It's short but this is a difficult fic to write.

Part 4

"Rukia come to bed." Byakuya commanded as he watched her acting strangely. He knew she was feeling guilty over what she had done with Ichigo earlier. What he wasn't so sure about was what she was going to do, if she was going to leave him or not.

"I'm sorry." she sobbed into his chest as he held her tightly. She didn't know he knew, but she still felt guilty for looking for comfort elsewhere.

"I have been thinking things over and I have not been the best company for you lately. If you wish to find happiness…" he stopped and choked on the words he was trying to say. "happiness elsewhere, I will not stop you."

"What?" she questioned.

"We should discuss things in the morning. I have made plans for us to go away for a short respite." he didn't want to say anymore because he was scared she might take him up on his offer and leave him and he couldn't bare losing her for good. At least now he had part of her.

She clung to him tightly that night, something inside of her feeling fear at his statement. Was it possible that he saw? Was it possible that she wanted him to see what she had did with Ichigo? Somewhere inside, no matter how much she loved him, she wanted to get revenge. She wanted him to feel as bad as she did, to be as torn apart inside. To feel just as abandoned.

But as the night had come to a close she was still in his arms and neither were willing to let go.

When morning came she found her things packed and she was prepared for a journey.

As they approached the small cottage where they had found happiness, she remembered the good feelings and love she had rediscovered there. Hanging her head she could not look at him, and the sky began to grow dark.

"Unpack and I will start a fire." Byakuya said.

Rukia heated up the food they had brought with them and they ate in silence. Both knew what was to come and both wanted to avoid what was necessary. Too many bad feelings were buried deep down and neither wanted to tackle the hurdle necessary to move on.

"Where do we begin?" she asked.

"I do not always have the answers."

"I know that but…"

"But you expect me to solve everything. You have always held me to standards even I can not accomplish."

"I'm sorry it's hard not to." she said.

"I need to know if you love me for who I really am and not the image you have made of me before all of this happened." he put his arms around her.

"I don't know. I love you but sometimes I hate you. You've been acting like a complete stranger. We were so close for a while and I know how guarded you are. I thought I could handle that since I had for so long, but now that we're married, it's just so hard to be this distant from you. I want to be close again, like we used to be. I want to be as happy as we once were. I don't know if it's possible anymore." she said.

"Would you be happier if I set you free from our marriage contract?" he unconsciously pulled her closer.

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

"No, I wish to avoid that unpleasantness."

"Is that all it is to you, an unpleasantness?" she said soberly.

"That is not what I mean. I do not wish to lose you and I will do everything I can to keep you with me. I can not bare to see you unhappy any longer. Will being with that boy make you happy?"

"What do you mean by that?" she said.

"I saw the two of you together. I realize I drove you to it but it does not make it any easier for me."

"All we did was kiss, once. I was the one to kiss him. I didn't mean to, doing that to him and to you was wrong. The moment…I was upset…I was hopping to get a feeling, I'm not even sure what kind…no I wanted the feeling you always gave me. I wanted that friendship and security. I realized I was wrong. He asked me to come away with him, but I refused."

"Why?" he asked.

"I couldn't be happy if I left you. I'd be even more miserable. You're the only one, but I don't know how to get passed all of this."

"I lost my control and I hurt you. I am afraid that it might happen again. That is why I could not…with you the other night."

"I thought it was me." she said.

"You looked so frightened. You…we were not ready yet and you were trying so hard to fulfill the elders wishes. It seemed like I was going to have to force you all over again. I do not want you to feel pressured. I do not want you laying there enduring what should be an act of love. I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to want to with me as we would have once been. I need you to tell me what I can do to make you unafraid of my touch."

"I'm not scared of your touch. It's not your touch it's…I'm scared of not having control, it was the scariest part. I couldn't stop you. You had lost all respect for me, I was nothing but a common street whore to you and you became scary. I know how scary you can be but I never thought that I would ever be the one to bring that out of you."

"It was not your fault. You are my one weakness. I foolishly allowed Gorou to see that, and he began taking advantage of it right away. Grandfather may have mentioned how impulsive and hot headed I used to be. It is a secret I keep well hidden from the world but I have not changed. I have just learned to not look like I am reacting. When you have been threatened I may look calm but I have too many times unleashed more force then necessary to make anyone who hurts you suffer. When I was the one who made you suffer I did not know what to do, there was no one to punish but myself. I have punished myself by denying myself the one thing that gives me any pleasure, you, and in doing that to myself I have made myself unavailable to you and made you suffer even more. I do not know how to change." he said.

"I've been doing the same thing. I think I've been trying to punish the both of us a well. I don't want revenge. I want to be happy again."

He was holding her as closely as he could. "Anything it takes."

"I'm ready to move on. But I'm not sure what to do." she said.

"Look at me." he said his eyes pleading with her. "What do you see."

She stared closely into his eyes and took a while to answer.

"I see you, exactly as you are, faults an all."

"Can you live with them?" he asked.

"Yes I think those imperfections make me love you even more."

"I know we can not go back to the way things used to be." he placed his hand on her cheek.

"We should stop thinking about the past. It's pointless. We need to worry about now and I don't feel angry anymore. I only want to be with you."

She gave him a nod and he knew what she had meant. Picking her up he carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed.

He took her very gently and chose to lay beside her instead of on top of her. As much as he wanted her, he used every painful bit of control to be careful not to do anything that would bring back memories of that night. He only touched her lightly and kissed her tenderly. The night was used more for showing their love for one another and less to satisfy carnal desires.

By morning they felt closer then they ever had before and were sure nothing could ever get between them again.

But just as things were looking up…

"Sir I'm sorry to disturb you however you will want to be aware of the situation." a man said handing Byakuya a letter.

'We have been given word that Kuchiki Gorou faked his death and is currently in hiding. It is best that you return home at once.'

"Rukia."

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" she reacted knowing something was wrong.

She snatched the letter from him after her took to long to answer her. After reading the words something inside of her began to surface and she ran to the bathroom to vomit.

"I am going to kill him." Byakuya said.