Cirque Berserk
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3
Drowning
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She was there again – standing on that same train, looking into those beautiful scarlet eyes that shimmered dangerously. Only this time he wasn't holding a staff—he was simply standing there as the train rattled beneath them. The wind rustled their hair; tangling it, but neither moved to push it away.
He moved first.
He took tentative steps towards her, as if afraid of her reaction. There was no struggling Tucker, no ghostly minions, no psycho Freakshow; it was only them, on the roof of the train, for some unknown reason.
She rather liked this dream.
He stood in front of her now, looking down at her. He was taller than her, she noticed with some surprise. About one head. His hair was longer, too, and his eyes were now glowing a bright emerald not the bloody red she was accustomed to. He was well toned, too, she noticed rather casually, and he fit into that familiar white jumpsuit like a glove; defining all the muscles he had grown over the years.
This was odd, she found herself thinking, why does he look so different?
His face looked matured; nothing like the past childishness it held. He was smiling too and she couldn't help but to notice how it fit him so well.
She knew, somehow, that he didn't smile often.
"Sam?" His voice was deep. A husky, low rumble in her ears.
Now the desired effects began to kick in. She could feel her cheeks start to redden and her heart start to shutter. Her hands twiddled nervously and she chewed on her bottom lip as she stared at this new Danny.
Suddenly, she wished this was like the other dreams: the awful feeling, the stab of hurt, the malicious intent in her best friends eyes...
It seemed easier to hate than love, she had found out. Love was too complicated for her tastes.
"Sam?"
She kept staring and staring and suddenly she felt panicky; like there wasn't enough room to breath. This wasn't the real Danny, she concluded rather unstably. No, it couldn't be. He looked older. He wasn't fourteen. She glanced down at her hands, at her clothes.
She was dressed in her usual splendor: thigh-high combat boots, fishnet stockings, stark black tank top. Only her skirt was shorter than average and her shirt reached above her navel, which wasn't how she normally wore it.
But she was nineteen in this dream she was having. She wasn't fourteen.
"Are... you afraid of me, Sam?" that alternate Danny said softly, looking hurt. He rushed over the next few words; she almost didn't catch them."I'm sorry for what I did. I really am. Sam I can explain—"
"No..." she managed to say. "No. No. No."
"Sam?" he stepped closer. She could feel that awful feeling of claustrophobia cage her. That pressing, closing, final feeling. It shut her in and suddenly leaping off the train seemed like a very, very good idea.
Maybe then this bizarre dream she was having would end and she could go back to hating him like she usually did. This brought up an uncomfortable feeling in her chest; the feeling she usually embraced when they were younger. When he was still with them. When he still cared for her.
She felt betrayed all over again by the affectionate look he was giving her.
What did he want? She had been hurt enough. She had enough. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? It was bad enough she had to live with his memory forever etched in her heart. That irremovable scar he left her.
"Sam, look at me," he whispered. His hand touched her shoulder tentatively, as if waiting for her to brush it away. She didn't. Even if it was a dream, she reasoned, it felt nice to have him touch her. Even if it wasn't real. "I had a reason. You know I did. I would never leave you if I didn't have one."
Yeah, leaping off the train seemed like a very good idea.
She even dared flick her eyes over the edge.
It didn't look that high now that she thought about it...
She flinched away from the thought and made the mistake of taking a step back, freezing again like she always did; that scream ripping up her throat as she lost her footing and fell. The familiar rush of adrenaline she experienced every night right before she woke up gasping in cold sweat was taking over her again.
Only this time, it was different too.
"SAM! NO!"
He saved her this time. He jumped off the tremulous train and dove in after her. That's when she noticed he wasn't ghost. His hair was back to it's raven black colour and his eyes were those adorable baby blue eyes she used to find herself secretly squealing over.
He grabbed her wrist and she stared at him, no longer afraid of how close the ground was rushing to her.
"I had a reason," he said, eyes boring into her. She hated the affection in them."I always did."
"NO!" She bolted straight up. She was trembling so badly she thought that if she trembled any more she would eventually wiggle off the bed. She hugged herself tightly and closed her eyes, breathing deeply and trying to erase the dream from her minds eye.
But she couldn't.
His words stuck to her like adhesive.
"I had a reason."
"God bloody well you must have a reason," she spat at no one, her room dark and empty as it had always felt to her since his disappearance. She glanced at her clock quickly, finding it was just past five am. She had enough time to shower, change, and perhaps go grab a coffee somewhere before heading to school once more.
She quickly did her morning routine, as she mentioned before: shower, change and saunter to the fridge for a bottle of strawberry banana yogurt before leaving.
"Hey, Val, don't come pick me up!" Sam has called Valerie to stop their usual routine – where the girl would come to her apartment and wake her. She rolled her eyes as her friend spazzed on the other line.
She quickly towel dried her hair while Valerie lectured her on time management. She thought back to the car her parents had bought it and smiled to herself – it was severely underused. She usually rode with Valerie or Tucker.
"Don't worry about it, I'll be there," she sighed for what she thought was the hundredth time that morning, but a smile was still present. "I'll see you at school." She hung up and winced. Valerie was going to lecture her into oblivion for hanging up without saying a whisper of good bye.
Shaking her head, she glanced at the calender.
October nineteenth. Just a few more weeks until Halloween, she mused, her smile widening. The day where she could dress however she wished, act however she wanted, and enjoy the dark, sullen and playful atmosphere of the day of witches and ghosts.
Who knows, she thought, maybe I'll meet up with Ember or Kittie. Those two spectral women weren't so bad once you got past their fiery tempers and ghostly obsessions. They were actually a bit like her: they stood up for what they believed in, thought men were complete idiots, and they both couldn't quite get a good grasp on love.
After all, Kitties boyfriend, Johnny 13, was still a shameless flirt and Skulker, Ember's own long-term boyfriend, had yet to tie the knot. Which, as Ember had put, "Gets on my God damn nerves that that baby can't suck it up and do it!"
And nicely put, Sam silently praised as she drove down the street, pausing on a red light.
Then she saw it.
The billboard. The God damned billboard. With Danny smack dab in the middle of it, summoning an ecto-blast in his hand and looking absolutely desirable. He looked exactly how she had pictured him in her dream, she noticed with growing dread.
The hair, the eyes, the over-all physique.
Same.
What was going on?
Then she remembered: Danny was a 'halfa', as most other full-fledged ghosts nicknamed him. He was the outcast of the Ghost Zone. He was a half ghost, half human hybrid. Only two of his kind. He could master the powers of all the ghosts that ever existed with enough time.
Nocturne. She thought automatically. Nocturne is the ghost of dreams. Could Danny have hampered with her dreams? No. Because then that would mean he would have to be there with her, right next to her, feeding her the dreams he wanted her to see in her minds eye...
Unless he mastered long-distance manipulation. She thought logically. She wanted to smack herself—sometimes ignorance was really bliss. She did not need her logical thinking to interfere. She'd much rather enjoy thinking that Danny came to visit her—
Wait, that was suppose to be worse, she scowled. Way worse! That meant he was right next to her during the night. That was breaking and entering and if she had enough evidence she would sue him!
Too bad he was a ghost. That type of reason held no basis in court.
Long distance manipulation...
But overall, she stared at that billboard dead ahead, hanging off that tall building. She noticed, from the corner of her eye, many teenage girls giggled excitedly as they stared at the same billboard. They were even dressed as she was: Gothic. Perhaps punk. She felt a surge of emotion pulse through her as the light switched to green.
She stomped on the gas and lurched the car forward violently, barely registering the furious scowl on her pale face.
She had a vague idea why she was feeling so angry but she didn't really press on it. She liked feeling angry; it was better than dwelling on the hurt that always made her sniffle or even cry at times.
But that hardly happened anymore.
What she didn't notice was the date printed quite broadly underneath Circus Gothica.
October Twentieth.
"Alright, so, we're like going when?" Star asked suddenly, riding shot gun in the shiny, silver BMW while Tucker rode in the back, playing with his PDA quietly.
"When do you wanna go?" Valerie questioned right back, steering towards another, emptier lane. "It's a good thing Sam decided to get off her lazy butt and wake up early today."
"So, we're not going to pick her up?" Star almost whined. "But I wanted to see her crib! Ugh."
Valerie rolled her eyes."You'll see it later – when we actually have time."
"Ooh, how about Saturday!" Star beamed suddenly. "Tomorrow! We can buy a three-day ticket and go Sunday and maybe Monday at night! Or maybe we could save them and go on Halloween! Yes! That'll be awesome! We could go buy a three-day ticket and take same on the last three days!" Star planned quite sharply. "Is that alright?"
Valerie nodded in approval. "Excellent."
"Sweet, so now we just gotta get a thee-day pass for the three of us, so that will cost us..." Star stuck her tongue out, counting on her fingers repeatedly. "Four hundred dollars!"
"Holy shit!" Valerie accidentally cursed, her eyes wide. "Four hundred dollars?! Are you for real, girl?"
"Yes I am!" Star said airily. "It'll cost four hundred dollars because it's a three day pass and we need three tickets and it's for the Horror Fest – aka, Halloween night. We get a discount since we're buying more than two so instead of the initial five hundred it's four! Isn't that great?"
"Not for us it's not..." mumbled Valerie, looking glum. "For Sam." she added a bit more confidently.
Star nodded determinedly. "For Sam! And that hot hot hot guy that leads the whole show! Whoo!" she cheered loudly, giggling madly before snorting and lowering her excited giggles.
"I can get you guys discounts," Tucker blurted from the back.
"Really, Tuck?' Star said, amazed. "That would be so very nice of you!"
"How, hot stuff?" Valerie questioned suspiciously. "You're not going to counterfeit them, are you, Tuck?" she added alarmingly – it wouldn't be the first time Tucker had counterfeited tickets for shows.
And gotten away with it.
He snickered and shook his head. "No, I'm serious. The circus gives out coupons online so I can print them out and get them for you. Why don't I just go get the three-day tickets for you guys, anyways?" he added as casually as possible. "Sam's smart and she'll notice if you guys go out for a long time without her. I might as well do it; I've got nothing to do anyways."
"Don't you have classes?" Stair said curiously.
He coughed. "Yes, but at night. I have all day free."
Valerie stopped on a red light and chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "Hmm, he does have a point you know. Sam'll totally figure out that we got the tickets. I bet she already has an idea of where we're taking here. There are billboards and announcements all over the place! Advertisement is like crazy nowadays!" she said disapprovingly.
"Oh, no!" Star frowned, concerned. "That'll ruin the surprise..."
"Trust me, she won't know." Tucker reassured coolly. "You guys aren't into the stuff she is—she'll think you're going to take her to some scary horror movie or something."
Valerie nodded in agreement while Star wrinkled her button nose.
"I don't like horror movies!" she shivered. "They're so scary."
Both Tucker and Valerie looked at one another.
She did know that Circus Gothica was ten times more frightening than some silly horror movie, right?
Silently, they agreed they would let Star find out on her own.
Sam was feeling very, very anxious. She had this bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that just wouldn't fade no matter how much coffee she drunk.
She crossed her legs and sat back in her chair. The class wouldn't start for another ten minutes; it was barely filling. She was sure Valerie and Star would understand why she couldn't met them at the front of the school like usual. She would just had to meet up with them during lunch and make up some sad excuse.
She glanced at the clock and frowned. Five more minutes. She glanced out the window and let her eyes roam all over the stumpy buildings far away in the horizon. Then she felt her breath catch.
"Oh, no." she moaned, agonized.
There was a huge, showy poster of him with the words Circus Gothica right beside him in glowing letters stapled onto one of the other buildings that held more rows of classrooms. She had always wondered, in the beginning, why they had left such a wide, blank space there...
She figured out the reason after two weeks, when a giant poster containing information and dates for some flashy band crew was posted up. The wall informed the students of big events happening in the city.
This time, it was all about the Gothic circus from Hell.
She swallowed as she stared into his brightly (seducing...) glowing green eyes.
Damn it.
There would be no focusing in this specific class today, she sighed in dismay.
Not when there were a pair of beautiful jewel eyes glaring back at her.
Tucker was freaking out. Literally. He drove the car his parents had bought him for getting the highest scores in the technology course down a rather empty street and glanced at his cell phone, which lay idly in the seat beside him, frequently.
It was really simple actually: call Danny and ask if he could so kindly give them four three-day passes for free...
But I don't even know the guy anymore! Tucker reasoned with himself frantically, It's been five years! People change a lot in five years! Alright, that would have worked but it was technically a lie. He hadn't changed—only physically. Sam was basically the same only smarter, prettier and definitely darker than when she was fourteen. Valerie and Star were both the same, too. Valerie perhaps got a hold of her temper and slimed down but Star... was still air headed. But she had her brilliant moments.
And Tucker had kept in touch with Danny—via email.
They emailed one another frequently, when they weren't busy or when they had nothing better to do. But they had never once called one another; they had each others phone numbers but they never tried to call.
It would be too suspicious, they ended up thinking.
Sam would automatically notice the way his voice brightened and the way he spoke. He tended to be more laid back and cool when speaking to Danny. Like before when they were fourteen.
She would notice that. She was just perceptive that way.
And, Danny had horrible timing.
He would not be surprised if they had decided to call one another Danny would decide ring him at some terrible moment in his life – officially screwing up his friendship with Sam, most likely.
"Aw, man." Tucker moaned, impulsively grabbing the phone and flipping through his contacts until he got to the D's. "All I gotta' do is ask 'em," he told himself with little confidence. "It's for Sam! He can't turn down Sam... right?" he gulped.
He stopped at a red light and hovered his thumb over the Talk button. All he had to do was press it, wait for him to pick up, and tell him the situation. He owned the circus; it shouldn't affect him in the slightest if he admitted four people in for three days for free... right?
Aw, man! He mentally groaned.
He pressed the button. And then immediately wanted to hang up but, like he said, Danny had awful timing. He decided to choose that time to answer the phone. After about three rings.
"Hello?" He heard talking in the background, along with music which strangely sounded melancholic and diabolical... Tucker just chose to ignore the melody and focused on what he was going to say.
Which wasn't much by the way he hadn't said anything after ten seconds.
"Oh, uh, hey man, what's up?" Tucker started casually enough, giving himself a silent thumbs up. So far, so good.
"Tuck? Heh, it's kind of odd for you to be calling me. Is something wrong?"
"R-Really?!" Tucker stammered, with an surge of panic. "'Cause I don't think it's bizarre at all. I mean, you're still my best friend and it doesn't make a difference that I haven't seen you in about five years and that you've probably totally crossed over to the Goth side. But it's all cool because I have nothing against Goths! I mean, Sam's a Goth! Er, not that I meant she wasn't before or that you were bad-looking—aw, sick, that sounded so wrong. I did not mean it like that, I swear to—"
"Tucker, you're rambling."
He paused. "I am not."
"Hah, sure you aren't buddy. Alright, curiosity's been piqued: what do you want?"
He froze. Since when did Danny become so perceptive? Does this mean we can't call him Captain Clueless anymore? He thought, unable to suppress the urge not to. It was, after all, his nickname for never noticing Sam's strong feelings for him. "I-I don't want anything! What gave you that idea?" he laughed nervously, switching lanes and turning to park in a fast-food parking lot.
He shut the engine down and sunk back into his seat.
"Oh, well, you know, you're nervous. You're rambling. And if I know you Tuck, which I hope I still do, you tend to chatter uncontrollably when you're either lying or stalling. I'm taking my chances and guessing you're stalling because you want something from me."
Tucker was mildly impressed. Danny had done his growing up during the past five years. "Hmm, call me crazy but that's probably the most logical and rational thing you have ever said in all the years I've known you."
"... Thanks."
Tucker chuckled. "Alright, alright..." He felt more relaxed than he had a few minutes ago. Danny was still Danny. "I was just, uh, wondering..." And now that nervousness came back twice-fold. "You know.. uh, crap."
"Yes?"
"Well.. Val and Star wanna take Sam—" he heard Danny inhale sharply. He didn't comment. "—out somewhere special since she's been feeling down lately... not that she isn't always but I believe that's a Goth thing. Or something. Well, anyways, I was wondering... do you think you could do me a favour and give me four three-day passes for Circus Gothica?" he rushed, squeaking slightly towards the end.
There was a pause, before he heard a hearty laugh. "Jeez, Tuck. That's it? I can give you as many Circus Gothica tickets, dude. I own it, remember?"
He sighed in relief. That sure took a load off his back. "Aw, thanks man! I was thinking that I might have to use my ubber awesome hacking skills to get me some tickets," he snickered wickedly, laughing full-out when Danny responded with a sarcastic, "Show off."
"Uh, Tuck?"
"Yeah?"
"Er, I can give you the tickets right now if you want but..."
He rose a brow. "Oh. Where you at?"
"Eh, see, that's the thing. We're actually in Amity Park—in the outskirts, by that creepy abandoned cemetery, uh, Sam always wanted to visit but we never let her because it was allegedly haunted and because the rumors were true – some pretty nasty poltergeist reside in there..."
Tucker blinked. "What? Seriously? DUDE! How come you never told me! Argh, how long have you even been here?"
"Couple of days... like.. a week?"
"A WEEK!?"
"Ehehehe? Sorry..."
Tucker sunk in his brand new car's leather seat, lowering his maroon beret over his eyes and groaning to himself. "First Sam, now you. Honestly, am I that forgetful?"
"... Sam?"
He lifted his beret an inch, peeking out from underneath. "Uh, yeah. She never told me about the new DOOM 2.0 counsel she got—as always—months before the actual sells..."
"Oh, yeah. I remember when we used to freak out because she had all the latest video games."
He smiled softly as he reminisced about his younger days. When Danny was still around and it was just the three of them. "Yeah... uh, so, I'm free right now. How about I just go and get the tickets? You busy?"
"What? Oh, yeah, totally! Er, I mean, I'm not busy. I'll wait for you here?"
"Cool!" Tucker beamed, turning on the car once more and backing out of the parking space. "See you in ten, man!"
"Sweet."
He hung up, feeling immensely better.
But then a different kind of anxiousness had settled right after the call.
Just how much, exactly, had Danny changed in the course of five years?