A/N: I just have to say that this chapter is complete and total crack, and I take no responsibility for whatever you may find. XD Oh and sorry for the shortness.
I had intended to have Megatron the butt of this joke, but Skywarp had other ideas. Yes, I have decided to pick on someone other than Sideswipe--he was getting tired of spending time in the brig.
Oh yeah, and I own nothing, I make no money, yadda yadda yadda.
Starscream's wings twitched irritably as his optics followed the pacing of his wingmate, Skywarp. The black and purple jet had been at it for about half an hour and the Air Commander's patience (never very great to begin with) was reaching its limit. "Primus, will you stop that?!" he burst out, his shrill voice piercing the silence, startling Thundercracker, seated on a boulder a few yards away.
Skywarp shot Starscream an offended glare and flopped onto another boulder, sulking. "What's it hurting you, anyway?" he snapped.
"Pay no mind to him, 'Warp. He's just bitchy because Megatron's got us on guard duty again," Thundercracker said snidely.
"This is demeaning!" Starscream growled. "If he wanted fliers up here, why not send those idiot coneheads? Our talents are wasted here! Anyone can watch for the stupid Autobots—they're not exactly hard to spot!" Thundercracker rolled his optics at Starscream's tendency to exaggerate.
"The coneheads are idiots—that's why they're not up here now. You know they require constant babysitting," the blue jet said reasonably. He wisely refrained from mentioning the Autobot spy who could turn invisible—that much (perceived) criticism would make the Air Commander go ballistic. Starscream's temper was legendary, and could be touched off by the smallest things. As amusing as that may have been at any other time, doing it now, while guarding Megatron with his latest pet project, would bring trouble of the worst kind in the form of the warlord himself. Primus knew Megatron delighted in any opportunity to put his ambitious and backstabbing Air Commander in his place, and Thundercracker knew from painful experience that slag went downhill.
The blue Seeker walked over to the cliff edge to watch as Megatron supervised the Constructicons in the building of the Decepticon leader's latest gadget. "Just what is he building anyway?" he asked, trying to defuse the volatile red jet.
"Some kind of new cannon that'll shoot all the way from here to the Autobots' base undetected. I think," Starscream scowled. "He never tells me anything anymore. Look at those idiots," he gestured to the Constructicons. "They've got the trajectory all wrong. I could do a much better job, but does 'Mighty Lord Megatron' think of that? No, I get stuck up here on guard duty, like some inexperienced youngling! Someday I'll be the leader of the Decepticons, then I'll show him!" The Air Commander continued his rant as his wingmates looked on in amused annoyance.
::Here he goes again,:: Skywarp sent to Thundercracker over a private commlink. The purple Seeker grinned. ::Watch this.:: He quietly teleported behind the wingleader and matched him pace for pace, mimicking him so accurately that Thundercracker had a hard time keeping a straight face.
Something in his expression must have given him away, because suddenly Starscream turned on Thundercracker with an angry glare. He caught sight of Skywarp then, who had turned to stare at the ongoing construction as though fascinated. The red Seeker's optics darted between his wingmates, as though he knew that they were up to something that probably involved making fun of him, but was unable to prove it. Skywarp shot Starscream his best innocent grin, which only made the wingleader even more suspicious. It was too much for Thundercracker, who burst into laughter at the antics of the irrepressible Skywarp.
Starscream scowled and stomped over to sit on the nearest boulder with a huff, his arms crossed over his cockpit. It only made his wingmates laugh harder to see their commander behaving like a spoiled sparkling.
So caught up was Starscream in his pouting, that he failed to notice the small object hurtling through the air to land amongst the Seekers' feet. Skywarp, however, immediately recognized it for what it was, having often used such things himself. He radioed Thundercracker and outlined a split-second plan. Grinning at one another, the two Seekers shouted, "Grenade!"
"What?!" Starscream cried, leaping to his feet. He had no time to escape, however, as his wingmates grabbed him by either arm and flung him down onto the object. Skywarp instantly grabbed Thundercracker and teleported the two of them out of there, cackling madly.
Megatron smirked as he surveyed the progress being made on his latest weapon. Everything was going according to plan, and he was savoring the thought of finally being able to crush Prime and his Autobots for good. The warlord only hoped that those bumbling Seekers of his actually did their jobs right, for a change.
As if his thoughts had summoned them, Skywarp teleported before him with Thundercracker in tow. Megatron scowled. "Are the Autobots attacking?" His optics narrowed. "And where's Starscr—?" He was cut off by a loud explosion followed by an unholy shriek that could only have come from the Air Commander.
"Grenade, sir," Skywarp said solemnly. "Starscream sacrificed himself to save us." Megatron stared at the purple jet suspiciously, but before he could question Skywarp further, Starscream himself came to the edge of the cliff. With another screech, he launched himself toward his wingmates. Megatron could only gape as he realized that the Air Commander was covered, not with burns and scorch marks, but with pink and orange paint.
Skywarp took one look at his wingleader, grinned, and said, "Um, gotta go, bye!" before teleporting himself away.
"Skywarp, wait!" Thundercracker cried as he transformed and took off into the sky. Starscream followed him, shrieking obscenities the entire way.
Megatron just stood fuming on the ground, thinking of creative ways to punish the Seekers once they came back.
Hidden high amongst the rocks above the Seekers' position, special ops agent Jazz watched, stunned, as a paint-splattered Starscream leaped up from the ground and took off after his wingmates. He'd only been assigned to scout out the Decepticons' activities and maybe cause a little trouble—he hadn't figured on this! He glanced down speculatively at the grenades Wheeljack had given him and grinned. "So that's where Sideswipe gets his paintbombs." He glanced down into the chaos that was the Decepticons' latest project. "This could be a good thing," he murmured softly.
He looked through the image captures he'd managed to get and his grin got wider. Yes, this was definitely a good thing.
Rule #201: Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.