Chapter 3
Rincewind is not unfamiliar to unconsciousness, he has been knocked out on more occasions than most people would consider healthy(1) and he knows from experience that he's not supposed to be aware of things.
At least he's pretty sure of it, maybe you're not supposed to remember what happens when you're unconscious. Not that there is much to be aware of in any case, darkness has that quality to it.
"Am I having one of those inner dream visions again?" He asks uncertainly.
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"Who? Me?"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"Well I'm Rincewind, Rincewind the Wizard to be precise, err, do you mind telling me who I'm talking to"
"RINCEWIND THE WIZARD"
"…"
"See, now that's not right, I'm pretty sure that I'm me."
"I'M YOU, EVERYONE HAS ANOTHER SELF WITHIN THEM."
"What?"
"TWO FIGURES MAKE UP ONE INDIVIDUAL."
"..."
"THERE ARE MANY RINCEWIND THE WIZARDS. THE ONE IN YOUR MIND, THE ONE IN TWOFLOWERS MIND, THE ONE IN... WHERE DID HE GO?"
"YOU MEAN WHERE DID I GO." Said a voice completely indiscernible from the other.
"I THINK I RAN AWAY."
"WHAT? I DID? HOW?"
"I GOT SCARED I SUPPOSE."
"I DON'T THINK I BOUGHT IT. DRAT, LET'S GIVE THE PICTURE ASSOCIATION THING A SHOT THEN."
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(1) Not a very helpful description really, considering most people find doing so even once to be one time to many.
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"All right, lets see." Shinji ponders as he tries to steady the EVA In the treacherous mud. His head still feels like an odd mix of broken glass and cotton, and his vision is rather cloudy but at least he's fairly unharmed, save for a bruise in the back of the head. He is rather puzzled to learn of this. Surely a fall from outer space would call for a bit more than that. Then it hits him that he shouldn't be moving at all. He strikes a glance at the power timer which is rooted firmly on 00:00:00 just like it was when he barely missed the curiously small sun. Yet the giant still moves.
He wisely decides not to question this stroke of good luck. There haven't been too many of them in his career as a pilot that hasn't also had some sort of catch to it. Besides there seem to be something going on down on the ground at the edge of the crater that is now becoming more of a lake. If what is filling it can be called water that is.
To his great surprise he sees a rather large group of people in front of him, most of them panicking and running away. He wonders for a moment if he should do so as well before giving himself a mental slap. There is curiously enough a small group that isn't retreating from him hastily and they're dressed rather more colorfully than the rest, with pointy hats.
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Ridcully sighs as he surveys the fleeing crowd, before turning his attention to the two junior members of the faculty.
"See? Now you've summoned a great demon or daemon or whatever you young people call them these days and it's probably going to eat our souls or something." "Its the sort of thing that they tend to do you know. So I guess its up to me to talk it out of it."
This statement seems to puzzle the two others
"Excuse me," says the professor of abnormally enormous objects in a mildly offended tone of voice. "But I'm pretty well versed in the subject which this thing clearly falls under and in my general experience with them, they are not very keen on talking with people." "They're more in the business of getting you, ah ha..." "Underfoot, as far as I've understood it."
"Yes, well." answers Ridcully, while a smile begins to form on his lips, "But I'm guessing that you've never stumbled upon this variety of your chosen subject before," "have you now?"
"Well no," he replies "not this specimen per se as it happens, but I consider myself more than capable of making an educated guess."
"Why, then this is a splendid opportunity to advance your field then." Ridcully exclaims in a thrilled voice. "Explore unknown territory," "further the knowledge of our noble college in the spirit of all learned men and all that good stuff."
The lecturer in neon clothing, observes the exchange with a confused look. Having been recently introduced to the rest of the brotherhood in full, he's not yet used to the childlike bickering that is the trademark of any truly educated group of people.
The professor on the other hand looks nervous for a moment but then his pride pulls him back together (1) as he snarks at Ridcully. "Very well then," he states "We'll show this so called arch chancellor, how real professionals do field work."
The lecturer in neon clothing barely have time to wrap his head around this statement before he's violently tugged and dragged in the direction of the still steadying purple menace.
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(1) The pride of the average wizard has been measured to be able to restrain up to seventeen raging rhinoceroses on steroids and klatchian coffee at once. Not 18 but 17. Being precise is important in these matters.
The professor was in any case a fair bit more prideful than average, and was generally considered to be able to hold under the tear of the kinetic equivalents of the Niagara Falls pulling in opposite directions. Ridcully was an unknown measure but continental drift was often mentioned.
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As Rincewind flees through the unknown deep of his own subconscious he suddenly finds that his vision is no longer filled by the rather monotone blackness but instead by a vision of a cloudy mountain.
He's not sure if it is much of a improvement.
Although he feels strangely compelled to voice his thoughts on the image.
"Mountain." "TALL mountain." "Long way down." "High velocities"
*vision changes to a blue sky dotted with clouds*
"Sky." "Blue sky." "Empty space." "Treacherous clouds." "Falling." "Ground." "Hard impact."
*New image with a sun*
"Sun." "It's REALLY hot." "Nearly landed on it once." "Falling." "No ground to hit." "Relief."
*lake.*
"Water." "Sharks." "Teeth" "The Luggage." "Annoyance."
*Field filled with sunflowers*
"Flowers." "Hiding place." "Safety." "Comfort." "Office."
*Red sky.*
"Sky." "Repetition." "Red, Red, Sky..."
*Bottle of water.*
"Red." "Water." "Blood." "Smell of blood" "Glad it's not my own." "Other peoples blood." "Other people" "People" "What are people?" "Usually a bloody menac..."
As Rincewind is shaken awake you can hear a voice saying: "SO CLOSE!"
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As Sam Vimes drags the unconscious Rincewind towards the crater he spots the trio of wizards and feels the rage now dormant, threatening to rise up again.
He is at this point quite muddy. Having lost the ability to run on water (for lack of a better term) the moment he caught the paralyzed wizard. Fortunately they had reached the plain by the time he caught up, or perhaps it was a less solid part of the river. He can't really be 100% sure.
The mud isn't able to hamper him much however, as we carries his prey towards the one that is standing a little bit in the background. He doesn't know why but he gets the feeling that the wizard is feeling incredibly smug at the moment.
"Ah, Your Grace" Ridcully says in a pleased tone. "I was wondering what it was that kept you." Usually you or one of your fellow officers would be the first to a scene like this."
Vimes is mildly puzzled as he recognizes the arch chancellor, he is one of the few wizards that he knows about and he has always considered him a reasonable man, if a bit too fond of great dinners.
"Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on here Ridcully? Vimes snarls at the Arch Chancellor. "First this thing nearly crashes on top of the city, then I catch one of you devils trying to sneak out the back, hoping that the rest of us aren't looking, leading me on one hell of a chase. And then I come here, finding you fine gentlemen standing neatly in front of the scene." It doesn't add up." "None of it does." "And unless it against all reason starts to do so I'm going to have my men asking some nasty questions. Starting with your staff. "
"Well, your grace." I believe that two of my colleagues are trying to find an answer to this mystery as we speak."
"The lunatics are going to try and talk to it?" Vimes asks quizzically.
"Try is the keyword yes, but I'm quite certain that..." The Arch chancellor stops as Vimes starts to march towards Eva 01.
"Bugger that!" Vimes shouts. "That thing is a witness! and I have a few questions I believe it might be able to answer for me."
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Shinji surveys the scene with a rather worried expression. Two of the pointy hatted people are moving towards him. The largest one seems to be walking with a rather nonchalant pace while at the same time dragging the thin one behind him. It looks rather impressive really.
The man stops, coughs to clear his throat and starts to speak.
He gets maybe two words into the first sentence, before he is trampled over by another man that looks rather plain in comparison to the lavishly dressed wizards. After a brief scuffle the man turns towards him. He looks puzzled for a moment, as if he is unsure of what to say to a 50 meter tall horned purple armored giant. He then seems to make up his mind and shouts towards the Eva. His hands forming a makeshift megaphone.
"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!" "ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL(2) BE USED AGAINST YOU!" "COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD!"
"Ah, Well, that is, I... Um. Shinji voice booms out from the loudspeakers in a panicked voice. He's suddenly afraid and the old reflexes kick in, the words forming on his mouth without him really thinking about it:
"S-s-sorry."
He groans inwardly.
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(2) Ankh-morpork has a rather twisted but honest approach to these things.
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And as the first meeting between EVA-01s pilot and the population of Discworld is underway. CMOT Dibbler wonders where he can get his hands on some cheap purple paint.
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Ok, got this one finished a few hours before our FINAL field exercise before I leave this goddamn army. Will be freezing my ass of in -30 degrees Celsius for the next few weeks. In the meantime post reviews. My ego, like any fanfic writer leeching of the ideas of others, need fuel. Or a good dose of humbleness. Don't really care which one it is. Need sleep now.