Sorry it's been a while for an update, i kind of lost my muse for this story. i just sort of had no direction for this and how it was going... but i kicked my muse's ass and came up with this. I hope it's ok, i know that it's not as good as the previous chapters. thanks for all the reviews and alerts, i hope to update more quickly, but i am going to NYC next weekend and I work all week so i don't know if i can.

Rachel wakes as the light from the window hits her eyes. She's disoriented as she looks around the unfamiliar room. She's sleeping in Jesse St. James' living room. Accepting that fact means that last night was not a dream and that Jesse was beaten and left at her door and that there has been something going on with Jesse that has diminished him into the shell of who he was.

Rachel looks around the large room. Though the sunlight streams in brightening the area, there is still coldness to it. Rachel gets up from the couch and decides to look around the home to see how Jesse lives. She finds the impersonality and chill from the living room follows her as she wanders and her heart breaks as she realizes how alone Jesse has been in this house. She tries to find photos of the family, but there are none hanging; just artwork or prints that make the house seem more an art gallery than home. She passes an empty room and peeks in; she takes it to be the master bedroom as she can see a wedding photo on the night stand. She closes the door and heads upstairs.

Rachel goes into the first of the three rooms on the top floor. It's an office and library. She opens the second door and finds Jesse's room. She sees him curled on the bed, the sheet down around his waist, leaving his bare chest exposed and the beating from yesterday evident. Rachel knows that she is going to have to wake him soon to change the bandage on his arm, but she wants to let him sleep, hoping that the rest will have done him some good.

Rachel looks around the room. The emptiness that fills the rest of the house hasn't touched this room. There is life and warmth in the clutter and chaos, but still Rachel can sense that the room has become more a cave of what was, rather than what is. The blue walls are covered in posters for Broadway shows, there's an electric piano in one corner that's drowning in sheet music, and her hands skim over his collection of cds, books and trophies before she stops at a corkboard plastered with photos.

Rachel smiles at the images of a young Jesse with the beginnings of a show face, one of him in hockey gear and another of him on the stage. The photos show different ages and people. There are a few of him with VA, both in performance and celebration. Rachel's heart twinges in jealousy as she finds a grouping of photos of Jesse with Shelby, some in which Shelby stands next to Jesse as a proud mother would. As the thought crosses her mind Rachel notices that there aren't any photos of Jesse with his parents, or any family for that matter. The thought is soon blotted out as Rachel finds a whole corner of the corkboard covered in images of her. She knows that she posted a ton of pictures on Facebook of her and Jesse's time together, she never expected to find a great number of them printed out and put on a wall in Jesse's room. Especially if their whole relationship was a sham, Rachel hopes that this means parts of what they shared were true and that hopefully that will give her enough courage to stay with Jesse to help him.

Rachel spots a stack of warn out photos on the desk and she is about to take a look through them when she hears her phone ringing. Rachel leaves the room and quickly runs back to the living room to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel," the voice on the other end of the line says.

"Hi Finn," Rachel says into the phone, then she remembers that she forgot to call him back, "Oh my gosh Finn! I'm so sorry that I didn't call you back last night. I meant to but –"

Finn cuts Rachel off, "I understand why you didn't. I could see there were other more important things to take care of."

"Yeah."

Neither wants to mention Jesse. Rachel looks in the direction of the stairs, wondering what she should tell Finn about Jesse, his injuries and what she thinks he's doing to himself.

"So how is Jesse?"

"Sleeping right now. But that beating was bad Finn. He's covered in bruises and cuts, but I think that it goes deeper than that. He was saying things last night, they scared me."

"Are you ok Rachel? Do you want me to come over?"

"I'll be ok Finn; just I am really worried about Jesse." Even over the phone Finn can hear the fear and stress laced in Rachel's voice.

"Ok. But do you want me to come over later?"

"I'm actually at Jesse's. I'll probably stay the whole weekend. I'll call you though if I do need anything."

"Ok. I'll call you later to check in,"

"Thanks Finn."

Rachel makes her way back up to Jesse's room. This time she walks straight over to the bed and gently brushes a few of his curls away from his bruised face. Rachel makes sure that she avoids the dark spots on his face as her hands skim over his skin. Just looking at him makes Rachel ache, not just from the evident beating, but from the anguish his face is contorted into.

"Jesse," Rachel whispers, "Jesse. I need you to get up so I can change you bandages."

Jesse's head moves at Rachel's voice and she calls him once again. Rachel hopes that when his eyes open there will be that spark in them, but she is disappointed when Jesse's eyes open and he looks at her without recognition.

Jesse thinks he's hallucinating when he sees Rachel standing over him. He thinks he must still be in his dreams as he knows that he doesn't deserve to have Rachel be in his room. He shuts his eyes tightly and rolls over, his body protests against the action shooting pain throughout his system. So much pain he lets out a cry and tears sting behind his eyelids.

He hears a gasp and again Rachel's voice.

"Jesse are you ok?"

Slowly Jesse rolls onto to his back and opens his eyes. Rachel is standing his room, her face showing concern for him and he wants to cry. He doesn't think he has seen anything so beautiful in his life; it's something he knows that he doesn't deserve, not after everything.

"What are you still doing here?" Jesse croaks.

"I told you last night I wasn't leaving."

Jesse remembers getting out of Rachel's car in front of his home and then the distinct sound of Rachel following him. When he turned and gave Rachel a questioning look, she said calmly that she wasn't leaving, for his response Jesse just went up to his room and closed the door, falling into a deep sleep.

"I have to change your bandages." Rachel says bringing her hand up to Jesse's arm.

He pulls away and almost drops off the bed. This time he doesn't make a sound as his body protests the action. He sees the horror in her face and Jesse realizes that he being this close to him is hurting her. He doesn't want her around, he can't have her around. He needs her to leave so that he can absolve himself of the pain he's giving her, he doesn't need her to witness that as it will make him seem all the more the monster that he is.

"I can change them myself. You can home Rachel." Jesse says with a flat voice.

"I think your going to need…" Rachel starts but Jesse cuts her off.

"Just go home Rachel."

"I'm not leaving." Rachel crosses her arms and Jesse looks away. "I'm going to make some food, give you a chance to clean up."

Jesse again doesn't respond. He listens as Rachel leaves his room and then he let's the tears fall. He's undeserving of such affection and somewhere in him he feels something like he used to. That feeling of being wanted and cared for, but it quickly is replaced by muscle pain as Jesse swings his legs off the bed.

Jesse turns on his iPod as he makes his way to his treadmill. He knows that today's run is going to be more painful than any of the others, but he needs it, he's craving the burn that won't make him feel so guilty. His legs start off stiffly, but soon he's found a rhythm. Each step hurts and breathing with bruised ribs sends a fire across his abdomen, the sweat that drips into his cuts and gashes stings. Jesse closes his eyes and let's everything go but keeps focused on the pain that he's using to hurt and heal himself.

Jesse registers the sound of his door being slammed open, he doesn't stop his run. He opens his eyes; Rachel's standing frozen in his doorway.

"Jesse? What the hell?"