Note: I'm not sure where I'm going with this fic but if deff needed another chapter. I want to go in-depth with Rakia's responses of what happened to her and how Byakuya deals with what he did.
For now Gorou is still dead, (note the one sentence death in chap 1) if that changes I will be very clear on the changes and edits made.
Forgive me it's 1:25 AM and I wrote this in 15min with great intensity.
They had been home for two weeks and Rukia avoided her old bedroom like the plague. Part of her was in denial of what happened and part of her wanted to stay that way. If anyone was asked to describe Rukia they would use the terms strength and courage, they had always been rooted deeply into her. If she were still alive she could deal with anything, she had always thought that, but now she wasn't so sure.
It was time to overcome the fear of her old bedroom. The place she spent nearly seventy years sleeping and living. Not much had ever happened in the room and it held pleasant memories, but one incident changed all of that for good. It was a room and nothing more, a room to any visitor, an empty room.
She placed her hand on the door and stood there for a while in the dimly lit hall. An internal pep talk and a force from within rose up and she started to open the door, but as fast as her resolve came was as fast as it went. Her heart began to pound, and her eyes started to focus on the outlines in the dark room.
A wall, a closet door were safe to look at, soon enough her eyes came to the floor where the incident had occurred. Her body went numb and she lost control of her legs. Falling to her knees she began to sob uncontrollably.
She scolded herself for the thoughts she was having. She was stronger then this, she worked hard to get over what had happened. Every part of her rational mind tried to plead for her sanity, for her abilities to cope but at that moment her emotions had gained full control and all she could feel were the emotions and trauma that occurred that night.
Her reaction was to run, but she couldn't leave the spot or her memories. It had indeed been worse then she had told herself. Not all of it was due to what had occurred, but what had been building and hiding inside of her for years. The fear and trauma of what had nearly happened when she was a child. She remembered feeling like she was that child again, completely helpless not only by physical force, but in losing the reality and safety she had taken so many years to build. In that moment all she had known was shattered and it felt like it was happening again.
A servant had noticed the girl and left to get her master. Byakuya came quickly to find Rukia sobbing on the floor, on the very spot his crime had taken place. He had taken extra steps to avoid the room as much as she did, trying to ignore it like it never happened.
He had spent many nights sitting up thinking about it, both before and after he found her and he did the best he could do to push down all of the emotions. It wasn't a sustainable way to live, but it was the only thing he knew how to do. If she had been anyone else the abomination would never have occurred.
Still not fully understanding why he over reacted the way he did, he wondered if it was because he loved her too much or because there was something wrong with his love. Then he realized there was something wrong with him. Love was never freely shown or understood in his home.
His wife had cheated on him as well, and for some reason he had never scolded her for it, he only blamed himself, for not being there, for remaining on guard. When things had built to a point where he could take no more of the responsibilities and respectability, it was already too late. The thought of losing the last and only good and pure thing in his life drove him to an irrational insanity, it had collapsed what he had worked so hard to build in his world, the reality he had created, the reality shattered by not just words, but years of mounting repression.
Byakuya had placed his hands on her shoulders and she quickly scooted away in fear. It was a subconscious reaction she quickly tried to apologize for, they both looked at one another for a few moments intensely. Their eyes telling both their stories, it had become too emotional and Rukia was the first to give out and she began to lose consciousness. It was into his even more overbearingly protective arms she fell.
While he brought her to their bedroom so she could recover, he wondered if his love would suffocate and kill both of them and neither would find any happiness. He didn't feel happiness was something he had ever deserved in the first place so why did he expect it now?