Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is a crack fic and but a work of fiction…

Author's Note: If you have trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down to the Autobot and Decepticon symbols (created by Vaeru) and you'll find a second copy of this same chapter, but without the accent for easier reading. Thanks for reading and please review.

Warnings: for language and Sideswipe lewdness.

Ch.9: Humans

The hammering on the door of the room I'd been put in was getting annoying. The rooms were Spartan, simple cots, a closet, a bathroom barely larger than the closet, and a steel locker for belongings built into the wall. I rolled over facedown on the cot, pulling the pillow over my head and trying to block out the noise.

"Hey!" The hammering on the door redoubled. The sound was coming from too high up to be human.

I opened one eye, growling under my breath. The doors had no doorknobs or control panels. How they knew to open was beyond me and I didn't really care as long as it stayed closed. "Go. Away." I moaned into the pillow.

"Yo, Fruit-loop!"

Was a little time to myself so much to ask for? I was willing to bet that the odds of them being able to get through the door and get me by force if I didn't respond were fairly good. I cringed and rolled stiffly off the cot. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and stumbled to the door, grunting as the door slid open without a sound. I squinted up at the twins miserably. "Yeah?"

I shrieked in surprise as Skids nabbed me around the waist, dragging me out of the room. I sprawled across his fingers, glaring. "Thup, thwuithy?" Mudflap grinned at me. Their faces really weren't what I wanted to see first thing when I woke up. Actually, their ugly faces weren't even on my long list of things I looked forward to seeing.

"Gonna show ya somethin,'" Skids grunted, turning and walking down the hall with the fluid whirr of unseen mechanisms. I wasn't sure where we were headed; their long strides ate up the distance so quickly. I glared up at them suspiciously and yawned. Whatever they wanted to show me, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

I grunted as Skids set me down suddenly and I staggered slightly, before turning and looking at them. They both looked expectantly down at me. "What is it?"

Mudflap made a shooing gesture.

I raised an eyebrow and looked down the innocent looking stretch of hallway suspiciously. "I don't trust you two."

Skids crossed his arms, the strange round panels on his head so like ears, flicking slightly. "I can always chuck yo ass down the hall," he said amiably, smiling grotesquely.

I pursed my lips and took a step. Nothing blew up. No alarms went off. I took a deep breath and took another step. Still nothing. It's a mind game, I thought sulkily. They're just messing with me. Another larger step, head raised high.

And then I got knocked on my ass. In all fairness they'd warned me about the damn "low-voltage corrective shock device" I had strapped to my wrist. Whoever had labeled it as a low-voltage shock must have meant it in correlation to the damn aliens or had just been plain stupid. The pain was instant, a shriek tearing from my lips, and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back, wheezing.

The twins loomed over me, staring down in amusement. I watched, temporarily unable to move as they high-fived each other. "That wath fweakin' awethome," Mudflap crooned, grinning.

Oh, God I hate aliens.

Cattle-prod? No, not like a Tazer either. The damn thing was stronger. I stared up at the ceiling high overhead as my vision blurred with tears and a random set of muscles started contracting and releasing rapidly in painful jerks. The twins, smugly self-satisfied with their revenge, had left me in the middle of the corridor. I'd tried four or five times to get up, only to be knocked back on my ass by residual spasms.

I silently swore to myself that the first thing I was going to do when it wore off was find Lennox, ask who made the cuff, hunt them down, and beat the ever-loving hell out of them with a big stick.

I was pulled from my vengeful reverie by a large shadow falling over me. I tilted my head back and stared at a large red and black alien with what looked like a monstrously huge scope or cannon of some sort attached to one shoulder. Its face was severe as it stared down at me in what could only be called disapproval.

"That is a statistically poor choice of location to recharge. This hallway will be fairly busy with foot traffic shortly," he said, his voice devoid of any of the disapproval on his face, his tone fussy and precise.

I shuddered again, my lips curving back into what was more of a snarl than a smile as another little ghost of electricity lanced through me. "Yeah." I wheezed. "Th-thanks."

His expression changed, sliding from disapproval to mild disgust. "You are incapable of moving… are you not?"

"Got it in one," I managed, grinning stupidly. I didn't even have time to yelp as large fingers closed around me and lifted me with more care than I was used to from the aliens.

He stared down at me blankly, apparently trying to decide just what the hell to do with me now. I offered him a weak little shrug. Seeming to come to a decision, he turned and started walking back up the hall. A shriek caught in my throat as I tensed and waited for the onslaught of voltage.

That didn't come this time. I cracked an eye open experimentally. No searing pain, no burning sensation, nothing. "I didn't get shocked," I mumbled.

Mr. Precise peered down at me dubiously, his bright optics flickering to my cuff. "You are only restricted inside the base when travelling alone. When travelling inside the biometric energy signature of a Cybertronian, you will not be reprimanded for wandering outside your allotted area."

I blinked slowly. Which must have been why the twins had set me down and shooed me in the direction they knew I wasn't supposed to go. "Right," I said slowly, nodding my head as if I had a clue what that meant.

The new alien carried me down the massive hall and ducked into a room with a thick reinforced door. To my utter horror, the obnoxiously colored Hummer alien was there, bustling around a display with his back to me. I was in the process to trying to figure out how to get away from the prissy alien before the Hummer saw me, when another one of the damn things came from a back room, staring at me wriggling in the red and black alien's grip.

"What are you doing with the human?" The newcomer tipped his head curiously, two curved blinking fins on either side of his head flashing blue at me.

The Hummer, Ratchet, turned then, his expression instantly sliding to disapproval. "You." The word held more venom than I would have imagined possible and I smiled faintly, managing a helpless little wave.

The alien with the blinking lights looked from Ratchet to me and though a strange banded battle-mask covered the lower half of his face, I got the distinct impression he was grinning behind it. "You two know each other, Ratch?"

Ratchet made a sound close to a snort. "Perceptor, get the human back where it belongs."

I turned my head, startled to see Mudflap and Skid crouching in the floor of the corridor. The massive black Autobot from before was towering over them, his arms crossed. I watched as the twins scrubbed the floor with toothbrushes, the tiny brushes pinched gingerly between two large fingers.

I felt a little smile touch my lips and for the first time since this whole sorry mess had started, I felt happy. "Missed a spot!" I called out in passing.

Skids glowered up at me, his eyes narrowed as I waved merrily at him.

Perceptor carried me down the gray corridor to a large open area. We were below ground now, I did know that much, but where or even how far underground where a mystery to me still. The area I now found myself in had several huge benches that were occupied by several aliens.

"She's aliiiiive," Kayleigh intoned, pointing at me as I sat down.

Dagny looked up, peering at me over the top of her cup of coffee. "Thought the aliens might have eaten ya."

I raised an eyebrow slowly. "I taste bad."

Kayleigh leaned over the table, drumming her fingers on the surface. "Check it out. Military beefcake."

The curly-haired woman choked on her coffee, swatting at the younger girl as she winked. "Down girl."

I could only shake my head as Kayleigh wiggled her chair closer to Dagny's to whisper between themselves about the cute guys.

I jumped as the guy named Epps slammed a tray down near my elbow, making me drop my tuna sandwich on the table. I stared up at him as he smiled tightly at the three of us.

"Ladies," he said slowly. "Good news. We've decided that rather than having you parading around in our dirty laundry, you'll be provided clothing for the duration of your stay."

Dagny squeaked as Epps tugged at her shirt. "Not that I have a problem with a pretty girl wearing my shirt," he said. "But I would like to have my clothes back."

When he'd said we'd be provided clothing, I hadn't realized he'd meant shopping trip. A supervised shopping trip. I wasn't complaining though. The very fact that we weren't being confined in the brig was more than I had to hope for.

We ended up with three escorts, which to me felt like overkill, but the military brass seemed satisfied. The three aliens sat ubiquitously in their vehicle modes, looking as innocent as anything. To my horror, one was the loud-mouthed silver Corvette and a silver Pontiac Solstice and a dark gray Dodge Challenger with black stripes sat on either side of the Corvette.

"Dibs on the 'Vette!" Kayleigh all but screamed as she darted for it.

Dagny shrugged faintly shooting me a 'what can you do' look, before stalking towards the Challenger. I stared at the little Solstice as it blinked its headlights harmlessly at me. I sighed softly and climbed in the alien car.

"'Sup, shawty," rumbled the alien from around me and I only barely twitched.

"Er, hi."

"You one of the ones that got everyone in such a stir?" He drawled lazily.

I hesitated before I pulled the seatbelt around and buckled myself in. "I guess so."

The car rumbled softly. "Name's Jazz. Sideswipe ya met and the kid's Bluestreak."

I was having a conversation with a sentient alien car like it was the most normal thing in the world. I smiled slowly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Melissa."

We were on an island I learned, but I wasn't sure which coast we were on. The military personnel carrier that ferried us back to the mainland made the trip quickly and efficiently. The city the aliens drove us to and the mall therein could have been anywhere in the United States and I didn't see any newspaper racks or anything I could look at to figure out where we were. The other two didn't seem to care one way or the other.

I'd forgotten about the holoforms, I thought sourly as the three… men moved around the mall with curious expressions. I had been wondering how our escorts would keep an eye on us while we were inside the building.

My eyes flickered over the three men. Jazz was tallest, his lean body too convincingly real to be a hologram. I wondered vaguely if he'd chosen those tight dark jeans and black shirt knowing how good it looked. His bright eyes looked odd in his dark unlined face, his lips curving into a ready, easy smile.

Sideswipe was blond headed, the very tips of his messy hair dyed red and spiked. He walked with a confident swagger, his black combat boots not making a sound. If not for his messy hair, his designer clothes would have made him look preppy; he only came off as a well-dressed punk though.

It took me a moment to spot Bluestreak. He'd paused in front of an electronics store, staring curiously up at the screens of the flat panels TVs in the window. His curly brown hair framed a lean face that was strangely youthful and open. As I watched he skirted away from a little boy who paused to look at the TVs before his mother pulled him along in her wake. Bluestreak's innocent eyes watched them pass as he tugged his gray and red jacket closer around himself as though cold.

Kayleigh and Dagny had already wandered off to a GAP store. I peered suspiciously at the three holograms, before following the other two girls to get clothing. I couldn't help but look down at myself seeing the clerk in the store giving me a look that clearly said 'you don't belong here.' I was wearing a pair of battered khaki fatigues and an oversized white wife beater. Most of the bruises were fading to yellow or green, but all in all I looked pretty sad and I knew it. I still raised my chin defiantly though.

I picked up a pair of jeans and a shirt, smiling faintly to see Dagny balancing an armful of clothes. She only grinned at me when she noticed me looking. "Hey, free clothes."

"Not free," Kayleigh corrected, snagging a top off a rack that cost more than my typical wardrobe for a day. "Courtesy of Uncle Sam and the tax payers."

"And you two don't feel the least bit guilty about that do you?" I asked slowly, seeing identical Cheshire cat grins that I decided meant that I'd pegged it in one. I rolled my eyes in amusement, looking at and wincing at the price tag on a pair of jeans. Not my money, I thought quietly. Good lord, I didn't want to even think about all the art supplies I could buy with the money these clothes were going to cost.

"Oooh! We should hit up Victoria's Secret!" Dagny shrilled suddenly, nearly dancing in place.

It only took me a few minutes to spot the three holograms. It took less than that for me to want to cry. Spencer's. The aliens had found the Spencer's. I turned to look over my shoulder and to see Dagny and Kayleigh both staring.

"Dude…" Kayleigh opened and shut her mouth a couple of times.

Dagny squared her shoulders. "So, we, uh wait til they come out?"

I tensed, ready to tell them I wasn't going in there when Kayleigh seized me and Dagny both and began marching us forward towards the shop. "You know, they're supposed to be watching us and what's to keep us from just walking off? I mean they're our guards and they wandered off. What kind of responsibility is that?"

Dragging my feet, I realized what she was saying. I could run. I didn't have a car, money, a phone, or anything really. But I could get away and be done with all of this. No more aliens. No running for my life.

And yet I let her drag me into Spencer's.

Maybe it was the curiosity. The danger or the excitement of the unknown could have done it. I was willingly throwing in my lot with the aliens, because I was too stupid to know better. I was curious.

The shop was dimly lit, with only a few people wandering around the narrow interior. A blond man with matted dreadlocks and black beanie with Family Guy on it peered over the top of a battered copy of Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys at us, his expression bored.

The aliens were easy enough to find, the three of them had crowded around a rack in a corner. Bluestreak looked mortified, while Jazz and Sideswipe looked amused. The identical impish smiles on the two of their faces were enough to make my stomach lurch. Some instinctive sense of self-preservation kicked in about then, warning me to run while I had the chance.

"What did you boys find?" Kayleigh asked slowly, her tone syrupy sweet and innocent.

Which was a hell of a mistake. Sideswipe and Jazz swept in on her then and there, expressions intense. Sideswipe held up a thin, streamlined package in her face. "What is this for? Explain it in detail for us," he purred, the gleam in his eyes alerting me to the fact that not only did he damn well know what he was holding; he knew what it was for.

Kayleigh made a soft squeaking sound and backed away as Sideswipe advanced on her, a brightly colored vibrating toy held under her nose. "I have no idea."

"Yes, you do," he crooned and I saw Jazz grin broadly, picking up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and giggling them.

I turned without a word and fled, before I could get dragged into it too. I found a bench in the middle of the mall and sat down, clutching my bag in my lap. Aliens. Perverted, sick, twisted aliens. I snorted and then started laughing softly. Before I realized what I was doing, I was doubled over my bag laughing like an idiot and getting stared at by the people passing by. And I didn't care. It felt good.

l=lVl=l
l=l l=l
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AUTOBOTS

vs.

l\ .M. /l
\l=V=l/
l\lVl/l
DECEPTICONS

Ch.9: Humans

The hammering on the door of the room I'd been put in was getting annoying. The rooms were Spartan, simple cots, a closet, a bathroom barely larger than the closet, and a steel locker for belongings built into the wall. I rolled over facedown on the cot, pulling the pillow over my head and trying to block out the noise.

"Hey!" The hammering on the door redoubled. The sound was coming from too high up to be human.

I opened one eye, growling under my breath. The doors had no doorknobs or control panels. How they knew to open was beyond me and I didn't really care as long as it stayed closed. "Go. Away." I moaned into the pillow.

"Yo, Fruit-loop!"

Was a little time to myself so much to ask for? I was willing to bet that the odds of them being able to get through the door and get me by force if I didn't respond were fairly good. I cringed and rolled stiffly off the cot. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and stumbled to the door, grunting as the door slid open without a sound. I squinted up at the twins miserably. "Yeah?"

I shrieked in surprise as Skids nabbed me around the waist, dragging me out of the room. I sprawled across his fingers, glaring. "Sup, squishy?" Mudflap grinned at me. Their faces really weren't what I wanted to see first thing when I woke up. Actually, their ugly faces weren't even on my long list of things I looked forward to seeing.

"Gonna show ya somethin,'" Skids grunted, turning and walking down the hall with the fluid whirr of unseen mechanisms. I wasn't sure where we were headed; their long strides ate up the distance so quickly. I glared up at them suspiciously and yawned. Whatever they wanted to show me, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

I grunted as Skids set me down suddenly and I staggered slightly, before turning and looking at them. They both looked expectantly down at me. "What is it?"

Mudflap made a shooing gesture.

I raised an eyebrow and looked down the innocent looking stretch of hallway suspiciously. "I don't trust you two."

Skids crossed his arms, the strange round panels on his head so like ears, flicking slightly. "I can always chuck yo ass down the hall," he said amiably, smiling grotesquely.

I pursed my lips and took a step. Nothing blew up. No alarms went off. I took a deep breath and took another step. Still nothing. It's a mind game, I thought sulkily. They're just messing with me. Another larger step, head raised high.

And then I got knocked on my ass. In all fairness they'd warned me about the damn "low-voltage corrective shock device" I had strapped to my wrist. Whoever had labeled it as a low-voltage shock must have meant it in correlation to the damn aliens or had just been plain stupid. The pain was instant, a shriek tearing from my lips, and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back, wheezing.

The twins loomed over me, staring down in amusement. I watched, temporarily unable to move as they high-fived each other. "That was freakin' awesome," Mudflap crooned, grinning.

Oh, God I hate aliens.

Cattle-prod? No, not like a Tazer either. The damn thing was stronger. I stared up at the ceiling high overhead as my vision blurred with tears and a random set of muscles started contracting and releasing rapidly in painful jerks. The twins, smugly self-satisfied with their revenge, had left me in the middle of the corridor. I'd tried four or five times to get up, only to be knocked back on my ass by residual spasms.

I silently swore to myself that the first thing I was going to do when it wore off was find Lennox, ask who made the cuff, hunt them down, and beat the ever-loving hell out of them with a big stick.

I was pulled from my vengeful reverie by a large shadow falling over me. I tilted my head back and stared at a large red and black alien with what looked like a monstrously huge scope or cannon of some sort attached to one shoulder. Its face was severe as it stared down at me in what could only be called disapproval.

"That is a statistically poor choice of location to recharge. This hallway will be fairly busy with foot traffic shortly," he said, his voice devoid of any of the disapproval on his face, his tone fussy and precise.

I shuddered again, my lips curving back into what was more of a snarl than a smile as another little ghost of electricity lanced through me. "Yeah." I wheezed. "Th-thanks."

His expression changed, sliding from disapproval to mild disgust. "You are incapable of moving… are you not?"

"Got it in one," I managed, grinning stupidly. I didn't even have time to yelp as large fingers closed around me and lifted me with more care than I was used to from the aliens.

He stared down at me blankly, apparently trying to decide just what the hell to do with me now. I offered him a weak little shrug. Seeming to come to a decision, he turned and started walking back up the hall. A shriek caught in my throat as I tensed and waited for the onslaught of voltage.

That didn't come this time. I cracked an eye open experimentally. No searing pain, no burning sensation, nothing. "I didn't get shocked," I mumbled.

Mr. Precise peered down at me dubiously, his bright optics flickering to my cuff. "You are only restricted inside the base when travelling alone. When travelling inside the biometric energy signature of a Cybertronian, you will not be reprimanded for wandering outside your allotted area."

I blinked slowly. Which must have been why the twins had set me down and shooed me in the direction they knew I wasn't supposed to go. "Right," I said slowly, nodding my head as if I had a clue what that meant.

The new alien carried me down the massive hall and ducked into a room with a thick reinforced door. To my utter horror, the obnoxiously colored Hummer alien was there, bustling around a display with his back to me. I was in the process to trying to figure out how to get away from the prissy alien before the Hummer saw me, when another one of the damn things came from a back room, staring at me wriggling in the red and black alien's grip.

"What are you doing with the human?" The newcomer tipped his head curiously, two curved blinking fins on either side of his head flashing blue at me.

The Hummer, Ratchet, turned then, his expression instantly sliding to disapproval. "You." The word held more venom than I would have imagined possible and I smiled faintly, managing a helpless little wave.

The alien with the blinking lights looked from Ratchet to me and though a strange banded battle-mask covered the lower half of his face, I got the distinct impression he was grinning behind it. "You two know each other, Ratch?"

Ratchet made a sound close to a snort. "Perceptor, get the human back where it belongs."

I turned my head, startled to see Mudflap and Skid crouching in the floor of the corridor. The massive black Autobot from before was towering over them, his arms crossed. I watched as the twins scrubbed the floor with toothbrushes, the tiny brushes pinched gingerly between two large fingers.

I felt a little smile touch my lips and for the first time since this whole sorry mess had started, I felt happy. "Missed a spot!" I called out in passing.

Skids glowered up at me, his eyes narrowed as I waved merrily at him.

Perceptor carried me down the gray corridor to a large open area. We were below ground now, I did know that much, but where or even how far underground where a mystery to me still. The area I now found myself in had several huge benches that were occupied by several aliens.

"She's aliiiiive," Kayleigh intoned, pointing at me as I sat down.

Dagny looked up, peering at me over the top of her cup of coffee. "Thought the aliens might have eaten ya."

I raised an eyebrow slowly. "I taste bad."

Kayleigh leaned over the table, drumming her fingers on the surface. "Check it out. Military beefcake."

The curly-haired woman choked on her coffee, swatting at the younger girl as she winked. "Down girl."

I could only shake my head as Kayleigh wiggled her chair closer to Dagny's to whisper between themselves about the cute guys.

I jumped as the guy named Epps slammed a tray down near my elbow, making me drop my tuna sandwich on the table. I stared up at him as he smiled tightly at the three of us.

"Ladies," he said slowly. "Good news. We've decided that rather than having you parading around in our dirty laundry, you'll be provided clothing for the duration of your stay."

Dagny squeaked as Epps tugged at her shirt. "Not that I have a problem with a pretty girl wearing my shirt," he said. "But I would like to have my clothes back."

When he'd said we'd be provided clothing, I hadn't realized he'd meant shopping trip. A supervised shopping trip. I wasn't complaining though. The very fact that we weren't being confined in the brig was more than I had to hope for.

We ended up with three escorts, which to me felt like overkill, but the military brass seemed satisfied. The three aliens sat ubiquitously in their vehicle modes, looking as innocent as anything. To my horror, one was the loud-mouthed silver Corvette and a silver Pontiac Solstice and a dark gray Dodge Challenger with black stripes sat on either side of the Corvette.

"Dibs on the 'Vette!" Kayleigh all but screamed as she darted for it.

Dagny shrugged faintly shooting me a 'what can you do' look, before stalking towards the Challenger. I stared at the little Solstice as it blinked its headlights harmlessly at me. I sighed softly and climbed in the alien car.

"'Sup, shawty," rumbled the alien from around me and I only barely twitched.

"Er, hi."

"You one of the ones that got everyone in such a stir?" He drawled lazily.

I hesitated before I pulled the seatbelt around and buckled myself in. "I guess so."

The car rumbled softly. "Name's Jazz. Sideswipe ya met and the kid's Bluestreak."

I was having a conversation with a sentient alien car like it was the most normal thing in the world. I smiled slowly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Melissa."

We were on an island I learned, but I wasn't sure which coast we were on. The military personnel carrier that ferried us back to the mainland made the trip quickly and efficiently. The city the aliens drove us to and the mall therein could have been anywhere in the United States and I didn't see any newspaper racks or anything I could look at to figure out where we were. The other two didn't seem to care one way or the other.

I'd forgotten about the holoforms, I thought sourly as the three… men moved around the mall with curious expressions. I had been wondering how our escorts would keep an eye on us while we were inside the building.

My eyes flickered over the three men. Jazz was tallest, his lean body too convincingly real to be a hologram. I wondered vaguely if he'd chosen those tight dark jeans and black shirt knowing how good it looked. His bright eyes looked odd in his dark unlined face, his lips curving into a ready, easy smile.

Sideswipe was blond headed, the very tips of his messy hair dyed red and spiked. He walked with a confident swagger, his black combat boots not making a sound. If not for his messy hair, his designer clothes would have made him look preppy; he only came off as a well-dressed punk though.

It took me a moment to spot Bluestreak. He'd paused in front of an electronics store, staring curiously up at the screens of the flat panels TVs in the window. His curly brown hair framed a lean face that was strangely youthful and open. As I watched he skirted away from a little boy who paused to look at the TVs before his mother pulled him along in her wake. Bluestreak's innocent eyes watched them pass as he tugged his gray and red jacket closer around himself as though cold.

Kayleigh and Dagny had already wandered off to a GAP store. I peered suspiciously at the three holograms, before following the other two girls to get clothing. I couldn't help but look down at myself seeing the clerk in the store giving me a look that clearly said 'you don't belong here.' I was wearing a pair of battered khaki fatigues and an oversized white wife beater. Most of the bruises were fading to yellow or green, but all in all I looked pretty sad and I knew it. I still raised my chin defiantly though.

I picked up a pair of jeans and a shirt, smiling faintly to see Dagny balancing an armful of clothes. She only grinned at me when she noticed me looking. "Hey, free clothes."

"Not free," Kayleigh corrected, snagging a top off a rack that cost more than my typical wardrobe for a day. "Courtesy of Uncle Sam and the tax payers."

"And you two don't feel the least bit guilty about that do you?" I asked slowly, seeing identical Cheshire cat grins that I decided meant that I'd pegged it in one. I rolled my eyes in amusement, looking at and wincing at the price tag on a pair of jeans. Not my money, I thought quietly. Good lord, I didn't want to even think about all the art supplies I could buy with the money these clothes were going to cost.

"Oooh! We should hit up Victoria's Secret!" Dagny shrilled suddenly, nearly dancing in place.

It only took me a few minutes to spot the three holograms. It took less than that for me to want to cry. Spencer's. The aliens had found the Spencer's. I turned to look over my shoulder and to see Dagny and Kayleigh both staring.

"Dude…" Kayleigh opened and shut her mouth a couple of times.

Dagny squared her shoulders. "So, we, uh wait til they come out?"

I tensed, ready to tell them I wasn't going in there when Kayleigh seized me and Dagny both and began marching us forward towards the shop. "You know, they're supposed to be watching us and what's to keep us from just walking off? I mean they're our guards and they wandered off. What kind of responsibility is that?"

Dragging my feet, I realized what she was saying. I could run. I didn't have a car, money, a phone, or anything really. But I could get away and be done with all of this. No more aliens. No running for my life.

And yet I let her drag me into Spencer's.

Maybe it was the curiosity. The danger or the excitement of the unknown could have done it. I was willingly throwing in my lot with the aliens, because I was too stupid to know better. I was curious.

The shop was dimly lit, with only a few people wandering around the narrow interior. A blond man with matted dreadlocks and black beanie with Family Guy on it peered over the top of a battered copy of Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys at us, his expression bored.

The aliens were easy enough to find, the three of them had crowded around a rack in a corner. Bluestreak looked mortified, while Jazz and Sideswipe looked amused. The identical impish smiles on the two of their faces were enough to make my stomach lurch. Some instinctive sense of self-preservation kicked in about then, warning me to run while I had the chance.

"What did you boys find?" Kayleigh asked slowly, her tone syrupy sweet and innocent.

Which was a hell of a mistake. Sideswipe and Jazz swept in on her then and there, expressions intense. Sideswipe held up a thin, streamlined package in her face. "What is this for? Explain it in detail for us," he purred, the gleam in his eyes alerting me to the fact that not only did he damn well know what he was holding; he knew what it was for.

Kayleigh made a soft squeaking sound and backed away as Sideswipe advanced on her, a brightly colored vibrating toy held under her nose. "I have no idea."

"Yes, you do," he crooned and I saw Jazz grin broadly, picking up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and giggling them.

I turned without a word and fled, before I could get dragged into it too. I found a bench in the middle of the mall and sat down, clutching my bag in my lap. Aliens. Perverted, sick, twisted aliens. I snorted and then started laughing softly. Before I realized what I was doing, I was doubled over my bag laughing like an idiot and getting stared at by the people passing by. And I didn't care. It felt good.