Chapter Two—Sex Ed
"Well, are you ready for your first day of school, little sister?" teased Emmet, ruffling my long, brown hair and he, Alice, and I sat down in a row of three desks in the back of the room, with me in the middle. I smiled. Emmett always knew how to ease tension. Sometimes he was almost as good as Jasper.
"Just tell me if you run into any bullies, big brother" I teased back. Alice laughed.
"Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can do this" I added.
"What was that miss super-self-control?" asked Emmet.
"Emmet" I hissed, "Shhhh". Emmet rolled his eyes.
"No one is even listening"
Alice shook her spiky head. "They weren't that time, but you could be a little quieter Emmet. And Bella, you're going to be fine. You will have a perfectly normal day"
"That's comforting, but that's not actually what I meant". Of course, that would be the natural conclusion for my family to jump to. After all, I was still a relatively young vampire, and I was now suddenly surrounded by a swarm of pulsing, warm, blood-filled, humans. It would be natural for me to have trouble not drinking their blood, except it was me. And my family knew me.
"What did you mean then? I can't see any trouble" Alice muttered, soft enough that the humans sitting down around us would not hear.
"I'm just a little nervous—starting a new school, and all. It's just; I've never done this before, with so many people. I mean, what if someone notices" I added the last half in a whisper so low that even the disgustingly, hopeful-looking human boy who had sat down in behind me had no hope of hearing. No one can whisper like a vampire. Still, I glanced nervously, but with careful slowness, around the entire room, to make sure none of the avidly-staring humans had noticed anything unusual about what I was saying.
"I told you, Bella, today is going to be perfect for everyone" said Alice, patting my arm reassuringly.
I accepted Alice's assurance, also realizing she wasn't just looking ahead for me.
"Thanks, Alice"
Just then, a new set of footsteps, heavier and slower, than the dragging feet, and clicking heels of the lithe young high school students stopped at the door, and swung open. The chatter ceased to be general, and turned into a hubbub of welcome, in varying degrees of enthusiasm.
The teacher had entered the room.
"Alright! Let's get started here!" called the teacher, plunking a stack of small, spiral notebooks down on her desk at the front of the room, sending a wash of fresh plastic scent over the room, making the scent of human a bit more bearable.
"Emmy, please hand these out to everyone" began the short, stocky woman, with short, curly blonde hair, and a purple blouse as a girl with caramel-colored hair and a shirt with a piano on it jumped up to take the stack of spiral notebooks and hand them out to the class.
"We have three new students in our homeroom this year, for those of you don't know, I am Mrs. Smith. Why don't we go around the room and say our names and one interesting fact about ourselves. Would you three like to start, since you're new?"
Mrs. Smith smiled encouragingly. I really hated the "introduce yourself" thing, but Mrs. Smith was trying to be nice. I sighed under my breath as Alice, Emmet and I stood up. Emmet snickered, hearing my sigh. A tiny hiss escaped me as Alice began.
"I'm Alice Cullen, and an interesting fact about me is that I sometimes design clothes."
"Cool, did you make what you're wearing right now?" exclaimed a girl with short sandy brown hair in the front row, near Mrs. Smith.
Alice shook her head no. Actually, she had designed her outfit today. It was one of the few outfits she had not thrown out after one use.
"I'm Emmet Cullen, and an interesting thing about me, is I can bench press 300 pounds."
"So can I" I muttered under my breath, Emmett winked. I rolled my eyes.
"Alright, man!" called a boy in a baseball cap, drawing the teacher's attention.
"Jason, no hats in school"
"Aww, C'mon Mrs. S, that's so not fair"
"It's Mr. Higgins's rule. Just put it in your locker after homeroom."
"Fine," grumbled Jason. The rest of the class snickered under their breath.
Alice nudged me.
"I'm Bella Cullen, and I have read Wuthering Heights no less than seventeen times" I said, spewing off the first non-incriminating thing I could think of.
The rest of the class introduced themselves. Of course, I remembered all their names, having perfect vampire recall, but they weren't worth remarking on. All I wanted was to get to my first class, so I could be with Edward again.
Finally, everyone was introduced.
"Alright, it is time to go over the handbook again this year, but since we only have a few minutes left of class, I'll save it for tomorrow," said Mrs. Smith with an indulgent smile.
A collective sound of approval, and relief ran through the classroom.
"Thank GOD!" cried the brown-haired girl who had asked Alice about her clothing earlier. Her name, was, it turned out, Jenna. The boy sitting closest to me turned to me, upon the realization that we had ten minutes of "free time" to do whatever we chose within the limits of the class room, and school rules.
"So, where did you move from?" he asked us.
"San Francisco" Alice replied. That was the story this time. A large, sunny city that we could never really live in made a great choice for our place of origin, because try as they might, no one would find a trace of us there, if we ever had to run, nor would anyone find it unusual in such a big city. I shuddered at the thought of why we might have to run. But if we did, I was determined it would not be my fault. As I considered this in the side-stage part of my mind, another, larger part of my consciousness was focused on the boy conversing with us.
"So why did you move HERE to small-town in Michigan, of all places?"
"Our father is a doctor, and he was offered a job here. And our mother wanted to get away from the big city," I answered with a bit of a smile, thinking of Edward answering the same thing in Forks all those years ago.
"Wow, that's really cool. Was California amazing?" He asked, still obviously directing his questions toward me. Emmett answered.
"Yeah, we had a lot of fun with the sports there, eh, little sis?" he asked clapping me on the back hard enough to make a sound. Alice kicked him under her desk. He stopped, just in time to prevent me from going face-first into the desk, and smashing it to smithereens. Alice explained to me later.
"There wasn't much to do there though, except study. Especially at night". I hissed for real at that one. Fortunately, our little human friend didn't seem to notice, but it earned me an elbow in the ribs from Alice.
"Emmett, do you recall a certain bet we made thirteen years ago, when we were really young?" I asked him.
Emmett grinned "Maybe. What's it to you?"
"Em, keep your word. Bella, chill, okay? You can rip him to shreds later" Alice added low enough that the humans wouldn't hear.
"Fine", I sighed.
Emmett merely grinned. I knew he remembered the bet he had lost, the deal being that he would never mention my sex life again to anyone. I suppose he considered it null and void now that he could beat me at arm wrestling.
"Oh—one more quick announcement" called Mrs. Smith, and the humans stopped their chattering. Alice, Emmet, and I were already silent. Alice scratched her nose, as if on cue, I blinked and crossed my legs.
"I just got an email that says homeroom travel doesn't begin until we finish the handbook, and guys, when you do travel, please, please, please, remember to sign out, and have your passes signed" announced Mrs. Smith. A general mumble of assent answered Mrs. Smith.
"That's so retarded! Why do we have to go through the frigging handbook again?" complained the apparently outspoken Jason.
"Watch the language, please," admonished Mrs. Smith.
"Sorry. But seriously, why?"
"Mr. Higgins makes the rules, I have to follow them just like you," replied Mrs. Smith, with a hint of a sour look on her friendly face. Clearly, she didn't like reading the rules any more than the students liked hearing them. She really was a nice teacher.
"Stupid vice-principal. Just because he's the vice principal, he gets to make all the rules, or something?" grouched Jason.
"Yeah, what's up with that?" chimed in his friend, who had introduced himself as "Carl, the sexiest guy in Michigan, baby" to the general amusement or disapproval of the class. One girl with hair the color of our eyes after a hunting trip sighed and shook her head.
"We'll get through the handbook as fast as we can, and then you can travel again"
Ahh. Homeroom travel. I smiled at the prospect of being able to spend that much more of my day with Edward.
"We won't get through it until next Tuesday, those two" Alice gestured towards Jason and Carl, "will keep interrupting." I sighed. "The M-O's will be finished by the end of today's homeroom" smiled Alice. So maybe I would get to see Edward after all. And Renesmee. This must be strange for her, her parents in school with her. She was even in our next class. Actually, I think we were all in the same class next. I felt bad for our Health teacher.
Here at our new high school, health was required all four years, instead of just freshman year like Forks, and Phoenix. And it was a mixed-grade class. Seniors, sophomores, freshman, and juniors all in the same room. Which meant our entire family could have health class together. Well, that was going to be an awkward class for our daughter, with her parents, aunts, and uncles, all in the same class. Six happily married vampires that never slept at night. We did not need sexual education.
Brzzzzzzt. The school's microwave beep of a bell for the end of class zipped through my ears, and I stood, along with Alice and Emmett, to gather my things from my locker, and go to health class.
As I expected, Edward had managed to leave his homeroom in time to be waiting outside the door of Alice, Emmett and My homeroom, for me. He curled his arm around my waist as I exited the room. I slid my arm around him too, and we walked to our lockers like that. First mine, then his. We met Nessie and Jake as we turned down the hall towards the Health Class room. Alice and Jasper met us at the door. Rosalie and Emmett were already inside. Instead of desks, this classroom had long, tan, plastic tables with ugly maroon plastic chairs. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting in the middle of the table in the back of the room. It had just enough seats for all of us. We sat down. I ended up with Edward on my left, and Emmett on my right.
"You ready for this, Rosie?" he asked his wife. I didn't need to see Edward's grimace, or feel him tense at my side to know what Emmett was thinking about. If the subject of the class hadn't given it away, the sound of his voice would have. I leaned in to Edward, to comfort, and be comforted. I felt his gentle lips on the top of my head.
"Bella! Edward! PDA! You need this class!" teased Emmett, irrepressible. Well, this WAS his favorite subject. I snorted.
"Oh you should talk!" I replied. Emmett obviously replied in his head because the next thing Edward said was:
"A couple of pillows and a headboard do not equal thirteen houses, Emmett". I was glad I couldn't blush any longer. Alice and Jasper were snickering. Alice had used the excuse to help Esme redecorate her Island, when Edward remembered that we owed Esme a new bed frame. I wished Emmet hadn't caught Alice ordering a new bed frame for Esme with Edward's credit card. He hadn't let it go since then.
The beep for the start of class sizzled, and the teacher walked in. He was short, bald as an egg, and wearing a polar fleece vest left over from the 90's.
"Welcome to health Class! This year's topic will be Sexual Education. I groaned, as I caught sight of the expression on Emmett's face. It was going to be a long term in this class. I put my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes.
"I am Mr. Lawrence. I've been teaching this course for Twenty-one years—that's longer than any of you have been alive!" I let out a soft half-laugh. Actually, every one of us but Renesmee, Jacob and I had been "alive" much longer than Mr. Lawrence, himself.
Mr. Lawrence talked about himself for ten more minutes, proceeded to take attendance in the standard "here" fashion, and then began his first lecture.
"Introduction to Sex Ed" read the title slide of his power point.
"We'll start off with some simple definitions" began Mr. Lawrence.
"Pay attention, puppy, you'll want to know this soon…," Emmett whispered, knowing Jacob could hear him all the end of the table. Edward hissed. For once, I didn't smack him. It was all I could do to keep myself from hissing at Emmett myself for talking about my daughter's future sex life, and I couldn't hear whatever Emmett was thinking along with it.
"Em, I never thought I'd say it, but please go back to thinking obscene thoughts about Rose!" Edward pleaded, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. I patted his back comfortingly. Attempting to give him something better to listen to, I first warned him with a quick note scribbled in the margin of his notebook, where he had absentmindedly scribbled down the "vocabulary" terms "intercourse", and "STD"
I pushed my shield right out of my brain, and thought about him. When didn't I think about him? I thought about that poor, mutilated Bed frame, and wondered what might have happened if we had gotten anywhere near the bed frame that first night after I was changed. Edward was gripping me so tightly; I was surprised I was still in my chair. Startled by this realization, I dropped my shield, and it snapped back into place.
"Today our first topic is Birth control" Mr. Lawrence. My entire family looked at Renesmee, even Jacob. She turned bright red. Unfortunately, Mr. Lawrence noticed.
"Yes, is there something you would like to share with us, Miss—," he checked his seating chart "Masen?" I was the one looking down embarrassed. Emmett piped up, again, tickled to death by this opportunity to once again, publicly humiliate his little "sister".
"She was a 'surprise '. That's how we ended up with her." replied Emmett, waggling his eyebrows at me and Edward. I put my head in my hands, propped up on the table by my elbows. Edward patted my head.
"Ahh, I see. Class, you see the consequences of not using proper birth control methods?" he asked. "Of course, legally, none of you should be having sex until you turn 18, at least." Hah. Technically, Edward was still seventeen.
"If you do not use some form of birth control, you may find yourselves having to deal with the consequences of a grave mistake. I hissed there, I couldn't help it. My daughter was not a mistake.
"Mom, chill" Renesmee whispered to me. It was Edward's turn to rub my back. I put my head back in my hands and stayed there until the peculiar beeping of the bell set us free from Sex Ed.