Title: The sheer force of the sun and her.
Summary: "It was funny that she could only notice the physical changes now- she had always felt as if she lived in a perpetual season, neither summer nor fall. It was constant."
Characters/Pairings: Leah Clearwater, Jacob Black. Leah/Jacob ;)
Genre: hurt | comfort | horror
Rating/Warnings: A forewarning of gore and slight language.
Authors Note: If you've read this chapter you may have noticed that Leah is always referred to as 'she'- this is only because I want the reader to feel as if they are observing her and understanding her. The POV is only written like this for the prologue so don't worry ;) My writing style isn't that bad in terms of referring to the person I just wanted to write it in a style of a drabble. I apologize for the cheesy/crappy title.
| PROLOGUE |
"The joy of life comes from our own encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
— Jon Krakauer, Into The Wild
| LEAH |
La Push, Washington
The seasons begin to change; patches of gold begin to appear on the leaves, until it spreads across the surface of them like a disease and then they fall, baring the gnarled branches underneath. The wind picks up strength; it becomes more brisk, rustling the trees. It was only mid September- but the change of summer to fall was already beginning to show. It was funny that she could only notice the physical changes now- she had always felt as if she lived in a perpetual season, neither summer nor fall. It was always constant. However, she was numb to the world around her. Disconnected, not being able to fit in anywhere in the world. She felt like a tourist- almost as if she was wandering, not quite having a sense of belonging. A smile quirked her lips, I'm a gypsy, she mused. When someone like herself, felt rootless, why should she imprison herself in a place that didn't feel at home to her? The irony of it was that she was born and raised here, the same place that been a world to her- suddenly felt so distant. So why was it that in the last few months an unwanted burden had changed her world and warped everything in her life? The idea of wandering didn't seem to strike her as mad- as it provided her with something she desired: freedom. Her gaze wandered downwards to an envelope that she held in her hand, the key to what she had desired if she wanted it. Sighing, she tightened her hold on the letter and stood up.
She made her way over to edge of the cliffs, feeling the earth underneath her feet. The sun still hung in the sky, bathing everything in a golden haze, a few clouds rolling over the pale blue sky while the pacific breeze ruffled her hair as she sat down watching St. James Island in the distant. A rare occurrence: fair weather in Forks, she thought, amused. Although the weather was fair, she knew it didn't cover up the secrets that both the Quileutes and the leeches tried to hide, that they were anything but human. The history, the unease, and the occasional conflicts illustrated that, but the recent events that she had to witness put that to an end and those feelings that were always burning finally were doused. Imprinting. How she hated that word- it gave the impression of person's name in branding iron burned and etched onto her skin. No choice. No free will. Imprisoned. She hated the fact that some stupid cosmic force had the right to force her to love someone whom didn't she choose to love, whom she didn't know and she had to care for them, unwillingly. It caused complications; she reminisced at the memory of losing a loved one to her cousin, a betrayal of someone who knew her to bone, who she thought of as a sister. A twinge of pain in her chest made her dismiss the memory quickly.
Her eyes scanned the horizon, the vast endless blue that just seemed to drop in the distant. She could leave if she wanted to- she had an opportunity and she should seize it. Maybe it'll be good for her: a way to get away from the complicated situation that she was in and a chance to turn her hopes into something more. She had wanted to go to a community college and take a course, what she didn't want was to sit here and wait for force to throw someone at her so she felt complete for all the wrong reasons. Like she was supposed to, love didn't make you feel complete- a human is born whole, with organs functioning, the ability to breathe, to see, to sense the world around them and a spirit- what else could another person bring into their life? The people around her strongly believed that love was what they had needed and all they will ever need- but she hated the idea. She wanted to rebel against the idiocy of it, disgusted by the fact that people were in fact feeling another emotion but were too stupid enough to realise it: lust. Imprinting was the epitome of lust in action; she knew that what she had felt for Sam was definitely love, merely because it grew. Lust was lit up as fast as it had been blown out- like a candle, love was something slow, and it depends on time to flourish but the transition was permanent, almost like a river which once started somewhere as a spring. People were blinded by the misjudgement that they are able to love one person whereas in any given moment, they could love a thousand different things. None will ever be the same, of course, but they have the potential to be even better.
Her thoughts broke free of the philosophical things that she had been mulling over, the screwed up crap that this town bore yet masquerade was enough to make her feel nauseous. Once she had remembered a quote from the time she had read Diary by Chuck Palahniuk, since then it had stuck in her head like a mantra- "Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit." She let out a chuckle at how fitting it was- the quote was perfect, she thought, Forks in a nutshell.
The amusement faded as her eyes turned to the letter in her hand, hesitating, she opened it and began to read it again:
Dear Leah,
I'm so glad to hear from you after such a long time, I'm sorry that I haven't seen you in such a long time since Seth's 11th birthday party, I hope all is well with you, Seth and your mother. Anyway, I know that you told me in your last letter that you wanted to move away from Forks, you have been through a lot since your father's untimely death and you have my condolences and I just think it's time to have a fresh start. You're more than welcome to move to Alberta and live with me, and I know you told me that you wanted to attend a college over here- I think it's a great start for you to become independent and I am proud of you for making that choice. I have talked to your mother about it and she's agreed. I'll get everything sorted out and will ring you soon to confirm whether or not you are coming. Take care and I shall see you soon.
Love and regards,
Your Aunt Silvia
She folded the letter and stuffed it in her pocket. She didn't know what was holding her back- she had no desire to stay here nor did the place have any meaning to her. Also, the matter regarding Seth and her mother- who was to look out for Seth? What about mum? Could she handle herself? Seth was always Jacob's loyal sidekick and one of the rare things that she and Jacob had in common was the fierce devotion to the pack. On the other hand Sue Clearwater was tough and could stand her ground in any situation; she had admired that quality about her mother. A twang of guilt pulled at her chest- she would miss them however, of course like any other person she would miss her brother and mother, the only people in this town that meant the world to her. She shrugged it off and decided to throw caution to wind, she smiled- the old her would have done the same, the essence of the old her hadn't completely died and all it needed was a little resuscitating. A new beginning, she almost always reflects on and now it lay ahead of her in the future. As she stood up, the weight that had been on her shoulders for so long was lifted off of her shoulders. Hope was beginning to bloom in her, and then all the sadness and hesitation began to fade until it was like a humming noise that could be easily ignored.
Her excitement began to make her feel giddy and light, she wanted to leave soon. She didn't care if she wasn't prepared. It just seemed too precious a chance to wait for it. In 2 days, she would have to see Emily marry the man that she had once loved, she was only going to go and face what everyone thought she couldn't. She was happy for Emily, although people doubted this, of course she'd feel happy about whom she'd known for so long, who had been a sister to her- even though their recent history had caused damage like a hurricane.
But the storm has passed, she thought; time to move on with my life.
Smiling to herself, she turned on her heel and walked away tracing her steps back, towards a place she once called a home.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer (The Twilight Saga), Quote from Diary by Chuck Palahniuk.
I don't own anything.
Please feel to add constructive criticism. Seriously, I want to know how to keep my story consistent or improve it in anyway.