Back with another one! Dude, you have no idea how hard this shit is. To tell you honestly, I'm thinking of dropping everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Like, no Dip sequel, no Tension, no Bloodbath, nothing. I'm getting sick of all of this. Like, I'm so freakin' lazy. I'm even gonna drop Lovestolen on FP. I just wanna work on my new original. And typing is such a fucking hassle, man.

But anyway, another chapter before I abandon shit. (Yawn) I'm sleepy. Thanks to all of you who reviewed last chapter, really appreciate it. Sorry for any misspellings, I'm really lazy right now.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

Chapter One
Beer, Blondes and Billy Joe

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A loud beeping woke him up, invading his dreams and dragging him to awareness.

"Urghhh..." Kenny rolled over on messy sheets, slapping his hand on the rickety table near his bed, roaming around blindly until he struck the alarm clock. Hitting the snooze button on it, he expected it to shut up. Instead, it ignored him, defying his command and beeping anyway.

"Stupid piece of shit!" Kenny grabbed it, throwing it against the far wall. He heard a loud thunk, and all was silent again. He sighed, relaxing on his covers.

Then his phone rang.

"Argh!" He held the pillow over his head, trying to block out the sounds of the incessant ringing, but to no avail. Giving up, he took the phone from the table, flipping it open.

"Yeah?"

"Ay, Kenny! Wake your po' ass up!" Cartman's voice came over the speaker, loud and grating. Kenny groaned.

"Man, fuck you, I'm sleeping."

"Fuck you!! I've been planning this shit for months, now get your fucking ass up and pack 'fore I torch your fucking shack!" Cartman laughed. "Hey, don't forget the booze, a'right?"

"Yeah, yeah...I'll meet you later. Don't leave without me, fatass. Remember, no me, no beer." Kenny grinned into his pillow. Cartman snorted.

"Whatever. Talk t'you later, I gotta break up these faggots 'fore they start makin' out or something."

In the background Kenny could hear a muffled, 'Hey!' and a 'Dude, what the fuck?!'. Kenny chuckled.

"Alright, alright, bye."

Kenny hung up, sitting up on his bed. He yawned, stretching. Cartman had been talking about some stupid camping trip or something for the past two months, and now that it was summer vacation, the fat boy planned to take full advantage of that. He had even roped in some other people besides their usual group: Clyde, Token (who was renting Cartman his family's cabin in the woods), Craig and Tweek. Throw in some beer and it could almost be a party.

It was bound to be a week of drunken fun.

Kenny leapt out of bed, stumbling to the bathroom. A quick shower and change later and he was rummaging in his closet, pulling out a small duffel bag and throwing some clothes inside. Just a couple of changes, nothing special, hell, no one gave a fuck what he looked like anyway. He tossed in his pot stash, grinning. Cartman and Craig were gonna bring their own, but they didn't expect Kenny to bring his too. They'd all dip in theirs until it was out, and then he'd bring out his own. Those bitches would be crawling over each other to get it. Nothing like a bit of sadistic power to liven up his day.

"Alright, let's get this party started!!" He bounced up, walking out to the living room. He waved goodbye to his mother, who was sitting on the couch, staring at their staticky television.

"Bye, ma. I'm leaving now."

She looked at him, confused. "Where're you goin', Kenny?"

"To fatass' camping trip. Remember, I told you I was going?"

She thought a moment. "Oh yeah...well, have fun. Bring us back a possum or two."

"...uh, right. See ya." Kenny walked out of the house, the duffel bag slung carelessly over his shoulder.

Soon he reached Cartman's house, where a commotion was taking place. The large van Cartman had somehow acquired was sitting in the driveway, and Cartman stood next to it, in a heated discussion with his mother. Stan and Kyle were loading up their bags in the van, and Clyde was smoking a cigarette on Cartman's front porch.

"Fuck no!" Cartman was yelling. "I'm not taking that fucking faggot! Y'all can suck my balls!"

"But, poopiekins, they really want you to take him along!" His mother soothed.

"Fuck it, this is my trip, my money, my van, and I don't want no pussy ass taggin' along!" The fatboy fumed. His mother sighed.

"They'll give you five hundred dollars to take him."

Cartman opened his mouth to protest, then shut it, silently raging. "Fucking son of a bitch." He cursed. "Dammit, alright! But that bitch better not get in my way. And I want the money in cash!"

Mrs. Cartman beamed, going back into the house. Kenny, who had already thrown his bag in the van by this time, looked at Stan. "What's eating fatass now?"

Stan shrugged. "Butters' parents called. They wanna dump Butters on him for the trip or something."

Kenny frowned. Butters? He hadn't talked to him in a while. Hell, who was he kidding, he never talked to the lonely guy. "Why?"

"I dunno. His parents are bitches anyway." Stan got up to join Kyle in the van, who was studying the map intently, trying to memorize their route. Kenny walked over to Cartman, who was now on the phone.

"Yeah, need you to make another stop...no, fucktard, it's just this." Cartman was saying. "Naw, just go pick up Butters...yes, he's coming...fuck it, I don't want him to come, I'm getting fucking paid to bring his faggot ass!...whatever....just bring him." He hung up, and Kenny patted his shoulder.

"Calm down man, at least it ain't Pip or something."

Cartman snorted. "I wouldn't bring that Frenchie fag for a million bucks." He paused. "Well, maybe for a million."

Kenny laughed and Cartman gestured toward the van. "You got all the booze in?"

"No, you fucking kidding? How the hell am I supposed to carry all we need from my house to yours? Damn, fatty, grow a brain or something."

"Fuck off, white trash. Where is it then?" Cartman demanded. Kenny grinned slyly. "Oh, it's somewhere. We have to drive to it first."

"Better be damn good."

They set off once everyone arrived, Token bringing Craig, Tweek and Butters. The 'Hello Kitty'-loving blonde looked like he had just tumbled out of bed, his hair sticking up all over the place, clothes rumpled and a baby blue backpack clutched in tight hands. He looked utterly confused as to why he was here, and Kenny would have bet money that his parents had just tossed him out without any explanation when Token had come by to pick him up.

Cartman was driving, Token had called shotgun, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Stan and Kyle were practically sitting on each other in the middle seats, and Kenny was shoved in the back seats with Butters, along with all the bags everyone had brought, because Cartman wanted to save room in the very back for all the alcohol that Kenny had promised.

Kenny glanced at Butters, who was slumped in his seat, a wary look on his face. Cartman had some music blaring, so Kenny was certain that their conversation wouldn't be heard. He leaned toward the smaller blonde.

"Hey, Butters."

The boy looked up at him, clearly forcing a smile on his face. "Heya, Kenny."

"Why'd you agree to come? You don't look like you want to be here at all."

Butters frowned. "I'ah don't know, really. My dad jus' told me t'pack some stuff and go with Token. And what could I'ah say? I didn't wanna get in trouble or nuthin'."

"That doesn't seem very nice." Kenny remarked.

The other sighed. "I'ah know. He's not very happy with me right now. He says tha' when I'ah turn eighteen, he's gonna kick me out so I'ah can find my own job an' place an' be a man."

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "Well, how old are you now?"

Butters glared at him. "I'ah'm sev'nteen, jus' like you! We went to th' same school since we were little, how do you not know?"

"Oh." Kenny flushed in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Butters slumped down further, muttering, "I'ah jus' wanted to sleep in today..."

Suddenly Cartman yelled from the front over the music. "Ay, Kenny! Where's the beer at, po' boy?!"

Kenny leaned forward in his seat, gripping the headrest of the seat in front of his, taking note of their surroundings and trying to be heard over the music. "Take a right over here!!"

"What?!"

"A right!!!"

"What's alright??"

"Take a fucking right!!!!"

Cartman yanked on the steering wheel before he missed the turn, sending everyone flying to the left. Everyone yelled, piling up on the window side. Kenny fell on Butters and bags fell over them both.

"Gah!! We're all gonna die!!!" Tweek shrieked.

"What the fuck, fatass?!" Kyle shouted.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch!" Cartman yelled. "I'm following the fucking whore! Why the fuck are you all yelling at me?!?"

"'Cuz you're driving, retard!!" Clyde barked.

"All of you, shut up!!!" Craig thundered. Everything was silent. Craig didn't talk much, so his authoritative command made all of them fall silent. Craig turned back to Kenny, who was trying to extricate himself from the bags and Butters, the smaller boy holding his nose from where Kenny's body had smacked into his face. "Hey, where's the shit?"

"Hold up, wait. Park over here." Kenny said. Cartman raised an eyebrow. They had arrived at a rundown gas station, old and somewhat abandoned.

"Son of a bitch, what the hell is this?"

"Just park, you fat tub of lard!!"

Cartman growled, but parked anyway. Kenny climbed out over the seats, Tweek shrieking again as Kenny tried to avoid hitting him. Stan yelled as Kenny elbowed him in the face, and Kyle pushed him onto Clyde as Kenny accidentally hit his side.

"Fuck it, stop hitting me!!" Kenny howled, wriggling his hips to try to get over. This only earned him a boot to the behind as Butters kicked him and sent him to the floor. Everyone laughed as Kenny opened the door, stumbling outside and rubbing his butt.

"Dammit, be careful with the merchandise. Girls don't want to see my ass bruised, it lowers the price." He muttered.

"Not that it was very high in the first place." Token quipped, causing everyone to laugh harder. Kenny glared at him, then pointed at them.

"Come on, everyone get out."

"What?!" Cartman scowled.

"Just get out." Kenny started walking away and Cartman turned off the van, everyone clambering out. Kenny lead them to the front of the gas station, where an old redneck sat, smoking a pipe.

"Hey, Billy Joe!" Kenny greeted him. "Lemme have the key."

Billy Joe smiled, tossing him a silver key from his pocket. "I'll be waitin' for you next week."

"Alright." Kenny chuckled, leading the others around back. Token looked back. "Jesus, Kenny, you don't actually sleep with that geezer, do you?"

Kenny snorted. "No, you fucktard. Billy's old, he just wants somebody to talk to. I work here on weekends."

"What the hell does he pay you with?" Cartman sneered. "This place is freakin' falling apart!"

Kenny smiled slyly. "He pays me with this." He held up the key. All curious glances were stopped as they reached a small warehouse. Kenny fitted the key to the door and opened it, letting out a cold wave of air. Everyone, even Butters, gasped.

"Jesus Christ monkey balls..." Cartman breathed reverently.

The walls were lined with freezers or liquor, from beer to whiskey, tequila, vodka, rum, wine, champagne, you name it and it was there. Kenny smirked. "Billy Joe may not look like much, but he's known with a lot of the businesses around. Especially the alcohol ones." He gestured grandly inside.

"Gentlemen, pick your poison."

A/N: Alright, that's it. Probably not gonna do anything else for a while. Might put up next chap. of Tension, mainly because I left y'all on such a cliffhanger. And no one tried to guess which Ludo song this is based on! Shame on y'all. If anyone can guess it, I swear to God, I will not stop this story until it's completely finished. I will continue it above everything else.

But you guys won't even try anyway, so what's the point? Rawr to you.