Slag Happens Chapter 3: Ch3: From Bad to Worse, a transformers/beast wars fanfic

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: Rating is for Chevy twins' bad-mouthing. Okay, so I've had a couple of reviewers say that they're having some trouble understanding Mudflap with his lisp… but I like writing it, because it amuses me (the whole point of the story). So, I've decided that I'll compromise. The chapters may seem extremely long, but it's because I've written the chapter in the same format as previous chapters. If you don't like or are having trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down until you spot the Autobot and Decepticon logo composed of typing characters (kudos to whoever created those btw) from that point on, you'll find the same chapter in its entirety, but sans-lisp.

Ch.3: From Bad to Worse

I've never really considered myself a particularly brave person, but neither would I have labeled myself a coward. I was neither a thrill seeker, nor would I allow myself to be trampled under other people's decisions. Of course, preconceived notions of myself aside, I wasn't ashamed as I screamed as if I was being slowly and methodically murdered. Over the sound of my shrieking, I could hear the obnoxiously innocuous melody the deranged ice cream truck was still playing and over even that, the stream of profanity and insults that were pouring over the truck's speakers.

"Get off our ath, ya thick perverted mutha!"

"Gonna whoop ya!"

The black and silver car, that like my current ride was hardly what it seemed, didn't seem very impressed. Instead of yelling back, it launched one of its missiles. The truck swerved erratically, and a mailbox on the side of the road exploded. It slowly dawned on my less than lucid mind, that we were heading back into a residential area. I dug my nails into the truck's upholstery as we rounded a corner on two wheels, and instantly felt the seatbelt tighten warningly.

"He won't shake!" I heard the one that'd called himself Skids snarl furiously. "Yo, evasive maneuvers!"

The alien behind us, the one called Sideways, didn't seem overly concerned about whether he hit us or houses. A parked Volkswagen exploded in a fireball to our left as we raced past. He'd apparently decided quantity of projectiles was more important than quality of aim and began firing wildly. Pavement, parked vehicles, and other roadside debris were blown to bits around us. The only good thought my horrified and strained mind could conjure, was that no one seemed to be on the road. I guess it was late; I had already lost all sense of time.

The twins' cooperative skills seemed uncertain to me, so maybe that was why it happened. Skids, the front of the truck from what I could tell, cut his wheels right and Mudflap cut left. The truck broke in half, each half cart wheeling end over end from their momentum. Trapped in the truck's cabin, I clenched my eyes shut and held on to the battered seat for all I was worth. That didn't stop the seatbelt from releasing of its own volition, or for me to go flying as Skids transformed suddenly and without warning around me. I landed in a tangle of limbs in a ditch full of stagnant water.

"What's yo problem?" Skids snarled, advancing on his twin and shoving him. "Ya gotta follow my lead, I say zig, you zig!"

"Whatchu talkin' about? You didn't thay nuthin' bout no ziggin.' You didn't thay nuthin!'" Mudflap countered, shoving back.

Behind them, a very un-amused Sideways approached, his headlights blinding and his engine roaring.

I clawed my way out of the ditch, in time to see the twins stop arguing and begin firing madly at Sideways. The silver and black alien transformed smoothly and landed in a crouch, its teeth bared as it lunged at Mudflap. The twins spun out of his reach, still firing.

"Goin' down, ya ugly thlagger!" Mudflap crowed as he tried to sneak behind the larger alien.

"Nothin' left but spare parts time we're done," Skids added.

Sideways moved in sudden blur of motion, seizing Skids by the neck and tossing him easily back. "Brave words from the miniature scrap heaps," he hissed his voice low and heavily malicious.

"I know he just didn't," Skids snarled in incredulous tones.

I kept close to the ground, trying my best to not present an easy target. I wanted to try to run, but at the same time I couldn't drag myself away from the fight. A sort of morbid fascination held me in its grip. Sideways' weapons seemed to do far more damage than the twins, but he wasn't having much luck actually hitting them. Their smaller statures made them hard targets and they could move much faster than the larger alien.

A low rumble made me turn my head. Further up the road, a car had turned and was headed toward us. I tensed as the engine revved and I got ready to bolt for safety. On top of the new car, lights suddenly began to flash and a loud siren barked a couple of times, getting the attention of the combatants. Police car, I thought in a sudden frenzy. I found myself lurching to my feet, waving my arms frantically over my head to try and flag down the officer behind the wheel. His headlights were unnecessarily bright and they along with the flashing bar on top were blinding me. I still stumbled for the car though, thoughts of rescue from this whole mess prominent in my mind.

"Come back here, shtupid!" I heard one of the twins yell suddenly, but I ignored whoever it was.

"That ain't no po-po!" Yelled the other twin, but it was already too late.

I had gotten close enough to see past the glaring lights and I could see there was no driver behind the wheel. A sound halfway between a wail and a groan escaped my lips as the police car began shifting and rising up mere feet from me. My head tipped back to stare at the two glowing red lenses staring disgustedly down at me. One of the new alien's arms pulled back as if he intended to swat me, but before it could something plowed into me from behind knocking the wind out of me.

"Shtupid, ya wanna die?!" Snarled Mudflap in my ear as he ran with my suddenly limp body thrown over one shoulder. Dirt and concrete exploded upwards around us, as an infuriated Sideways gave chase.

Skids lurched in front of us, leaping and transforming and the passenger side door swung open. I was tossed inside like a ragdoll, banging my shoulder and leg, and Mudflap transformed and combined with his twin. We were moving again and I struggled to sit up.

"If we survive this, I'm personally gonna kill ya!" Skids' voice snapped at me. "Gonna string yo sorry butt up like a piñata and beat the hell outta ya!"

"What were ya thinkin' shtupid?"

Missiles and projectiles exploded all around us and in the rearview mirror, I watched both of the other aliens transform to come after us. I pulled my legs up against my chest and closed my eyes. I dug my nails into the seat, already heedless of the earlier warning.

The ice cream truck was much faster than it looked, but every now and then, it rocked as a missile grazed or hit it. One or both twins would snarl and cuss with every hit. Underneath me, I could feel the truck begin to shake and I wondered dimly how many hits they could take. How many was too many?

We lurched off the main road and across three lanes of traffic, a battered pink truck, a silver and black sports car, and a police cruiser. We crashed over the median, bouncing through the grass and pulled into a tunnel that wound through a hillside with a squeal of tires. The other two had a little more difficulty crossing the median and that gave us precious time. We tore out of the tunnel to find ourselves faced with a bridge that spanned a lake. He twins skidded to an ungainly stop, nearly throwing me into the floor board. The door flew open and I was tossed onto the concrete. I climbed unsteadily to my feet as the twins both transformed. Mudflap seized me roughly by the back of my shirt and he and Skids both darted to one side of the bridge. I was an older metal bridge consisting of diamond shaped struts and as I slowly realized what they had in mind, I began screaming. Two huge metal fingers clamped over my face and then, they jumped off the side of the bridge, me in tow.

Skids managed to grab a hold of one of the struts as he fell, and he caught Mudflap by an ankle with his free hand. I dangled from the lisping twins' grip as he hung upside down and only his grip on me kept me from screaming as we swung freely over the black water so far below. It had all taken seconds, but felt like a lifetime to me, but in the next instant, two vehicles thundered past on the bridge, one with lights flashing. We hung there for a while, before they felt safe enough to break their silence.

"Dumb ath," Mudflap commented, sounding pleased. I clawed at his fingers, unable to breath and he loosened his grip a little as he noticed. "My bad. Ya little guyth like air, huh?"

I gasped and heaved in fresh air.

We fell into silence. Tentatively, Mudflap broke it. "How we gettin' down from here?"

"I ain't got no idea," Skids conceded after a moment.

We hung there.

"Well, thit."

Skids squirmed. "My arms gonna disconnect," he hissed. "Maybe I can swing ya up."

Mudflap looked doubtful. "I juth know ya gonna drop me," he muttered.

"I ain't gonna drop ya."

"Are too. Gonna hurt too."

"Shut up," Skids growled and he began trying to swing Mudflap. Since I was attached to that particular twin, I swung too. I squeaked in fear as the dark water moved sickeningly back and forth below us. I wrapped my arms around one of his arms and clenched my eyes shut, pretending it was some particularly horrible ride. We swung in slowly wider arcs, until Skids abruptly let go. I screamed, as we fell a few feet, before Mudflap managed to grab a strut with one hand. We hung there, my arms and legs wrapped around him like some bizarre and desperate gecko.

He looked down at me and I stared back with wide panicked eyes. "Gotta let go. Can't climb," he said.

I shook my head frantically. He moved the arm I was attached to and I shrieked. "Nononono!"

"Juth grab my neck and hang on, fruit-loop," he said and he attempted to shake me off his arm. Seeing myself plummeting to my death if I didn't cooperate, I clawed my way up around his neck and practically wrapped myself around his head. "Thit, eathe up on the death grip."

We began to climb and it seemed to take forever, but finally we reached the top and climbed back onto the roadway. Skids had to pry my numb body off of his twin so they could transform, and I didn't complain as I was stuffed into the back this time. We drove off; me curled up against a wall of the truck, too nervous to sleep. At some point we came to a stop and exhaustion got the best of me, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

I woke up sprawled on my stomach in the sun. I sat up, momentarily panicking until I saw the twin aliens stretched out in the grass near a line of trees. I relaxed a little, disgusted with myself at being so worried that they'd abandoned me, but then again I had no money, no identification and I was so filthy no sane person would give me a ride. The sun was high overhead, so I must have been sleeping for some time. I surveyed our new surroundings and noticed they had pulled off the road behind an old gas station that appeared to have been closed for some time. Casting furtive glances at the aliens, I wandered over to the square building. I circled it slowly, peering in the dirty windows. An idea occurred to me.

I raced back to where my companions were sleeping or whatever it was alien robots did. I stumbled to a halt in front of Mudflap and cleared my throat. When he didn't respond, I hesitantly pushed against one of his huge feet. His blue optics lit up and he sat up to lean over me.

"Whath up?"

I opened my mouth and shut it. I gathered my courage and tried again. "Can you open the door to the building?" I asked, hating how shaky and timid my voice was.

The alien rocked onto his feet and shrugged. "I gueth. What for?"

"I need…" I fidgeted. "There might be running water and I need to, um, I need…" I trailed off, at a loss as to how to go about explaining human needs to the alien.

He peered at me, before walking over to the gas station with me trailing behind him on his heels like an expectant puppy. He crouched down to examine the doors and then gripped the handles and easily ripped the doors free of the hinges. I waited for some kind of security alarm, but nothing happened. I offered Mudflap a wary smile and darted inside.

The floor was covered in a thick layer of dust and what I was sure was rat feces. I cringed and tried to flip on the light switch, but the power had been cut off. I wandered through the small building, until I found the rest room and I pushed the door open. It was dark and unnerving, but I was desperate. I jumped when I saw movement, until I realized it was just my reflection. I stared at my dark doppelganger in horror. A large greenish bruise covered one side of my face and there was a shallow laceration running from my nose down my chin. My skin was dark with caked on mud and grime and my short hair was matted with grass and twigs and dirt. I made a small sound of misery. I yanked a little angrily at the knobs of the sink and cursed as the pipes clunked uncooperatively, before issuing a slow trickled of brownish water.

I was starving and thirsty, dirty and tired. I heaved a little put-upon sigh and cupped my hand together to catch some of the muddy water and sniffed at it, as if I could detect any bacteria that might kill me by smell. Finally, I gave in and drank it. It was cold and bitter, but it was water and I needed it.

How long had it been since I'd had any water? Since I'd eaten? Since this whole mess had started? I had no idea and that was truly chilling. I had no idea how much time I'd lost. I turned toward the toilet and grimaced anew. When the building had closed, no one had bothered cleaning that.

Disgruntled, but feeling better, I made my way back to where the aliens were lounging. Without a word, I sat down at Mudflap's feet.

"Ya shtink," he commented.

My stomach growled and I wrapped my arms around myself. He tipped his head to one side, his "ears" swiveling up. "Ya makin' weird ath thoundth."

"Hungry," I mumbled.

Skids sat up, pausing to glower at me in a way that let me know I wasn't his favorite person in the world. I guessed he was still angry over the vomiting thing. "Go get ya some fuel then, stupid," he said. I wondered if he'd forgotten his promise to punish me for my stupidity, or if he'd even meant it.

"I don't have any money," I replied, nearly too low to be heard, but they heard.

"Money? Whath that?"

"I know where there's money," Skids said suddenly. "I heard Epps talkin' one time, bout needin' to go get some money outta a-a ATN or somethin' like that," he added. I wondered who this Epps person was and what he had to do with the aliens.

"ATM," I corrected quietly.

We stayed behind the station until the sun set and then they transformed and waited for me to climb into the passenger side, before heading off again. I wondered if they knew where they were going, or if they just wandered around, fighting the other aliens. The twins certainly didn't seem too organized.

We drove into a small community and up into the lot of a bank that was off the main road. We pulled up alongside the little ATM machine and parked. Mudflap separated from his brother and transformed, walking around to crouch in front of the machine. I stared warily at the little security camera built into the machine, but reasoned that he had to know it was there, it certainly wasn't hidden. He reached out and pressed his hands against the machine. Smaller components and manipulators unfolded from his fingers and he fiddled with the machine in silence. I couldn't tell what he was doing, but alien symbols began scrolling across the screen and it began spewing bills of various denominations in a bizarre parody of a winning slot machine. Mudflap seized a handful and shoved it in the front of the truck with me. I grabbed handfuls and stared wordlessly. That could be a very useful talent, I decided.

Mudflap circled back around to rejoin his twin and we pulled away, the machine still merrily disgorging bills.

McDonalds. French fries so greasy they ought to be illegal. That was my singular goal as we wandered through the town, until we found one of the little fast food places. The aliens didn't seem too keen on letting me go inside alone and I honestly doubted they'd serve me food, money or no money with my appearance. So we opted for the drive-thru. I noticed the clearance sign first, or at least commented first.

"Will you guys fit?" I asked, trying to picture how tall the truck was.

"We got thith," Mudflap muttered.

We pulled up. I heard a screeching metallic sound and a low thunk. We came to a sudden stop. The engine revved and the truck attempted to move forward again. Nothing happened.

I stared at my hands, fighting the insane urge to say I told you so, as another car pulled up behind us and blocked us in. I coughed to cover up a snicker.

"Damn," Skids muttered. Behind us, the car's driver honked impatiently.

"Thcrew thith," Mudflap growled. The truck's engine roared. Without any warning, the engine revved and we lurched forward, the sign snapping off on top of the truck and we bounced awkwardly over the little concrete barrier and onto the road. The twins drove on in irritable silence, while I struggled to not say anything and to especially not laugh.

We drove up to one end of the little town that seemed pretty much abandoned. This side of the town looked to be the city square and aside from a lit up little theater, there was no activity. We pulled around and down a side road sheltered by tall old buildings and I was unceremoniously ordered out. The two transformed, Mudflap awkwardly.

The sign was still attached to him, now wedged into the armor on his shoulders and hung up on the truck's ice cream truck.

Skids grabbed me by the back of my shirt and hauled me up to eye level. "Listen up, fruit-loop. Make yo useless ass useful. Go stand at the end of the road and play watch," he ordered and I was dropped back onto my feet. I stumbled and shot him a grouchy look, before wandering a few feet away. The street was largely empty, with only a single red car parked nearby. It was the kind of road you always hated going down, because your imagination always spawned plenty of muggers and thieves waiting in every shadow.

I glanced over one shoulder to watch Skids attempt to yank the sign off Mudflap.

"Ow. OW. Dude, watch it! That hurth!"

"Quit whining!"

"I ain't whinin'… that freakin' hurth!" Mudflap shoved Skids' hands away and I shook my head as the two instantly began grappling and swinging at each other.

I turned back to my appointed task in disgust and just in time for the worst possible thing to happen. I suppose the theater had just let out. There wasn't much I could have done anyway, but that didn't stop me from trying. Two women around my own age suddenly stepped from around the corner and into our street. One was slightly older than the other with short curly hair and she was sipping at a soda, the other was taller and thinner and munching on popcorn. Both of them were smiling and laughing until they saw the fighting twins.

I began frantically shaking my head and trying to signal them to run, but they didn't even look at my pitiful attempts to telegraph them to flee.

The older one dropped her soda and it splattered all over her pants leg. The younger girl's mouth gaped open, half-chewed popcorn falling from her lips. Slowly, she raised one arm to point and I groaned in defeat.

She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs.

l=lVl=l
l=l l=l
\l H l/
AUTOBOTS

l\ .M. /l
\l=V=l/
l\lVl/l
DECEPTICONS

Ch.3: From Bad to Worse

"Get off our ass, ya sick perverted mutha!"

"Gonna whoop ya!"

"He won't shake!" I heard the one that'd called himself Skids snarl furiously. "Yo, evasive maneuvers!"

"What's yo problem?" Skids snarled, advancing on his twin and shoving him. "Ya gotta follow my lead, I say zig, you zig!"

"Whatchu talkin' about? You didn't say nuthin' bout no ziggin.' You didn't say nuthin!'" Mudflap countered, shoving back.

Behind them, a very un-amused Sideways approached, his headlights blinding and his engine roaring.

"Goin' down, ya ugly slagger!" Mudflap crowed as he tried to sneak behind the larger alien.

"Nothin' left but spare parts time we're done," Skids added.

Sideways moved in sudden blur of motion, seizing Skids by the neck and tossing him easily back. "Brave words from the miniature scrap heaps," he hissed his voice low and heavily malicious.

"I know he just didn't," Skids snarled in incredulous tones.

"Come back here, stupid!" I heard one of the twins yell suddenly, but I ignored whoever it was.

"That ain't no po-po!" Yelled the other twin, but it was already too late.

"Stupid, ya wanna die?!" Snarled Mudflap in my ear as he ran with my suddenly limp body thrown over one shoulder. Dirt and concrete exploded upwards around us, as an infuriated Sideways gave chase.

"If we survive this, I'm personally gonna kill ya!" Skids' voice snapped at me. "Gonna string yo sorry butt up like a piñata and beat the hell outta ya!"

"What were ya thinkin' stupid?"

"Dumb ass," Mudflap commented, sounding pleased. I clawed at his fingers, unable to breath and he loosened his grip a little as he noticed. "My bad. Ya little guys like air, huh?"

I gasped and heaved in fresh air.

We fell into silence. Tentatively, Mudflap broke it. "How we gettin' down from here?"

"I ain't got no idea," Skids conceded after a moment.

We hung there.

"Well, shit."

Skids squirmed. "My arms gonna disconnect," he hissed. "Maybe I can swing ya up."

Mudflap looked doubtful. "I just know ya gonna drop me," he muttered.

"I ain't gonna drop ya."

"Are too. Gonna hurt."

He looked down at me and I stared back with wide panicked eyes. "Gotta let go. Can't climb," he said.

I shook my head frantically. He moved the arm I was attached to and I shrieked. "Nononono!"

"Just grab my neck and hang on, fruit-loop," he said and he attempted to shake me off his arm. Seeing myself plummeting to my death if I didn't cooperate, I clawed my way up around his neck and practically wrapped myself around his head. "Shit, ease up on the death grip."

"What's up?"

I opened my mouth and shut it. I gathered my courage and tried again. "Can you open the door to the building?" I asked, hating how shaky and timid my voice was.

The alien rocked onto his feet and shrugged. "I guess. What for?"

"I need…" I fidgeted. "There might be running water and I need to, um, I need…" I trailed off, at a loss as to how to go about explaining human needs to the alien.

Disgruntled, but feeling better, I made my way back to where the aliens were lounging. Without a word, I sat down at Mudflap's feet.

"Ya stink," he commented.

My stomach growled and I wrapped my arms around myself. He tipped his head to one side, his "ears" swiveling up. "Ya makin' weird ass sounds."

"Hungry," I mumbled.

"I don't have any money," I replied, nearly too low to be heard, but they heard.

"Money? What's that?"

"ATM," I corrected quietly.

Mudflap circled back around to rejoin his twin and we pulled away, the machine still merrily disgorging bills.

"Will you guys fit?" I asked, trying to picture how tall the truck was.

"We got this," Mudflap muttered.

We pulled up. I heard a screeching metallic sound and a low thunk. We came to a sudden stop. The engine revved and the truck attempted to move forward again. Nothing happened.

I stared at my hands, fighting the insane urge to say I told you so, as another car pulled up behind us and blocked us in. I coughed to cover up a snicker.

"Damn," Skids muttered. Behind us, the car's driver honked impatiently.

"Screw this," Mudflap growled. The truck's engine roared. Without any warning, the engine revved and we lurched forward, the sign snapping off on top of the truck and we bounced awkwardly over the little concrete barrier and onto the road. The twins drove on in irritable silence, while I struggled to not say anything and to especially not laugh.

The sign was still attached to him, now wedged into the armor on his shoulders and hung up on the truck's ice cream truck.

I glanced over one shoulder to watch Skids attempt to yank the sign off Mudflap.

"Ow. OW. Dude, watch it! That hurts!"

"Quit whining!"

"I ain't whinin'… that freakin' hurts!" Mudflap shoved Skids' hands away and I shook my head as the two instantly began grappling and swinging at each other.

I began frantically shaking my head and trying to signal them to run, but they didn't even look at my pitiful attempts to telegraph them to flee.

She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs.