Beyond the Smoke
Note: I would have made this chapter longer, but the ending was too perfect. I had to stop there.
I've decided to continue this story for my own way of killing time. Doesn't really have a plot. It's more like 2D's and Noodle's struggle beyond Gorillaz.
You'll see. You'll love it.
-Viddie
PS. Listen to 'Slow Suicide' by JamisonParker while reading this chapter for the full effect.
They couldn't open. Her eyes. They couldn't open in fear of reawakening to the nightmare already unfolding. At this point, the line between living and screaming nightmares had eroded. The lose ground pulled her through the soil like quicksand, her body heavy with remorse. The brand new feeling of loss tore through her body for the umpteenth time, but not casually. When asked to speak kind words about the man, she could only make out a sigh of cold air which bit through her lips. This wasn't happening. This absolutely couldn't be happening. A huge chuck of her life had suddenly collapsed and fell in into the pits of fiery hell.
The perfect weather for the perfect occasion. Rain. It felt so cliché, but he would have loved it. It poured down on the massive sea of umbrellas, bouncing and dancing in the icy wind. They were icicles falling from heaven with no mercy upon her or the crowd of ninety in front of her. With her free hands, she clutched the podium in fear of collapsing. No matter how many times she rehearsed her lines, it seemed almost impossible to choke out a single word.
"Noodle," she heard her own name whispered into her ear. How long had she been standing there breathless? It felt like hours. Like time had slowed down for her. Her knees buckled underneath her, making her weak in the legs. She tightened her grip on the podium as felt a hand wrap around her waist. A large, dark hand pulled the microphone attached to the podium towards Noodle in an attempt to encourage the broken girl to lead the crowd in remembering a precious life. She swallowed hard and brought her face closer to the microphone, but once again froze up as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. She choked on her words before taking a deep breath to recompose herself.
She finally managed to speak his name, "Murdoc." Noodle gulped, glancing over at the wooden casket to her right. Her heart ripped in two again. She felt so weak. "This is the worse thing you've done to us to date." No. What was she saying? Yes, it was his fault, but what was she doing pointing that out at this time? It wasn't right. She began to drown in tears, choking on the droplets of rain in her mouth as she continued, "You left us behind and we miss you so much. I don't know what's beyond death, if Satan truly exists, or if God truly exists. But if there's a fork in the road on your journey through death, I hope you go where the angels are." At this point, her tears were falling down her face like waterfalls. "B-b-because… even th-though y-you w-were a j-jerk… you were still… a g-good man."
The heartache took over her body as she collapsed behind the podium, a nervous wreck. Two pairs of shaking arms wrapped around her cold body and helped her stand up. Noodle felt one of them drag her limp body off the stage behind the life-size Gorillaz poster. She noticed Murdoc as she passed by it. The way his tongue hung out of his mouth; the drunken expression on his face from his excessive drinking and his yellowed teeth from smoking. Little did he understand that his unhealthy habits would land him a spot six feet under in a graveyard. She remembered that photo shoot, though. Back from their latest album a year ago, right after Plastic Beach. Printed sloppily on the poster were the words "Gorillaz: The Wrongs of the World."
She knew it would be the last.
Lanky arms guided her to the fold-out chair behind the stage, where no one could see her. An umbrella above her shielded her from the pouring rain. A man knelt down in front of her and placed a nervous hand on her cheek. She looked up at him through the mess of her bangs covering her emerald eyes. In an attempt to stop crying, she bit back her lip. She had to be strong, especially for this man in front of her because she knew he hated to see her cry. As if he read her mind, 2D said, "I's okay to cry, love." He wrapped his arms around her head and brought her face to his shoulder for her to cry on. Noodle clutched her fabric of his suit and out all her sadness, guilt, remorse, anger… she silently wept in his arms. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't help but to feel the pain of loss sweep her body and tug at her broken heart. It hurt. Really badly.
In the distance, she could hear a booming voice coming from the microphone. She couldn't make out the exact words, but she could tell it was Russel saying his own last words and dismissing the crowd of mourning souls. The footsteps coming towards her alerted her of Russel's presence. But she kept her face buried in 2D's shoulder. Where she belonged. But She felt 2D try to pull away. And she let him go, because she knew that the funeral was over. The final task for the day was to plant Murdoc into the soil, where he'll rest in peace for eternity.
Their return to Kong was a long, silent one. Noodle sat in the back with her head in sleeping Russel's lap as 2D drove the worn down Geep. She watched him as he popped one too many pills into his mouth, but had no energy to stop him. He was just as much hurting as she was. But of course, 2D was expecting to go home and return to Murdoc sitting on the couch in his underwear, drowning in beer and laughing at everyone who was stupid enough to actually believe he was dead. Because when Noodle died… she didn't really die. She returned. And that's what will happen with Murdoc, right? He'll turn up again in a year or two. But Noodle understood the painful truth. She saw him take his last breath with her own eyes. He was gone.
Then, through the loud motor of the Geep, she heard him singing. It was off key, but it was still beautiful. "You can't sleep long… you can't sleep long… the sun will be far gone… so you can't sleep too long…" Their first "The Wrongs of the World" single. The one they wrote three years ago in her faded memory. The tune she made in a hot day on Plastic Beach. The lyrics that 2D wrote for her. Of course, he never admitted it but she knew. She knew everything.
When he finished singing, Noodle sat herself up and maneuvered her way to the front seat, careful not to wake up Russel, who was exhausted from planning and hosting the funeral. She slid down into the soft seat and buckled the seat belt as she stared at the road ahead. Taking notice of Noodle and her blank expression, 2D slid his hand on top of hers. He used his thumb to rub her fingers gently as he merged lanes. She sighed and figured she would enjoy his gesture of comfort, "Thank you 2D."
2D raised an eyebrow and asked "For whut?"
"For being here," Noodle sheepishly shrugged. "You and Russel both. And Murdoc, even though he's not actually here." She looked at the sky above her. "Thank you, Murdoc."
2D glanced her way and smiled. He leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Murdoc says, no problem. So do I." He retreated as he chuckled and pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, still keeping his eyes on the road. He pulled one out and searched for his lighter.
Noodle spotted his rusty metallic lighter on the dashboard and held it up. "Here," she said, clicking it so it lit up. She reached over to the cigarette and held the flame to the end of the stick. When the cigarette was successfully lit, she closed the lighter and began to put it back on the dashboard. She noticed how rusty it was and wonder when he would get a new one. But then, it struck her. He was smoking. Why did she encourage this? Why did she light that cigarette? Why was she going to sit back and watch him smoke his sadness away? No, she couldn't do it. She clutched the lighter with anger.
Boldly, she twisted in her seat and threw the lighter clear out of the car to the side of the road. She followed the piece of metal with her eyes as it landed on the soft soil and bounced off the side of the slope. Suddenly, the car came to a screeching halt and swerved to the right to the side of the road. She twisted back to see 2D in panic, as he had just witnessed his lighter fly out of the car and down the small hill. He turned off the engine and was about to get out of the car to go find it when Noodle grabbed his wrist.
He screamed, "My lighter! Whut did you do t'at fer Noods?" He tried to free himself from Noodle's grasp.
"You can't die!" Noodle shouted back, remembering when the doctor told them that Murdoc had developed lung cancer. Extensive-stage small cell lung carcinoma to be exact. That was when they decided to make a fourth album, 'The Wrongs of the World', as they traveled the world to go places and do things that were on Murdoc's bucket list. The whole band spiraled into depression, but Murdoc was such a strong soul, he managed to stay alive a little more than two years before Russel found him coughing blood in the studio.
"I'm not gonna die, love!" 2D shouted at Noodle. "I need my smoke!" He reached for the cigarette that Noodle kept away from him. He clutched the air, barely touching the cigarette. "Give i' back!" He began to whine.
"No!" Noodles shrieked as 2D climbed over the middle section of the car, still trying to grasp the stick. Noodle had enough as she unbuckled and pushed open the car door. She stumbled out of the car with the cigarette in her hand, feeling the rain pound on her face. 2D fell forward into the passenger seat. He scrambled up and out of the car, almost about to pounce on Noodle to get his cigarette back. But then, he watched as his lil' love stuck the cigarette into her mouth. She took a long, hard drag right in front of him and then gave off a disgusted look.
2D clutched his face in pain and confusion. He shouted, "Why did you do that love? Yewr gonna make yewself sick!" He watched Noodle as she took another puff, despite the fact that she obviously didn't like it
"See? That's how I feel when you smoke!" Noodle pointed out. "What's it any difference when you smoke? I'm not gonna sit here and watch you crumble into pieces like Murdoc did! I've had it. I've had it!" She shrieked again as she threw the stick onto the ground and smashed it with the heel of her leather boots. 2D cringed as he watched his lit cigarette get smashed into the wet soil. The rain fell harder and silence swept over the pair. The only noises they could hear was the rain pounding the enpty cement road and Russel's snoring.
Then, 2D turned to attend to the missing lighter. But as he began to retreat, Noodle grabbed his arm and kept him there. She was surprised when he didn't struggle. Instead, she felt his hand touch her face, but she slapped it away, angry at 2D. She let all her wet hair fall to her face as she tried desperately to find her next words. She was taking away his way of mourning Murdoc. She knew that. But she also knew that she couldn't let him fall into the same fate as their bassist. It was only the matter of time when 2D would also be diagnosed with lung cancer and die in the hand of addiction. Noodle felt the hurt emitting from him, and she suddenly felt guilty.
As the sky cried, Noodle cried, and she pulled 2D into a cold hug and buried her face into his chest. She whimpered, "I-I just d-don't wa-want to lose you… I d-don't know what I'd d-do w-without you." There it was again. That pain in her heart. She was on the verge of letting it out, telling him about the deep pain in the depths of my heart. About the way she trembles when he calls her 'love'. About the way hurt clenched her chest when he was near her. But the painful reality was that it would never work, no matter how much she dreamed of it.
He froze. Her words still lingered in his head, trying to find meaning. Something in that moment clicked though. A trigger. A realization. Something changed in Stuart Pot in that split moment. He pulled Noodle closer and rested his cheek on her head. Just holding her there felt good. Like three years ago when she held his hand as she helped him fight off his cetaphobia. Here she was now, concerned for his health yet again, pleading for him to quit smoking right then and there. He knew it couldn't happen, it would take time. But he was suddenly determined to prove to Noodle that he would do anything to stay with her. He gave in, "Okay."
Noodle perked up. "Okay?"
"Yeah," 2D looked down at her. "I'll quit."
She smiled. He's going to try! She looked up at the sky, hoping Murdoc could see them right now and silently telling him that they missed him. Giggling, she said, "Do it! For Murdoc!"
2D snorted and shook his head. Noodle looked at him with confusion. He corrected her, "No, Noodle-love. I'm doing i' fer yew."