apartment.
When I awoke, the dreary cloud-filled sky was streaming white light through the small window near the high ceiling. I could hear Dormie rattling off the hourly news of the latest and greatest wonders. I rolled into a sitting position on the side of the bed. With my feet touching the grassy floor, my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands, my mind buzzed through questions that had plagued me nearly every moment since I'd landed myself in this sorry situation.
Why am I doing this? Why am I here?
I didn't have the answers. But my all to active conscience wouldn't have any excuses. It demanded that I be tormented by these unanswered questions until the day came that they could be answered. I didn't know why I did what I did. Not really. All I knew was that I did it. I knew that I played nice with the Queen and her drove of dim-witted Suits so I could keep them off my back as I supplied the resistance with the necessities, as I smuggled goods to the Great Library. Likewise I knew where I was. I was in the heart of one of the few cities in Wonderland to survive the Queen of Hearts' take over and rule. But now even it was crumbling. I knew that I ran a tea shop full of tea distilled from human emotions, or Wonders. I was a supplier, a dealer of addictions and I hated myself for it. I'd thought of giving myself over as a resister so the Queen would just take off my head and be done with me but the hope of a quick death was an unlikely one. I would probably be tortured into giving up the location of the Library, or into madness, whichever came first, then tortured some more just for the sadistic pleasure of the Queen's deranged doctors. I rubbed the back of my neck, the tension there was growing every day. This all was to come to a head someday and to be honest, I was looking forward to it. To the freedom of no longer pretending. No longer grappling with the monster inside that was just itching to turn me into the mask I'd donned years ago. That of heartless shop keeper only working for the payment. With the outlook of The lot of you be damned so long as I'm pleased with life. I'd created the creature and now I was having a hard time telling where it ended and I began.
Enough with these grim thoughts. I said to myself silently. You've a shop to keep in order.
I quickly gathered up the tattered remnants of my dignity, silenced those grimy old questions that would drive me to distraction, and set about finding a clean shirt. My maroon trousers that I'd slept in would keep for another day so I quickly tucked a dark red and yellow patterned shirt into them and slipped on a tan leather jacket over it. I hunted down my light brown boots and my usual yellow/tan chapeau and I was ready for business. I quietly folded the mattress back into the white couch and then walked over to heat a kettle for my morning cup of green tea. I tidied as I waited for the water to come to temperature then I slipped in the bag of herbs. When all was said and done, I seemed a happy man sitting at a glass desk with a hot cup of tea. In reality I was just a man sitting in a rank tea shop what doesn't sell any legitimate tea in a job that he hated.
Finally, I decided to make a quick visit to the shop. There was always something to do. A sale to be made or- if I was lucky- a fight to break up. I was nowhere near the door that led into the tea shop and I could already hear the usual roar of the crowd in the next room. They all were barking orders for more of their latest addiction on the spot. I opened the door just in time to see two men shove at each other.
"That was not a fair trade!" a man with white hair in a blue jacket and black pants shouted at his opponent. "Joy for Agree-ability? I said I wanted Contentment!"
"Agree-ability at a good price! It's well worth at least Ecstasy!" bellowed the man in front of White Hair. This guy had on a vomitous green number with gray sweats. White Hair's face changed all levels of red just before his fist connected with Greeny's right cheek.
"Look what she's done to you." I sighed, starting toward the scuffle.
The two had exchanged a few blows just before White Hair tackled Greeny onto a table. The previous occupants of said table gave a startled cry and leapt out of the way just in time for the two men to go crashing to the floor. I gave a quick glance to Dormie who so dutifully slumbered undisturbed by the shouts of the customers in between the hourly updates. The duo rolled around on the floor, exchanging a few punches and kicks before I finally pushed my way through the crowd.
"Oi!" I called just as they climbed to their feet, still locked in combat. "That's enough!"
The two didn't react, so in one swift motion I caught Greeny by the back collar of his shirt with my left hand, swung him around and grabbed the front of White Hair's shirt in my right hand. I righted both men on either side of me at arms length.
"Hey! Let go! This doesn't concern you!" White Hair shouted, trying in vane to pull away.
"I think it does actually." I replied in a measured tone.
"Shove off!" the man spat as he drew back his fist.
I quickly let go of his shirt in time to stop his strike by simply catching his fist in my enhanced right hand. This halted the momentum of the blow and spent it all on his fingers which I could hear snapping under my unmoving hand. The experience- for him- I would imagine would be like punching the business end of an immobile sludge hammer. White Hair cried out as two of his fingers gave way. I easily forced him to one knee as I bent his wrist back and applied a little pressure.
"I think you'll find that what goes on in my shop always concerns me." I said calmly. "Now I suspect I have gotten everyone's attention." I said addressing the room. There wasn't an eye on anything else but the three of us.
I brought Greeny around to stand by his injured opponent.
"I'm going to let go now, and everyone is going to carry on in a civilized, non-violent manner, yeah?" the statement ushered some nods from the odd bystander.
"Right." I said shortly, releasing both men and turning to a bartender.
"Give him a half-measure of Well Being for the pain."
Quickly tipping my hat, I retreated back to my apartment, happy to be out of the public eye when the dark memories that the sound and feel of the man's fingers being crushed under my unnatural right hand finally assaulted me.
When I closed the door to the shop behind me I headed to my favorite chair that was situated just in front of a dresser with a large- and quite gorgeous- stereo on it. The chair was white and it swiveled. It didn't have any armrests but instead the back extended up and slightly out on either side. The top of the chair, at its peak on either side was about as high as the back of my head, but in the middle it swooped down to the point at the base of my neck that it wouldn't support my head much if I laid it back. I sat down and gingerly ripped off the large headphones that hung over one of the tall sides of the chair and placed them on my head. I cranked the volume on the stereo as high as it would go. I'd do anything to keep the memories out. Through the mindless thrumming of the music's bass, I began to whittle away at a piece of wood that had been sitting on the edge of my desk until it took on the shape of a cat with an unnerving grin plastered on it's face. Tossing the small figurine aside, I removed the headphones and placed them back in their normal place on the back of my chair.
What to do now? I thought to myself as I spun 'round and 'round in my chair. I looked around my apartment in search of something to do. My walls were white with the occasional tea-themed painting that gave them a spatter of color. My furniture all shared the same sterile, white, appearance casting an almost flat light about the room while the day was still streaming in the white shade of the clouds. My desk and any table-like surface was made of glass with a white metal frame. The chairs that sat in front of and behind the desk were also made of white medal with white cushions adding little comfort to the mix. In the corner of the room was a glass wardrobe. Inside hung my many multicolored jackets and below them rested my folded sets of trousers. The majority of the floor in my flat was simple dirt with the odd shrub or bush poking its way up and out into the stale air. On a few of the bushes flowers struggled for life. When the dirt gave way, lush green grass took over that was home to a few thriving flowers of its own. All of the furniture rested on this fifteen by fifteen square foot carpet of healthy grass, and no one was going to step foot on it but me. The grass was alive and well and I was going to bloody keep it that way. But what was there to do? Suddenly- as if they had a mind of their own- my legs pulled me out of the chair and led me to the back door.
"A walk it is." I said with a chuckle, then I wrenched the door open, allowing the cool afternoon breeze to clear my mind. I skipped over to the mirror that hung by the wardrobe and took in my appearance.
My dark brown hair curled up around the brim of my hat in a way that I'd never been able to tame it of. My broad shoulders filled out my worn leather coat nicely and my pants had minimal wrinkles. I smiled at my reflection, the false smile I'd been forced to use for years now. One single dimple appeared on my right cheek and my milk chocolate eyes and white teeth shown in contrast with my sun tanned skin. I nodded a little, satisfied, then stepped out the door, closing it behind me.
The streets of Wonderland are a little different then the ones I've heard about in the human's world. Rather than paved passages they're a series of ledges with thin bridges in between. The ledge that the back door of my flat lead to wasn't much more than three feet wide, but when you grow up living in a world that if you step wrong in your kitchen you could wind up falling through the ceiling of the flat next door- a misfortune I'd experienced once in the past- you learn not to let a small path a simple thousand feet from the ground create much of a bother for you.
I sauntered around corners, in and out of buildings and up and down stairs until finally I found myself standing on the dock where my little smuggling boat was moored. I looked out at the dull and dreary waves for a while and watched the gray light bounce off the face of the water in unremarkable ways, wishing I could remember what the sun did to the water it touched. It'd been so long since I'd last seen the sun. It'd been hidden away by a constant cover of clouds when the Queen's economy started pouring into the world. I'd heard rumors that there were distant parts of the realm where the sun still shown bright as ever, but no one had reached them and returned. The water itself seemed as if it'd lost the will to live as it undulated in the breeze, tossing the small vessel about.
Why am I doing this? My conscience asked in the silence. I screwed my eyes shut.
I have no idea! I thought violently. Trying to push the thought away before it flowed to the next one.
Why am I here? The question rang out. I bent over with my face in my hands, scrubbing at my eyes, trying to dig the questions out.
I don't know! I retorted.
Yes you do. Came it's relentless reply.
I sighed as I stood up, still fighting the wash of memories threatening to drown me. What was to become of the world if the resistance failed? What if some how the Queen and her dumb as sheep Suits figured how to deal a death blow to the only thing standing in their way of complete and utter control? I couldn't imagine the horror of seeing Wonderland fall to the Queen completely.
After a moment of staring out at the Happy Hearts Casino in the distance, I made a decision that I would hold to until my last breath:
I would never see it happen. There was no alternative, and I accepted that. I would live as the resistance lived and die when and if the time came that it died. My fate was sealed, and it was irrevocably tied to that of the resistance.
With a final glance at my little boat, I turned and headed back to my tea shop and the roll that I had to play.