I couldn't sleep, so I'm uploading quite a few hours earlier than I expected. Thanks so much for all the reviews and favorites so far!

Posted: 12/7/10

Chapter 2 – Seven Minutes in Puckleberry Hell

At glee club, Puck introduced Lauren to the room and he really hadn't meant to say anything about it but, "She kind of rocked my world," just slipped out there and he couldn't take it back, no matter how disgusted Santana looked.

Mr. Schue just had to say, "I'm proud of you, Puck. Good work," didn't he? No one was ever proud of Puck. Not proud enough to full-on shake his hand like Mr. Schue was right now. Briefly, Puck wondered how proud of him the teacher would be for getting Kurt back. A lot, right?

Karofsky had to go. It was too bad Puck wasn't smart enough to hide a body and get away with it. At least he was smart enough to know he shouldn't try. Besides, murder was like, way hardcore, and his time in the big house had shown Puck that while he was a badass by Lima standards, he wasn't a hardcore criminal and he really didn't want to end up that way, either.

After glee club, Puck meant to round up the guys and get their help with the Karofsky plan, but he ran into Rachel on the way. She seemed so sad, and Puck had promised to be nicer to Jews, so he stopped and talked to her. Once he cleared up the whole motive issue, she smiled at him and took his arm and complimented his guns. If there was one way into Puck's pants (and let's be honest, there were about a million ways) it was complimenting his guns.

But, that's where Puck got confused. After making out with Zizes, Puck didn't know if a tiny girl like Rachel was going to cut it anymore. No way would she be able to throw him around and hold him down. But she was soft and pretty and vulnerable. Three things Puck really loved.

He almost went through with it, too. The way Rachel kept biting his lip was like, whoa, and he had to tell her to stop so he'd have just a little self control – to make it good for her. The problem, though, with having made out with and slept with so many different people was that sometimes he'd forget who he was with. That one time he whispered Quinn's name while he was making out with Mrs. O'Riley had lost him his favorite pair of jeans and more than a little dignity. But Puck had always thought dignity was overrated. This time, while he was making out with Rachel, Puck flashed back to the closet and how he'd imagined it was Kurt making out with him and the whole thing just sent him for a mind trip.

Kurt was Finn's brother, Finn used to date Quinn until Puck insperminated her, and now he was dating Rachel, who Puck realized had to be using him for something. Lately Rachel and Finn had been bitching at each other a lot (who knows why). Plus, sleeping with Finn's girlfriends twice in a row was like, really rude. Like a Karofsky-sized dick move. "I'm sorry. I can't do this," he told Rachel, leaving her and kicking himself for letting it get that far in the first place.

At the competition, when Kurt was up onstage, the dude didn't even get one solo. How weak was that? Those ass clowns at Dalton had no idea what they were doing, did they? And, please? Train? And why was that lead dude looking at Kurt like he was God's gift? Didn't he realize Kurt wouldn't be staying for long, despite what Mr. Schue said? And how dare they box Kurt in like that? That kid needed to move, not do lame-ass side steps and finger snaps.

The Karofsky elimination plan was going to happen.

Puck showed up at Finn's old house the week after Sectionals, while he and a few hired movers were loading boxes into a truck while Mr. and Mrs. Hummel watched. "Hey, dude," Puck said to Finn, picking up a box and following Finn out to the truck. "I'm really sorry about Rachel."

"Whatever," Finn replied angrily, practically throwing the box into the truck. Puck set his box down too and hurried to catch up with Finn on his way back into the house, setting a hand on the taller guy's shoulder.

"Seriously, bro. I'm sorry."

Finn looked into his eyes for a long moment before nodding. "Yeah," he sort of half-smiled. "Yeah, she told me what you did, how you stopped. I know that must not have been easy."

"You have no freaking idea," Puck agreed, silently helping haul a few more boxes. Eventually, when Mrs. Hummel made Finn bring Puck to the kitchen for some lemonade, even though the light layer of snow on the ground said it was clearly not lemonade weather, he brought up the main topic he'd come here to discuss. "You know who put me in that port-o-potty, right dude?"

"The football team," Finn nodded, "yeah. I already yelled at them about it. And seriously, Puck, why would you go talk to them about it when the rest of us glee guys were at rehearsal and couldn't back you up?"

"Dunno," Puck shrugged. "I guess because Mr. Schue said he wanted me to recruit someone, not you and Rachel like he would normally go to."

"Oh," Finn grunted, hanging his head with a confused look on his face. "He was all about mixing it up last week. I guess we all learned something."

"Including the fact that since Karofsky drove Kurt away and then led the charge to stuff me in that outhouse, he's got to go."

"Yeah," Finn nodded. "Especially since without Kurt to pick on, he's gotten really mean. I swear I saw him trip Becky while she was carrying Coach Sylvester's coffee. I wasn't sure it was him, though, so all I could do was help Becky up and get the girls to help her change."

"Dude, that was low of Karofsky!" Puck cried, hopping up onto the kitchen counter so he didn't feel quite so short next to Finn. "As much of an ass as I've been, I never picked on a kid who couldn't fight back, at least mentally if not physically. Like Artie."

"Artie fought back after you pushed him down the stairs and stuff?"

Ashamed at being reminded of that, Puck hanged his head and admitted, "No. But he totally could have. He could have given me the wrong assignment and made me fail a bunch of times, or told on me for smoking behind the school or spread a nasty rumor about me, but he didn't. Because he's a nice dude."

Finn nodded with a concerned look and opened his mouth, but was cut off by a high voice calling, "Finn! Your mom wants to ask you something about your room," and Kurt appeared in the doorway. At first glance of the dude, Puck's supply closet fantasy came rushing back all of a sudden and he had to look away so he wouldn't embarrass himself by staring at Kurt while Finn was still in the room.

"Okay," Finn agreed, looking back and forth between his step-brother and his friend as if to make sure they'd be okay if he left. He must have decided it wasn't feeling too lethal in there, because he exited the room with a shrug.

Rounding on Puck, Kurt said, "I didn't expect to see you here, Puckerman."

"Had some apologizing to do," Puck shrugged, nodding after where Finn had left the room. "I didn't expect to see you here either." With that admission, Puck let himself actually look at Kurt, finding him dressed in a pair of greasy coveralls, his hair hidden under a bandana. It was such an unusual look for the guy that Puck couldn't help but stare a little. The last time he'd seen Kurt was in a stuffy prep-school uniform at the competition. This was way better.

"Well, I-"

Puck cut Kurt off from making his excuses and leaving by blurting out, "Congratulations, Hummel. Despite being in the lame-ass Warblers, you did good."

"Then why did you look so angry with me?" Kurt asked, and damn if that question didn't surprise the hell out of Puck. "Was it because I defected over to the competition and left you a man short? I didn't know what else to do."

"Yeah," Puck lied. "That was it." It had nothing to do with the flirty looks that short guy was giving Kurt as they sang that barf-tacular song together. Then, as Kurt was turning to leave again, a big question popped into Puck's brain, so he asked it. "If Karofsky was gone, would you, like, defunct back over to our side?"

"It's defect," Kurt corrected him with a ghost of a smile, "and why? What are you planning on doing?"

Puck smiled, but kept his mouth shut, staring at Kurt expectantly. The dude actually blushed before stammering, "Y-yes. I'd expect a full team to be there when I got back, though, not to have one of our members expelled or in jail again."

"Jeez," Puck complained with a smile, hopping down from the counter and stepping closer to the girly-dude, wondering how solid his arms would be if Puck tested them with a squeeze. It would definitely take some muscle to throw a big guy like Puck around, but Kurt looked more than capable, especially with that hard, bitchy look on his face. Shrugging, Puck continued. "You get in one little bit of trouble and that's all anyone can remember."

"Why would you go after Karofsky?" Kurt asked, backing up half a step in a way that really made Puck want to follow. "You should just let it go..."

"Number one," Puck explained, "nobody pushes my boys around." Taking another step forward to Kurt's step back as the shorter boy knocked into the refrigerator, Puck held up two fingers, "Number two, nobody locks the Puckasaurus in a port-o-potty overnight and gets away with it." By the way Kurt's eyes went wide and the edge of his lips twitched upward, Puck guessed this was the first he was hearing of it. Didn't the dude talk to Finn and the girls all the time, or had so much changed in the week and a half since Kurt left for Dalton? Well, Puck had gone through a few changes in the last week, too, hadn't he? Leaning even closer, Puck whispered, "And number three: you're easier to make out with when you're in town."

Kurt gasped sharply and Puck wanted to kiss the guy, just to see what it would be like, but he heard footsteps approaching, so Puck backed off, putting on a pleasant, innocent expression and saying, "...so that's why Super Mario Three was so revolutionary. The star worlds!"

When Finn got to the room, Kurt just shook his head and gave Puck a solid glare before walking away. "What did you do to Kurt, dude? You know he's had it rough lately!"

"Finn, chill. Guy just didn't appreciate my brilliant insights into video game history."

"Oh."

Figuring he still had a bunch to make up for, Puck offered, "Need some more help moving, bro?"

"Sure," Finn nodded, leading the way down into the unfinished basement and the stacks and stacks of boxes and things down there. For the love of...! Why the hell was Puck following through with his promise to be nicer to everyone? Well, at least he could skip the gym that day.

"Hey, Santana?" Puck asked as she was getting dressed.

"What, Puckerman?" Santana frowned, pulling up her hair into a tight ponytail. "I gotta get home, or my dad's gonna take my phone away again."

"When you and Brittany hook up? It's awesome, right?"

"Why?" she asked, pulling on her shoes. "Are you looking for a show? 'Cause now that Britt's dating Artie, they're all 'exclusive'," she sneered, using her fingers to put up air quotes.

"But when you do get together, it's good, right? Even though you've both got the same ... equipment?" Puck felt stupid asking this, but he didn't want to have high expectations for something good with Kurt and then find himself disappointed when it didn't happen.

Giving Puck a disdainful look, Santana said, "Yeah, it's great. What's going on, Puck? Does this have something to do with how you made me tie you up and bite you? Not that I'm complaining, but..."

Rubbing his sore wrists, Puck scoffed, "No. Just forget it, babe."

"I told you not to call me that."

"Why?" Puck asked, finding his jeans and slipping into them. "Because suddenly you want to have Hudson's babies, like everyone else at school?"

"Screw you," she replied, grabbing her things and leaving in a huff. Maybe Puck should tell Finn that even if he did date Santana, there was no way she'd keep from cheating on him. Of course, if Puck got his way and Kurt came back to school, Santana could fucking kiss the ground Finn walked on for all he cared. She was just a 'friend' with benefits. If Puck could score another one of those, he wouldn't need her at all.

Finally, after a week of planning and waiting and watching, Puck and the other glee guys found Karofsky alone in the locker room. As per the plan, Artie acted as the lookout, Finn and Sam as the distraction, and Puck as the bagman. Or, he was the guy who snuck up behind Karofsky when Finn and Sam stormed out of the room, yelling at each other about Quinn, and threw a heavy towel over the guy's face, pulling it tight while Mike helped him keep Karofsky contained. The idea was to make sure the jock had no clue who had taken him or why.

Hence why they could only communicate with hand signals until they got Karofsky where he was supposed to go. If the damn bastard would stop fighting! After almost getting kicked in the junk, Puck decided that was enough and put Karofsky in a choke hold just until his knees started to go weak. There. Now he was all confused and compliant from the lack of oxygen. Puck and the other guys got Karofsky out of the locker room, down the hallway, up the stairs and into Coach Sylvester's "private room" without anyone seeing them.

Despite Puck's better judgment, he'd agreed that they shouldn't tie Karofsky up or anything, just lock him in the room. Mike insisted it was safer that way, since they didn't want to kill Karofsky or anything, just humiliate him and get him expelled. Puck almost gagged when he noticed the swing in the corner of the room, but the rest of the guys didn't seem to notice what it was for, and he wasn't about to let any of them in on it. Especially not Finn. That dude's brain would melt.

"Let me out of here, you losers!" Karofsky cried after a minute, when he got his bearing back and started pounding on the door. "It smells weird in here!"

Puck wanted to tell him it was all the estrogen cream, but he didn't want Karofsky recognizing his voice, so he waved the others ahead of him and followed them back downstairs. Then, Puck stayed after everyone left, so they wouldn't know about this next part. Carefully, so he wouldn't get his finger-prints on anything, Puck used this one page he found on the internet to figure out the combination to Karofsky's locker. Then, he took a hunting knife he'd swiped from Coach Beiste's tool box in the equipment shed and put it in there, right at eye level. He'd even gone so far as to smear a little squirrel's blood on there, just for good measure.

Don't look at him like that! The squirrel was already dead. Honest!

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