Title: The Man in the Hospital
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "Bones" or its characters, Fox does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Pick up from the Season Four Finale – plain and simple.
Warning: Severe spoilers for "The End of the Beginning" – Season Four Finale episode! You have been warned!

Chapter 2 – "Pain"

Author's Note: Glad everyone is enjoying... I think I'm going to compile a soundtrack for this...a song for each chapter...

chapter 1 – "keep breathing" by ingrid michaelson

chapter 2 – "the heart of the matter" by india arie

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"Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to my heart. Joy from being with you, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. Pain from knowing that I'm so in love, that I'm more vulnerable than I've ever"

Jeffersonian Institute

Eleven days.

Seven days he'd been awake.

Four days he'd been in a coma.

Eleven days.

He still doesn't remember.

Sometimes when we're just sitting, I think he remembers. He gives me a familiar look, but it only lasts a second. I worry about him. Being alone. But he insists that even though he may not remember me, his life, or his friends...that he still remembers how to take care of himself. He promises to lock up. He promises to eat. He promises to make his doctor's appointment.

But I still worry.

Thinking of Booth brings me to tears. I can't help it. I've been at his side every day since he woke up. I've spent practically every day for the past four years with him, and he doesn't remember me. He doesn't remember me. It shouldn't haunt me so. It isn't logical. The doctor said it could take days, weeks, months, or even years for Booth to remember... Or he may never remember.

It was the most depressing factor in her world currently.

She loved him.

Brennan couldn't see Booth anymore. All she did was think about the past. Think about how he'd wanted to be part of a baby's life – a baby that would be part of them both – it was something that she felt like she needed to forget. She needed to get on with her life. To try to forget the last four years of her life...could she even do that?

Bringing her head up, she looked out from her office. The platform in the Medico-Legal Lab of the Jeffersonian Institute was quiet and there was no motion. Everyone was home. It was nearly eleven in the evening, there was no reason for anyone to be there. She needed to live again, but she didn't know if that was the smartest way to live...

Booth had been a part of the lab.

She wasn't sure if she could face his ghost every day. She let her head drop and closed her eyes. She sucked in breath and forced the tears back. There'd been too many tears. Brennan felt like she had no more tears left to shed. She felt like everything had already been emptied.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

Her head shot up and she couldn't find the strength to wipe off the expression of surprise accompanied by her absolute exhaustion. Doctor Saroyan. Brennan had thought that Cam had left before she'd even arrived. "I—I didn't think anyone else was here..." Brennan mumbled.

"The F.B.I. has been in contact with me. They want to make sure that we'll still continue cooperating with them as we have in the past."

No Booth. It wouldn't be the same. She bit her lip. She thought for a minute and then started to talk. "What did you tell them?" She stared at Cam. She wished that she had Booth and Angela there. They'd be able to tell her more about Cam from her body language and from knowing her personally than she would know from their current conversation.

"That I'd have to get back to them. I needed to talk to my team."

"The Jeffersonian holds a long tradition of assisting law enforcement," Brennan said. "You should just tell them that we will continue in that tradition."

"What about you?" Cam asked.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You're going to be okay with this?"

"It's not about me. It's about the Jeffersonian. The lab."

"The F.B.I. is going to want to know if you're going to continue working in the field with an agent."

"No," she found herself saying before she even realized it. It was the answer, though. She couldn't do it without Booth.

"You're sure?"

Cam seemed surprised. Did she really expect her to go out in the field with Agent Perrotta? She wasn't that fond of Booth's sometimes replacement. If she couldn't work with Booth, her Booth, then she'd stay in the lab. "Yes. Unless they absolutely need us out in the field...and I mean absolutely, then I'd rather stay in the lab." Brennan swallowed and tried to hold back the immense sadness that flooded her insides. "If that's okay with you, Doctor Saroyan."

Cam nodded. "Of course."

Though Booth and Angela were much better at reading people, Brennan could clearly read the worry that was etched across Cam's face. She looked away. "And my grad students?" She wasn't sure if Cam was going to try to rush her choosing.

"I personally prefer Mr. Bray, but it's your assistant, Doctor Brennan. If you still need time, I'll allow that and support it."

"Thank you."

..................................

Brennan's Office

"Sweetie, I know that you think that you're doing the right thing coming back to work, but trust me you should be with Booth."

Angela's ranting had interrupted her breakdown. She'd hidden away in her office and made it very clear to Mr. Nigel Murray that if anyone asked, she wasn't there. Obviously Angela hadn't gotten that "memo" as Booth would call it. Booth. Her tears started to flow freshly.

"Sweetie?"

She could hear that Angela was moving towards her. She didn't look up. Brennan felt bad enough. She knew that Angela hadn't meant to yell. She was just worried. Angela was always the one who had looked out for her since they'd formed their original team.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Angela asked.

Brennan knew that now Angela was at her side. Her voice conveyed worry. She finally turned her head to look at her friend. She didn't say anything, she just looked at Angela. She didn't know how to form how she felt. Angela reached out and touched her face. It was a simple, yet comforting gesture. Brennan appreciated it.

"Booth?"

Nodding, Brennan tried to calm down. To breathe. Wiped the tears away. Breathe.

"Sweetie, look at me," Angela said.

Angela put her hands on either side of her face and turned it, so that Brennan was staring at her friend. She hated to be out of control. Sometimes she just hated emotion in general. "I don't know what to do," Brennan managed to get out. It hurt to think about Booth. She hadn't thought that she would hurt so much.

"Go away, okay?" Angela told her. "Pick a place on the map and just go."

"I can't—"

"Yes you can," Angela said firmly.

"I'm needed here, Angela," Brennan argued. "Who's going to take my place? I told Cam that I'd work in the lab, but not in the field."

"You have to have vacation hours," Angela told her. "I mean, you've never taken a real vacation. You always go on some charity thing where you identify victims of something..."

"I find it extremely fulfilling," Brennan told her as she reached up and wiped away tears.

"Then do that. Just leave..."

"But Cam—"

"Cam will survive. We'll keep one of the grad students, though I hope you'll tell us which one. I'll help you, if you like. Then we just call in Clark. He's not as good as you, but he'd dedicated."

Brennan smiled a bit. "He is a good forensic anthropologist."

"So?"

Angela was one of those friends who pushed you. She felt like she'd just been pushed out of a storm and into the sunlight. Angela pulled her into her arms. Brennan wrapped her arms around her friend and felt a bit of weight lifted. Like she was going to be okay.

"Thank you," Brennan said after a moment.

Angela released her after a moment and stared at her. Brennan could tell that she was trying to figure out if she was really okay. She wasn't even sure if she was completely okay.

"You still have to tell me which grad student stays."

"I don't know," Brennan told her honestly. "Well, how about you think about it. Logically, of course. I'm going to go talk to Cam."

"Okay."

"This is the right thing to do, Sweetie. Know that."

Brennan nodded and watched her leave. Her thoughts brought tears back to her eyes and she let them fall. She was able to breathe, though. No sobs emerged. What about Booth? She felt cruel somehow. Like she should be there every step of the way even though he'd made it clear that he could take care of himself. He'd lost his memory, he wasn't an invalid. It hadn't been comforting. He'd lost more than his memory. She felt like he'd lost his heart as well.

Booth.

Pain filled her heart. This was what it felt like to truly love. To feel pain. To feel it because you loved someone so much that it hurt. Booth didn't know this right now. He didn't feel. Or at least she didn't think he felt. He seemed colder to her. Even more so than when she first met him. He just wasn't the same and it depressed her in some ways. Sometimes she just felt like she was going to cry because she could tell just from looking at him that he wasn't right.

How she longed to hear him call her Bones, for him to joke with her, for him to arrive at the lab and pretend to know what was going on, for him to carry on their normal banter...and for him to remember that she cared about him. She loved him. He may not realize it. He may not have even known to what extent before, but she did. She loved him deeply, with her whole being. So much that it scared her.

A love that seemed at the moment to be able to crush her skeleton, to pierce her heart, and ultimately kill her.

A love that she hadn't known before.

A love that may never be again.

A love that only existed in the subtext of their relationship.

A love that she wished she could resurrect itself.

Like a phoenix.

To live again.

"Sweetie."

Brennan looked up quickly and wiped her tears away. Not only had Angela returned, but so had Cam. She felt a bit embarrassed to be in such a state in front of Cam. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because Cam was her boss. Maybe it was because she didn't like others to see how weak her feelings made her.

"I understand your need to take a sabbatical, Doctor Brennan," Cam said. "I wish we could just shut down everything until things were back to normal."

"But sadly, crime doesn't take a holiday," Angela said.

"I've already put in a call to Doctor Edison. He's agreed to fill in for you for as long as you need," Cam said. "He made some requests, but nothing too outrageous."

"Like what?" Brennan asked curious.

"Probably that Hodgins and I don't talk to him," Angela said with a sigh.

"Close," Cam said. "That we stay on topic. Work only. At least around him."

"I think I'm going to go to Peru," Brennan spoke up. She'd planned on going there at Christmas a couple Christmases before, but had ended up spending it with her family in jail. It had been a nice Christmas. But Peru, she figured would be an adventure and she was sure that there were still remains that could be identified. At least she'd feel useful.

"Peru?" Angela questioned.

"Peru."

...........................

TBC...